Chapter 142
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The Fortunate One IV
Shin Noah
6
I have mentioned several times already that I am treated with considerable respect by the Magical Girl Association, the power brokers of the Japanese archipelago.
This was partly because I, the Undertaker, occasionally helped the magical girls.
But human relationships in East Asia don't flow so transactionally.
On this land, "true connection" is only achieved when one transcends the constraint of time—the limitation of humans who can only perceive the "present."
Blood ties. Regional ties.
What kind of person you are in the present is merely a secondary issue.
Far more important is how long "we" have built our connection since the past, and thereby how far we have overcome the temporal limitations of the human species.
The Japanese, too, had deeply internalized this truth.
Even if attractive characters burst forth from romantic comedy works, one could glimpse Japanese wisdom from the fact that the childhood friend who secured "regional ties" with the protagonist before the main story even began ultimately wins.
How could I not follow their example?
Upon arriving in the archipelago to obtain the Hated Medicine, I immediately sought out old connections.
"Ah, Jang Sang! Long time no see! Have you been well?"
"Yes. Have you been well too?"
"Yes! Un, Bookworm-chan is also long time no see!"
"Ah. Yes. Sister. Hisashiburi."
Just as expected.
By using not a common nickname like "Undertaker" but her own exclusive form of address when meeting me, she displayed to those around her that her relationship with me was extraordinary.
This too, like the childhood friend, was a time-honored Japanese grammar.
The other magical girls fell silent at the solemnity with which she reshaped my alias "Undertaker" into the appellation "Jang Sang."
"Uehara, you look much more vibrant than when you were in Busan. As expected, home is best, isn't it?"
"Hehe. Yes! Welcome to Fukuoka, Jang Sang!"
Uehara Shino.
My private nickname for her was MacGuffin. The alias Koreans called her was the Alchemist.
Those with good memories will have already recalled.
Yes. Uehara Shino was one of the "Supreme 399" summoned against their will to the Busan Station tutorial dungeon. She was no different from an original member to Bookworm and me.
In the parlance of modern times, we could say we shared the same "empty fate."
"I really owed you so much in Busan. This time, I'll be your guide!"
The girl who had always been timid at Busan Station now dragged other magical girl trainees under her command in her hometown.
Originally, Uehara Shino remained solely on the Korean Peninsula until the early cycles.
Not only was finding passage back to Japan no easy task, but local conditions were also poor.
Upon hearing the news that in the archipelago one must unconditionally use the term "Magical Girl" instead of "Awakened One," Uehara Shino chose political exile with tears of blood in her eyes.
Even in the 90th cycle when I ran a convenience store, Uehara remained on the Korean Peninsula. And she carved these words into a banknote:
[I sincerely thank you. But no matter how I think about it, the store name and the clerk's t-shirt are strange. Are you perhaps from the Red Army Faction? Sincerely, Uehara Shino.]
But by around the 590th cycle, circumstances had improved in many ways.
The most important turning point was, as expected, the Inunaki Tunnel.
Once that thing—which had severed transportation between regions and returned the Japanese archipelago to the feudal era of some 60 kuni—disappeared, the magical girls finally breathed a sigh of relief.
The Magical Girl Association, now with some breathing room, turned its eyes to the high-quality personnel who had leaked overseas.
Uehara Shino—who came from "the same empty fate" as "that Undertaker" and possessed "outstanding abilities to boot"—naturally belonged to the highest priority recruitment list.
-Still, being a magical girl is a bit...
-Ah, instead we'll fast-track your promotion!
The position offered to her, the Alchemist, was Head of the Pharmacy.
It was a position that could claim priority rights over all "medicinal ingredients" produced and discovered in the Japanese archipelago.
An old friend who had returned to her hometown and established herself smiled at me bashfully.
"How should I help you, Jang Sang?"
I declare: in various creative works, protagonists who personally run around searching for items are third-rate as regressors.
The true first-rate induces their connections to deliver the desired items on their own.
Uehara not only personally searched for the "Hated Medicine" but also strongly requested cooperation from the Association.
