Chapter 74
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Genes II
Shin Noah
Noh Do-ha's ominous murmurings had no effect whatsoever on our safari expedition.
Even Sim A-ryeon, famous for rarely getting excited, and Seo-gyu were chattering noisily in the back seat. Though the factory-made potato chips and chocolate snacks I'd prepared for this day probably played a huge role.
"This is my first time being invited somewhere by someone else and just... hanging out with people like this..."
"It's my first time too, having hyung-nim invite me somewhere like this, so I have high expectations."
"As expected of the Busan Station fam... The bond that can't even be compared to those other trash origin groups...!"
I smiled with satisfaction as I turned the steering wheel. I, the Funeral Director, had every intention of guiding them not as a guild master today, but as a humble guide.
"This here marks the entrance to Idea Ranch. Welcome, everyone."
"Waaah! Huh? Ahhh..."
Sim A-ryeon's cheer, as she opened the window to view the ranch panorama, peaked like a soprano and then gradually descended.
"Um... Guild Master...?"
"What is it?"
"Why... in a horse ranch... um. Are there ten-meter barbed wire fences and concrete barriers?"
"Hmm."
I nodded my head.
"Admittedly, not the most aesthetically pleasing outdoor decoration."
"Y-yes. I'd say it's a bit scary, or to be more honest, um. Almost hideous...?"
"I agree."
I pressed the remote control button firmly.
Grrrrr... The iron gates that had been heavily sealing the safari theme park slowly opened.
"But A-ryeon. External appearance is merely a secondary attribute of any object, never constituting its essence."
"Y-yes...?"
"Think about it. Ranches originally have fences. It's natural since the animals being raised shouldn't escape randomly. Our Idea Ranch simply built those fences a bit more solidly, a bit more sturdily. The essence of the ranch hasn't changed at all. Understand?"
"Um..."
My safari truck's tires rolled elegantly through the gap in the iron gates.
"Oh. You can leave the windows open, but don't stick your head outside. It could get dangerous while I'm driving."
"Ah, yes. Y-yes..."
The moment Sim A-ryeon pushed her upper body back inside the car, I pressed the remote control button again.
Clatterrr-
Iron bars promptly rose from the window frame to protect the car window. "Hieek!" Sim A-ryeon flinched.
"G-Guild Master? I-Iron bars. Why suddenly, iron bars?"
"Heh. When I modified this truck for safari use, I made some improvements. How is it? Amazing, right? Your guild master is so talented."
"I-It is amazing. Of course it's amazing, but, so, why is that amazingness necessary...?"
"..."
By this point, even Seo-gyu had gone silent like Noh Do-ha. Looking through the rearview mirror, I could see cold sweat forming on his tough-guy face.
"Why, of course it's to thoroughly protect our precious travelers' safety, isn't it?"
"N-no. What I mean is, why does simply looking around a ranch require safety in the first place..."
"A-ryeon."
Seo-gyu said gravely.
"Y-yes?"
"Put on your seatbelt."
"Eh. I hate seatbelts, they're uncomfortable and make it hard to breathe..."
That's when it happened.
-Kieeeeeeek!
"Hieeeeek?"
Sim A-ryeon's scream burst inside the car simultaneously with the adorable whinnying of a horse from outside.
"Ah. Everyone, please turn your attention to the 2 o'clock direction. Can you see? This is the first horse proudly presented to you by Idea Ranch, Kking-kking-i."
"Horse...?"
Noh Do-ha looked outside the iron bars with cold eyes.
"Is that... a horse...?"
There, a horse was watching our safari truck with great wariness.
Around its long neck, fitting for a horse, hung a sign reading 'Kking-kking-i,' though it seemed to have been chewed apart again as only 'Kking■i' was discernible. Really. Such a troublemaker.
Of course, having been raised in the Void, it showed some differences in appearance from ordinary horses. That is, differences in appearance, which are merely secondary attributes, not essential elements.
For instance, unlike other horses, Kking-kking-i was capable of bipedal walking rather than quadrupedal. Well, not in an upright posture like humans, but rather in a hunched manner.
Anyway, it's a horse.
Its skin also boasted a greenish tint rather than brown, black, or white. Perhaps an adaptation to the plains of the mountainous region where weeds grow thick?
And... hmm. Its teeth were sharp. But horses are creatures with well-developed teeth to begin with. Kking-kking-i had simply undergone some convergent evolution.
Anyway, it's a horse.
