The day I first possessed this body.
Since I had awoken in a woman's body, I had thought that a day like this would come eventually.
"Nnngh. H-heck."
That was a lie.
I had never once thought about something like menstruation.
It was something that would inevitably arrive one day, but I had never worried about it at all.
After all, why would a man ever worry about something like menstruation?
"My Lady. It must be difficult, but you must get up."
It wasn't until Hwaya spoke the word 'menstruation' that I even realized I was menstruating—that's how little I had cared.
Once I realized this unfamiliar pain was menstrual cramps, everything began to bother me, like a wound that only starts hurting once you've seen it.
It felt as if my entire body was vibrating with sour, metallic blood, and the space between my legs was damp, as if I had spilled something viscous.
"H-hic. H-heuk...."
The pain kept forcing me to take shallow, fragmented breaths, and perhaps because of this, my head kept throbbing.
I tried to force myself up at Hwaya's insistence that I had to get up, but I couldn't muster any strength in my body at all.
"Hwaya... I. I really can't get up."
Even lying still, it felt like needles were rolling around inside my stomach, and when I tried to raise my body, I felt a pain like something was grabbing and tearing at my waist at the same time.
Strength would enter my body only to drain right back out.
I thought I'd heard somewhere that humans could only feel one type of pain at a time, but that was clearly a lie. Because right now, I was feeling all kinds of pain at once.
"It is not good for your health to stay like this. Especially since My Lady bleeds heavily."
Hunched against the floor, I pressed my hand firmly against my aching stomach.
When you have a stomachache, pressing on your abdomen often makes the pain disappear. I pressed hard, holding onto that faint hope.
Even if pressing didn't help, grasping at straws was better than suffering in silence.
Hwaya, who had been looking at me pitifully from beside me, let out a small sigh and then looked at me with a determined expression, as if she had made up her mind about something.
"Please endure just a moment."
With those words, Hwaya's two hands gripped my shoulder and upper arm respectively.
'Endure just a moment'... Hwaya, you don't mean—
Before my ominous premonition could take the shape of words and leave my mouth, my body—which had seemed impossible to move—was pulled by Hwaya and sat upright.
"Urg. It really hurts! I said it hurts!"
Overwhelmed by the surging pain, I screamed at Hwaya for no good reason, my voice cracking. My voice was a mess, like someone desperately holding back tears.
Hwaya had definitely been as careful as possible, but that didn't make the pain disappear. Even though I knew she was doing this for me, I was irritated.
Still, I had somehow managed to get my body up, so I would catch my breath for a moment and then—
"My Lady, I am sorry."
And then...?
A question mark floated in my head at Hwaya's sudden apology.
But before I could even sense something strange, Hwaya had already slid both arms under my armpits and clasped her hands together.
By the time I realized what was about to happen, I was already forcibly held in Hwaya's embrace.
I felt my body, already drenched in cold sweat, become soaked once more.
"Hwaya? No, right? Let's rest a bit first. Just a little!"
"..."
I begged Hwaya with everything I had.
My head throbbed every time I spoke, but what did that matter?
The pain I would feel from getting up now was scarier.
"Is it because I screamed just now? I was really surprised, that's all. So plea—"
But my cries didn't reach her. Hwaya silently lifted me from my spot.
As if it took no effort at all, simply and without any preparatory motion.
"Keup... keup...."
My vision blurred and tears streamed down my cheeks, but held in Hwaya's embrace, I buried my face in her shoulder and swallowed my voice, holding it back.
Because I didn't want to cry out loud from embarrassment and frustration.
It was probably something every woman experienced, and perhaps it wasn't even painful enough to cry or make a fuss over.
It was simply because it was my first time—a type of pain I had never experienced in my life—so it was closer to fear.
But it hurt.
I was annoyed because it felt like my body smelled, my head was dizzy and nauseous, my stomach kept hurting, and she ignored all my pleas and lifted me up as she pleased.
When she lifted me, something surged up like I had made a mistake, and spilled out of my body....
"I. Hic... I said it hurts... heuk...."
It was miserable.
My resolve from just moments ago not to cry was shattered by misery; I felt like I had to burst into tears to feel better.
"I, hic. Just a l-little. Let's rest...."
So I cried.
I shouted.
I vented my frustration.
"Hwaya..."
"Yes. My Lady."
"When I got up... something flowed out. What if I did something wrong because it hurt?"
Despite everything, I sought out Hwaya, relying on her and asking for help.
"It's alright."
