“There is no need for you to overexert yourself out of a sense of responsibility, my lady.”
Since Su-a had already heard what the hairpin meant, when she asked me to put it in her hair, of course worry came first.
I wondered if she had been seized by some compulsion to show me something because she felt responsible for what she had done in the garden.
After all, not long after she lost her memories, hadn’t she once been caught up in the compulsion to force herself to act like Ryu Su-a?
“Responsibility?”
“Yes. It will not be a problem even if you do not do this.”
I was giving Su-a all sorts of reasons, telling her she did not have to wear the hairpin.
But if I were being honest, of course I would be happier to put it in her hair.
Even if it was only for show, even if she thought of it as nothing more than an ornament and wore it out of obligation.
What man would refuse the woman he loved marking herself as his?
I could not say I had no desire at all to force the hairpin into her hair and mark her as mine.
If anything, wanting to do so was closer to my true feelings.
But it was also true that I did not want to burden Su-a because of my own gloomy obsession.
“Hmm… Ah.”
Su-a, who had been deep in thought at my words, nodded slightly as if a good idea had come to her.
Then she took hold of my empty left hand and plopped it right over her face.
“My lady?”
Su-a’s face was completely covered by my hand, except for her mouth, so I could not see what expression she was making at all.
“Hurry up and ask me.”
Then, out of nowhere, she told me to ask.
I did not understand why she was doing this, so I stayed silent. Then she tugged at my sleeve with her small hand as if urging me on.
“My lady. I do not understand what you mean.”
“Ask me like you did that day. Whether I’m overdoing it.”
Only after hearing Su-a speak with a hint of frustration did I remember that day when we had talked while I covered her face.
“I know there’s no mole on your face, husband.”
And then she began answering, one by one, the questions I had asked that day.
“And since the meal hasn’t come out yet… the maid who brought us tea today was Yuran.”
As if to say she was different from that day, she began answering questions I had not even asked.
“You’re wearing clothes the same color as mine, and Hwaya is reddish brown… Do I have to keep going? It’s a little embarrassing doing this by myself.”
Then, perhaps displeased that I was still simply listening without saying anything, she pouted and complained.
“…Are you truly all right with this?”
Was this not something that was far too good only for me?
Su-a still had not regained her memories, yet she was suddenly closing the distance between us.
I could not easily nod at her proposal.
“What do you mean, all right?”
Su-a slowly moved away the hand that had been covering her face, revealing a face flushed red all the way to her ears.
Her face was so red it looked as if it might burst at any moment, but seeing her look straight into my eyes as she mumbled…
“I really… really like it.”
I thought the words “a truly foxlike wife” suited her perfectly.
Even though I was supposed to be the fox.
***
I feel like I’m going to die of embarrassment.
All I did was say I liked having the hairpin put in, so why am I this embarrassed?
My heart has not listened to me for a while now, and it would not be strange if it burst at any moment.
“Thank you.”
Still, perhaps my efforts had meaning, because the hand holding the hairpin, which had seemed frozen in place, finally began to move.
As carefully as if he were handling glasswork, Sohwi gathered my hair, then awkwardly began twisting it up.
“Pfft.”
“I know, I know. Do not laugh at me.”
“Laugh at you?”
Maybe my hair kept slipping from his hands, because he repeatedly let it down and gathered it back up again. Watching him, I laughed without meaning to.
When I burst out laughing, he must have thought I was making fun of him for being clumsy.
He told me not to laugh at him, but I was only laughing because he was cute.
A man who always wore a sly smile and seemed as if he would be skilled at anything was so clumsy when it came to merely touching a woman’s hair.
How could I not laugh?
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for now, my lady?”
“Just because.”
I’m sorry for everything.
Anyone could see how deeply he loved Ryu Su-a.
But the one receiving that love was not Ryu Su-a—far from it, I was not even a woman.
Even so, I had neither the thought nor the courage to stop this deception now and reveal the truth.
Instead, I decided to offer what sincerity I had.
“I think there will be quite a few things for me to be sorry about today.”
I would smile at their kindness and repay their love in my own way.
