Chapter 35
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Taxpayer II
Shin Noah
4
"Ah! So you're the Funeral Director! I've heard talk of you here and there. I apologize for not recognizing you sooner."
After exchanging introductions, Lee Ju-ho's wariness melted away like frost in spring sunshine.
This is why people should do good deeds and build a reputation beforehand. A +20% favorability buff automatically applies even when meeting someone for the first time—so why wouldn't you cultivate virtue?
"Oh my, no need to apologize. It's just an empty title. I should be the one thanking you for speaking so kindly."
"Hahaha. Our guild is rather small, so during the Ten Clans suppression campaign, we were in the second tier—no, closer to third. We only ever saw the Funeral Director from afar. Ah, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could I perhaps get your signature here……?"
"Oh dear. I'm no celebrity, just embarrassed really."
Even as I said that, I readily pulled a brush pen from my pocket and popped the cap off with a snap. It's not quite at Dang Seo-rin's level, but I do get signature requests occasionally, so I always carry one.
Funeral Director (葬儀師). I scrawled the three Chinese characters in a flowing cursive style.
It was calligraphy imbued with the cultivation of a regressor's life. I could feel Lee Ju-ho's eyes widen the moment he saw my signature.
"Oh, wow. Your handwriting… truly masterful."
"Thank you. I learned calligraphy just for the joy of seeing reactions like that."
"Pardon? Ah, yes. Hahaha."
A skilled regressor learns specialized ice-breaking techniques tailored to different personality types.
Honestly, if I put my mind to it, there were few people on the Korean peninsula I couldn't befriend (exceptions being human trash like Noh Do-ha, who treats the world with distrust, hatred, malice, and contempt).
In less than five minutes, Lee Ju-ho and I had established rapport.
"Ah, then…… did you come up here specifically after seeing my post on SG Net, sunbae-nim?"
"That's right."
"Wow, this is so embarrassing……."
As expected, the 'anonymous' member who wrote the verification post was indeed Lee Ju-ho.
In the timeline when his father was insulted by Shim A-ryeon—the 50th iteration—Lee Ju-ho used the nickname 'Joined Today' on SG Net.
His first post back then contained these words:
- I originally posted anonymously, but I joined just to upload this.
In other words, in iterations where his father wasn't insulted by Shim A-ryeon, Lee Ju-ho would continue posting as 'anonymous.'
"What's there to be embarrassed about? We're on our way to uncover the identity of a newly appeared anomaly. If you don't mind, I'll assist you from beside you."
"No! Of course I don't mind! Having Funeral Director sunbae-nim's help would be an incredible boon!"
Our amiable atmosphere lasted only until the uphill road where the Pocheon Tax Office building stood tall.
"Hm."
"Uh……."
The dissatisfied 'hm' came from me, and the bewildered 'uh' came from Lee Ju-ho.
Let me state it once more. The tax office building stood tall.
Yes. Pristine, as if the end of days had never arrived at all.
[Thank you for your honest tax payment - Pocheon Tax Office]
[May is the period for final income tax filing and declaration. Filing and payment period: May 1st - May 31st]
[Honest tax payment, fair taxation! Building the future of taxes together]
The surrounding buildings were practically ruins. Meanwhile, the tax office building had immaculate gray exterior walls, and spotless banners fluttered vertically in the wind.
"Mr. Lee Ju-ho. Was that building originally intact?"
"Huh? No, sir. Actually, there was a massive fire here not long ago. All the buildings collapsed completely."
Lee Ju-ho looked up at the building with visible unease.
"Ha. That was definitely the case……."
"Then the building itself must be a Void."
Reality alteration and forced environmental change. A fairly high-level Void.
Perhaps due to last night's rain, the building's surface, absorbing moisture, glistened slick like an insect's carapace.
And that's when it happened.
"Gyaaaaah!"
Someone came tumbling out of the building.
Lee Ju-ho and I reflexively drew our weapons, but the other party seemed too distracted to notice our armed state.
"My leg! Aaaagh! My leg! S-save me!"
That was because he was missing his entire right leg.
As the man collapsed with a thud at the entrance, blood spattered in all directions.
Lee Ju-ho furrowed his brows.
"Park Sang-hyun?"
"Someone you know?"
"Uh, yes, well……. He's not an Awakened, but he goes around this neighborhood acting like a thug, intimidating the local residents. Funeral Director sunbae-nim, you don't need to remember him."
Lee Ju-ho's tone practically radiated 'I don't like that kind of person.'
"Amazing that such a person survived this long."
"He's the son of the late former vice guild master who passed away. So our guild couldn't exactly treat him as if he didn't exist……."
Father and son, I see.
"L-Lee Ju-ho! Ju-ho!"
The other party noticed us and waved his hand desperately. Hmm. Shanks lost his arm, so this person is Lower Body-Shanks.
"Please save me!"
*Sigh.* "What happened?"
"S-suddenly a building appeared so I went inside……. This place is crazy! Ugh, no, just save me first! My head is spinning so much……."