And Hwaya patted my back as if comforting me.
Every time Hwaya's touch reached my back, my body shook and it felt like my stomach was being torn out, but...
"It's nothing strange. It's something all women go through."
The warmth and gentle touch I received while being held in her arms weren't bad....
No. Actually, I liked it... I liked it very much. My body hurt, but I felt good.
***
Only after being comforted in her arms for a long while could I stop crying.
Only after calming down did I see what a state I was in.
There were red bloodstains here and there on the thin white skirt I wore like a nightgown, and large and small red spots were smeared on the blanket as well.
I knew nothing about menstruation, but it didn't seem good to keep lying there stained with blood.
Yet I had thrown all sorts of tantrums and made a disgraceful scene, claiming I was in pain... I felt like I would die of embarrassment.
"My Lady, how is the water temperature?"
"It seems lukewarm."
Now, supported by Hwaya, I was dipping my hand into water mixed with hot and cold water in the bathing room, checking the temperature.
Up until here, it wasn't much different from usual.
"You know, Hwaya?"
"Yes. My Lady."
"Why... aren't you giving me clothes?"
She hadn't given me the thin clothes I usually wore when bathing.
To be exact, I was made to sit astride a wooden frame with not a thread on my lower body.
"Can't I just get in the water like usual? It's embarrassing...."
"My Lady. It is not good to immerse your body in water during menstruation."
"Then at least some clothes..."
With my skirt and undergarments all removed while I only checked the water temperature, my face felt so hot it might burst.
Even when changing clothes normally, she had helped adjust my clothes, but I had always put on my undergarments myself, so I had never exposed my bare body before.
Having only my lower half ambiguously exposed was bothersome, so I tried to scrunch up my legs and cover myself with both hands, but...
These small hands couldn't possibly cover all of my pale legs.
"My Lady. Cleanliness is always important, but you must be especially careful during menstruation."
Holding a basket filled with lukewarm water, Hwaya crouched down before me.
As she crouched, Hwaya's gaze naturally settled on the intimate area of my lower body.
"Originally, it would be proper for a young woman of marriageable age such as My Lady to clean herself alone."
Hwaya's two hands, having lowered the basket to the floor, gripped both of my knees....
What? Where is she grabbing? My knees?
Strength began to enter Hwaya's hands gripping my knees.
"Since it is no different from a first menstruation for My Lady, who has no memories. I shall teach you personally."
"W-w-wait! Hwaya, I really don't think this is right."
I put all my strength into resisting my knees being spread apart.
When I strained my body, my stomach throbbed and hurt, but was that the issue? Right now, I was about to lose something more precious than that.
"With words... yes. Tell me with words. I'll do it myself!"
"I am sorry, My Lady."
But even though I was using all my strength.
"It is best to learn properly the first time."
"Hwayaaaah!!"
There was no way I could overpower Hwaya, and my legs were simply spread left and right.
Hwaya ignored my scream as if nothing was wrong, and continued speaking as she poured water bit by bit onto that place.
"During menstruation, you must avoid water that is too hot. There is no need to wash the inside; if you only clean the outside well..."
Besides how to wash, she explained various things I needed to know—precautions during menstruation, and how to use the menstrual cloths called 'gaejim'—but...
With my mind too preoccupied in too many ways, Hwaya's voice couldn't properly register.
***
I don't know how today passed by.
From tomorrow, I would be busy and often away, so Hwaya kept drilling precautions during menstruation into me like a lesson.
Because I had no appetite, after starting dinner with Sohwi, I refused food for the first time on my own initiative.
The physician had said lying down all the time wasn't good, so I forced myself to sit leaning against the wall until bedtime, but the pain didn't particularly subside.
Rather.
'My Lady. Menstruation usually gets worse from the second day.'
Hwaya's words as she prepared my bed and left only increased my worry.
If it was hard now and tomorrow would be harder, she probably meant for me to prepare my heart. But instead, I was just needlessly full of fear, feeling heavy.
My body was tired and tried to fall asleep, but I couldn't sleep deeply due to menstrual cramps, and I twisted my hurting body this way and that, trying to find a position where the pain was less.
Would the pain felt inside my body improve just by changing positions? I thought I would spend the whole night twisting like this until morning, but...
Something warm settled on top of my stomach.
The pain, which had shown no signs of subsiding, began to fade beneath that large, warm presence, and with it, my consciousness also faded.
In the dream I had while falling asleep, I felt as though I was napping together, embraced by a pure white ball of fur, bathed in warm sunlight.