Chapter 31. I Want to Do It Now
2023.10.01.
‘What do I do…….’
The very first thought Blair had when she came to her senses the next day. Recalling the previous day's events, her mind went blank at how to clean up the mess.
She wished nothing would come to mind, but her memories remained fragmented, as if mocking her.
Running into Wesley alone on the balcony while trying to sober up, Herdin appearing and punching Wesley.
And after leaving the balcony with Herdin, her memories were in fragments.
She couldn't remember exactly what conversation they had, but she did remember that he had wanted her. The kiss they shared, the intimacy as well.
Then suddenly he had pulled his lips away and separated, and after that, there was no memory. She couldn't remember at all how she had returned to the ducal mansion.
But one thing seemed certain. She had shown disgraceful behavior that she should never have displayed in front of Herdin.
‘I shouldn't have drunk that much yesterday…….’
Blair sighed and hung her head low. Her face reflected in the clear water of the bath.
She regretted it, but it was irreversible. It was something she had to face and overcome at least once. Then she had no choice but to confront it head-on rather than avoid it.
‘I should apologize properly, looking him in the face.’
Blair had no talent for taking shortcuts or being shameless.
The one thing she had learned living her entire life was that honestly confronting things was better than clumsily trying to take shortcuts.
Having made up her mind, Blair left the bathroom and came down to the dining room. Since it was close to noon, Herdin had already finished his meal and was working.
Blair sat alone in the dining room and ate. She wasn't a fast eater to begin with, but her pace had slowed even more than usual.
She had decided to go to Herdin and apologize after the meal, but that didn't mean she was eager to do it. She was only doing it because it was better to get the beating over with first.
Blair even ate the dessert she usually only had during tea time and then stood in front of Herdin's office.
Looking at the door with nervous eyes, Blair took a deep breath and knocked.
"Herdin. Is now a good time?"
After a brief wait, the door flung open instead of a reply. The person who opened the door was Ruth.
"Hello, Madam."
Seeing Ruth's face, she realized she had forgotten that it was currently work hours.
She had been so preoccupied with the thought of apologizing to him quickly that she had forgotten such an obvious fact.
Blair felt a little embarrassed by that realization.
"I'm sorry. I was so distracted I forgot it's work hours. It's not urgent, so I'll come back this evening."
"No! It's fine. Please talk comfortably."
Ruth, who had unexpectedly gained a break, was all smiles. Ruth, who was about to leave the office right away, looked back at Herdin as if remembering something.
"Ah, right. Then what shall we do about the Baldwin Marquis family's matter? In my opinion, I think it would be best to pay them off and quietly wrap things up."
Blair flinched at the name 'Baldwin.' The Baldwin Marquis family was the house of Wesley, who had been harassing her last night.
Judging from Ruth's words, it seemed Wesley, who had been beaten by Herdin yesterday, had created some negative public opinion.
"No, just leave it. He did something worth getting hit for."
"Won't it be noisy if we leave them be?"
"If we put money in that mouth, they'll bark even louder next time."
Ruth looked unconvinced by Herdin's handling of the matter. It wasn't a wrong point, but it didn't seem like a particularly wise solution.
However, a lord's command was always absolute.
"I will obey."
After Ruth bowed his head to Blair and left, only Herdin and Blair remained in the office.
Blair looked at her husband, who was leaning slightly against the office desk.
The wood scent lingering in the air and the recently extinguished cigar smell enveloped her. It was the scent her past life's self had loved.
While she was quietly taking in that scene, Herdin's gaze, which had been watching the closing door, naturally shifted to Blair.
"I'm glad to see you don't have a hangover."
He wore his usual impassive face, but somehow his gaze felt to Blair like he was interrogating a criminal. It was because she had something to feel guilty about.
Blair hesitated for a moment before asking.
"Did the Baldwin Marquis family say something about yesterday?"
"There was some noise, but it's nothing for you to worry about."
Herdin didn't seem to think much of it, but Blair bit her lower lip hard.
‘Because of me…….’
She didn't want to be a sinner in front of him anymore. She wanted to stand proud.
But she had ended up being his burden again. Her heart felt as heavy as if lead had settled in it.
"Yesterday…… I showed you an unsightly side of myself. I'm sorry."
"Do you remember everything about yesterday?"
Blair faltered at Herdin's question. It was too embarrassing to say she remembered, but unfortunately, she was truly terrible at lying.
