Chapter 56. The Words He Wants
2023.10.26.
Without even the strength to smile properly, Blair weakly curved her lips and leaned her head against the wall.
Her body, frozen by the cold that had slowly encroached upon her, could no longer feel the chill. Rather than feeling cold, it felt as though heat was rising in her body. At the same time, drowsiness washed over her and her consciousness grew distant.
The moment she sensed her own death within the tranquil cold that now felt almost cozy.
'……Herdin.'
Truly miserably, she wanted to see him.
Just as she was about to let go of the lingering attachment she had barely held onto.
The closed door of the cabin opened, and he appeared. Looking utterly disheveled, unlike his usual self.
"……Blair."
Ah…….
Why, always, whenever I'm about to break, do you appear.
* * *
"Blair!"
Herdin strode over to the unconscious Blair and gathered her into his arms.
Though it was still spring and the fabric wasn't particularly thin, the warmth that should rightfully be felt from a living person was absent. She was like a corpse.
His heart plummeted.
"……Blair, you can't fall asleep. Stay awake."
But the eyes that had been gazing at him just moments ago remained closed and unmoving. A ripple stirred in his blue eyes as he looked at her.
Herdin wrapped Blair layer upon layer in his own coat and the knights' coats, then drove the horse swiftly out of the forest.
At the entrance of the forest where darkness had settled, only the Imperial Knights stationed by Ivan, who had heard the news, and the knights of Delmark that Herdin had summoned remained.
He issued a command to one of the standing Delmark knights.
"Return to the mansion first, have the physician on standby, and keep the fireplace in the bedroom lit."
When he boarded the carriage with Blair in his arms, the carriage carrying the two departed immediately.
Herdin continued holding Blair, unable to set her down on the seat beside him. He felt that if he didn't share his warmth even like this, the woman in his arms might truly die.
That couldn't happen.
He still needed this woman.
Herdin removed his gloves and brought his hand to Blair's cold cheek. Her cheek was colder than his hand, which had been encased in gloves.
Even though she was buried under this many clothes.
Herdin, checking whether Blair was breathing, reached into the pile of clothes and found her hand. Even amidst the warmth of the layered garments, that cold hand was easy to find.
Grasping her hand, he discovered something clutched tightly within her small grip.
It was likely something she had been holding since before losing consciousness in the cabin.
Herdin carefully extracted what she was gripping. His eyes shook violently upon confirming its identity.
What she had been clutching preciously even as she lay dying was an old lighter.
'Could it be.'
A despairing premonition overwhelmed him.
When he slowly pressed the lighter, a flame ignited.
"……Hah."
A hollow laugh escaped Herdin's lips upon seeing it.
His wife could have entirely avoided ending up in this state. If only she had lit this lighter, if only she hadn't lost her body heat.
Then she could have stayed warm by the fire, waiting in perfectly fine condition until he found her. And yet…….
Because of that mere trauma, I almost lost you?
Over something like that.
……Because of me.
Herdin crushed the lighter in his grip as if to pulverize it and clenched his jaw tight.
Rage with nowhere to go drifted through the quiet carriage.
* * *
An aide has nothing to do during a hunting competition.
Thanks to that, Ruth, who had been idling all day at his residence, heard news like a bolt from the blue and rushed to the ducal mansion.
The physician, having just finished his examination, was coming out of Blair's bedroom.
"Your Grace, I'm coming in."
As he stepped into the room, the heat warming it hit him. In the center of that warm room, Blair lay on the bed.
Her coughing face was so pale that even Ruth felt his heart drop. Beside her, Herdin stood keeping watch alone.
A emotion too daunting to approach churned in his blue eyes as he looked at Blair. It was a rage that seemed ready to consume even himself.
Seeing him appear so unstable, Ruth hesitated briefly before stepping closer. Before he could ask anything, Herdin spoke first.
"……They said her body temperature dropped significantly. If we had been any later, it would have been dangerous."
"Is she alright now?"
Herdin gazed at the sleeping Blair for a moment before answering slowly.
"Probably."
"I heard she was stranded. How did that happen?"
"Strictly speaking, she wasn't stranded—she was kidnapped and escaped."
Ruth's expression hardened upon hearing Herdin's words.
"Kidnapped? Who would dare do such a thing……!"
"Who do you think?"
Rather than giving the answer right away, Herdin posed a question.
