Chapter 121. What She Wants
2023.12.30.
The place Herdin brought her to was an elementary school.
"I heard you used to teach children here."
Upon learning that Blair had worked here as a teacher, he made a donation under the name 'Blair Delmark' and brought her here.
"It might be difficult for you to work as a teacher from now on, but I thought you could help the school in other ways, so I went ahead with the donation."
As a duchess, she couldn't return to teaching, but knowing how much she loved children, he thought seeing them would lift her spirits.
"...You made a donation?"
"Yes, in your name."
However, rather than being pleased, Blair's expression only grew darker.
Just as Blair was about to say something to Herdin, a man with bronzed skin emerged from the school building and approached them.
"Welcome, Duke. Duchess. I received your message and was waiting for you."
Though his accent was slightly different from the typical Clania locals, he spoke the Clania language fluently.
Blair knew him well. It was Petro, who taught the children the Southern Continental language at the school.
Blair, who had brightened at the sight of a familiar face, belatedly registered that he had addressed her as 'Duchess,' and her expression stiffened.
"Teacher Petro."
"Ah, it's Teacher Arwen!"
Before Blair could even greet Petro, the children playing ball in the front yard spotted her and came running over in a swarm.
"Teacher!"
She had only been away from them for a few days, but she was as overjoyed as if she hadn't seen them in years.
Just as Blair was about to greet the children, Petro stepped forward, blocking them from getting closer to her.
"Children, you mustn't be rude. Didn't I tell you earlier? You should call her 'Duchess' now, not 'Teacher.' She only stayed with us so informally until now due to her circumstances, but she is actually an honored guest visiting Nerha."
"Ah, right..."
It seemed Petro had given them a heads-up before Blair arrived, for the children hesitated to approach her any further, offering awkward greetings instead.
"Hello."
Some children looked at her with intimidated eyes after hearing Petro's words, while others still cast welcoming glances at Blair. Yet even those children couldn't bring themselves to openly express their joy, merely stealing glances.
"It's alright, Teacher Petro."
"No, Madam. You may be generous in embracing the children, but they must learn basic etiquette as well."
Noticing the children's discomfort, Blair tried to dissuade him, but Petro strictly enforced proper manners.
"Alright, alright. Everyone back to where you were. Don't you have a game to finish?"
The children looked back at Blair longingly before returning to the courtyard. However, one boy remained rooted to the spot.
It was the boy who had a crush on Blair.
"Is that man Teacher Arwen's husband?"
Herdin stared down at the boy, who was looking right back at him with audacious eyes, with his customary indifference.
The boy, who looked to be around eleven or twelve, was staring at him with a distinctly sharp gaze, unlike most children who cowered and avoided his eyes.
Petro, gauging Herdin's mood, hastily scolded the boy.
"'That man' indeed! That is the Duke of the Empire, Chris. He is the husband of Teacher Arwen— I mean, the Madam."
"...I don't like him."
"Now, you head back too. The game won't work if our promising striker is missing."
Petro, failing to catch Chris's sulky muttering, hastily nudged the boy along.
"Then please make yourselves comfortable during your visit."
Bowing to the two of them, Petro led Chris away.
Watching them walk away, Blair smiled bitterly and lowered her gaze.
Petro was right.
The children were still young and inexperienced in life.
If they let their guard down and dropped formalities with her, they might do the same with other nobles and get into trouble.
So, for the children's sake, strictly teaching them etiquette was the right thing to do, but...
'I will never be called Teacher by those children again...'
Just a few days ago, she had been a part of that scene. Sharing the little everyday moments, laughing together.
But now, she had been abruptly cast out of that picture.
Simply because she was the wife of the man standing beside her.
Just like that, she had become a complete stranger living in a different world from theirs. The sudden realization brought a profound sense of loneliness.
Just then, Herdin took her hand and led her.
"Let's go sit on that bench over there."
"No, it's alright."
Blair subtly slipped her hand from his grasp and stopped walking.
Herdin looked back at her with a puzzled expression. A chill wind brushed through the empty space where her hand had been.
"Let's just go back."
Contrary to Herdin's expectations, Blair's expression as she spoke was contorted in sorrow. Seeing this, his brows furrowed.
Why.
I'm giving you everything you want. And yet...
Why won't you smile?
