Three days had passed since I possessed this world. In that time, all I had done was lie in bed, eat the meals Hwaya brought me, or diligently chew in my mouth the fruits she cut into small pieces with her own hands.
On the first day, I had thrown all sorts of fits by myself, wondering if it was deception or goodwill. But the thing was, I was a patient recuperating inside my room, so there was nothing I could actually do.
I figured it was a romance fantasy possession, but since I didn’t even know what story I had possessed into, I couldn’t devise future plans or concerns based on the original work either.
Not that I could meet people, and the giant fox presumed to be the male protagonist hadn’t come to see me even once in all this time….
The only things I could do were nod at the physician who came to examine me, or give Hwaya a bright smile when she struck up various conversations.
"The peonies in the garden have begun to bloom. I suppose summer is already here."
"Is that so? It doesn’t feel like it’s gotten that hot yet."
"Because you never normally suffer from the heat, my lady. Some of the girls among us are already growing weary."
Even now, I was vigorously nodding along to Hwaya’s words as she fed me finely cut apple pieces from beside me.
"Then I should have the girls dry some before it gets hotter."
"The peonies?"
"Yes. Tea brewed from dried peonies is quite exceptional."
Seeing Hwaya call the other maids "girls" and order them about, she seemed to hold high status among the servants. Yet rather than leaving the nursing to other maids, she stayed by my side all day long alone. It didn’t seem like an ordinary relationship with Ryu Sua.
No matter how much I searched my hazy memories, I had never received such devoted care even from my birth parents. It would be a lie to say it wasn’t burdensome, but it was also true that I didn’t dislike it.
Who would dislike being loved? However, since I know this affection isn’t meant for me, there is nothing I can do about a corner of my heart feeling uncomfortable.
"You must drink it quite often."
"Yes. My lady, you too… it would be nice if you could enjoy it next time."
Even now, she chose her words carefully out of consideration for Ryu Sua, who had no memories. The original Ryu Sua seemed to like tea brewed from peonies, but Hwaya ended the conversation at merely suggesting the tea.
She was probably avoiding direct mention of it in case I felt burdened by the absence of my memories. Whenever I felt this consideration, the area around my chest prickled and ached. I suppose that’s where the part called conscience is located.
If I had the memories, I could at least say something Ryu Sua might say and feel self-satisfied. But I can’t even do that.
"If I get permission later, I’d love to try it."
"You should be able to have it by next week. You may look forward to it, my lady."
"Yeah. I’ll look forward to it, Hwaya."
I too chose my words as carefully as I could, speaking only things that would be pleasant to hear. Because that is the best repayment I can offer.
That was also why I had adopted this awkward half-honorific tone. Because Hwaya likes it more when I nod and say "Yeah" rather than answering "Yes." Though she seems to subtly wish I would speak to her in complete casual speech.
Speaking casually to others felt somehow repulsive, so I simply laughed it off.
After placing the last apple piece into my mouth, Hwaya neatly arranged the bowl on the tray, then smiled with her eyes at me as if something had come to mind.
"Ah, right! Starting tonight, it seems a separate meal will be prepared instead of porridge. The physician also said that since your recovery is fast, it should be fine to gradually have regular meals."
"Really?"
"Of course, you still can’t have greasy foods that are hard to digest."
Whatever meal they prepared, I intended to eat without complaint, and I had no intention of fussing over food like a child.
Because opening my mouth to have porridge spooned inside was far more uncomfortable than I had imagined. Even now, being fed fruit was a bit embarrassing, but I couldn’t bear to turn away Hwaya, who would start worrying the moment I didn’t eat.
If only they would prepare chopsticks and a spoon for me to use myself. I, who had internally found mealtimes burdensome, was looking forward to mealtime for the first time.
"Then. I shall help you prepare, my lady."
"What preparation?"
At Hwaya’s following words, my head tilted on its own. Preparation? What was there to prepare for a meal that required her help?
"The master will be dining with you today."
"What?"
With whom?
"Which is why you must make the minimum preparations."
Hwaya’s hand smoothly undid the knot of my clothes. So naturally did she do it that I only realized the knot had been undone after the garment had already slipped off my body.
Hwaya didn’t stop there, reaching for the remaining knots and smiling gently. Enchanted by that smile, I found myself staring blankly at Hwaya.
