Just because I'd resolved to screw Hwangseo over royally didn’t mean abilities I’d never possessed would suddenly appear out of nowhere.
What I mean is, I have none of the political knowledge or ability necessary to slowly tighten the noose around him with words concealing daggers wrapped in flowery expressions.
Perhaps things would have been different if Ryu Sua herself were here, but if so, she would never have accepted that hairpin in the first place.
But what stands here is me, who inherited only her looks in full. There is only a fake who stupidly accepted the hairpin, nothing more.
“It was only today that Hwangseo scolded me for my conduct; how could I act so recklessly….”
But you don’t particularly need outstanding political acumen to screw someone over.
That sort of thing is only necessary for lofty figures who seek to maintain their own dignity while cutting others down. It has nothing to do with someone like me, who lost all dignity from the very first day of my possession.
On the contrary, it’s simple because I need only take the easy way—I don’t have to bother maintaining my dignity.
“Though I have yet to hold the wedding ceremony, I am no different from a woman who already belongs to another. And I was not even dressed properly. That must be why Hwangseo gave me this hairpin.”
After all, scandals and incidents are always covered up by bigger ones.
“What…?”
“I suppose it’s time for me to retire. My ears are acting strange.”
“M-Madam…!”
Because I nonchalantly blurted out the very thing everyone had been hushing up.
Some froze with their wine cups still in hand. Some doubted their own ears. And the person who had been earnestly discussing complicated matters in front of me turned pale, as if he might faint at any moment.
Everyone at the banquet could not contain their shock.
Well, seeing someone suddenly declare something like “I received a confession” right beside her husband was bound to cause a stir.
Though the husband himself seemed more concerned about my hair, which had been fixed rather clumsily, calmly tidying up the strands that had slipped loose.
“So how could I immediately hold private gatherings such as tea parties with others? I will spend the remaining time quietly, so if you wish to converse, we may do so later, even by letter.”
Anyway, my feelings were hurt by the hairpin Hwangseo gave me. I will still attend public affairs such as this, but I shall not entertain private meetings.
So I’m sure you all have plenty you wish to ask me, but oh dear, I couldn’t possibly—I must be mindful of certain sensibilities.
“Is this enough to satisfy you, Hwangseo?”
I spoke explicitly, packing my words with obvious meaning, and even went out of my way to call Hwangseo out by name.
Because my words were so blatant, Hwangseo’s expression twisted quite beautifully before long.
“I’m sorry, Husband. I’ve ruined the good mood….”
Then, looking up at Sohwi, I trailed off mid-sentence as I spoke words laced with self-reproach and buried my face against his arm.
Like a young girl who tried to appear composed before everyone but ultimately could not hide her overwhelming emotions.
Of course, no tears actually came out. It was simply an act meant to appear that way.
Though it had become much harder to hold back tears since becoming a woman, I had not reached the point where I could cry on command.
If I could truly act with genuine tears, crying my heart out in front of everyone would seal the deal more certainly, but this much should suffice.
Right, Hwangseo?
“Hwangseo! Say something to the Lady!”
“That’s right. Tell her she misunderstood.”
Because right now, I’m beautiful.
And not merely beautiful—it is a face so lovely that even on the first day, when I was distressed from possession, my very first thought was that I was pretty.
When a beautiful person reproaches themselves excessively and even shows tears, people’s hearts are moved regardless of the truth.
Moreover, if it is a crowd already well-disposed toward me? Then it is already over. The hairpin I foolishly accepted will not remain in their minds.
Now everyone’s attention will turn to the innocent… no, the not-so-innocent Hwangseo.
Whether to hear the full story or to console a woman who has suffered a grave wound.
Everyone will pressure Hwangseo to resolve this situation.
“Hwangseo! Where do you think you’re going! Haah….”
Whether his patience had run dry or not, Hotae shouted and called out to Hwangseo, who was irritably storming away from his seat.
But Hwangseo did not even pretend to listen. Hotae grabbed his head and let out a deep sigh.
“It seems the Lady is unwell, so she will step away for a moment. Everyone, please enjoy yourselves.”
In an atmosphere where no one dared speak rashly, Sohwi was the first to rise from his seat and speak.
“Not at all. We have enjoyed ourselves plenty, so I believe it best we take our leave now.”
“Thank you for your consideration for the Lady.”
Since it was no longer an atmosphere in which the banquet could continue, it seemed he stepped forward to bring things to a close quite naturally.
I had been thinking he was a very considerate person.
“Then do rest well, everyone.”
“Kyak!”
