Chapter 2. To Not Love You
2023.09.02.
The woman Herdin brought back was named Miela, a face Blair had seen once or twice while visiting the temple.
Her occupation was a priestess. It was a profession befitting her angelic face.
Miela had traveled to the North on the goddess's orders for her training. It was said that she came across the Delmark Knight Order, which had suffered heavy casualties from a demonic beast attack, and offered her aid.
That incident served as a catalyst; Herdin, highly valuing her abilities, hired her as an assistant for the demonic beast subjugation and kept her by his side, bringing her along when he returned to the capital as well.
An outstanding talent, and a lord with the eye to recognize her.
On the surface, that was the extent of their relationship, but the servants whispered amongst themselves about the two.
'Don't you think there's something going on between His Excellency and Lady Miela?'
'His Excellency and Lady Miela? I'm not so sure about that.'
'Well, His Excellency is like that. He rarely shows his emotions. But doesn't Lady Miela clearly fancy him?'
'That’s… true. You can tell just from the fact that she’s staying here instead of returning to the temple even after coming back to the capital.'
'His Excellency will fall for Lady Miela sooner or later. When such a pretty and capable woman is making her move.'
'True. Whatever happens, it’s better than the daughter of his enemy.'
The giggling voices of the maids as they cleaned reached Blair's ears.
However, Blair turned a deaf ear and pretended she hadn't heard. She feared that if she reacted, it would be as good as admitting the rumors were true.
Thus, the suffocating summer passed, autumn went by, and a desolate winter returned.
Since returning from the main castle, Herdin, as had always been the case since Blair became pregnant, never sought her out first.
He was always busy with his external duties, and even on the rare occasions Blair sought him out, he rarely made time to see her.
Blair, who had initially tried hard to mend their relationship, eventually gave up on seeking him out as well.
The only small mercy was that he occasionally showed interest in Asiel. Though, of course, Asiel seemed incapable of even recognizing this unfamiliar man as his father.
That day, Blair pinned her hopes on that meager interest and made her way to Herdin's office.
In a fortnight would be Asiel's birthday. Blair intended to propose that they head down to the Holstein villa for Asiel's birthday and spend some time together as a family.
Blair, about to knock on the door of Herdin's office, paused. The door to the office was slightly ajar.
"Her—"
At the scene visible through the gap in the door, Blair swallowed the words she was about to call out.
Miela was nestled in Herdin's embrace.
Blair's pupils began to waver aimlessly as she looked at the two of them.
"Ah…."
Blair instinctively stepped back to flee from the unbelievable reality. In that moment, her eyes met Herdin's, who was looking toward the door.
He appeared briefly startled, but he did not avert his gaze from Blair. It seemed he had no intention of hiding at all.
He pulled Miela, who was leaning against him, deeper into his embrace. His cold gaze remained fixed on Blair through the doorway.
As if making a point of showing her.
Stumbling backward, Blair turned and fled back to her room. She had no recollection of how she made it back.
Her feet felt cold; looking down at the floor, she saw that one of her slippers was missing, likely dropped along the way, and her breath was caught in her throat.
"Hah, hah…."
The moment she shut the door, the tears she had been holding back burst forth.
She couldn't forget the look in Herdin's eyes as he stared at her while holding Miela.
It suffocated her to imagine him holding another woman with the same tender hands that had once embraced her, whispering to another woman with the same languid voice that had once whispered to her.
Even if his tenderness had only lasted a fleeting moment right after their marriage, she still loved him.
Though she had fled the scene, she could not escape the reality she had witnessed.
"Hah, ugh… hic…."
Her respiratory system, which had suffered severe damage in a fire over a decade ago, couldn't withstand the brief sprint and her crying, leaving her gasping for air.
Blair beat her chest, unable to even breathe properly, and wept.
Her heart hurt far more than her bruised chest.
* * *
The next day, Blair left a message with the butler: "I wish to spend Asiel's birthday at the villa, so please be sure to come on the day, no matter how busy you are." She then fled down to Holstein with Asiel.
Even so, she secretly hoped. She hoped he would come and explain that what she had seen that day was nothing, that it was all a misunderstanding.
But even on the day of Asiel's birthday, not a single letter arrived from Herdin.
Unable to tear herself away from the window overlooking the villa's front gate, even with dead eyes, a small shadow toddled over to Blair.
"Mama! Mama!"
It was Asiel, dressed up to the nines for his birthday.
As if she had never worn a sorrowful expression, Blair smiled and scooped Asiel into her arms.
