The morning after a night that was more comfortable than I had feared.
Contrary to Hwaya’s worries that the pain might be worse, the menstrual cramps were not as severe as I had feared. Perhaps because I had already experienced it for even just one day, I had grown somewhat used to it?
Rather than the pain, the sensation of something flowing out from inside my body was unpleasant. The feeling of a viscous substance draining out of me was far more vivid than I had expected.
The fact that it was menstrual blood was a huge shock in itself. As the menstrual blood flowing out of my body soaked the cloth menstrual pad pressed between my legs.
With the gradually worsening, annoying smell and the dampness, I felt like I was going crazy.
“Madam. I’ll dress you lightly just for today.”
Perhaps because I was menstruating, she was being considerate; at least, I liked that the dressing-up finished much faster than usual.
She simply braided my hair lightly without any ornaments and let it down, and the clothes were all dark achromatic tones instead of flashy colors.
More than anything, there were fewer layers to wear underneath, so it was incredibly comfortable.
Normally, I had to wear something called a soksokgot, which looked like a short petticoat, over my underwear, then underpants over that, and then even a long petticoat on top of that.
Now, all of that was omitted, and I simply had a skirt draped over the soksokgot.
I was grateful for the consideration shown to me, as my body was uncomfortable and I had no reason to go outside. If I had had to squeeze into all those layers in my current state, I might have actually gone mad.
I wished she would show this consideration normally, too. Why did I have to wear so many clothes underneath just for the skirt’s volume, anyway?
They themselves worked wearing skirts that hung straight down without any volume, yet they dressed only me up thoroughly like a doll.
“Madam. Then please rest.”
Hwaya, having finished the dressing with the hair arrangement, stood up from her seat and reached for a small box placed beside her. My body flinched and trembled like a child who had caused an accident.
Like a child watching their mother take away a hidden report card, my eyes kept drifting toward the box.
‘When you get up, Madam, change your clothes and put them in here.’
And no wonder—inside that box was the cloth menstrual pad called a gaejim that I had used all night, stained messily with blood.
It was going to be thrown away anyway; couldn’t she just tell me where to throw it?
“I could throw it away myself….”
If I threw it away myself, I would be less embarrassed, and Hwaya wouldn’t have to do such a thing. Wasn’t that killing two birds with one stone?
Unlike yesterday, it wasn’t hard to get up by myself now, so—
“I won’t throw it away.”
…What?
I guess the menstrual cramps were more severe than I thought. There was no way I could have gotten used to them in just one day.
I must be hearing things.
“Hwaya. Please call the physician. I think there’s something wrong with my ears. Haha. It sounded like you said you wouldn’t throw that away.”
Not throwing away that dirty cloth? What kind of nonsense was that?
I must not have spent the night comfortably; I must have fainted and nearly died peacefully.
“I won’t throw it away.”
“No, why won’t you throw it away!”
So she really was not throwing it away.
“Madam. Gaejim are meant to be washed and reused.”
“Y-you didn’t tell me that yesterday!”
Unlike disposable products used in modern times, they were washed and reused like cloth diapers.
No wonder it had looked like such good material and held its shape for something meant to be used once and thrown away.
“Leave that and go. I’ll do it. Please.”
She was going to take away the menstrual pad that had been between my legs all night, stained with foul-smelling, viscous blood, and wash it?
Absolutely not.
I didn’t want to be the one to prove that a person could literally die of shame!
Just let me do it instead.
“Madam.”
Hwaya’s expression showed a gentler smile than ever before.
Had my desperate plea, clutching the hem of my skirt, worked this time?
“You usually receive help with everything during your first menstruation.”
It had not worked.
Now that I thought about it, whenever Hwaya showed a gentle smile, she was always merciless. In an instant, Hwaya snatched the skirt hem from my hand, opened the door, and walked away.
I wanted to call out to Hwaya loudly, but that would be no different than spreading rumors throughout the estate myself.
So I merely cried out Hwaya’s name desperately in my heart.
***
Having thus been robbed of my menstrual pad, I leaned my head quietly against the wall and stared blankly out the window.
Since I couldn’t scoop up already spilled water, I had no choice but to resolve not to spill it next time.
The moment I made up my mind to handle it myself next time, I simultaneously realized a sad truth.
The heartbreaking reality that I would menstruate next month, too.
If I couldn’t resolve this possession, I would have to suffer every month from now on because of another person’s womb that I would never even use.
Was this the price of living someone else’s life? Seeing how it came around punctually every month, that might be exactly it.
“The fragrance is nice.”
The moment Hwaya left, I took a sip of the tea another maid had brought.
I think she said it was peony tea.
It was tea brought because it was good for menstruation, and perhaps thanks to the flower petals floating on the clear tea water, the strong fragrance was better than expected.
