Chapter 18. Good Person, Bad Person
2023.09.18.
Approaching the direction the sound came from, Blair saw Herdin vomiting his guts out in one corner of the garden.
Blair hurriedly rushed to Herdin's side.
"Are you oka—"
But the moment she tried to pat his back, Herdin roughly shoved Blair away.
"Get lost!"
Struck by Herdin's heightened emotions, Blair tumbled backward with a thud.
Her bumped backside throbbed from the fall, but the surprise of the situation outweighed the pain. It was her first time receiving such clear hostility from someone.
Though bewildered by the situation, her concern for Herdin came first. Blair, who had been blinking blankly, shot to her feet.
"Are you okay?"
Herdin's eyes wavered for a moment upon seeing the fallen Blair, but quickly turned icy cold. And he came on even stronger.
"Did you not hear me tell you to get lost?"
Any pretense of courtesy toward the imperial princess had long been abandoned.
Herdin took another step toward Blair as if threatening her, spitting out his words like he was crushing them between his teeth.
"Get lost if you don't want to die."
A vivid killing intent could be felt in Herdin's voice as he spoke.
Blair instinctively shrank back at the killing intent she encountered for the first time in her life, but the moment she saw his eyes, she couldn't flee. No, she didn't want to.
Though he was spitting harsh words, the distorted blue eyes of the boy somehow looked profoundly lonely.
Suddenly, the story Esmeralda had told her yesterday came to mind.
'Frankly, Herdin isn't a warm child. That boy has many wounds in his heart, so he's clumsy when it comes to dealing with people.'
Indeed, Herdin was neither warm as she had said, nor did he seem like a good person as Blair had falsely claimed.
But……
'He's not a bad person either.'
He was just a boy struggling to bear the sorrow left behind.
"Wait a moment!"
Blair, who had been staring up at Herdin, recalled something and turned around, pattering back into the banquet hall. Then she hastily came back out after gathering her belongings.
She had learned that running about so restlessly was unladylike, but Blair was in a hurry. Just like when she went to fetch food for a cat that appeared in the backyard.
"Haa……. Haa……."
When she returned to the backyard, Herdin was nowhere to be seen.
Wandering through the garden, Blair found him on the opposite side of the wall where he had first been. Herdin was sitting leaning against the wall with his face buried in his knees.
'Is he in a lot of pain?'
Recalling Herdin retching, Blair worried that perhaps she should bring medicine instead, and approached him.
At that moment, a rough voice characteristic of a pubescent boy flowed out from Herdin, who had his face buried in his knees, along with a sigh.
"……Why have you come again."
Though clearly annoyed, he had at least made an effort to use polite speech this time.
Before he could push her away again, Blair quickly pressed what she had brought into his hand, which was extended over his knees.
"I'll lend you this."
Only then did Herdin raise his head and see what was in his hand. It was a fur earmuff.
"It's a rabbit fur earmuff. If you wear this, you won't hear sounds well."
This earmuff would block out that whispering, even if just a little. Since it was winter, no one would think it strange for him to be wearing earmuffs.
"And it's warm, and really soft."
The earmuff made of rabbit fur was fluffy. So much so that you'd want to keep touching it. Petting that fur always made her feel better.
'Then the Duke's mood will improve too, right?'
Just as Herdin, who had been alternating his gaze between the earmuff and Blair's sparkling eyes with an incredulous look, was about to open his mouth to say something—
"Your Highness! Are you here?"
A maid's voice calling for Blair was heard.
Hearing the approaching footsteps, Blair shot up. If Herdin was discovered hiding here, his effort of pretending to be fine at the banquet today would be for nothing.
"I'll keep today a secret."
Blair left Herdin behind and quickly rounded the corner, trotting toward the maid. The hand that had been holding the earmuff felt empty, but her heart was light.
That night, before falling asleep, Blair made a wish as she always did.
Please let Mother love me.
Please let Mother and Her Majesty the Empress become close.
To the wishes she prayed every day, that day she specially added one more for someone else.
Even though she found the person who stole Her Majesty the Empress's attention disagreeable……
'Still, please let Duke Delmark become happy.'
* * *
"So Her Majesty the late Empress arranged your first meeting with the Duke, I see."
Though the story had nothing to do with her, Agnes listened attentively to Blair's story and showed interest.
What Blair had told Agnes was only that she had played cards with him the day before the New Year's Festival, and that Herdin had attended the banquet—nothing more. She didn't mention that he had fled the banquet that day.
It was an old matter, and even if someone were to find out that he had run away that night, no one could mock him for it now.
The current Herdin was the empire's greatest knight and a war hero.
But even if the secret of that night no longer mattered, she didn't want to toss his wounds out as gossip for someone else.
"A connection spanning from childhood culminating in marriage—what a romantic story."
"Is it?"
"Of course. It's the kind of story every girl dreams of at least once. And the partner being the Duke, no less……. Of course, it was your love that completed that romance."