"My baby boy, are you wearing such pretty clothes today? Oh, you're so precious."
Asiel, who was giggling as he received a shower of kisses from his mother, suddenly seemed to remember something and pointed his tiny hand out the window.
"Dada?"
He was remembering how his mother would hold him and pace by the window every evening, waiting for his father.
At that title from Asiel's lips, Blair's face, which had been forcing a nonchalant smile, contorted for a brief moment.
"…Yeah, Dada will be here soon. Since it's our baby's birthday, he'll definitely come."
As she repeated the hopeful words she wanted to believe, as if to console herself, a knock sounded.
It was the butler.
He looked at Asiel in Blair's arms and delivered the news with a troubled expression.
"Madam, His Excellency says his schedule has been delayed longer than expected. Therefore, for this birthday, it will just be the two of you…."
At the news, the lingering light of hope in Blair's eyes vanished completely.
* * *
"Sweet dreams, my baby."
Blair softly kissed the little head of Asiel, who had fallen asleep in her arms, and laid the child down in his crib.
The child was sleeping peacefully, sucking on his own fingers.
With a faint smile on her face, Blair gently stroked the child's small hands and feet before returning to her own room.
Only then did the smile fade from Blair's lips—a smile she had consciously maintained in front of her child.
The room where she always spent her alone time felt newly desolate and silent.
Sometimes, when that emptiness grew too vast, she would bring Asiel to her room and fall asleep holding him, but today, she had deliberately left the child in his own room.
Because the tears she had been holding back felt like they would burst.
Because she didn't want Asiel to see her like this.
Because she wanted her precious child to never know this side of his mother.
"Hah…."
Blair slumped onto the sofa as if collapsing.
The child had celebrated his modest but happy second birthday. Surrounded by servants offering their congratulations, eating delicious food, and receiving an abundance of birthday gifts from the vassals.
It was a perfect birthday.
That is, if one excluded the fact that his father, Herdin, was not there.
The child would giggle happily as long as his mother was beside him, but whenever the door opened as servants passed by, he would look for Herdin, wondering if his father had come.
Every time she saw that, Blair's heart crumbled miserably.
She could understand Herdin neglecting her. But she could not bear his indifference toward Asiel.
'Asiel knows nothing. He’s at an age where receiving love from both his parents should be a given….'
Her heart ached at the thought that Herdin's neglect of Asiel was entirely her fault.
Once again, she regretted falling in love with such a heartless man.
'If I could turn back time, I would never love him.'
Just as Blair was swallowing her surging tears— Creak. The sound of a door opening rang out in the quiet room.
Blair lifted her head, harboring a fleeting hope.
"…Herdin?"
But what she faced as she looked toward the door was an intruder wearing a black mask.
The man's face, obscured by the mask and the darkness, was hard to make out. However, his black eyes, reflecting the moonlight off his blade, and the hideous scar across the bridge of his nose were distinctly visible.
Blair's heart plummeted at the sight of the intruder.
Seeing the man stride toward her, Blair instinctively tried to scream, but then thought of Asiel sleeping in the next room and clamped her mouth shut.
If she screamed, the child would wake up.
If the child cried, the man might notice his presence and go kill him. That must never happen.
Blair turned her trembling body and rushed toward the bell pull beside the bed.
But in that moment.
Stab—
Cold, chilling metal pierced into her back.
"Ah…."
Along with the excruciating pain, something hot surged up and spilled from her mouth.
It was bright red blood.
But even as she staggered, Blair gritted her teeth and dragged herself toward the bed.
And desperately pulled the bell rope.
Help me.
Please, someone, anyone, protect my baby.
Blair could hold on no longer and collapsed onto the bed, yet she refused to let go of the bell pull.
Even when the intruder, arriving a step too late, pulled the dagger from her back.
At the same time, the sound of multiple footsteps echoed from the hallway.
Having retrieved his dagger, the intruder fled over the balcony.
Blair stared blankly at the retreating back of the intruder as he leaped over the balcony.
The unique emblem engraved on the hilt of the dagger the intruder was reclaiming flashed in the moonlight before disappearing from sight.
Only after his figure had completely vanished did Blair finally release her death grip on the bell pull.
'Thank goodness. I'm so glad I didn't let Asiel sleep in my room tonight….'
Gradually, she could feel the shadow of death drawing closer.
She couldn't die like this.
My baby… what about my poor baby who will be looking for his mother?
There was still so much she wanted to do for him as his mother….
As Blair recalled Asiel's face flickering like a fading afterimage, she finally let her heavy eyelids fall shut.