Finally, the hooves, or rather the claws, had also become slightly sharper. But considering that hooves were organs that originally existed, this too was a minor modification.
After examining all those attributes, Noh Do-ha muttered grimly.
"That's... a dinosaur, isn't it..."
At the same time, Kking-kking-i opened its mouth.
-Kieeeeeeeek!
Hmm. From my perspective, having built considerable rapport with the ranch's horses over the past six months, I'd interpret this as roughly meaning 'What nonsense is this, Noh Do-ha? I am indeed a horse.'
"Huh? A dinosaur? Tsk, don't slander us. Where do our children look like dinosaurs? Dinosaurs are hideous creatures covered in downy feathers here and there, but our children's skin is smooth and sleek."
"Heh. Leaving aside that horses grow manes, since when did horse skin mate with reptiles to boast smooth green color...?"
"Ve... Velociraptor?"
Seo-gyu shouted from the back seat.
"Raptor! It's a raptor, hyung-nim!"
"Raptor?"
"Yes! The one from Jurassic Par――. Wait. My god, don't tell me hyung-nim hasn't even watched Jurassic Park?"
"Of course not. That movie came out before I was even born."
"No, that's the old trilogy. My god. To think hyung-nim is a movie ignoramus. There are so many series that came out relatively recently..."
"Hieeeeek!"
Noh Do-ha was startled, Seo-gyu was excited, and Sim A-ryeon cheered. Everyone must have been made happy by our Kking-kking-i's cuteness.
I continued driving the safari truck.
"Ah. Ah. Please turn your heads to the 9 o'clock direction now. You'll be able to observe our ranch's thirty-third successful genetic work, Bbyong-i. Characteristically, it walks on four legs like a horse."
"Triceratops!"
"Please don't call our Bbyong-i by such a base name, Seo-gyu."
"Another dinosaur... What exactly did you do to these horses to make rhino horns sprout from their skulls...?"
"Now, if you look at the 11 o'clock direction, you can see Kong-kong-i, right? It's a child with such a pretty head."
"Pachycephalosaurus! The head-butting dinosaur!"
"Oh my, Kong-kong-i seems glad to see us, it's knocking on the truck! Haha. Shall we all wave and say hello to Kong-kong-i?"
"Hieeek... the car is, shaking, hieek..."
As expected, the safari tour was a great success.
Each time I introduced a member of our ranch, enthusiastic shouts erupted.
Throughout my entire regression life, there had rarely been a day as rewarding as a host.
"Alright. Now everyone, isn't it a bit boring just watching horses through the iron bars from inside the safely protected truck?"
"No!"
"My feelings are the same as yours! Then, under this guide's direction, let's have a special time for everyone to interact with the horses."
"Ahh! Ahhhh...!"
Sim A-ryeon wailed. My goodness, she doesn't have to like it that much.
"In that sense, let's call forth Idea Ranch's pride, my number one pick, Keong-keong-i."
"Keong-keong-i...?"
"A very gentle and well-behaved one. Come on, everyone get out of the car. A-ryeon? Come out while I'm asking nicely. If you don't, I'll expose on SG Net that you're a Goryeo-jang."
"Heuek. Hiek, hueeeeng..."
Led by me, our members filed out of the safari truck one by one.
"Keong-keong! Come here!"
Whistle. I took out goat barbecue from the trunk and threw it far into the forest.
A moment later.
Thwack! A goat hind leg came flying from the forest, torn off. By chance, the hind leg passed right next to Sim A-ryeon's face and hit the truck window.
"Kyaaaaah!"
"Now, Keong-keong-i will appear. Everyone. Our Keong-keong-i is very well-behaved, but since it's still young, it lacks composure and calmness. So please try not to provoke it."
"We agreed to call that [bad personality]..."
Thoom. Thump. Thooom-
Between the trees of the forest, Keong-keong-i revealed its majestic figure. The most overwhelming size among all the horses seen so far. Somewhat scrawny front legs compared to its incredibly robust hind legs.
Above all, a beautiful head.
Seo-gyu swung his fist.
"That's right! A Tyrannosaurus had to appear! And it's even the featherless version! Fuck, forget scientific accuracy!"
*Rumble...*
With Seo-gyu uttering a curse as an SG-man for the first time in a while, Sim A-ryeon collapsed beside him.
She probably fainted from being so moved. Our Keong-keong-i was pretty handsome, so it made sense.
-Kruuuheeeereeng!
Perhaps because it saw Dad, Keong-keong-i expressed its joy.
