Chapter 73
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Genes I
Shin Noah
1
If I were to summarize my tale at this juncture, I am the one who provided both material and moral support to make Tang Seo-rin the strongest idol in the Korean Peninsula, the one who founded the National Road Management Corps that controls logistics by monopolizing roads nationwide, the one who created SG Net to seize power over public opinion and information, the one who debuted the constellation 'Librarian of the Great Library,' and the one who established the front organization called the Library Society—yes. That too is me.
Among readers who have heard this far, perhaps some may come to regard me as an 'infinitely omnipotent mastermind.'
But that is a misunderstanding. As I have said repeatedly, my tales are closer to stories of failure than success. Naturally, I have committed many tremendous blunders as well.
I think I shall introduce one quite memorable episode among those numerous misadventures.
*Fwooooooom!*
By any chance, everyone.
Somewhat abruptly, but do you happen to like 'The Lord of the Rings'?
What I refer to here as 'The Lord of the Rings' is not the novels written by Tolkien himself, but the trilogy produced as films by director Peter Jackson in later years.
Among the trilogy, my favorite work is naturally the finale, 'The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King' (2003).
Among its scenes, the battle scene where the human kingdom's cavalry charges valiantly against the orcs... the part commonly called the 'Rohan Cavalry Charge' scene is my number one pick.
In the film, before the humans and orcs clash, there appears a scene where each side strengthens its resolve for battle.
"Form ranks, you maggots. Form ranks! Pikes forward! Archers back!"
"Advance! And fear not the darkness! Arise! Arise, riders of The■den!"
"Death!"
"Advance, descendants of E■l!"
Ah, naturally, the parts marked with '■' are out of respect for the fearsome Tolkien Estate's copyright. I, the Undertaker, am a man who strictly observes copyright, you see.
Anyway, when the human cavalry finally begins to charge, a horn resounds across the Pelennor Fields with a *fwooooooom*...
This, well. Onomatopoeia has always been that way, but this horn sound in particular is utterly impossible to express in writing.
With merely the crude combination of letters like 'fwwoom,' one cannot capture even 0.01% of that magnificent sound effect.
I was only able to watch the film long after the trend had passed. Before starting my life as a regressor, I had no particular interest in cultural life in general.
However.
"W-what in the world. Guild Master... you haven't even seen The Lord of the Rings movies? I-I don't understand the meaning. What I mean is, basically, why do you even live? Why do you pointlessly continue your life...?"
After receiving Sim Ah-ryeon's pointed criticism, I somehow obtained a Blu-ray and watched it in a home theater.
*Fwooooooooom!*
And I... got hooked.
It would be fair to say I finally had my eyes opened to what cavalry hype is. When the cavalry's horse hooves mercilessly trampled the orcs, my heart was simultaneously trampled as well.
It was precisely the 380th iteration.
An incident that occurred during another 'vacation iteration.'
2
"Cavalry."
"...Yes?"
"Let's raise a cavalry."
A brief silence flowed through the conference room.
Clack. Noh Do-ha, the National Road Management Corps Commander (a person who drinks whatever coffee is given without discriminating between beans or types), whose lips had been sealed as she was drinking a cafe mocha, set down her cup.
"What kind of bullshit is that..."
"I mean we should raise a cavalry. In a world where neither cars nor motorcycles run anymore, how long will we cling to antiquated vehicles? Isn't this precisely the time when a new generation of vehicles that run perfectly on just eating grass without needing fuel is desperately needed?"
"If I had to choose, horses seem far more antiquated than cars..."
"Times change according to circumstances."
For reference, when advocating something in the Regressor Alliance, I never just spoke empty words. I distributed audiovisual materials and statistical data I had prepared in advance.
"As you can see, thanks to the growth of the National Road Management Corps, logistics movement between cities and between guilds is gradually becoming more active. However, the amount of fuel reserves stockpiled in each city is also rapidly depleting. It's as clear as day that all reserves will run out within two years. National Road Management Corps Commander Noh Do-ha. We must prepare countermeasures starting now."
"If my memory stuffed in my brain is correct, wasn't the plan to use Gremlins to move cars just recently approved through your mouth, Undertaker Awakened...?"
"Gremlins are anomalies no matter how you look at them. No matter how careful you are, accidents can happen at any time. That's why we need to prepare a Plan B so we can change policy at any time."
"That's strange. Your words sound right at first glance, but why does my expression look so shitty..."
That's because only Buddha appears in Buddha's eyes, and only Noh Do-ha appears in Noh Do-ha's eyeballs.