The fragrance was good. Because the taste was not.
A taste of nothingness, where neither bitterness nor sweetness could be felt.
I hadn’t been someone who enjoyed tea to begin with, but this felt just like warm water.
I felt sorry that she had brought it considerately, but after one sip, I didn’t feel like drinking more, so I placed the teacup back in its spot.
Instead, I continuously popped the honey-preserved apple jeonggwa into my mouth. Surprisingly, though the jeonggwa was so sweet that even one piece would normally be cloying, it kept going in.
No matter how much I ate, the bitter taste somewhere in my mouth wouldn’t disappear. Though the sweetness was overwhelming, it did not vanish.
As if the bitterness emanated not from my mouth, but from me as I chewed the saccharine-sweet jeonggwa, staring blankly at the sky alone in the quiet room.
“Shall I take a walk?”
I muttered aloud unnecessarily in the empty room.
My waist was still sore from the menstrual cramps, but sitting still like this would be even harder.
Rather than killing time like this, I might as well look around the estate.
Although quite a bit of time had passed since the possession, most of it had been spent recuperating, so there weren’t many places in the estate my feet had reached.
How many meals had I eaten here, yet I still didn’t even know where the kitchen was?
More than anything, if I sat around doing nothing, my consciousness focused on my period and I felt awful.
It felt uncomfortable, depressing, annoying. And…
…Anyway.
For the first time since the possession, I left the room alone.
***
After leaving the room and walking a bit, I saw maids busily cleaning in the main hall I had come out into.
“Did you pass the night peacefully, Madam?”
“Yes.”
A few maids who met eyes with me exchanged greetings and immediately returned to their work.
It seemed they were doing a major cleaning to receive guests, since the tigers were coming as visitors.
Thanks to that, I could wander the estate alone without anyone uncomfortably following me.
Of course, there were people everywhere I went, so it was what it was. But being able to stroll freely was what mattered.
I roughly shoved my feet into the shoes left out and moved toward the courtyard.
The estate where I stayed was far from the massive castle-like estates that appeared in Western-style romance fantasies.
It was spacious not because one building was large, but in the traditional hanok style, with many small buildings spread across a large plot of land.
The building where I stayed… Had Hwaya called it the anchae?
Anyway, when I came out to the courtyard in front of the anchae, I could see many roofs of buildings whose names I didn’t know rising over the walls.
The walls continued in a long line inside the house, forming enclosures.
It was amazing that on the first day, even while out of my mind, I had run all the way to the distant garden. I had managed to run straight out toward the gate without being blocked by the walls.
Wall, you should have blocked me well. It’s your fault.
Blaming the innocent wall, I was walking slowly alongside it when—
“My wife. Why are you out like this in your condition?”
“I was walking because I felt a bit stifled. Was I in the way?”
“As if. Whose house do you think this is?”
Dressed as if going somewhere, just like when we had gone to the village together.
Sohwi was following behind me.
“Are you going out?”
“Yes. Since the matter in the village was quite something, there are many places calling for me.”
I felt that I was truly the only idle one in this large, busy estate.
Among the work everyone was doing, there must have been things I should have done. But a useless person was occupying that position.
The others had no choice but to be busier.
“And I must keep my promise with my wife.”
Could that fox actually read minds? To the point of suspicion—the moment I had depressing thoughts, he stroked my head.
“Isn’t that so? My wife who smacked me?”
He teased me, tapping his right cheek with one hand.
“It was a misunderstanding!”
“Haha! I enjoyed it.”
As if I had any time for depressing thoughts—I was too busy shouting my head off to shut that mouth of his.
Even so, being like this, it felt like the bitterness in my mouth vanished completely.
“Will you be late?”
“I shall return by dinner if possible. Do not worry too much.”
“But…”
“It is precisely for times like these that the king bestowed upon me the grand title of Sangun. You need not trouble yourself so much, my wife.”
At this rate, I would be killing time alone in my room until evening.
“Then I shall be on my way. Take good care of yourself, my wife.”
Thinking that, I couldn’t bear it for some reason.
Before I knew it, I reached out and caught Sohwi’s pinky finger as he turned to leave.
“My wife?”
Sohwi, his finger caught, turned his head to look at me, so I unknowingly lowered my head to avoid his gaze.
Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why did I do that?
Even I couldn’t understand my actions. Why grab his finger all of a sudden?
And yet, the hand tightly holding his finger didn’t seem to have any intention of letting go; rather, it gripped even harder.
It felt like my body and mind were acting separately.
Dizzy.
Hot.
“My wife?”
It’s weirder to just hold on and say nothing.
Say something.
Say it.
“Before you go, w-would you… have a cup of tea with me?”
Not this kind of pathetic pick-up line!!