"Did you hear that? Keong-keong-i is the baby of our ranch characterized by keong-keong crying, and it likes goat meat the most."
"A carnivorous horse...?"
"Of course. Our child can eat some meat, why are you criticizing it for eating?"
"Haha. I've always wondered why a Funeral Director awakened doesn't start a family, or at least keep a pet. But seeing this today, I suddenly think it's truly fortunate that you don't have children or companion animals..."
Thoom! Thump!
Keong-keong-i kicked the ground fiercely with its hind legs and ran toward me. I also drew forth aura from my entire body and wrapped my arms around Keong-keong-i's head.
"Oh my, there there. You rascal. Did you miss Dad a lot?"
-Kruuuheeeereeng!
"That's right, that's right. You shouldn't spill while eating. Here's the goat hind leg you dropped. Chew it well."
-Krruuheuuung! Kuuureeeng!
"How is it? Our Keong-keong-i is cute, right?"
"..."
Unfortunately, no answer came from Sim A-ryeon who had already fainted, and Seo-gyu was busy observing with sparkling eyes. So Noh Do-ha, who would be second to none in lacking a human soul, had to answer.
"You're just overpowering a Tyrannosaurus with brute strength..."
Thus, having decorated the highlight of the safari tour, we leisurely returned to the lodgings. Sim A-ryeon remained fainted the whole time.
I smiled broadly.
"So Captain Noh Do-ha. What are your impressions after inspecting our ranch's achievements?"
"Hmmm..."
"In my opinion, I think Keong-keong-i would be most suitable as a mount for the cavalry we'll raise."
"Huuuum..."
"It won't be easy to raise them, but if time and budget permit, I will definitely raise 1,000 Keong-keong-is to create the world's strongest cavalry. Ah, of course, all cavalrymen must wear horn trumpets I make and blow them every time they charge."
"Hmm."
Noh Do-ha also smiled broadly.
It was a rare smile for her.
"Bullshit."
Why?
3
Afterword 1.
Ultimately, Keong-keong-i's cavalry debut fell through, but not all of Idea Ranch's achievements were disregarded.
"Funeral Director awakened. That Bbyong-i or whatever, that huge dinosaur, um, does it eat a lot of feed...?"
"No. Thanks to the mysteries of Void genetics, most of the energy needed for biological activities is absorbed through the skin. And it's not a dinosaur, it's a horse."
"Dinosaur or horse, whatever, that's good news. Then we'll use Bbyong-i when the National Road Management Division transports goods..."
Additionally, for the military horses that awakened ones would ride, Kong-kong-i, a horse specialized in head-butting, was selected instead of Keong-keong-i.
Naturally, I vehemently protested this utterly dismal decision.
"No! A cavalry should have style! What kind of romance is there in cavalrymen riding around on Kong-kong-i!"
"But that Keong-keong-i you're pushing eats nearly 100kg of meat a day...? Meanwhile, Kong-kong-i doesn't need much feed and is even docile. I don't see any reason to hesitate..."
"Bah! Cavalry isn't raised based on efficiency!"
"Then let's call it a mobile unit instead of cavalry. Or dinosaur unit. Fuck. Even I'm written as the National Road Management Division so I have no complaints..."
How could this be. How is it possible for a person to have such sensibility?
Ultimately, from the 380th iteration onward, Korean awakened ones occasionally rode around on Kong-kong-i. Though this was limited to the iterations where I operated Idea Ranch.
I returned alone and climbed onto Keong-keong-i's neck. A red sunset was setting beyond the horizon.
"I'm sorry. Keong-keong-i. I don't think I'll be able to make you a mate..."
-Krruuheeeung.
Keong-keong-i answered that it's fine, that my life finds value in philosophical inquiry, never stemming from romantic relationships filled with carnal desire.
Ah! How could this not be heartbreaking.
Immersed in sorrow, I blew a horn trumpet while mounted on Keong-keong-i's back.
-Huuubuuuuuuung!
-Kruuuheeeereeeng!
Against the scorching sunset, a single horse and human roared.
Mankind's romance for cavalry had finally met its end.
4
Afterword 2.
"Seo-gyu. I watched those dinosaur movies you recommended last time. Well, I didn't think much of them."
"Huh? Wait, how many did you watch?"
"The sixth one. They said it was the final one so I watched it first. The subtitle was Dominion. How could you recommend movies like this?"
"No, hyung-nim, fuck..."
- Genes. End.
I'm an Infinite Regressor, Just Telling Stories.