Chapter 37. I Hate You
2023.10.07.
Blair bit her lip, trying to suppress the moan that reflexively escaped her.
Truthfully, she wasn't in the mood to be held by him right now. He was, after all, the man who might have killed her.
But rejecting him was out of the question with that letter on the table weighing on her mind. If she didn't yield her body to him, she felt he would take an interest in the letter again.
Leaving her body at the mercy of Herdin's hands, Blair stared blankly at the sunset light streaming onto the balcony.
At that moment, Herdin turned Blair's body, sitting her to face him. Then, he immediately pressed his lips to hers and asked,
"What are you thinking about so deeply?"
The unfathomable eyes, now mere inches away, seemed to scour every corner of her mind.
After a moment's hesitation, Blair opened her mouth.
"I'm talking about Lord Kaligo."
The moment Kaligo's name left her lips, Herdin's gaze turned frigid.
It was intolerable that another man's name should fall from the very lips his had just touched. Of all moments, it had to be now.
But Blair, seemingly oblivious to his change in demeanor, asked,
"Is he one of the subordinates you trust?"
"He's a man who has crossed the boundary of life and death by my side."
Herdin replied perfunctorily and devoured her lips once more. As if finally realizing his desire not to discuss it further, she quietly yielded her body to him.
Even though he had obtained what he desired, the woman's compliance dissatisfied him. It was an attitude devoid of any passion, like merely pacifying a crying child.
The problem was that he was a damned beast, unable to bring himself to refuse it.
Herdin scooped up Blair's pale body in his arms and headed for the bed.
In the wake of their passage, Blair's garments fell to the floor, layer by layer.
Laying Blair onto the bed, Herdin immediately took her. Unlike usual, he had no patience to wait today.
"Ah..."
Blair's body was still somewhat stiff, her tension not entirely dissipated.
Slender arms wrapped around Herdin's back. Though overwhelmed by him and panting heavily, Blair still awkwardly reciprocated.
That gesture, those eyes brimming solely with him—they were beautiful.
Against her panting breath, Herdin covered her lips with his, mixing their breaths as if sharing his own air with her.
Only to end up stealing her breath away instead.
Before long, the room was filled with the evening glow and the sound of their breathing. What shattered that tranquil scene was the chiming clock.
Dong— Dong—
The chiming clock struck, announcing 5 PM.
Still in a daze within his embrace, Blair suddenly snapped back to her senses and pushed against his chest.
But Herdin didn't stop. He had no rationality left to do so.
Blair struggled, desperately forcing her words out.
"Medicine... It's time to take my medicine."
"...Medicine? Ah."
Blair took her contraceptive pill at this time every day.
Being tormented by him until dawn often left her in a daze well into the morning, making it easy to forget then, and her daytime routine left her too preoccupied.
At night, once they started being intimate, she was never in her right mind until dawn, so that time was out of the question as well.
That was why she had settled on taking it during this awkward hour.
"If I don't take it now, I might forget..."
Blair reached out toward the bedside table. The pill bottle she had set out sat resting atop it.
Seeing that, Herdin's gaze turned icy. He despised that desperate hand reaching for the pill bottle at all costs.
Was there truly nothing in this woman's head but the safe completion of this contract marriage? Did she not consider any other possibilities, even for a moment?
While doing this with me right now, does she really have the mental leeway to think about such things?
When I am driving you this crazy.
The mere fact that there was a crack in this woman's mind for any thought other than him to squeeze into infuriated him.
"It seems you have the luxury to think of something else."
The moment Blair's hand touched the bottle, Herdin moved.
"Ah!"
The impact sent Blair's body jolting, and the pill bottle tumbled to the floor.
Forcing Blair's gaze away from the bedside table and back onto himself, Herdin whispered,
"You can skip a day."
"N-No."
Blair's face drained of color. Seeing that face, a surge of sadism welled up within him, even as annoyance flared simultaneously.
He sealed her lips with his, ensuring she could no longer resist. It wasn't a moment he could stop anyway.
Blair swallowed a moan as if resisting him. But Herdin wasn't about to let that slide.
He growled in a voice so rough it felt like it had scraped past his Adam's apple.
"Make a sound."
As his actions grew increasingly relentless, Blair finally couldn't hold back her breath. It was a losing battle from the start.
Herdin pulled Blair deeper into his embrace.