The hint that if rejected here, she might return to serve under the Undertaker again was a bonus.
"Nyaa! If it's a request from the Undertaker, I'll help too!"
[It is time to repay the debts incurred. Leave it to me.]
Many-Leaves Cat and Void Sword joined in. Both were powerhouses ranked within the top 10 of the Magical Girl Association.
"Here it is, Jang Sang!"
As a result, less than a month after landing in Japan, the "Hated Medicine" was prepared before my eyes.
Behold. This was the greatness of connections.
I truly don't understand why some protagonists play the lone wolf. Why don't they build relationships with comrades when it's this convenient? Strange protagonists indeed.
I'll have to return the favor later for the help I received now, but isn't that what friendship is anyway?
"No, you were like that until the 6th cycle too, old man."
"Ahem. Why are you judging a person by their bright green youthful days?"
"Those bright green youthful days are older than me. Old man..."
Bookworm grumbled as she looked down at the item placed on the table.
"So this is the Hated Medicine."
"Mm."
The Hated Medicine was a bright red pill.
Whether made by the Demonic Sect, the red was thick as blood. It looked ominous at first glance—if something went wrong after eating this, it would have to be considered natural causes.
But for me, with the Day of Judgment approaching moment by moment due to the Luck Total Amount System, it was the finest spiritual medicine under heaven!
"What are you going to do? Eat it right away? Honestly, I'm kind of curious what happens when you eat this. Actually, I really like cringey moments."
"No. If you carelessly gulp down a spiritual medicine, big trouble ensues. To properly extract the medicine's potency, one must consume it through proper procedures and methods."
"Huh... Does the Hated Medicine have such procedures too?"
It did.
More precisely, I was about to create them now.
7
From that day on, I stopped "talking about the Three Kingdoms."
No matter how much Three Kingdoms bait circulated on SG Net, I didn't get involved at all. I especially never mentioned it with my own mouth.
At this astonishing change, the people around me were the first to be horrified.
"T-Teacher didn't mention the Three Kingdoms even once today?"
Cheon Yo-hwa.
"Brother! Are you alright! I scraped up some remaining Ceylon tea and brought it!"
Seo Gyu.
[Are you truly alright?]
[This is an emergency situation.]
[Mister Undertaker. Perhaps the signs of corruption have finally begun to appear in you as well?]
The Saintess.
"G-Guild Master is... broken... How... can't be healed... I'm powerless..."
Shim Ah-ryeon.
"Your Excellency. Actually, I never liked the Three Kingdoms that much either. The same goes for Chu-Han Contention and Water Margin. Aren't they excessively old content?"
Yu Sai-ji-ko-one-pass.
"Oppa, I think I've come to like Liu Bei recently. So you can talk about the Three Kingdoms with me."
Lee Ha-yul, that cunning Wei-fan Jin-fan girl.
"Undertaker, I'm sorry. I haven't been able to pay enough attention to you lately, have I? Eating something delicious will make you feel a little better."
Dang Seo-rin.
And.
"...."
Nodo Ha.
While all the other comrades worried about me (I have no idea what kind of person they thought I was all this time), only Nodo Ha instead looked at me with suspicious eyes.
"You..."
"Yes?"
"Confess honestly. What kind of bullshit are you plotting again...?"
It was fitting for a workaholic who lived with suspicion in everything. Meaninglessly sharp.
"How strange. Who was the person who kept nagging me to stop spreading Three Kingdoms bait?"
"That's because lately your eyes have been disgustingly lecherous, so I'm worried..."
"Aha. Please refrain from false accusations, Management Chief."
"...."
To brew the "Hated Medicine" to the highest level, merely eliminating Three Kingdoms bait wasn't enough.
I began in earnest, truly openly, almost brazenly, to help my other comrades.
"Yo-hwa. There was a student at Baekhwa Girls' High carrying a concealed pistol. It seemed dangerous, so I confiscated it."
"Huh? Really? Whoa. Thank you, Teacher! If not for you, it would have been a big problem!"
"That was dangerous, Saintess. No matter if you can stop time, you are powerless against dangers that strike before you can even perceive them."
