Chapter 167.
"Her... mmph!"
Before Blair could even get a word out, his approaching lips swallowed hers.
Herdin roughly forced his way past her lips, intertwining their breath. The desire he had suppressed while watching Blair sleep burst forth like a flood and overtook her.
"Mmm..."
Hot breath and sticky saliva tangled together in a kiss that seemed as though he would devour her.
Blair couldn't collect herself at all, what with his rougher-than-usual kiss and the hazy intoxication of alcohol. All she could do was receive the breath he shared like a baby bird.
Having forgotten even her original purpose and swept away by him, Blair finally came to her senses the moment his hand swept along her thigh and slipped inside her slip.
Startled, Blair shrank back and pulled her lips away. As he quietly gazed down at her saliva-wet lips and tried to kiss her again, this time Blair turned her head to avoid him.
Before he could press his lips to hers again, Blair hastily spoke.
"Herdin, let's talk for a moment."
One of Herdin's eyebrows rose as he watched her. Facing her, he already had the eyes of a starving beast.
"Speak. I'm listening."
However, contrary to his words, his hand pushed inside without hesitation. Just before that hand could reach her innermost part, Blair desperately grabbed his hand and cried out.
"I didn't take... the medicine today."
Only then did Herdin's hand pause. Blair made an even more provocative statement to restrain him.
"Is it okay if I get pregnant?"
His hand, which had been gripping and spreading her thigh, tightened then slowly loosened. His Adam's apple moved passionately as he let out a languid sigh.
Having his wife, dressed so enticingly, within reach of his breath yet unable to have her.
The desire that remained unfulfilled despite exploring her every night swelled as if ready to burst, tormenting him. But there was no way to overcome his wife's audacious threat.
Of course, the effects of the medicine she took daily would still remain, making the probability of pregnancy slim, but the issue was her intention regarding their intimacy.
She didn't want it. At least not right now.
In the end, pulling Blair's slip back down, he compromised with his desire by sitting her on his lap.
"Speak, Princess."
Blair pondered how to make him listen to the conversation she had been rejected over every time, but unfortunately, she had no talent for negotiation. Even less for threats.
In the end, what she chose was to confront him once more, honestly and with sincere feelings.
"...I want to have a second child."
Just as Herdin, who had already anticipated what she would bring up, was about to refuse, Blair quickly added.
"Ashiel wants it too."
At that, Herdin's brow furrowed slightly.
He already knew that Ashiel wanted a sibling. But he thought the child understood since he had explained it thoroughly enough.
"Did that kid come pester you too?"
Blair shook her head.
"No. He never showed any sign of it in front of me. He just made up an adorable plan on his own."
"...A plan?"
"He got his hopes up that if he left his spot empty, Mom and Dad might make a sibling."
Herdin let out a hollow laugh.
Only then did he seem to understand Ashiel's purpose in wanting to go to the Arbon Count's estate. Also the reason the child had asked him a few days ago when he wanted to kiss Mom.
It was an adorable plan that only a child could come up with.
Noticing that his resolute atmosphere had softened, Blair didn't miss the opening and continued speaking.
"Herdin, I know well that you're reluctant about pregnancy because you worry about me. I also can't say even as a lie that that period wasn't difficult."
"..."
"But during that time, I was very happy. Of course, the time I properly did prenatal care was short... but I liked that you worried about me, cared for me, and protected me the whole time."
Even now, she sometimes thought about it.
The time she carried Ashiel in her womb. The happiness of being in his arms every day, talking to the child in her belly, and feeling the fetal movements together.
Everything that made up those moments was love.
Becoming a family, creating a family was such a miraculous blessing.
"And I was proud that I could create a family for you. Because that's something only I, who you love, can do."
Now she could be certain.
That this man loved her. And that she was the only person in this world who could receive that love.
This man could not love anyone else.
The gazes, the gestures, the warmth that reached her in every moment he showed her in this life... they all told her so.