"……I remember bits and pieces. Meeting Lord Baldwin, and you saving me."
Instead of lying, which she was bad at, Blair chose to evade the answer. But Herdin didn't miss that opening.
"And after that?"
Unable to answer, Blair quietly averted her gaze and clamped her lips shut.
Watching her do so, Herdin straightened up from his leaning position. His height, which had already been considerable when leaning, became even more towering when he stood fully upright.
He strode over and stood in front of Blair.
"After that is the important part."
He whispered in a low voice and grabbed Blair's hand.
"What we talked about, what we did."
His thumb stroked the soft skin on the inside of Blair's wrist. As if to remind her of last night's memories.
Where his hand brushed felt as if burned. At the same time, the hazy memories of last night became clear.
His lips touching the inside of her wrist, his hot and wet tongue brushing between her fingers, his eyes looking at her as if to swallow her whole, and…….
The confusing emotions she felt at that moment as well.
Reading from Blair's wavering eyes that she had recalled last night, Herdin asked.
"The words you said—that if I wanted it, we could do it. Did you mean it?"
He asked once more. Whether she had said something she didn't mean in a drunken haze.
Blair quietly looked up at Herdin's cool blue eyes gazing down at her just like last night.
This man desires her. That was all. Mistaking a relationship driven by instinctual desire for love and getting hurt was enough for her past life.
She no longer had any lingering feelings for this man.
Unlike before, she didn't hope for his love, and since she expected nothing, she wouldn't be hurt.
Unlike her past self who had wanted to live by his side forever, she was ready to disappear from his side at any time.
But if she ran away here, wouldn't that prove to herself that she still had lingering feelings for him?
With self-assurance and stubbornness, Blair gave a small nod.
"……I'll prepare and wait for you tonight."
Herdin's face contorted for a moment upon hearing Blair's answer. Like a wounded person.
But then he twisted his lips into a crooked smile. It was clearly the answer he had wanted, yet his expression somehow looked angry.
"I want to do it now."
"Then, to the bedroom—"
"No, here."
Blair didn't understand his words at once, or rather, she hoped they didn't mean what she understood them to mean, as she looked at Herdin.
Even in her past life, during the short time of less than half a year after marriage before having Asiel, she had been intimate with him countless times, but never in the office.
Originally, it was also difficult to get out of the bedroom because he wouldn't let her go.
But as if confirming that Blair's understanding was correct, he lightly picked her up in his arms.
Unable to process the sudden situation, Blair could only blink blankly, and it was after she was seated on the office desk that she came to her senses.
The miscellaneous items and documents that had been on the desk were now rolling on the floor haphazardly.
Only then did Blair accept reality and look at Herdin before her.
He was gripping both sides of the desk she sat on, trapping her with his large frame. Clear desire churned in his eyes as he faced her.
He was serious.
Blair recoiled a beat late and pushed away Herdin, who was trying to press his lips against hers.
"Not here. This is your office, and it's still broad daylight……"
"This is my office, and I want it now. Isn't that enough?"
At some point, he had gone on about contracts and such, acting as if he would give me his everything if only I wanted it. And now, the reasons why we couldn't were so numerous.
Herdin grabbed Blair's hand that was pushing against his shoulder. Her feeble gesture only stimulated him further.
No, not just her gesture—her eyes, her voice, her breath, just all of her triggered a response. Because a 'someone' drunk last night had stirred his desire with an alluring face.
The desire that had tormented him all night was drawn taut like a bowstring about to snap.
"That's… hmph."
Herdin swallowed Blair's lips that were trying to rebut. It was a polite yet clear refusal to hear any rebuttal.
In Blair's blinking eyes from surprise, his cool gaze met hers.
Their eyes tangled with those unfathomable depths, her head tilted back, and their hot breaths intertwined deeply.
Unable to withstand his fierce, devouring approach, Blair's body kept collapsing backward.
Herdin wrapped his arm around her lower back. It seemed to support her at first glance, but in truth, it was to keep her from fleeing.
"Haah……."
When Blair, breathless, barely managed to push him away, her back and chest were already exposed to the cool air. He had already unbuttoned the back of her dress.
Her half-undressed state was clearly visible under the sunlight, making it feel shameful. Moreover, she was embarrassed by his gaze that stared fixedly at her as if admiring the sight.