Though it was the season when the sun drew ever closer, racing toward the height of sweltering heat.
The atmosphere here now felt as cold as midwinter, as if frost might fall at any moment.
“Your maids were looking for you, my lady.”
In the quietly chilled garden, Sohwi spoke as if nothing were amiss.
And yet, had the expression of this man—who always wore a sly, easy smile—ever felt so frightening?
He was not particularly angry, nor was he raising his voice. He was merely speaking in a calm, even tone, as though nothing were wrong.
But to me, he seemed like someone who found even the expenditure of emotion too wasteful.
“My, my. It seems I have offended the Horyeong Mountain Lord. My apologies.”
Even little Harin was swallowing back her sobs and holding them in because of the mood, yet that yellow cur seemed entirely unbothered.
“I only meant to hand Lady Ho an ornament, so do not be too displeased.”
“I would ask you to refrain from excessive kindness.”
As expected, the problem seemed to be that I had accepted the binyeo.
When Harin kept showing an odd amount of interest in it, I should not have let it slide. I should have asked.
I did not know exactly what meaning it held, but now that I was in this atmosphere and situation, I could roughly guess what nuance the action had carried.
A woman who already had a man had casually accepted a ring sized for her ring finger from another man.
The problem was that the woman who already had a man was me, and that my husband had witnessed the scene in real time from a front-row seat.
If I was going to cause an accident, it just had to be one this massive.
If I followed my heart, I wanted to throw away the binyeo in my hand or return it at once.
—Shake, shake.
The maid, whose deathly pale complexion had returned to normal, shook her head from side to side as though she had read my mind, clearly saying that I absolutely must not.
Judging by the maid’s reaction, doing that would be more problematic than simply taking it with me.
Well, I suppose throwing it away or returning it in a panic because my husband saw could look like a thief giving himself away.
“If the Mountain Lord dislikes it so much, I shall take it back.”
Seeing that yellow cur try to take the binyeo back while offering what was plainly an apology in words only...
It definitely seemed like I should not return it.
“Wait.”
Then did he think I would just hand it over obediently?
I did not want to do what that bastard wanted twice in a row, and I no longer wanted to see that yellow cur grinning in that unpleasant way.
I was also worried about Harin, who had been quietly sniffling for a while now, and there really was something the two of us needed to talk about.
“We have something private to discuss, so please return ahead of us.”
Everyone obediently followed my order to leave and gave us space.
Though that damned yellow cur did click his tongue as if regretful on his way out, I decided to think about that later.
“My lady?”
I immediately grabbed Sohwi’s wrist beside me and started walking.
In the opposite direction from those returning to the estate, deeper into the garden instead.
I felt him show a brief hint of surprise at my sudden action, but Sohwi did not refuse my hand and followed me.
“…”
We left the pavilion and walked along the side of the small lake.
Normally, the sound of silly jokes or idle chatter would have filled the space between us, but now, with every step, only the sound of gravel being crushed underfoot could be heard.
This was probably the quietest moment we had shared in the month we had spent together.
“My husband. Could you explain what I did wrong?”
I would rather he just get angry.
In order to make Sohwi, who was only keeping his mouth silently shut, open his mouth, I deliberately demanded an explanation from him.
If I did not do at least this much, it felt as though Sohwi would keep his mouth shut forever.
“You did nothing wrong, my lady.”
But even in this situation, this man did not get angry at me.
Even though it was clearly a situation where I had done something wrong, he instead defended me, saying I was not at fault.
“My husband. I haven’t become an idiot. I can read the mood, and I have some sense.”
I had always been grateful for Sohwi’s kindness.
If not for his consideration, I might have had to live each day acting as the beloved female lead.
Instead of a life where I was bored because I had nothing to do, I would have lived worrying about how much longer I had to endure.
But if he sheltered me every time as if nothing was ever my fault, that too would suffocate me.
“Tell me.”
And if he spoke while wearing an expression that anyone could see was wounded, it would only make my guilt grow.
“…Wearing a binyeo signifies that a woman is married.”
After hesitating for a long while at my firm attitude, Sohwi carefully opened his mouth.
“When receiving guests or going out, a woman wears a binyeo to show that she is married.”
“Then why didn’t I wear one today? Guests were visiting.”
“Not just today. You have never used a binyeo, my lady. They were all hair ornaments.”
So a binyeo was an ornament that played the role of a wedding ring, and ever since I possessed this body, I had been living with my wedding ring off the entire time.
“Why?”
“Because I told the maids to do it that way.”
And apparently, Sohwi himself had ordered it.
Why would he tell them not to put a wedding ring on his own wife?
“So I’m asking why you did that.”
“I did not want to force you.”
He called me “my lady” and “you” so diligently, yet what on earth was the reason he had told them only not to use a binyeo?
“I may not have my memories, and I may have asked you to postpone the wedding!”
No matter how much I had postponed the wedding because I had been a man and wanted to avoid becoming a wife, it was not as if I could not understand something like this.
