Chapter 106. Things Left Behind
2023.12.15.
Lina's eyes snapped open at the sound.
After Blair disappeared, Herdin would personally go and verify anywhere there was a sighting of someone who resembled her, leaving urgent matters to Ruth.
This time too, he had gone down south with the purpose of finding Blair, only returning home after a week.
'Did His Excellency bring the Madam back this time?'
Uncontainable anticipation seeped into Lina's footsteps as she headed down to the central hall to greet Herdin.
Right after Blair vanished, rumors from the outside circulated within the ducal mansion as well.
Rumors that Blair had an affair and ran away in the dead of night carrying that man's child.
Of course, Lina and Meli, who trusted Blair, did not believe those rumors.
Instead, they got into fights with the maids who whispered the rumors, only to be caught by Mason and scolded together.
The two believed that the couple must have fought fiercely over various reasons, including the fact that right before Blair disappeared, Herdin had practically confined her, leading to a cold war between them.
If the rumors the maids were whispering were true, there was no way Herdin would be so frantic to find Blair, who had run away carrying another man's child, pushing everything else aside.
'She'll come back once her anger subsides.'
When Blair left, Lina believed so.
Where could a princess, raised so preciously she never had to lift a finger, go especially while pregnant?
But a week passed, half a month passed, and well over a month passed, yet Blair did not return.
At first, wanting to make Herdin suffer for upsetting Blair, she had prayed that she wouldn't be caught by him.
However, now she was starting to worry about Blair. On the other hand, a sense of resentment also grew toward her for leaving her behind.
'I wish she would just come back now...'
Lina stood at the mansion's entrance, harboring the ambivalent feeling of hoping Herdin would bring Blair back, yet also hoping she wouldn't be caught.
Soon, the carriage approaching the mansion entrance came to a stop, and Herdin stepped down.
"Welcome back, Your Excellency."
Mason, representing the servants, greeted his master.
At those words as a signal, the servants lined up in a row bowed their heads in unison, paying their respects to their returning master.
Standing among them, Lina secretly observed Herdin.
His handsome face was no different from before, but over the past few months, his impression had grown even sharper.
His features were never soft to begin with, but his exceptionally sharp jawline, eyes holding a subtly colder light, and his dry expression revealing not a sliver of emotion created a uniquely chilling atmosphere.
An aura like a well-forged sword emanated from him.
Perhaps she wasn't the only one who felt that way; even the maids who used to secretly admire his face were now busy avoiding making eye contact with him.
Eventually, even the servants who initially gossiped about the disappeared Blair now inwardly wished for her return.
They came to realize that the suffocating atmosphere flowing through the mansion stemmed from her absence.
However, contrary to everyone's wishes, including Lina and Meli's, the one who stepped down from the carriage was Herdin alone this time as well.
Just as always, with a cold complexion, he strode across the mansion with large steps and went up.
Even after the servants, having safely finished welcoming their master, sighed in relief and scattered, Lina couldn't let go of her lingering attachment and couldn't take her eyes off the carriage Herdin had ridden in.
But no one ever got off the carriage, and it soon drove away as it was.
Meli approached Lina's side.
"Let's go inside too, Lina."
"...Yeah."
Meli came into the mansion with Lina while observing her expression. Sure enough, Lina's face had grown gloomy.
Meli feigned ignorance and changed the subject.
"The wind has already gotten quite chilly, right?"
"...It has."
But despite Meli's efforts, Lina's expression still looked melancholic.
Lina, who had been silent for a moment, muttered as if talking to herself.
"The Madam has weak bronchi, so she catches a cold easily every change of seasons. Since she's pregnant now, she can't even take medicine... What if she gets really sick?"
As Lina brought up Blair, a bitter smile also appeared on Meli's face, who had been trying hard to pretend she didn't care.
Meli wasn't unworried about Blair either. But in front of the anxious Lina, she felt she shouldn't reveal her own unease.
Because Blair's final request weighed on her mind.
'I'm so glad you two get along well. You'll continue to rely on each other and get along, right?'
Blair probably anticipated that Lina would be anxious and sad over her absence, leaving those words behind.
And that final request must have been what she wished for.
Meli patted Lina's arm and comforted her.
"Don't worry too much. She can even light a candle by herself now. She's surely staying well somewhere warm."
"...Right. She's not as scared of fire as she used to be. She'll be fine, right?"
"Yeah. And we'll be able to find the Madam before winter comes."