*Clank-*
A strange noise flowed from the building's entrance. Park Sang-hyun flinched, his whole body stiffening.
"It's c-coming! Hey! Hurry! Hurry and save me!"
The noise was metallic. In onomatopoeia, closest to 'clank-clank' or 'click-click.'
From deep within the tax office building, beyond the entrance like a duodenum, the clanking sound echoed. And it began growing closer.
"What are you doing? I said save me! Hey! Lee Ju-ho! If I die, Uncle Dong-wook won't just let it slide!"
I glanced at Lee Ju-ho.
"Should we not save him?"
"…He was a troublemaker that people in the guild occasionally complained about even before. If he got eaten by an anomaly, our guild's reputation wouldn't suffer."
Finally, the clanking sound approached right behind Park Sang-hyun. Park Sang-hyun screamed and tried to crawl away in a desperate scramble.
But he didn't get far before something grabbed his ankle.
"Aaaaaaagh! No! No, please! Save me! Aaaah, ah-."
Park Sang-hyun's body was dragged straight into the maw of the building. It happened in an instant.
Screams echoed through the hallway for a while, but even that didn't last long. About a minute passed. Silence fell.
"Is your resolve to enter still the same?"
"Hmm……."
Lee Ju-ho's concern deepened.
But there was no need to deliberate for long.
Shortly after the screams stopped, someone walked out of the tax office building on their own.
-Hello. Are you here to file your tax return?
"……."
"……."
There were several reasons we couldn't immediately answer the other party's question.
First, a being emerging from an obviously abnormal Void building couldn't possibly be normal.
Second, while the entity appeared human at a glance and was neatly dressed like a reception desk civil servant, for some reason it was completely violating hair regulations.
This was no exaggeration—hair disheveled like a madman's flowed down to its pelvis, covering not just its face but its entire upper body. And through that hair, a voice seeped out faintly.
My inner Confucian traditionalist couldn't simply accept that as a personal hairstyle preference—it cried out in protest!
Furthermore, the entity kept shaking its head endlessly from side to side, making that massive disheveled hair sway back and forth like a seesaw. Apparently, these days civil servants listen to heavy metal music during work hours.
Third, and most importantly…… this 'something resembling a civil servant' was holding a 30cm pair of scissors in its right hand.
*Clank-clank-clank-*
The identity of the strange noise from earlier was those scissors. Every time the scissor blades moved, viscous blood splattered.
It was undeniably a shocking visual.
Even if the 'civil servant' standing before us happened to enjoy gardening as a hobby, bringing scissors to work didn't seem acceptable under civil service regulations. According to Article 8-2 (Attire and Appearance) of the 'Republic of Korea Civil Service Regulations,' it clearly states: '① Civil servants shall wear neat attire that maintains dignity during work.'
-Tax.
The civil servant tilted its head. *Swish.* Every time its hair moved, an unbearable gasoline oil smell wafted out.
-Are you here to file your return?
"Uh, um……."
"Yes."
Stepping forward in place of the flustered Lee Ju-ho, I spoke.
"I received a text message about my comprehensive income tax. It told me to come to the Pocheon Tax Office, so I came—is this the right place?"
-Yes. That's correct.
*Snap*, the civil servant's head twisted to look at me.
-This month is the filing period. Taxpayer, could you show me your resident registration card for identity verification?
What should I do.
Drawing my blade and severing this anomaly's neck right here would be simpler than twisting the Ten Clans' heads off. But the 'Anomaly Response Manual: Just Punch Everything' was only valid for Awakened of my caliber.
Even someone like me couldn't possibly respond to all the world's anomalies simultaneously.
A 'guide' only gains meaning when as many people as possible—even Awakened far weaker than myself—can reference it. Especially for an anomaly like this 'Comprehensive Income Tax' that appears nationwide.
"Ju-ho. It seems best to play along here for now."
"…Ah. Yes. Here it is."
Lee Ju-ho pulled out his resident registration card from a worn-out Hermes leather wallet. He didn't seem like someone who preferred luxury goods, so it was likely a family keepsake.
-Thank you. I'll verify your resident registration card briefly.
The civil servant took the card and brought it into the gap between its hair.
*Krak-*
A scratchy noise rang out from beyond the curtain of hair. Would that be the sound of gnawing on a resident registration card with front teeth?
"…Wait, my resident registration card……."
-Verification complete. Age 26. Mr. Lee Ju-ho. You're a citizen of Pocheon. Your income is quite low. The total tax you need to pay today—body tax and slave tax combined—comes to 100 grams.
"Pardon? 100 grams?"
Ah.
As expected, this type of anomaly.
-We can process the tax payment on your behalf. Would you like that, Mr. Lee Ju-ho?
"Well. Uh, I don't really understand what's going on, but……."
"Wait. Please hold on."
I grabbed Lee Ju-ho's shoulder.
"Yes?"
"When anomalies offer a transaction, you shouldn't simply nod along. Did you see what happened to that Park Sang-hyun person earlier?"
"Huh? Ah, yes."
"That was likely tax collection."
"……?"