Though it was a fake sincerity that could only have meaning because it was wrapped in the packaging called Ryu Su-a.
That did not mean even my sincerity itself was fake.
If whatever I did would be a deception toward them anyway, then at the very least, I would act in a way that felt free of lies to me.
Once I made up my mind that way…
“Did I not tell you before?”
I could vividly feel the touch of his hands as he struggled to hold my constantly slipping hair in place.
“My lady need only live as your heart desires.”
I could not hide how my shoulders flinched each time Sohwi’s fingers touched me.
My hair had been touched countless times by the maids, by Hwaya, yet I could not hide the way my heart pounded and trembled.
“That’s why I’m sorry.”
Why did the faint breath against the nape of my neck feel so vivid?
Why did the sound of his fingers moving through my hair bother me so much each time?
Afraid that I might let out some strange sound, I ended up holding my breath and enduring it.
Even though we were not doing anything strange, I worried that the other guests and the maids nearby might notice.
And yet, why did I feel the contradictory desire for someone to see us?
“Because I’m going to cause quite a spectacular incident at the banquet.”
“Do as you please.”
Perhaps it was because I could no longer turn my eyes away.
It was only hair.
Only an ornament.
I could no longer pass it off with such flimsy excuses, turn away, and dismiss it as nothing.
“Problems can be solved slowly, together.”
This man, who gave me a love too good for me, who offered an affection that even I could see was sincere.
This person, who always played mischievous pranks on me.
This fox whom, undeservedly, I called my husband.
“I like that.”
I like him. Truly.
So, Ryu Su-a. How about you come back right now?
I’m going to throw away all those excuses about doing this for your sake.
Beyond being cowardly and filthy…
From now on, I will sincerely raise the corners of my lips and smile as I paint over your precious relationships however I please.
I will place my love in the arms of your beloved fox husband in your stead.
Even if I still cannot give them any of the things they truly want, I will give them something similar.
I will continue your love however I please.
I will no longer feel sorry to you, and I will no longer hope for you to return safely.
If you hate that, come back this instant, or send me a sign telling me no.
Stop me from crossing the line. Protect your man, your love, your beloved yourself.
You’re the female protagonist, aren’t you?
Unlike me, who is fake, you are real.
Then you should protect what is yours.
.
.
.
But of course, no answer came back.
It also meant there was no longer anything stopping me from crossing that final line.
If anything, my cowardly excuses only multiplied.
If you hated it, you should have stopped me. It’s your fault, Ryu Su-a, for failing to stop me.
I’m different from the protagonists of possession stories. I’m far from those saintlike heroes and heroines.
I will not carry meaningless guilt toward you.
“This is more difficult than I thought.”
After wrestling with my hair for quite some time, Sohwi finally succeeded in inserting the silver hairpin.
His hands were so clumsy that even I could feel how loose it was, not properly fixed in place.
But the affection I felt from the hairpin placed in my hair was not clumsy at all, so a kind of satisfaction I had never felt before filled my head.
“You can get used to it from now on.”
Seeing me so happy that anyone could tell I was now a woman with a man of my own, who would think I had once been a man?
Even I, the person in question, found it so ridiculous I could hardly believe it.
“Let’s go in.”
So what of it?
I clung to Sohwi’s arm as if hanging from it and smiled without hiding my good mood.
Sticking close to Sohwi like that, I walked with him toward the main hall where the banquet had been prepared.
There were many things I wanted the two of us to do together from now on. First, I had to properly finish the matter right in front of me.
“Everyone must be waiting.”
First, that yellow mutt.
After all, he let me put on such a fine show in front of others. I should repay him properly.
There was also the fact that I had been ignorant, and the fact that, thanks to him, I had made up my mind.
I’ll leave personal feelings out of it. Things like him judging my looks when we first met. It’s not as if I have any intention of looking good to him anyway.
But I will make him pay for the wounds my husband received because of him, and for making Harin cry.
They say that when a woman harbors resentment, frost falls even in May or June.
Since it is not even properly summer yet, even the resentment harbored by a fake woman should be enough to make frost fall.