"Well. I'll admit it's a somewhat plausible Plan B, but how do you plan to raise horses for a cavalry...? There's no room to expand pastures anymore..."
"It's fine. I have no intention of asking the busy Sword Empress to trample weed fields either."
"...? Then how will you raise the horses?"
Noh Do-ha tilting her head was a justified gesture. A world covered in void. Even wild vegetables that look fine on the surface will cause big trouble if picked and eaten carelessly.
What if one eats just anything? Organic beings with life—humans, animals, and plants alike—can experience the miracle of their genes mutating in real-time.
The experience of white hairs gradually increasing on one's scalp, then at some point teeth sprouting instead of hair, was certainly a novel experience. Darwin, needless to say, and even Lamarck, if reborn in this era, would have expressed difficulty saying, 'No, I didn't wish for my theory to be this correct...'
"Commander Noh Do-ha. We need to break free from the fixed notion of horses."
"Yes? ...Ah, wait. Wait just a moment. The feeling I get whenever you spout bullshit pretending to be academic is now about to overwhelm me..."
"What is a horse? What is the essence of a horse, the Idea of a horse? Isn't it simply an animal that people can ride and gallop upon?"
"Damn it."
"I don't simply want an imitation of a horse. I want a true horse. A horse in itself that humanity has never witnessed even once. A horse that doesn't fear even when enemies form a pike formation and thrust their spearheads, has explosively high instant acceleration, can gallop for long periods, carries heavy loads in place, is kind and gentle, but only to me while merciless to enemies, doesn't excrete much waste, and eats anything well."
"Damn it..."
"And to birth this horse, I will utilize the void. How about it? My perfect plan. Isn't your heart pounding with excitement?"
"My heart is pounding, yes. It's angina caused by you. But the Medical Dispute Mediation Arbitration Committee has collapsed so I can't even file a complaint... Hmm. Hello, Saintess? Can't you stop this person...?"
The Saintess, who had been quietly sipping instant coffee until then, opened her lips. With an expressionless face.
"Last week, Undertaker consulted me about whether it would be cool to have a steam punk mobile fortress that moves like 'Howl's Moving Castle'."
"..."
"Compared to a steam punk mobile fortress, I think a horse-Idea belongs to the relatively reasonable side. Noh Do-ha, Director of Public Affairs. I advise you to give up."
A long sigh flowed through the conference room.
"This damn..."
I took that as a sign meaning 'This business proposal is completely good? Let's proceed quickly.'
Starting the very next day, I set up a horse ranch in the plains of Daesan-myeon, north of Changwon, Gyeongsangnam-do.
"The trend for modern people is now returning to farming... no, returning to herding."
I wore a straw hat and looked down at the plains with deliberate pretense. The land I chose was incredibly good.
With the Junam Reservoir nearby, it was truly a prime environment for pasture. The location conditions were also excellent. It's within spitting distance of Busan where the National Road Management Corps and the Three Thousand Worlds headquarters are located.
'After regressing a few times and traveling all around the eight provinces of Korea, my eye for land is now at a level that could slap Master Muhak in the face.'
My shoulders shrugged involuntarily.
Before civilization's collapse, it was mainly used as farmland, but now most residents have left, and weeds and brush have taken over.
Of course, the genetics and biology of this era are wondrous, and among the weed and brush categories, 'anomaly' species are duly registered as well.
*Gobligobble.*
*Slimeslime.*
The anomalies that had established habitats in the Daesan-myeon area were largely of two types.
The 'Slagoblin,' which looks like a goblin but has a body made of liquid slime, and the 'Goblim,' which looks like a slime but has goblin skin. Both possessed danger ratings below village-level according to the Library Society classification.
How such hybrids came to be born, I don't know either, so there's no point asking. Perhaps, hmm. One day, some goblin A saw a slime's buttocks and found them enticing... Or some slime B felt comfort looking at a goblin's anus. Either way, the wicked result was the same.
*Gobble!*
*Slaaaime!*
Without a moment's hesitation, I completely exterminated both rare species in two days. Fortunately, in dictionaries nationwide after the Apocalypse, the word 'biodiversity' was deleted, making this a legal act.
While traveling around Changwon, I also trimmed the brush with my aura, sweeping it clean.
*Neeeiiigh! Neigh!*
Next, a perfectly legal and peaceful transport operation was carried out. I went to Jeju Island, captured horses grazing and playing in the grass fields, and packed them into the hold.
Then I rowed back and forth between the mainland and Jeju Island.
Fuel? That's a luxury.
'Not even 1 liter of fuel to support your Eastern Forest Edition reality DLC exists...' Noh Do-ha declared as she handed me precisely 500ml of black heavy oil in a beaker.
