Episode 147. Tomorrow Without You
2024.01.25.
When she opened her eyes, Herdin was already gone from the bedroom.
After her bath, Blair returned to the room and took out the commoner’s clothes she had worn in Nerha. Because she was no longer the Duchess.
Blair sent away the maids who offered to help her dress and sat before the vanity.
In just a few months, her hands had grown skilled at brushing and dressing her own hair. She would likely grow even more skilled from now on.
Should she put it up, or tie it half-back?
She tried tying it this way and that, untied it, and by the time she finally decided, an hour had already slipped by.
She did not much care for the hastily half-tied style, but there was no time to redo it. She could not make him wait any longer when he had other matters to attend to.
Setting aside her regret, Blair rose from the vanity.
Before leaving the room, she took the envelope from the drawer where she had placed the divorce papers yesterday and set it neatly upon the table. Beside it, she placed the deed to the seaside villa she had received from him yesterday.
After one last look around, Blair left the room.
Now it was time to go bid him farewell.
* * *
The weather was pleasant.
A typical autumn day, with warm sunlight and a cool breeze. There was no sign of sudden rain or snow.
Herdin, having surveyed the weather beyond the window, turned back to his desk. Even on such a day, documents requiring his attention lay piled up before him.
As he listlessly flipped through papers he wasn’t truly reading, he unconsciously took a cigar from his pocket and placed it between his lips, then swallowed a sigh and put it away again.
Just as he was tossing the documents onto the desk, a knock sounded, followed by Blair’s voice.
“Herdin. May I come in for a moment?”
Herdin, who had been gazing at the closed door, straightened from where he leaned against the window frame.
When he opened the office door, Blair stood there wearing the same clothes he had seen when they reunited at the festival in Nerha.
He had thought so then as well, but in that simple dress, she looked incredibly young. If one set aside her heavily rounded belly.
“...Come in.”
Herdin led Blair into the office and tried to guide her to the sofa, but Blair remained standing where she was. As though she would be leaving at any moment.
As he had expected, Blair cut straight to the point.
“The documents needed for the divorce are on the table in the bedroom. The villa deed as well.”
Upon hearing the latter, Herdin faintly furrowed his brow.
She had loved the sea; he had thought that if nothing else, she would readily accept this.
“Why return the villa deed?”
“That villa is too much for me. It is difficult to maintain, and I have already secured a house and staff.”
“I will dispose of the house in Icar. You may employ more servants. The wages, I shall—”
Blair shook her head at his insistence on pressing the villa upon her somehow.
“The sea you gave me was beautiful.”
“...”
“I will gratefully accept only that.”
At the sight of her refusing to take a single thing he had given her, Herdin could no longer press her and fell silent.
Now it was time to let her go.
Herdin gazed at Blair for a moment, then naturally shifted his eyes to her belly. He asked.
“...May I say goodbye to the child?”
At the unexpected words, Blair readily nodded.
“It seems he wishes to say hello to his father just now.”
Herdin placed his hand on Blair’s belly. At once, the quickening felt clearer than it had the night before. Along with it, he could see her stomach subtly undulating.
At that, Herdin held his breath. He truly felt that a child was growing inside her.
The thought crossed his mind that it would have been nice to share this with her in their past life as well, but such thoughts were useless now.
He carefully stroked her and whispered.
“Don’t trouble your mother, and come to us in good health.”
As if answering his father’s request, the child bumped the exact spot where his hand rested. Herdin could not tear his eyes from her belly.
Blair, quietly watching him, spoke.
“He says not to worry, and for Daddy to stay healthy too.”
The child in her womb could not yet speak such words, so this was her own sentiment.
Though he knew this, he could not bring himself to remove his hand, when Blair was the first to break the silence.
“It is a long journey to the islands, so it will be difficult. Be careful on your way. And......”
“...”
“Thank you.”
“...”
“I hope you find happiness, Herdin.”
Blair smiled at him more brightly than ever before. It was her final farewell.
He wanted to say something—anything—to her, but Herdin only moved his lips, unable to utter a single word. Neither *safe travels* nor *don’t go*.
He did not know.
The situation simply felt too surreal. As if the alcohol from the night before still lingered in his system.
