It was my first time standing in line to wait for something.
Ah, I guess I had stood in line at the cafeteria back in school.
I waited, shifting the candy in my mouth from one side to the other.
I’d been holding it on one side the whole time, and the inside of my cheek felt rough.
Rough, rough.
I rubbed the spot with my tongue to ease my boredom.
I thought we’d set out pretty early, but there were still countless people lined up ahead of us like a snake.
When would we be able to get in? And why was it so damn cold?
Maybe because it had been a while since I’d stood outside for this long, but it was colder than I’d expected.
It was a cold that couldn’t even be compared to the number I’d checked on the weather app. It definitely wasn’t below zero, though.
“Ah, it’s cold…”
Siwoo saw me rubbing both arms and said indifferently,
“You should’ve worn more layers.”
“…I didn’t buy any. I mean, I thought it’d start getting warmer now.”
“You’re not wasting the money I gave you, are you?”
“Come on, no matter what, I’m not that shameless, okay? I’m only buying the necessities I actually need…”
“Sure. Sure.”
Maybe because it was cold and the moisture in my body wasn’t leaving as sweat.
After standing in line for so long, my lower abdomen slowly started sending signals.
Ah, this might be a little dangerous.
I bit my lip and repeatedly lifted and lowered my heels.
Was it just my imagination, that sloshing feeling inside my stomach?
Cold sweat began to seep out.
I tried my best not to show it, but Siwoo seemed quick on the uptake.
Standing beside me, Siwoo looked down at me and asked,
“What’s wrong? Why are you so restless?”
“Bathroom…”
“Is it urgent?”
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna wet myself…”
“Just hold it a little longer. It’d be a waste to line up again.”
The sensation irritating my lower abdomen now began turning into a pain like needles stabbing me.
I grew more and more anxious.
“When… When are we going in…”
Fortunately, as I had hoped, the line that had seemed like it would never shrink gradually did, and at last, it was our turn to enter.
“If you lose this wristband, reentry will not be possible. Please have it checked inside.”
Whether they were a part-timer or not, the guide spoke in a voice drenched with exhaustion.
They must have said the exact same thing like a machine to the countless people ahead of us.
When I put the wristband on, it hung loose. Fortunately, it caught on my hand and just barely didn’t slip off.
But something like a wristband wasn’t important right now.
I immediately stretched my neck out and scanned the area.
I tried to find where the bathroom was, but I couldn’t see well because of the countless crowd.
My heart grew more and more urgent. At this rate, I might actually wet myself right here.
For real.
I looked at Siwoo and urged him on.
“Hey, hey… You look for it too. I’m seriously, seriously desperate… Really, really.”
“There should be one if you go into any building. Try over there.”
I charged in the direction Siwoo pointed with quick steps.
I didn’t run. I felt like my strength would give out if I did.
“I’ll be right back. Wait here…!”
Siwoo seemed to say something behind me, but I couldn’t hear him well.
The moment I rushed into the restroom, what greeted me was a row of all-too-familiar white porcelain.
Urinals.
‘Should I leave…?’
My bladder didn’t even give me that much leeway right now.
The moment I turned around and left, my social life would be over.
I would definitely wet myself. There was no question—I absolutely would.
This was a subculture event venue.
There were cosplayers at event venues.
Right. Cosplayers.
Cross-dressing cosplayers… might not be common, but in this venue, they could exist.
No, there definitely had to be some.
Right now, I looked less like a cosplayer and more like someone just wearing comfortable clothes, but…
It’d work out somehow.
If I panicked, that man would panic too, but if I acted confident, only that man would panic.
No matter how this turned out, it was a situation where I had the advantage. There was no reason for me to turn around and leave.
I confidently entered the nearest stall.
No matter what, standing up carried quite a bit of risk.
As if it were nothing. Calmly, like this was where I was meant to go all along.
And the moment I locked the door, I immediately—grabbed my pants and underwear and pulled them down at once—and took care of business.
Shaaa—
‘That… was close…’
Now all I had to do was leave.
I naturally stood in front of the sink and washed my hands.
In the mirror, there was a woman no matter how you looked at it.
A woman forcing herself to look completely calm.
Then, a man came in.
The man who had been looking at his smartphone lifted his head, and our eyes met.
His gaze wandered between me and the urinals.
For a moment, he seemed a little flustered, but he headed to a urinal without saying a word.
“……Phew.”
I trudged out of the restroom.
* * *
“I’ll be right back. Wait here…!”
I saw Eunhae turn around and scurry away.
‘No way, right?’
Eunhae sometimes acted like she had forgotten she was a woman.
No, rather than forgetting, it was probably just habits ingrained in her body popping out unconsciously.
Even while flipping through the guidebook, my eyes were following Eunhae.
And sure enough, just as I had expected.
Eunhae was really heading straight toward the men’s restroom without a moment’s hesitation.
“Huh…? Hey, you crazy…!”
Before I could even call out, she had already slipped right in under the blue sign.
‘Should I run over and stop her?’
But it would look strange for me to follow her in right now too.
