4 Days Before the Commercial Shoot
With spring finally here, our family went on a picnic over the weekend.
We laid out a mat at the park near our house and lay down to look at the sky.
Chasing the drifting clouds with my eyes made my distracting thoughts disappear.
Staring quietly at the clouds reminded me of my past life.
In my past life, when I was young, there were no smartphones, and we didn't even have a computer at home.
So when I was home alone, I had to spend my time daydreaming or playing with toys.
And when I eventually got bored, I'd go to the window, spread a blanket on the sunlit floor, lie on top of it, chase the drifting clouds with my eyes, and fall asleep.
But as I grew older and life got busier, I never had the chance to look at the sky for long.
Now that I was living a new life and my body had grown young again, the sky I looked up at was blue and clear.
Mom and Dad sat beside me, chatting.
Mom, still fresh in body and spirit, brushed her hair back in the spring breeze and said,
“The weather is so nice. Your father and I used to go on dates like this in spring.”
“I know. Do-hee never wanted to go out because it was such a hassle, but now that we're here, isn't it nice, Do-hee?”
“Yeah, not bad.”
Dad said with a smile,
“Do-hee, come over here and stand in front of the forsythias. I'll take your picture.”
“Sure, whatever.”
“You come over here too, honey.”
“Okay~”
Mom answered brightly and stood beside me.
Looking at Mom, she seemed like someone who had grown up being loved her whole life without a single worry.
Even though they were my parents in this current life, deep down, it seemed the inferiority complex from my past life still remained, jealous of those who had been loved.
“Do-hee, how do I look?”
Mom plucked an azalea from nearby, tucked it behind her ear, and asked me with a warm smile.
“Pretty. You're exactly like a spring maiden~”
“Hahaha, where did you learn to say things like that?”
Mom laughed for a moment and then tucked a flower behind my ear too.
“Haha, our daughter is a total spring maiden too, huh?”
“I take after Mom, that's all~”
I was chatting softly with my lovely mom when Dad ruined the mood.
“Wow, my daughter and wife are so pretty? I can't tell you apart from the flowers~”
“Ugh, that line is so cringe.”
I pretended to vomit at Dad's line.
“Oh my, how embarrassing. Does that make me a complete flower?”
Meanwhile, Mom liked even a line like that and made a flower pose with her hands.
Usually, after a child is born, parents are so busy taking care of the kid that they don't have time to love each other, so their affectionate displays should decrease. I guess I made things too easy for them.
‘Since I make things easy, their marriage is totally like they're still dating, right?'
I desperately need a sibling to make them taste the hell of parenting.
Leaving Mom and Dad's affectionate display behind, I went back to the mat.
‘I should unpack the lunchbox...'
But the moment I was alone for even a second, Mom and Dad—who couldn't stand to see me by myself—came over and hugged me.
“Why is our daughter eating alone~”
“That's right, let's eat with Dad~”
Their overflowing love made the corners of my mouth rise slightly, but receiving so much of it was exhausting... Little sibling, when are you going to be born...
On the way home after the picnic
I walked with one hand forcibly held by Mom and the other by Dad.
Even the walk home was tiring.
Mom asked with a bright smile,
“You had fun today, right?”
“Yeah. But let go of my hand.”
Mom ignored me and continued speaking.
“Good, let's go out often from now on. When I was pregnant with you, I used to take walks in the park with your father like this all the time.”
“Yeah, okay. Now let go, my arm hurts.”
“Honey, come to think of it, I should have gotten my period by now, but I haven't?”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, I've been so busy thinking about Do-hee's commercial shoot lately that I forgot about it.”
Kyah, so you've finally come, little sibling.
With all that noise from their bed every night, if it still hadn't happened, there'd be something wrong with Dad's seed.
Mom looked at Dad with an excited expression and said,
“We should hurry home and take a test.”
Dad smiled broadly and wrapped his arm around Mom.
But why aren't you letting go of my hand?
I was stuck right between Mom and Dad.
“Cough, I'm dying of tiredness, hurry up and lemme go.”
“I really love you, honey.”
“It's not confirmed yet. Hee hee...”
“I get it, so let go of this hand already and let me go. Hack.”
Even after their hug ended, I was dragged all the way home without being released.
As soon as we arrived home, Mom took a pregnancy test, and the result showed two lines.
The moment the two lines appeared, Dad and Mom were busy embracing each other. Disgusted by the sight, I shut the door and went into my room.
For some reason, my side felt cold today.
It was a day that made me yearn for my piano teacher's chest.
I crawled under my bed and decided to watch YouTube to forget my loneliness.
What had started as a hiding spot from Mom and Dad had now become my secret refuge.
*Sigh*, who on earth am I supposed to date in this life?
My identity is ambiguous: a man's mind in a woman's body.
One of my goals in my past life was to have a child who looked like me.
I wanted to give that child even more love than I had failed to receive.
Now, to achieve that, I have to get pregnant myself. Damn it.
Ah, whatever. I have plenty of time to worry about it anyway.
For now, my immediate goal is to become a perfect person.
I crawled out from under the bed to clear my mind, finished my daily routine, and fell asleep.
The Day of the Commercial Shoot
I arrived at the commercial filming set with Mom.
The man we'd met and signed the contract with before greeted us warmly the moment he saw us arrive.
“Oh, you're here.”
“Ah, hello~”
“How have you been, Do-hee?”
“Yeah.”
Mom looked displeased at my refreshing greeting that dismissed his pleasant excitement in a single word.