However, at Meli's words meant to reassure her, Lina's expression instead darkened.
Lina hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth.
"Actually, I've been praying every night recently. Praying for His Excellency to find the Madam quickly."
Meli listened silently to Lina's words. Because she felt the same way.
But the next moment, Lina said something unexpected.
"But now I'm a bit hesitant to pray like that."
"Why?"
"Of course I miss the Madam so much. I'm worried about whether she's doing well and safe in an unfamiliar place."
"But?"
"But... the fact that she hasn't returned until now means she must have dreaded her life here that much. Is it okay for me to make such a wish just out of my own selfishness?"
Meli became dazed at Lina's words.
She hadn't thought that far.
That the affection, longing, and wish for Blair's return could be their own selfishness.
"If it's for her happiness, shouldn't we be praying for His Excellency to never find the Madam?"
Lina was right. If they truly liked Blair, they shouldn't put forward their own feelings, but rather pray for her happiness.
Meli, who had fallen into thought for a moment after hearing those words, proposed.
"Then let's pray like this."
"How?"
"That wherever the Madam is, she stays safe and happy. That's a wish we're allowed to pray for, right?"
At that, Lina's expression brightened.
"Oh! That would work."
A shadow quietly turned away from the corner of the wall, having listened to the two chattering after finishing their gloomy conversation.
It was Ruth, who had come to the ducal mansion upon hearing the news of Herdin's return.
'It seems he came back empty-handed this time as well.'
He swallowed a sigh at the unpleasant news and headed to Herdin's office.
When Blair had just disappeared, he too was afraid to face Herdin, who radiated killing intent.
But as it prolonged, that fear gradually spread into worry.
As a subordinate, and sometimes like family, having watched Herdin closely for many years, Ruth knew that Herdin's reason for chasing Blair now was not simple anger.
However, Blair had not returned for over two months. And with a child in her womb, no less.
'It's not a simple marital fight; she truly doesn't want to see His Excellency anymore...'
He couldn't know the detailed reasons, but Blair had given up on her relationship with Herdin.
So, just as Lina said, if he truly loved Blair, he thought letting her go would be the right thing to do, but...
He couldn't dare say those words in front of him.
Because Herdin would know better than anyone what Blair's actions of not returning meant.
It wasn't that he couldn't let her go because he didn't know that fact.
Ruth swallowed a bitter taste as he arrived at Herdin's office. But even after knocking and waiting, permission to enter was not granted.
"Your Excellency, I'm coming in."
As Ruth, who had waited for a moment, opened the door and stepped inside, he saw the scenery of an empty office.
Herdin wasn't there, but a fully smoked cigar was in the ashtray, indicating he had stopped by.
'Did he go there again.'
Smelling the bitter cigar scent left in the office, Ruth recalled the place Herdin always visited first whenever he returned to the mansion.
* * *
Having finished his shower, Herdin went straight to Blair's room as always.
Everything there was exactly as it was on the day Blair left. Everything was exactly the same, except the room's owner was missing.
Herdin laid his exhausted body, worn out from traveling a long distance day and night for days, on the bed that had lost its owner.
Then, Blair's faint body scent remaining on the bed sheets enveloped him. Herdin's gaze, staring at the ceiling, sank coldly.
The scent that always greeted him whenever he entered her room was growing fainter and fainter.
He didn't like that fact, but smelling the scent growing fainter by the day, there was nothing he could do.
Other than endlessly searching for the owner of that scent.
Lying on the bed without Blair and closing his eyes for a moment, Herdin pressed his eyes and sat up.
His body was exhausted from the consecutive journeys, but his mind was in an awakened state, making him oddly clear instead. It had persisted since Blair's disappearance, so he was used to it now.
Everywhere his quietly scanning gaze touched in the room, traces of Blair remained.
Strength gradually entered the space between Herdin's brows as he slowly looked over those traces.
It grated on his nerves every time he saw her belongings left all over the room. Because every time he saw them, he had to face the fact that he was no different from those objects.
Nevertheless, a self-deprecating chuckle escaped him at his own figure of always returning to her room.
In a small picture frame placed on the side table was a painting they had bought at the clock tower when they went together on a spring day when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom.
'Yes, I like it. I think I'll remember today every time I see this painting.'
He recalled her bright appearance, unable to hide her excitement all over her slightly flushed face.
She had liked it so much, yet she left even this behind.
Along with himself, left behind in this mansion.