The woman was warm and soft. Holding her brought a fragrance, and biting into her yielded a sweet taste. Burying himself in her embrace, which felt like an inescapable swamp, made everything else fade into obscurity.
Yet, alongside that fulfillment came an anxiety—a fear that even as he held her in his arms, she would vanish. Like grains of sand slipping through his fingers.
That was why he tormented Blair even more relentlessly. The more she cried out, the more she reacted to him, the more real her presence in his arms became.
Before long, the breath they had been holding back burst from their lips.
Suppressing his own heat, Herdin endured until Blair's trembling body settled, before slowly pulling away.
As her ragged breathing gradually settled, focus returned to Blair's hazy eyes. Those tear-filled eyes were brimming with resentment toward him.
Blair pushed against his chest as he moved to hold her again. He wouldn't normally be pushed away by such feeble strength, but surprisingly, Herdin backed off without a fight.
Blair struggled to get up, intending to retrieve the pill bottle that had fallen onto the carpet beside the bed. The moment she tried, however, her legs gave out, and she slumped right back down.
As if that didn't matter in the slightest, Blair took a pill from the bottle and swallowed it. In her panic, the pill she could never normally swallow without water went down her throat.
Only then did a sigh of relief escape her.
She couldn't get pregnant at this time. The chances were too high that the child wouldn't be Asiel.
'Asiel...'
Asiel was her driving force.
If she couldn't meet that beloved child again, this second life, obtained like a miracle, would be meaningless to her.
Just thinking that she had almost lost such a child because of him made her blood run cold.
Herdin, who had been quietly watching her slumped on the carpet, unable to rise, scooped Blair up into his arms.
Blair didn't push his hands away, but the resentment she couldn't hide was laid bare in the eyes that met his.
With a sigh, Herdin spoke.
"If, by some off chance, you get pregnant, I will take responsibility—"
"...No, that will not happen."
Blair's voice, cutting him off, trembled faintly.
But once she steadied her emotions, the words that followed were unwavering and resolute.
"We will divorce. As per the contract."
* * *
Fresh from his bath, Herdin took the simple breakfast from the maid and entered the bedroom.
Blair was lying down, her back turned to him.
Her already petite frame looked even smaller buried beneath the blankets. She was pretending to sleep, but Herdin wasn't oblivious enough to fall for that.
Herdin observed her with cold, sunken eyes.
She had been in that state ever since last night.
Whenever he held her, she would quietly yield her body, but that was all. Blair didn't resist, but Herdin could tell.
She was silently enduring it, just waiting for the night to end. She was doing this knowing it was the greatest resistance she could offer.
Herdin set the tray down on the bedside table and pulled Blair up into his arms. But Blair slipped right out of his embrace.
"...I'll eat later."
"Why."
"My stomach feels upset. I want to rest."
Seeing Blair refuse to even meet his eyes, Herdin's lips twisted.
Now she was even going on a hunger strike.
Herdin placed the tray right in front of her. Seeing it, Blair's delicate brow furrowed.
"I don't want to eat right n—"
In that instant, Herdin cupped Blair's cheek and pressed his lips against hers. Sweet juice passed between their locked lips. It was the strawberry that had topped the pancake.
Startled by the sudden kiss, Blair swallowed the strawberry that had slipped into her mouth before she even realized it. Only then did Herdin pull his lips away.
Wiping the strawberry juice from Blair's lips with his thumb, Herdin stared at her.
Blair's eyes, wide with shock, had already contorted into an expression on the verge of tears. Those large eyes brimmed with resentment.
Yet, even that sight looked beautiful to him—probably because this woman was cursed with a damn beautiful face.
Herdin pressed a fork into Blair's hand.
"Eat. Before I feed you every last bite myself."
It was phrased as a suggestion, but Blair knew it was practically a threat.
She also knew that his version of "feeding" her would be exactly like the action he had just performed, rather than the conventional meaning.
Blair alternated her gaze between the food before her and the man across from her, then set the fork down.
A suffocating silence descended between them.
Looking him straight in the eye, Blair finally spoke.
"...I hate you."
"..."
"I really, truly hate you..."
The emotions she had suppressed so fiercely spilled out in full.
Her eyes, which looked ready to spill tears at any moment, ultimately withheld their tears. However, Blair's hands, gripping the blankets instead of the fork, were trembling violently.
Herdin stared at her with eyes of chilling blue, then turned and walked out of the room.