“Tsk, Lee Do-hee, greet him properly again. Should I tell Dad?”
Oh, that's a no-go.
“Mother, please calm yourself. This young lady was in the wrong.”
I bowed politely at a 90-degree angle.
“Mister, hello~”
“Hahaha, there we go. Shall we do well today, Do-hee? Come this way, I'll introduce you to the director.”
Following the man, Mom and I went to greet the director.
“This is Director Kwon Dong-hyun, who will be in charge of today's shoot. Ah, Director, this is Do-hee, who will be filming today, and Do-hee's mother.”
“Ah. Yes, hello.”
“Hello, Director. This is our Do-hee's first time filming, so please take care of her even if she's lacking.”
I immediately bowed respectfully along with Mom.
I have to make a good impression on the director.
When Mom seemed more nervous than me, the man from the advertising company tried to ease her tension.
“You don't need to worry about the shoot. Our director is a veteran, so he's very good at filming with children.”
“Ah, yes, there's no need to worry. Please go get ready for the shoot. You can follow this staff member.”
The director seemed to have quite a blunt personality.
Is he really good at filming with kids?
“Yes, please follow me.”
“Ah, understood. Do-hee, let's go.”
“Uh-huh.”
Mom and I followed the staff member to the makeup room.
“Eun-seo, this is the kid filming today, so please do her up according to the concept I mentioned.”
“Yes, understood.”
The staff member relayed the instructions and left the makeup room.
The makeup room employee called Eun-seo approached me and greeted me.
“Hello~ I'm Seo Eun-seo. What's the princess's name?”
“I'm Do-hee.”
Calling me a princess right off the bat? How impudent.
“Ahaha... really? You must be quite shy, Do-hee?”
“Yes.”
“Hahaha... alright, Do-hee, come here and let's do your makeup and get dressed?”
“I'm sorry. Our daughter is being rude today. I'll give her a stern scolding when we get home.”
“I was wrong, Mother. Miss, hello, please take care of me!”
“Pfft, alright. Come here and sit, Do-hee.”
“Yes ma'am.”
I sat at the makeup chair and began receiving the expert's touch.
What the heck are they painting all over a five-year-old's face?
Once the makeup was done, my skin texture became smooth, and my already pale baby skin looked even clearer and more translucent.
“Kyah, you're totally a doll. How can you be this pretty with just basic makeup?”
Even looking in the mirror, I had to admit I looked pretty good.
“Alright~ then shall we get dressed?”
“I can get dressed by myself.”
I don't want to show my skin to a stranger.
“I need to watch while styling you. Shall big sis dress you?”
“I can do it myself.”
“Hey now, Lee Do-hee, you should listen to the teacher.”
My purity... I wanted to give it to my piano teacher.
After showing my pure body so much to a strange woman,
the sight of myself fully dolled up in the mirror was shocking even to me.
“Eh...? Is this... me... watashi?”
‘Maybe... I might be a little lovely?'
Me, with makeup on and dressed up prettily.
And into this body, I have descended...
There was no longer any need to worry about a future partner.
The answer had been right in front of me all along.
I will love myself.
I'll become a crazy narcissist.
‘Crazy Lee Do-hee, take me. I'm yours, and you're mine.'
“Oh my, you're honestly the cutest kid I've ever seen~”
Aah, I agree.
This young lass has quite an eye for beauty.
“Oh my, if she weren't cute, I would have hit her several times by now.”
I glared at Mom.
Where on this frail body is there a place to hit?
“Alright, you're all ready now, so please go out and wait.”
“Yeah!!”
“Tsk, being rude again, Lee Do-hee.”
“Yes ma'am.”
I went out and sat in a chair, and a staff member came and gave me a script.
“Just memorize this.”
“Yes~”
As I sat in the chair looking at the script, Mom came over and looked with me.
“Oh~ so this is what a script looks like. Can our princess do a good job?”
“Of course. I just drink a beverage, make a pretty face, and say one line. Easy.”
“Then shall we practice once?”
“Sure, whatever.”
I cute-ly grabbed the imaginary cup of beverage with both hands and pretended to drink.
Then a refreshing expression,
and the closing line.
“This is fucking amazing.”
“Hey! Lee Do-hee, that's not the line! Where do you keep learning words like that? If you keep using bad words, I'm not letting you watch YouTube, okay?”
“Yes ma'am.”
“Hoo... let's try one more time.”
I lifted the imaginary cup with both hands again, pretended to drink, and shouted the line with an expression of surprised delight.
“Kgh, one more glass!”
Unable to stand it any longer, Mom rapped me on the head.
“Ack!”
I was bewildered.
All sorts of thoughts swirled in my head.
‘Ah, it hurts. This is the first time I've been hit since I was born.'
‘Where on this body is there even a place to hit?'
‘But why do tears keep coming out?'
Strangely, my mind seemed fine, but I couldn't control my body.
I definitely wasn't thinking of crying, but apparently my body disagreed.
My body reflexively sent out tears at the pain felt in my head.
I tried swallowing the tears back through my nose.
“Hngh...hngh...heup...heuk.”
“O-oh, Do-hee, are you crying? Don't cry, stop.”
Mom's words seemed to be the trigger, and the tears burst out.
“Bwaaaah!”
Mom was greatly flustered because I rarely cried even as a baby.
“O-oh... Mommy's sorry, Do-hee. Our princess, stop. Mommy was wrong.”
But being comforted only made me want to cry more.
“Bwaaaah!”
Kyah, but how is even my crying sound cute?
I'm perfect, really.
But when will I stop crying?