Herdin rubbed his forehead, letting out what sounded like a sigh as he asked,
"What's the problem now?"
"...It's nothing like that. I'm just tired. I want to rest."
Herdin grabbed Blair's hand as she tried to head back to the carriage, hiding her true feelings.
He gripped the shoulders of Blair, who was averting her gaze as if trying to run away, and forced her to look at him.
"That's not just the face of someone who's tired."
Forced to face him, Blair's lips parted, but she ultimately clamped them shut without revealing her true thoughts.
"It's not because of you, it's my problem. I'm sorry for making you worry."
Her reluctantly opened mouth apologized, claiming it was her own fault, but the evasive apology only made Herdin more anxious instead of relieving his frustration.
Seeing Blair resign herself without fighting back like before made it feel as though she was giving up on him entirely.
"You say it's not because of me."
"..."
"Then you shouldn't have made me worry. You've been pulling that long face next to me this whole time, and you're saying it's not because of me?"
"..."
"What exactly is the problem? I'm giving you everything you want. The most expensive things, the most precious things—I'm giving them all to you. Is that still not enough to satisfy you?"
"...Is that what I wanted?"
At his words, Blair finally exploded with the emotions she had been desperately suppressing. To Herdin, that reaction actually brought a sliver of relief.
Softening his tone a notch, he said,
"Then tell me. What is it that you want? What ruined your mood?"
At his words, which sounded as if he were coaxing a child, Blair let out a hollow laugh.
She had constantly voiced her opinions to him. Yet he had never listened to her, not even once. The fact that he was now offering to listen struck her as laughable.
"Even if I tell you, do you have any intention of actually listening?"
"..."
"My opinions, my thoughts. They were never important to you anyway. You never had any intention of listening, and you were never once curious about why I made the choices I did."
"..."
"If anything, what's your problem? I'm doing everything you want without putting up a pointless fight."
At Blair's words, Herdin's expression hardened.
"...What I want?"
"It's what *you* want, all of it. You force expensive and precious things on me with no regard for my own will, then rationalize it by claiming it's for my sake."
"..."
"Of course, other people would say I'm complaining from the lap of luxury. So it's my problem in the end. It's not your fault, so don't worry about it."
Just as Herdin had always done, Blair sarcastically twisted his words, blaming the cause of all this on her own stubbornness and faults.
Whatever his motives, she knew he had chosen only the most expensive and finest things to give her for her sake. Even if her own opinions had been disregarded.
She thought that denigrating his sincerity and hurting him would bring her some relief.
But why was it that the dagger she threw at him pierced her own heart so painfully?
She was the one who felt like crying at the words she had hurled.
Blair desperately suppressed the hot tears welling up in her eyes and turned away.
She didn't want to cry in front of him. Tears only weakened the other person's resolve for a moment and served as a means to avoid the situation; they couldn't solve the fundamental problem.
However, Herdin had no intention of letting her go. He let out a sigh and turned Blair back to face him.
"Blair, wait. We're not done talking."
Unable to hold back any longer, tears finally welled up and fell.
Blair wiped away the tears and hung her head.
"Let me go. I just want to stop..."
Her voice was thick with exhaustion. Her fragile shoulders trembled pitifully as she desperately tried to suppress her sobs.
Seeing her like that, Herdin's eyes wavered.
The suffocating frustration from moments ago vanished, replaced only by the thought that he needed to comfort her.
"Blair."
But at that moment, a familiar pain pierced through his skull, and his vision flashed white.
'I'm sorry, Blair.'
This time, no visions appeared.
However, a thought that was undeniably his own surfaced. Simultaneously, a piercing emotion, as if his heart was being torn apart, crashed over him like a tidal wave.
Herdin stiffened his expression and held his breath. Even though it wasn't his current emotion, the feeling crashing over him as if it were his own left him momentarily breathless.
'The symptoms again...'
Just as he was about to question the strange symptoms that had become frequent lately, the sight of Blair crying came back into sharp focus. Seeing her like that, the emotion that had just surged within him moved him to act.
It was just as Herdin, driven by that emotion, reached out to wipe away her tears.
"Ah, ugh..."
Blair, who had been sobbing, suddenly gasped for breath, her face contorting in pain before she collapsed, clutching her stomach.
"Blair!"
Herdin instinctively pulled her into his arms, his eyes shaking violently.