"Ah... Yes, that's true. Thank you for saving me, Mister Undertaker."
"Dang Seo-rin. I already know you can activate grand magic by consuming your lifespan. And I don't want you to die even a moment before me."
"...Undertaker. You."
"Sword Empress. Would you like to take a tour of Mount Hua?"
"Oh! As expected, only the Undertaker understands my heart!"
"Chief Nodo Ha. Isn't it hard working alone? I'll help as your assistant sometimes."
"Fucking hell, you are definitely plotting something, you son of a bitch."
It had been a year since I stopped the Three Kingdoms bait and shamelessly flirted in all directions.
Just as expected.
Now "that anomaly" descended.
"Teacher! I can no longer even imagine a world without you!"
"Undertaker. Thinking about it, the Inunaki Tunnel is excellent for security as a hideout, but the surrounding environment isn't great, is it? How about moving to my train?"
"Brother! I've changed the name of the free bulletin board to Three Kingdoms Bulletin Board! It's embarrassing to even take credit considering the debt I owe you, but please accept my gratitude!"
I clenched my fist in my heart.
'It's here!'
That's right.
The 'Savior Anomaly' had appeared again.
Just as fish inevitably multiply when river water quality improves, the moment the condition "Undertaker doesn't talk about the Three Kingdoms" was established, the Savior Anomaly hurriedly returned.
"Hey, you fucking son of a bitch."
Nodo Ha strangled my neck.
"You said you exterminated that. Huh? You said you knew exactly how to exterminate it. Then why, fuck, are you deliberately making it appear again and going apeshit? Huh...? Do you want to die? Is getting strangled to death by me really your new hobby?"
"To state the facts, I've only been strangled to death by the Management Chief 3 times. And right now, protective aura surrounds my neck, so it's impossible for the Management Chief, whose aura level is infinitely pathetic, to kill me."
"3 times? Fuck, wasn't it once? How did the other 2 times happen... No, that kind of thing isn't important right now. Bring out that fucking Three Kingdoms bait right now..."
"Aha. The attitude of the one making the request."
"No, seriously. This fucking bastard..."
Bang bang bang!
The Savior Zombies violently pounded on Nodo Ha's personal bunker door. I've covered this scene once before, so I'll omit detailed description.
Of course, there were differences from back then.
Bookworm peeked out from inside the bunker, or the knocking included the Sword Empress's heavy internal energy.
But even excluding such minor changes, a significant difference still remained.
"Management Chief Nodo Ha."
Step.
I stepped forward.
"I said it before, didn't I?"
"What? That working with you is really fucking terrible...?"
"No. That when the day comes when I experience how miserable a plight I'll face as a side effect of wishing on the Monkey's Paw, you wanted to watch from the VIP seat, so you'd wait in advance."
"Haa...?"
"You've waited a long time."
Bang! The iron door was shoved aside.
The Savior Zombies crossed the final barricade and swarmed toward us.
-Teacher... -Mister Undertaker. -Brother! -Lord Jang! -Guild Master... -Oppa. -Undertaker.
And. At this exact timing.
I pulled out the red pill from my bosom.
My hand formed the hand seal passed down since the Naruto era.
In an apocalypse ruled by anomalies, there had to be formalities to observe.
"Watch closely. Management Chief Nodo Ha. I'm going to do something slightly violent."
"...."
"Spell Activation Sequence 'Savior.' Spell Reversal 'Hated Medicine.'"
"...."
"False Technique, 'Affinity Reversal.'"
Crunch.
I chewed and swallowed the red pill.
"Old man!"
Bookworm shouted from behind.
The voice of Bookworm, a severe otaku, held indescribable emotion.
Translated into human language, it was something like 'The person who made this human into a fan was me!' kind of pride.
"Old man, are you losing to some good-for-nothing parasite anomaly like the Luck Total Amount System?"
I smiled.
Bookworm. That child, too, was a talent who understood how important formalities were for defeating anomalies.
"Win."
Regressor, victory declaration!
Amidst the cauldron of fervor, only Nodo Ha muttered coldly and quietly.
"You son of a bitch..."