"You said your tax came out to 100 grams, didn't you? What if it were 50 kilograms?"
"……!"
Lee Ju-ho's eyes widened.
"W-wait, then? Me too?"
"Yes. This 'Comprehensive Income Tax anomaly' likely requires paying taxes with parts of the human body. Even if 100 grams seems small, which body part those 100 grams come from makes a world of difference. What if they take an eyeball?"
"Gasp……."
"I may not look it, but I'm an anomaly expert. Leave this to me."
I pulled out a plastic bag and gathered aura at my fingertips.
"And I'll just ask…… you're not particularly attached to your hairstyle, right?"
"…Yes?"
A short while later.
Lee Ju-ho's already short hair evolved into a barren mountain. Inside the white plastic bag lay a tragic black mass of evidence.
Lee Ju-ho despaired.
"Aaaaaah……."
"Hmm. This is still a bit short of 100 grams. I'll give you this, so go urinate in it for a moment."
"…Funeral Director sunbae-nim, so this is the kind of person you were."
Why? What's wrong with that? What use is dignity when dealing with anomalies?
Anyway, Lee Ju-ho put his heart and soul into completing a 100-gram plastic bag.
The civil servant received the plastic bag from Lee Ju-ho.
-Tax payment confirmed.
"……."
-I earnestly request your continued participation in honest tax payment. Thank you.
The civil servant bowed deeply, then returned to the tax office building.
Lee Ju-ho looked at me. An expression of 'Wait, that actually worked?'
I smiled warmly.
'To be honest, if urine or saliva hadn't worked, I was planning to cut off a few unused fingers…….'
Well, it worked out, so it's a happy ending, isn't it?
5
There's an afterword.
-Anonymous: This comprehensive income tax anomaly is total BS lololol
Upon returning to Seoul, I found that Lee Ju-ho had already posted a sequel to his verification post on SG Net.
-Anonymous: If you say you're filing comprehensive income tax, some ghost with super long hair comes out and demands your resident registration card. If you just hand it over, it calculates your tax automatically. Not sure what happens to people who lost their cards yeah……
-Anonymous: I got 100 grams so I just shaved my head and peed in a plastic bag and gave it to them. Then this stupid ghost happily took it and left lololol
-Anonymous: In my opinion, don't ignore the comprehensive income tax notification. Just run to the tax office right now and ask how much your tax is. If you get around 100 grams like me, just pay it right there, and if it says something like 50kg, keep collecting urine in a large trash bin until May 31st. That way you can pass the anomaly simply yeah……
-Anonymous: Anyway, don't be scared everyone, and pay your taxes honestly lol
"Hmm."
Just as I'd requested, the post included a guide for dealing with the 'comprehensive income tax anomaly.'
Other members were astonished.
-Anonymous: Wait, you actually came back alive……?
After that, verification posts from members who had also paid taxes at their local tax offices and returned flooded SG Net.
-Goryeo Jang: My tax came out to 300kgㄷㄷㄷ Anyone get higher than me?
-Literature Girl: 10kg is about the SG Net average, right?
-Anonymous: Fuck they want 500kg tax from me, what do I do?
-[Satisfied] Cooking Queen: I actually got a tax refund this time. The civil servant gave me a gift box, I wonder what's inside?
A so-called 'Tax Challenge' even broke out, with minor competition over who measured higher in taxes.
One could call it a rare case where an anomaly was reduced to mere entertainment.
Ultimately, we couldn't determine exactly what standard the comprehensive income tax anomaly used to calculate taxes, and the current situation of paying taxes to an anomaly rather than a human government was rather amusing, but…….
'This too must be the flow of the times.'
I too headed to the tax office with a lighter heart.
Originally, when the massive Void erupted in Seoul, all buildings south of the Han River vanished. Yet every May, the tax office building alone would suddenly appear, only to disappear again come June.
Marveling at the tenacity to somehow collect citizens' hard-earned tax money, I entered the Banpo Tax Office, and out walked a wild-haired scissor ghost identical to the one at the Pocheon Tax Office.
-Hello. Could you show me your resident registration card for identity verification, taxpayer?
"Yes, here it is."
-Thank you. I'll verify your resident registration card briefly. Age twen……
*Hesitate.*
The anomaly took my resident registration card and was gnawing on it with its teeth when it suddenly stopped.
Then its entire body began trembling violently.
"……?"
-Twenty, ten, twenty-six, twenty-seven, eight, nine, sixteen, twenty-four, ten thousand, hundred, two hundred, thirteen, seven seven seven seven, seven seven seven, four hundred, five hundred twenty-seven.
*Splatter!*
The anomaly's body swelled rapidly, then burst, spewing black fluid in all directions. It literally exploded like a balloon.
"……."
I picked up the resident registration card lying on the ground and put it back in my wallet.
When I straightened up after bending down, the Banpo Tax Office building had vanished like a mirage. Just me alone on an empty field.
"Hmm."
…I suspected the day I, Funeral Director, would pay taxes might not come for quite some time.
- Taxpayer. End.
Unlimited Regressor Spins a Tale