Sohwi’s arm naturally slid smoothly beneath the backs of both my knees, lifting me sideways ever so lightly.
My body suddenly floated into the air, and a short shriek escaped me first.
Without even a moment to process what was happening, my hands, searching instinctively for something to grab, wrapped tightly around Sohwi’s neck.
Held sideways, my legs dangling in the air, my body supported by both his arms, I was naturally curled into his embrace.
The moment I realized this was nothing less than a princess carry, I felt heat rush to my face.
W-what is this fox doing in front of everyone right now?
***
Still nestled in Sohwi’s embrace, I left the banquet hall, entrusted my body to his leisurely steps, and headed toward my room.
A path I had grown somewhat accustomed to over the past month of walking on my own feet felt more awkward than anywhere else, being carried at this unfamiliar eye level in such an embarrassing posture.
Above all, because of the position itself, my ear was naturally pressed against Sohwi’s chest.
The clear, thumping sound of a heartbeat filled my ear.
This noisy heartbeat that had been ringing out for some time now.
I could not distinguish whose heartbeat it was.
I simply accepted quietly, letting the thumping sound fill my head.
Before I knew it, Sohwi had arrived in front of my room door.
And he had, but—
“Won’t you?”
“Yes?”
Though I had not touched a drop of alcohol, I was somehow in a hazy state when Sohwi blurted something out of nowhere.
Won’t I what? My foggy head failed to think straight, filling my mind with question marks.
Sohwi drew slightly closer and asked me once more.
“Won’t you ask me to put you down?”
Only then did I understand what Sohwi meant.
All the more clearly because I had originally been a man.
“After seducing me so coquettishly earlier like that.”
The way I had ridden the momentum and pressed my chest against his arm.
The action of a beloved woman actively seducing her lover.
“Is it acceptable to enter while still nestled in my embrace?”
With a hairpin in my hair that was practically an acceptance of a marriage proposal.
I am not so naive that I do not know what it means to enter a room together like this.
Rather, I am closer to the shameless sort, well-suited to being called brazen.
“I should ask you to put me down quickly.”
Isn’t this what they call the curse of knowledge?
Various flesh-toned media that were extremely simple and accessible in modern times flashed through my mind in an instant.
As time passed, blood rushed to my head so intensely that saying I was flushed was insufficient—my cheeks throbbed.
“Th-that’s… u-uhh….”
For some reason, showing my entire face was shameful.
I hastily released both arms that had been gripping Sohwi’s neck and hurriedly tried to cover my burning face with my hands.
But my already flushed face showed no sign of cooling, and flesh-toned flashes kept racing through my mind.
Dizzy. So dizzy. My vision began to spin.
I just need to speak right now.
I just need to tell him to put me down.
“Hah… haa…”
A heart beating as if broken.
A mouth that could only let out rough breaths, unable to form words.
Eyes that could not meet his properly.
Hands pathetically fumbling to cover my face.
Because of a mind that kept racing with useless thoughts.
Without being able to get that one sentence out properly.
—Click.
In the end, the door to my room opened while I was still nestled in Sohwi’s embrace.
It was a room I had always entered without a second thought, a room where we shared dinner every evening.
Why did it feel like a place we should not enter together?
More than any place that arbitrarily surfaced in my imagination, why did my room right now, without a single candle lit, feel like such a lewd place?
“I clearly gave you a chance.”
One step. Another step.
Even as Sohwi slowly stepped into my room.
Without asking to be put down.
Without twisting my body to tell him to stop.
Without even throwing a meaningless punch.
Without doing any of those things, I simply squeezed my eyes shut.
In the end, having done nothing even at the last chance, I was carefully set down in the center of the room.
“My Lady.”
“Hic…!”
Before me, standing unsteadily on trembling legs.
Before a white fox looking down at me with yellow eyes, terrified, I let out a pathetic hiccup.
Sohwi, who would usually be the first to worry and ask if I was alright, said nothing and instead grabbed the end of my jeogori knot.
With an ambiguous touch that threatened to undo the knot yet didn’t, he gently tugged as if to torment me.
“Ah….”
That ambiguous touch reminded me that my imaginations could become reality at any time, as much as I pleased.
It’s okay.
I decided.
To repay the love given to me with my own sincerity.
I like Sohwi, who loves me.
I may not love him yet, but I truly like him.
Though I cannot fully love Sohwi as a man, I truly like him as a person.
Won’t it be okay?
Clasping my trembling hands together tightly, raising my head slightly to meet Sohwi’s gaze looking down at me.
With my own quiet permission…
I closed my eyes.