"Shall we begin by washing your body first, my lady?"
Those following words jolted me to my senses.
Though I have entered a woman’s body now, my mind is that of a healthy late-twenties man from the Republic of Korea. There is no way I could show my bare body to a woman while in my right mind.
"I-I’ll do it myself!"
"You cannot, my lady."
I grabbed the clothes with all my strength to keep them from Hwaya, who was trying to take them.
It wasn’t as if I hadn’t changed clothes since possessing this body. Given how devoted Hwaya is, there was no way she would let me wear the same clothes for days.
But that only went as far as changing my jeogori, jeoksam, and outer skirt. The undergarments such as the covering and sokgot, I changed myself, and she merely tidied up how I had arranged them a little.
Even that had made me feel like my face would burst, but from the look in Hwaya’s eyes as she tried to strip my clothes to wash my body, I instinctively sensed it—that if I let her take my clothes like this, I would be stripped down to the last thread.
Since the first day of my possession, I had thought this thin jeoksam was worse than being naked, but now I see it is clearly a pure garment symbolizing chastity and cleanliness. There is no other garment that guards the human body so well.
Perhaps my pitiful clutching at the clothes made her heart soften, as the thin jeoksam that had seemed about to be snatched away at any moment was tugged slightly back toward me.
"My lady. My work is to follow your wishes as much as possible."
"Yes! Ju-just prepare things and I’ll handle it…."
"However."
Strength returned to my hand that had been going limp. As if my resistance couldn’t even pose an obstacle. The jeoksam I had been clutching pathetically slipped from my hands in an instant.
"Leaving you as you are would be even more disloyal, so please forgive me just this once."
"Hw-Hwaya!"
"My lady. There will come a day when you find the clumsy drape of your sokgot more embarrassing than your current shame."
"I-I absolutely hate this current situation more!"
So much for getting married... Ah, with this body, I couldn't have married anyway...
But I don't want to say I've been married off. If you think of it that way, I'm already in a truly married-off state, with my future husband already decided.
This is all because Hwaya is diligently wiping every corner of my body with a towel.
"My lady."
I didn't answer Hwaya's words.
No, I couldn't.
My face was hot, so embarrassed that unless I covered my face with both hands, hung my head, and kept my mouth tightly shut, I felt like I would faint from shame.
"I know what you must be thinking, but if you act like this over something so minor, what will you do later?"
"Why later…?"
"Later, a crowd of maids will gather to attend your bath. What will you do then?"
Having my body seen by even one person right now is embarrassing enough, and later I'm supposed to receive bath attendance from a crowd of maids?
Impossible. Absolutely impossible.
"Let me do it alone…."
"If you do, the maids will be severely scolded."
"Uuugh…."
But I hate being embarrassed, and I also hate seeing others get scolded. From their perspective, they would only be trying to do their own work diligently as usual.
Thinking like that, I wondered if I even had the right to refuse.
"It is natural that you feel repulsion, my lady. To suddenly show your body to people you are seeing for the first time."
Hwaya set down the towel with which she had been wiping my body and began dressing me in the newly prepared clothes in order.
Clothes of a style unfamiliar to modern people settled into place softly, without even making a sound against my skin, at Hwaya's touch.
Unlike my complicated mind filled with all sorts of thoughts, my body naturally accepted the service. Naturally raising my arms while being wiped, or shifting the position of my body.
"But please understand our desire to present the one we serve as beautifully as possible above all else."
"I-I'll try."
"Thank you. My lady."
Even after the dressing was finished, as my hair was being combed, my hand felt empty, as if it was trying to do something naturally.
Was my body unchanged despite everything? Were habits and senses like these Ryu Sua's, remaining as they were?
But since the contents had changed to me, there was no way to know.
With no way to know what my empty hand was trying to hold, I simply clenched and unclenched my empty hand as I had my hair tended to.
"Could you hold this for a moment, my lady?"
Into that hand of mine, Hwaya placed a red daenggi. At the same time, the empty feeling in my hand vanished.
Instead, my mood only seemed to sink. The emptiness had disappeared, so my mood should have improved, yet it was getting worse instead—truly strange.
I suppose meeting the male protagonist—the one whose first encounter is the worst—is more burdensome than I thought. That must be it.