That he loved her.
She wanted to make him happier than he was now, that kind of man. She wanted to let him love more and be loved more.
"If we could become even happier, I would be glad if such a miracle visited us once more."
Even the difficult process.
"So, would you allow me one more miracle...?"
Herdin stared at her eyes filled with earnestness as if bewitched for a moment.
She had already made him happy enough. She had taught him love and created a family for him.
Yet she said she would make him even happier than this.
How could you be so lovely?
He wanted to pretend to yield to her desperate request, but there was still a second reason she didn't know about.
Herdin lightly pressed his forehead against Blair's and spoke.
"That's not the only reason, Blair."
"Then?"
"I know how much you love Ashiel. I also know how hard you worked to raise that child. I'm always sorry and grateful to you who carried and gave birth to that child."
Blair quietly watched him as he continued speaking in a decidedly serious tone. Herdin looked into her eyes and went on.
"But, Blair. Children will grow up very quickly. There will be many days when you cry like today."
He knew that Ashiel's existence was especially dear to Blair, but that child couldn't become her entire life.
She probably knew that better than anyone. That was why she found the next reason and came to want a second child.
"Even then, the children will still love us, and we will love them, but they can no longer become your life."
"..."
"When that time comes, I'll be happy since I can have you all to myself, but will you really be okay with that? Living your whole life only as someone's wife, only as the children's mother?"
At his question, Blair stared at him blankly.
A life without being a mother.
A life she hadn't even considered once since Ashiel was born.
Herdin swept his wife's soft hair behind her ear and added.
"I want you to be happy as yourself, not as a mother or a wife."
As Blair blinked her round eyes while looking at him, a memory from sometime ago came to mind.
'Give me one more chance, Blair.'
His figure who came to visit on a snowy night that winter when she left, having no courage left to be hurt by him anymore.
He didn't let that chance slip away. And she had never once regretted giving him that chance.
He made her feel that she was loved in every moment.
Blair felt a tickling sensation from the tips of her fingers and leaned her head against her husband's firm shoulder.
"You've matured."
"It's about time. How many years have I only caused you grief?"
At Herdin's brazen reply, Blair laughed happily.
"So think about it once more. Whether that will truly make you happy."
Saying that, Herdin laid Blair down on the bed. Startled by the suddenly flipped view, his large shadow loomed over her.
"Then, may I have your permission now, Madam?"
Blair quietly looked up at her husband waiting for her permission. Nights with him were still a little frightening, but she was even more thrilled. Blair liked that thrill and fear.
Fortunately, she nodded before his reason snapped. Then, as soon as permission was given, the beast wearing her husband's face pounced.
Blair embraced the neck of the beast she loved.
* * *
The next morning, Blair had to suffer at the hands of her husband who had finished preparing to go out and was waiting the moment she opened her eyes.
Truly, for stamina, the term monster suited him better than beast.
After receiving him once more in a drowsy state and drifting off to sleep again, when she woke up, Herdin had already gone out for his external schedule.
Come to think of it, she thought she had heard him muttering in her sleep about wanting to postpone his schedule.
It was only when the sun was high in the sky that Blair finally opened her eyes and came to the bathroom to start her late day.
"Please call me if you need anything, Madam."
Having sent the maids away, Blair stepped into the bath.
'Warm.'
As she submerged her body in the hot water, her overworked body from the night relaxed languidly. Added to that, the regularly falling sound of water droplets cleared her mind. Then the conversation from last night suddenly came to mind.
'I want you to be happy as yourself, not as a mother or a wife.'
'...'
'So think about it once more. Whether that will truly make you happy.'
The way for me to become happy.
The reason for my life.
'I didn't know Herdin was thinking that far.'
Having pondered for a long time about the life of 'Blair' rather than a mother, Blair organized her thoughts by the time she finished bathing and came out of the bath refreshed.
It seemed like she was going to get a little busy starting today.