But what kind of person am I, the Undertaker? Wrapping the oars with aura, I churned the sea and successfully transported a whopping 200 horses over a full two weeks.
And that's not all. I crossed over to Japan, negotiated with the Magical Girl Consortium, and brought in 4 high-quality racehorses. They had done business with me a few times before, so they readily permitted it.
Of course, since the Magical Girl Consortium didn't provide a ship, I had to cross the East Sea with bare hands—no, with oars.
"Why on earth do you go this far..."
The Saintess's occasional murmurs reached my ears, but I ignored them.
I truly respect the Saintess, and after persistent proselytizing, I finally succeeded last week in getting her to read the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, but after finishing it...
'...In the end, Sima Yi won, so isn't it a story with no moral or anything?'
She left such an impression review.
Good heavens. Not a Shu partisan (orthodox), not a Wei partisan (heretical), not even an Ohppa, that group of mental patients, but a Sima partisan? Is this really the same Homo sapiens? The Saintess knows nothing of the human heart.
"No, I'm not saying I like the Sima clan, just that the story's ending... It's nothing. I'm sorry. I was wrong. Please continue raising horses."
Hmph.
The horses grew robustly with the love and support of a regressor, and above all, generous doses of void genetic mutation.
If the world were normal, it would take at least 2-3 years for horses to breed and produce foals, and for foals to grow to adulthood, but what kind of world is ours? It's a world that throws a tantrum and convulses at the very concepts of absolute space and absolute time proposed by Newton.
Thanks to this world-class mental illness, at my ranch (I named it 'Idea Ranch'), foals sometimes grew to adults in just one night.
Of course, this was an extreme case, and generally they grew erratically over half a year.
*Neeeiiigh! Neigh neigh!*
*Grrrrr...*
Under my care, the horses awakened the mysteries of evolution. I named this entire operation the 'Gene Operation'... or 'Gene-Op' for short.
Toward the strongest horse!
Toward the fastest horse!
Toward the supreme horse!
In a sense, evolution had similarities to a regressor's life of filtering out the optimal routes. If so, couldn't I, the Undertaker, be called a Gene-Op specialist?
And so, the eagerly anticipated half-year later.
"Results have already appeared...?"
"That's right. Commander Noh Do-ha. I will officially invite you to my [Idea Ranch], so please come for an inspection and tour."
"Wow. This is the first time in a while I've felt this reluctant to go somewhere when invited..."
"Still, this is a Plan B formally submitted at the alliance meeting. As the meeting coordinator, shouldn't you confirm it? And staying in Busan all the time isn't good either. People need to go out for walks sometimes."
"..."
"Will you come?"
"..."
I had even prepared a safari truck for this day.
I called not only Noh Do-ha but also Seo Gyu, Sim Ah-ryeon, and our guild members. They get secretly upset if I leave them out when having fun.
"Ah...! G-Guild Master, you kept talking about the ranch, so I really wanted to see it! I-Is it okay if I draw pictures and post a bragging post on SG Net...?"
"Since you kept singing about the peach blossom spring and utopia, hyung-nim, I got curious too. Well, if it's a ranch you made from start to finish, I'm sure it'll be something amazing?"
Ah-ryeon and Seo Gyu climbed into the back seat of the safari truck and chatted excitedly.
Basically, the Apocalypse is an era with few entertainments. Humanity rediscovered the virtue of rejoicing in each and every invitation like this.
On the other hand, Noh Do-ha, sitting in the passenger seat, was an old-fashioned person, her face frozen like death.
As soon as she got in the truck, she buckled her seatbelt first, then quietly whispered to me.
"Undertaker Awakened..."
"Hm?"
"Why isn't the Saintess here...?"
"Ah, I did invite her, but she happened to catch a sore throat. So unfortunately, she said she'd come another time when she's free."
"..."
Noh Do-ha's expression grew even paler.
I put a cassette tape into the quite old safari truck and played music. The back seat grew lively at the driver's sensibly selected music.
"Then I will begin the Undertaker's Idea Ranch, first opening to the general public, the 1st Safari Tour."
"Yay, waaaah..."
"Ohhhhhh!"
*Vrrrrooom!*
The safari truck vigorously spewed exhaust. I also cheerfully sounded the horn, upon which the klaxon emitted the pre-set horn sound.
*Fwooooooooom!*
It was perfect.
As the horn sound that had resounded from that continent for humanity's last desperate battle was grandly reproduced, Noh Do-ha's muttering flowed low from the passenger seat at a volume only I could hear.
"This damn..."
Infinite Regressor Spinning Tales