One second, two seconds… Even as time passed, there were no screams or signs of commotion from inside.
People were going in and out of the men’s restroom.
‘What the…?’
A little while later, Eunhae came out from inside the men’s restroom.
Trudging out like someone whose soul had been wrung dry.
The way she walked toward me with her shoulders drooping was pitiful, but I couldn’t help laughing.
“What the hell…?”
“Shut up. It’s embarrassing.”
“No, how on earth did you pull that off?”
Unable to hold back my curiosity, I leaned my face in, and Eunhae answered with a deep sigh.
“I naturally went into a stall…”
“And?”
“I took care of it there…”
“You’re insane, seriously.”
“Can’t you call it quick thinking…?”
Eunhae growled as she punched my arm.
* * *
My mental state was falling apart.
When I closed my eyes, the expression on the face of that man who had looked at me in the restroom came vividly to mind.
“Aaaah…”
Siwoo let out a deep sigh and lightly shoved my head.
“Just forget it. They’re people you’ll see today and never again anyway.”
“Hah… I let my guard down too much…”
He was right. There was no one here who knew the usual me.
…No one here knew me. There was no way anyone did.
As we began properly walking around the venue, a strange atmosphere started wrapping around me.
I could feel gazes from all around, sharp enough to sting.
Whenever I turned my head, without fail, my eyes met someone’s.
The other person would jump in surprise and turn their head away.
Or they would stare blankly at me, then poke the person beside them in the ribs and whisper.
But those gazes didn’t feel very important.
Right in front of my eyes, the merch and cosplayers I had only ever seen in photos through my monitor at home were alive and moving.
It felt like a part of my brain that had never been stimulated before was being forcibly awakened.
“Wow…”
“This is so damn cute…”
As I looked around booth after booth and let out exclamations nonstop, Siwoo said from behind me,
“By the way, you’re having more fun than I expected?”
“Am I…?”
“You’re the one leading me around right now. I’m just following you.”
“If you weren’t here, I wouldn’t even be able to walk around like this…”
I meant it. If Siwoo hadn’t been beside me, I might have been crushed under these gazes and run away long ago.
While we were moving to the next place, Siwoo pointed to one side and said,
“Oh. Over there.”
There was a cosplayer there, cosplaying even in this cold weather.
The body made up of soft curves was enough to make it impossible to guess how much effort it must have taken to become like that.
Black stockings—a white complexion that looked like it had never seen sunlight—and—a glossy bunny girl outfit.
“Wow, look at her figure…”
Wasn’t she cold? To be able to wear something like that in this weather.
I was cold even dressed like this.
Then Siwoo tapped my shoulder and said. His gaze was still fixed on the cosplayer.
“Go take a picture with her.”
“A picture…? No, going that far is a bit…”
“Hey. This is what you come to these things for. What, are you embarrassed?”
“I am embarrassed… And it’s like, taking a picture doesn’t really mean anything…”
As my words trailed off, Siwoo silently looked down at me.
Then he put his smartphone in my hand and declared,
“Hey, then I’ll go take one first. You take one next.”
“Ah… Huh?”
Without even listening to my answer, he had already turned around and was striding toward the cosplayer.
He smiled affably and exchanged a few words, then beckoned for me to come over.
To think he could talk so casually like that…
Siwoo made a heart with his hands, but the cosplayer struck a pose with her thumb raised.
I took the picture with Siwoo’s smartphone. Siwoo came back smiling.
“Now, go. I already told her. All you have to do is stand beside her.”
“Ah… damn it… Seriously… I said it’s fine.”
“Just hurry up and go. This is why people come to places like this. It’d be a waste not to enjoy it, right?”
I couldn’t just keep her standing there forever, so I had no choice but to trudge over.
As I drew closer, the cosplayer gave me a bright smile.
My gaze lost its way and wandered.
It flicked back and forth between her exposed cleavage, her lips, and her eyes.
Then, the cosplayer naturally closed the distance and asked,
“May I hold your shoulder a little?”
“Ah… Uh. Yes. That’s fine…”
The moment permission was granted, she lightly pulled my shoulder toward her.
In that instant, a definite weight pressed against my right arm.
It touched. It touched. It touched.
‘Aren’t you a little too close…?’
When I’d touched my own chest directly, I hadn’t felt much of anything.
But what was this soft, warm sensation transmitted through the fabric?
Was it the difference in size?
My body stiffened.
There was nothing to stiffen, but my body stiffened.
Before I knew it, Siwoo had finished taking the picture and was coming toward us.
“Thank you.”
“Ah, th-thank you…”
I exchanged greetings with the cosplayer and moved away as if fleeing.
The soft sensation still hadn’t disappeared from my upper arm.
“Ooh……”
“I’ll send you the pictures later.”
“Ah, okay…”
Siwoo flicked through the smartphone screen with his thumb, then asked as if curious,
“Was it nice?”
“What was…”
“The distance between you and her was totally different from when she stood with me.”
I rubbed my right arm and answered.
“…It was nice.”