While Herdin stood staring blankly at her, unable to speak, a maid’s knock sounded.
“My Lady, your preparations are complete.”
At those words, Blair stepped back half a pace, as if she had been waiting. Her belly, which his hand had touched—its warmth—grew distant.
“I shall be going now. Do not see me out.”
Blair gave a faint smile, then turned around. She left, and the door closed quietly.
Soon, the sound of footsteps echoing down the corridor began to fade. With each step, they grew distant, like a dream.
He could not believe it.
That they would become strangers. That they would become nothing to each other.
Could such a thing be?
You clearly loved me. Enough to love me again despite being hurt so deeply.
You are still before my eyes. Under the same sky, within reach if I simply ran a little farther.
That we had become people who, despite being this close, could not go see each other when we wished to see, could not embrace when we wished to hold—it was utterly impossible to grasp.
It felt as though she had merely stepped out and would return by evening. As though she would seek his warmth and hold him again when night fell.
But her fading footsteps never turned back.
* * *
Luce looked at Herdin with anxious eyes.
It was already the hour when he would normally have retired to his bedroom, yet Herdin was still attending to overdue documents.
Blair had left only that afternoon, yet he appeared fine. At least on the outside.
But was he truly fine within?
This was the man who had confined Blair and, after she fled, had scoured the entire continent with fire in his eyes. Twisted as it had been, it was unmistakably love.
And that feeling was still valid. One could tell simply by the way his eyes followed her.
Such a man could not possibly be fine.
Just as Luce, observing Herdin’s complexion, was about to suggest he retire for the night, Herdin spoke first.
“Luce. You go in first.”
“And Your Grace?”
“I shall go soon.”
“Then...... rest well.”
Luce hesitated briefly, then bid farewell and left the office.
Herdin, who had been signing documents, faltered. The ink smudged and ruined the signature. Just then, the faint strike of a clock announcing midnight drifted from the central hall of the mansion.
Herdin stared blankly at the ink-stained document, let out a sigh, set down his fountain pen, and rose. Then he headed straight out of the office.
When he unknowingly entered the bedroom, he faltered. The fireplace inside was blazing fiercely. It was a different sight from when Blair had been there, when the fire would always die down, leaving only embers.
Herdin stared blankly at the flames, then approached the fireplace as if bewitched. Before it stood a table.
And upon it, he saw a neatly placed envelope and documents. The divorce papers and the villa deed Blair had mentioned.
Herdin took out the divorce papers from the envelope.
However, the envelope had not contained only the divorce papers, for another letter fell out with a light clack. His eyes narrowed upon discovering it.
Unfolding the letter, he saw at the very top his name, written in neat handwriting that fully reflected its owner’s nature.
[Herdin.]
It was handwriting one could recognize at a glance, even without knowing the sender.
[There is much I want to say to you, but first, I want to thank you for keeping your promise to me.
Thank you. For returning safely, and for accepting the divorce as you promised.
It weighed on my heart that I notified you of the divorce as if fleeing from you, so I am relieved we could properly settle things, even if belatedly.]
Herdin laughed mockingly at himself.
She thanked him for granting the divorce, unaware of his true feelings—he found her both laughable and pitiful.
[Truthfully, I hated you very much.
But now I know that you loved me in your own way.
Thank you for saving me, for giving me a chance.
Thanks to the chance you gave me, I was able to change many things in this life. I could face things rather than run away, resolve them, and choose.
Falling in love with you again after we reunited was also my choice, and I do not regret that choice. There were many painful days, but there were surely many happy days as well.
I will bury the painful memories and keep only the good ones. So I hope I will no longer be a painful memory for you, either.
Wherever you are, whatever you do, I sincerely hope you will always be happy.]
It was an ending befitting her.
Herdin’s hand trembled slightly as he finished reading the letter to the end. At the same time, a hollow laugh that sounded like both a smile and a sob escaped his lips.
Only now did it truly feel real that Blair had left his side.
He thought of how he had failed to tell her to be happy, to wish her well.
Because he could not accept a tomorrow without her. Because he could not imagine it. Having turned away from reality, he could not even say goodbye to her. Belated regret gnawed at him.
It is strange. A tomorrow without you.
A landscape without you.
Inside the room she had left, he finally crumbled in silence.