After thinking for a moment, Ruth deduced the answer without much difficulty.
"Don't tell me it's that man from the Baldwin Marquisate?"
"The fact that you and I have the same guess."
"That damp bastard……."
Ruth inadvertently muttered a curse, then glanced at the sleeping Blair and coughed once for no reason.
"That fellow wouldn't have moved directly himself. Did you catch the kidnapper?"
"No. Finding Blair was the top priority."
The one who had taken Blair was probably already found and killed by Wesley first.
He had known that and still left it be. He had to deploy as many knights as possible to find Blair.
But he had no intention of letting this slide.
"Then what about evidence?"
Herdin pulled something from his inner pocket and tossed it to Ruth.
"That's what you need to do from now on."
Ruth caught what Herdin threw with practiced ease. His gaze sharpened as he saw what landed in his hand.
Ruth slipped it into his pocket.
"I'll find the answer you want as quickly as possible."
After Ruth left the room, only Herdin and Blair remained. In the quiet room, only the sound of Blair's occasional coughing echoed.
Herdin watched her silently.
Aside from the coat he had given Blair and the gloves he had removed in the carriage, he was still dressed in his outing attire.
His clothes were stained with grass from scouring the entire forest, making him uncomfortable, but he couldn't leave since he needed to tend the fireplace.
Keeping silent vigil at her side, he pulled something from his pocket. It was the old lighter that Blair had been desperately clutching.
Click.
Herdin repeated opening and closing the lighter's cap without meaning. The clicking sound echoed in the quiet room.
Blankly listening to the sound he himself was making, he stopped the meaningless noise.
He terribly hated this hushed silence he was filling alone.
* * *
Blair, who had fallen into a deep sleep, struggled to open her eyes. It was warm to the point of being hot. It was because of the layers of blankets covering her.
Blair blinked slowly, trying to bring her blurry vision into focus, and turned her head to see a familiar face.
Herdin was sleeping uncomfortably, leaning back in a chair with his arms crossed. He was still in his hunting competition attire, and his hair remained disheveled.
The cozy heat of the fireplace filling the room answered in place of the sleeping man. The reason why he was sleeping here without even washing up.
Blair sat up and took his hand.
"Herd—"
But before Blair could wake him, Herdin opened his eyes first, and their eyes met.
Herdin unconsciously gripped Blair's hand that had come into his grasp tightly. A ripple stirred in his eyes, which rarely ever showed disturbance.
Blair, momentarily paused by his reaction, spoke first.
"I'm sorry, Herdin. For causing a commotion."
"……."
"I'm fine now, so go get some proper rest."
As she said that and subtly tried to pull her captured hand free, a faint tremor could be felt at her fingertips.
Herdin's eyes, which had briefly shown surprise at seeing Blair conscious, quickly turned cold again.
Why does this woman, even at this moment, apologize first, push him away first?
With a face that wouldn't look strange if she collapsed at any moment, why does she never once lean on me?
I was scared, it hurts, it's hard…….
Does she not want to show even those words, even that brief moment of vulnerability to me?
"Is that all you have to say?"
Blair blinked at Herdin's question. Looking at his eyes, he seemed angry, but she couldn't guess why. Nor what words he wanted to hear.
Herdin, looking at Blair, let out a low sigh and spoke.
"I'm looking into the mastermind behind the kidnappers, so it'll be revealed soon."
When the mention of the kidnapper came from his mouth, Blair's eyes widened.
Herdin hadn't been at the scene, and she hadn't mentioned anything about the kidnappers, so she thought he would only know that she had been stranded.
That was why she intended to handle the matter of the kidnappers on her own.
"……Get some rest."
Herdin, who had been watching Blair for a moment, rose from his seat, extinguished the fireplace, and left the room.
Blair lay back down and sought sleep. But it wouldn't come. Though the fireplace was out, heat still remained, and the blankets covering her were warm.
Whenever she closed her eyes, the memory of being kidnapped resurfaced and her body trembled. Even though she was in a safe place now and didn't feel afraid anymore, her body reacted.
Her body, exhausted from the arduous day, was tired yet unable to sleep.
Tossing and turning sleeplessly for a long while.
She realized someone had entered the quiet room thanks to the sound of a lighter.
At a time when even the room's owner had fallen asleep, there was only one person who could come and go without permission.