Even if I had no memories, if he had properly explained the meaning and told me about it, I would have understood.
It was only a hair ornament.
Even if he had told me I had to live wearing a wedding ring, I would have nodded.
To me, it would have just been a ring, and it would have been something necessary for Ryu Sua’s life.
Did I look like someone who could not even yield on something like that?
“If you had told me...”
“Then of course you would have worn the binyeo.”
“If you knew that, then why...? Why didn’t you tell me?”
If that was not the reason, then why had he neither told me about the binyeo nor asked me to wear one?
Even though he had asked me to receive the guests.
“I did not like the idea of you wearing a binyeo out of a sense of responsibility.”
“What?”
“I did it because I hated the thought of you accepting it as merely an ornament.”
Perhaps foxes really did have the ability to read minds.
The very thoughts I had been having until just now flowed straight from Sohwi’s mouth.
“Because to me, it is not merely an ornament.”
“…”
I could not say anything.
To me, it was nothing more than an ornament placed on Ryu Sua’s body, but there would be no married couple who considered a wedding ring to be just a ring.
If I, who saw it as nothing more than an ornament, wore the binyeo, it would be nothing but deception.
“Do not worry too much about what happened earlier. It is not as though I am angry with you, my lady.”
Even so, that was strange.
He was the one who must have been hurt.
“You accepted it without knowing, did you not? If you had known, there is no way you would have let that man be.”
Why was he comforting me?
“So do not cry. You did nothing wrong, my lady. It is all my fault for being more narrow-minded than I thought.”
I was vexed and irritated.
This delicate, weak body shed tears at the slightest thing, and I could not hide them at all.
At first, I had definitely been the one dragging Sohwi by the wrist as we walked.
But at some point, it had become me holding onto Sohwi’s wrist and following him.
“Hic, even so...”
“It is all right. More importantly, the maids really are looking for you, so let us head back soon.”
Why was it always like this?
Why did I always spend my days only receiving goodwill and affection?
Because I did not know anything? Because I was not a possessor who knew the original work?
Don’t make me laugh.
I simply had not done anything.
Every day at noon, I drank tea, and in the evening, I ate with him. That was the entirety of my daily routine.
I had not even thought of using my spare time to learn anything.
And with that being the case, what right did I have to cry and be comforted as if I had done something praiseworthy?
Why was I gripping the wrist I had seized so desperately?
“I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry I’m not a real woman.
I’m sorry I’m not the real Ryu Sua who lost her memories.
I’m sorry I have only been receiving your affection.
I’m sorry that everything about me is deception.
“For what, my lady?”
I had intended to just stay quiet like this.
If there was something I had to do, I would obediently follow along, and if there was something asked of me, I would accept it.
All while knowing nothing about how to return, endlessly waiting quietly for the day I could go back.
“For everything.”
But what use was any of that?
No matter how I acted, it would all become lies and deception.
In that case, would it not be better if at least one thing were true?
Yes. Let’s do that.
***
Sua, who could not easily stop her tears, finally managed to stop crying only after returning to her room.
Judging by the way she waved and said she would see me at the banquet, she seemed to have calmed down.
“How pathetic.”
I was the one who chose not to bring up the matter of the binyeo, and yet the moment I saw Sua receive a binyeo from someone else, my expression stiffened.
Since Sua was publicly a married woman anyway, I could have simply dismissed it as a rather tactless gift and moved on.
But I failed to do so and reacted too strongly, so Sua must have been frightened all at once.
She must be tormenting herself alone, thinking she caused trouble without knowing anything.
I am worried.
If I had known this would happen, I should have at least told her what it meant beforehand.
“My husband.”
Even on ordinary days, Sua’s dressing took a long time because of the maids’ fussing, but her voice came from behind me after a little longer than usual.
It seemed the swelling in her eyes from crying had made it take even more time.
“You took a little longer today. I suppose I should prepare myself more before turning around.”
Hoping it would help lighten her mood, I turned my head while joking as usual.
And there stood Sua with no decorations or adornments, her long hair let down.
“My lady, did you step out for a moment in the middle of getting dressed?”
Other than her hair, every other part of her seemed to have been finished.
Had she stepped out briefly while they were tending to her hair?
“No. I’m done.”
Since Sua herself said she was done, that meant she had intentionally left her hair down.
That could not be.
Unlike our usual meals together with just the two of us, today was a banquet with guests in attendance.
The maids were not the sort to finish dressing her carelessly for everyone to see just because there was not much time left before the banquet.
If anything, they would have delayed the start of the banquet instead...
“Here.”
At that moment, Sua thrust something toward my chest.
The instant I reflexively received it in my hand, Sua turned around and showed me her back.
“They said a husband is supposed to put up his wife’s hair for the first time.”
As she turned her head slightly and looked up at me over her shoulder, the look in Sua’s eyes was anything but ordinary.
“Hurry and put it up for me. So we can go in.”
What Sua had pushed into my hand was a silver binyeo adorned with a fox-shaped ornament.
It was the binyeo I had given her when I proposed.