Blair looked at Agnes with eyes asking what she meant.
"Because you're the one who cherishes that memory. The New Year's Festival surely had other memories too, but you remember it centered around the Duke, don't you?"
At Agnes's words, Blair's eyes blinked slowly in surprise. It was a perspective she had never considered before.
Agnes smiled gently and said.
"You must love the Duke very much."
Blair, who had been absently mulling over those words, smiled faintly.
Yes, she 'had' loved him. Perhaps, as Agnes said, she had been drawn to him from that New Year's Festival.
But not anymore.
However, as the Duchess, she couldn't tell a stranger that she didn't love the Duke. Still, one thing she could say with certainty was……
"……I loved those days."
The me who liked you so purely, those days when that feeling wasn't a sin.
Agnes nodded in agreement with Blair's words.
"Memories of happy moments sometimes become the strength to live a lifetime. I hope you make such a memory at this year's New Year's Festival too."
As for this year's New Year's Festival, Blair had already experienced it once.
'Come to think of it, what happened at this year's New Year's Festival?'
Blair, trying to recall past memories, froze.
Only then did she remember. On the day of the New Year's Festival around this time before her regression, there had been an accident.
* * *
That night, Blair was pacing around her room, touching her lips with her fingertips. It was because of the suddenly resurfaced memory of the New Year's Festival before her regression.
An accident had occurred at the New Year's Festival around this time before her regression.
An accident where a demonic beast appeared at the imperial hunting grounds, where the heads and ladies of each house had gone to procure offerings for the gods.
The reason Blair couldn't immediately recall that incident was because she had caught a cold that day and couldn't attend the New Year's Festival.
All she knew was what she heard from Lina the next morning after her fever broke.
Herdin, who had been present, had slain the demonic beast, and thanks to that, there were some injuries but no casualties. Herdin too had returned covered in the beast's blood, but was uninjured.
'What should I do……?'
If things flowed exactly as in the past, it would pass without major problems, but what if it unfolded differently due to her intervention that had already begun? Conversely, what if trying to prevent it only made things go wrong?
Countless possibilities roiled Blair's mind. She couldn't know what the right answer was.
Above all, the reason she hesitated to reveal future events was that she had no way to explain how she came to know this information.
Other than telling him that she had regressed.
Would Herdin really believe such an absurd story about returning to the past?
'But he believed me about Lina's incident.'
Without asking anything or questioning her, he had protected her and punished the maids.
Then perhaps, he might believe her this time too. Even though it was an incomparably more ridiculous story than Lina's incident.
However, even if he didn't believe her, she had to tell him.
Knowing what would happen and preparing countermeasures would usually yield better results than being completely unaware of the impending incident.
By this time, Herdin would have returned home as well.
After much deliberation, Blair went to Herdin's room. But despite knocking several times, there was no response.
'Is he already asleep?'
He wasn't one to sleep this early, but considering tomorrow's schedule, it was a possibility.
She was debating whether to return to her room when—
"What brings you here at this hour."
Blair turned toward the voice and met eyes with Herdin, who had been leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, watching her.
He was wearing a loose nightgown, as if he had just finished washing.
The moment her eyes met his blue eyes submerged in darkness, she felt as though she had locked eyes with a beast of prey that had been watching its quarry.
"……I have something I must tell you."
Blair's pale cheeks, flushed red from the cold wind, made her words seem all the more earnest. Herdin gazed at her for a moment before stepping into his room.
Blair followed him into the bedroom. The warmly heated air of the room melted her chilled body.
Herdin strode to the table with large steps, wet his throat with whiskey, and looked back at Blair.
"So, what is it you have to say?"
"A demonic beast will appear at the hunting grounds tomorrow. I think it would be best to scout the surroundings and prevent it before the hunt begins."
At the abrupt statement, Herdin furrowed his brow.
"Where did you hear that?"
It was the expected reaction.
After hesitating briefly, Blair cautiously began.
"I…… can see the future."
Herdin, who had been staring at Blair spouting nonsense for a moment, let out a laugh. He recalled the words Ruth had said that night when Blair visited the guild a few days ago.
What could be the reason for coming in the dead of night to spout such absurd nonsense? What scheme could she possibly be hiding behind that fair face?
The crooked smile that had spread across Herdin's lips disappeared, leaving only cold eyes.
"Are you telling me to believe that."
"I know it sounds like an absurd, ridiculous story, but there's no harm in taking precautions……"
Blair trailed off as she saw him already approaching her with long strides. Intimidated by his cold demeanor, her instincts made her step back.
Herdin wrapped his arm around Blair's waist, cutting off her retreat.
"Her—"
As she tried to push him away in surprise, his lips approached hers. So close that she feared they might touch if she moved her lips even slightly.
Herdin, stopping his lips at that distance, whispered.
"Then, guess what I'm going to do next."
His ice-blue eyes pierced down like daggers.