Now, the face reflected in the bathroom mirror was familiar.
It had already been about a month since I became a woman.
A short time, if short; a long time, if long.
Thanks to my narrow social circle and limited radius of activity, I hadn’t felt much inconvenience from having a “woman’s body.”
Aside from the brief confusion right after the change, that is.
“Haaa….”
Back then, it felt like it wasn’t me.
Even now, when I think of that time, I want to bury my face somewhere and hide.
Adapting to this body was the easiest problem among all the problems I have to solve going forward.
I still have many problems to resolve, and now, I’m trying to tackle the next one.
For a month, I had only stared blankly at the name I couldn’t bring myself to press.
[Mom]
After making up my mind, I typed away with both thumbs, pressing consonants and vowels firmly.
[Can I come home this week?]
A message sent after much hesitation.
Perhaps she had been looking at her smartphone, because the reply arrived immediately.
[What’s going on? It’s not every day our son reaches out first.]
[Nothing much, I just missed you after so long.]
[Is something wrong? Why so sudden?]
Our son.
That word on the screen pricked a corner of my heart.
I still existed as a son to Mom.
[There’s something I want to talk about in person.]
After sending the text, a call came in suddenly not long after.
It was Mom.
Startled, I nearly dropped my phone.
It was a call I would have answered without hesitation on any normal day, but not now.
Because causing an uproar by letting her hear my voice now would be far worse than telling her face to face.
I pressed decline.
[I’m in a situation where I can’t take a call right now.]
The fingertips typing that lie trembled faintly.
[Nothing bad happened, right?]
[Yeah, I’ll tell you when we meet. It’s not urgent. Don’t worry.]
[Well, you’ve always been independent since you were young, so Mom doesn’t worry much. Are you running low on living expenses?]
[Yeah, I’m fine.]
[Is there anything you want to eat?]
[Kimchi jjigae made by Mom?]
[Okay~ Love you, my son.]
[Me too]
I clutched my phone tight against my chest and looked up at the ceiling.
What was this tension?
A lie.
Right now, I was telling the biggest, worst, greatest lie of my life.
To shake off the complicated feelings, I shook my head vigorously.
It was cowardly, but for now, I would focus on the immediate schedule.
Because this Illust-Lit Festival was an event I had been looking forward to for a long time.
When it’s time to have fun, I should have fun…!
* * *
In front of the subway station, the promised meeting place.
The weather was a bit chilly. Even a slight breeze made my shoulders hunch up immediately.
*Do I feel the cold more now, too…. Ugh, it’s cold….*
But layering thick clothes felt ambiguous, like I might get too hot.
It absolutely wasn’t that I hadn’t bought outerwear to save money.
As I was stamping my feet in place, bringing my legs together and apart, Siu came into view from across the crosswalk in the distance.
Overjoyed, I waved my hand widely.
I wanted to call his name, but going that far was too much for me.
Instead, I just waved hard so he could see.
Calling his name in my heart.
*Siu—!*
Whether he saw my enthusiastic greeting or not, Siu approached with one hand in his pocket, waving nonchalantly.
And the moment he crossed the crosswalk and stood before me, his lips twitched before he burst out laughing.
“Puhah! Hey, what’s with that bag?”
“….What? What’s with the ‘what’ the moment you see me? What’s wrong with the bag?”
I frowned and glared. Siu pointed at the giant backpack hanging behind me.
“Dude, how is that bag as big as your torso? You going hiking?”
It was a bag that had looked just right when I was a guy; it only looked excessively large on my current frame.
“Shut up. It’s the bag I always used. I need this much.”
“Are you sure you can manage with that bag…?”
Siu only had a crossbody bag slung in front.
“I don’t have anything to buy? I’m just going to look around.”
“Oh, really…?”
* * *
The subway was appropriately crowded, as expected for a weekend.
Fortunately, there were empty seats on either side, with a middle-aged man sitting between them.
I gestured that I would sit on the left and looked at Siu.
As if understanding my intention, Siu gave a light nod.
Me on the left, Siu on the right.
After sitting down, I swung the large bag to the front and held it in my arms.
But then.
The gentleman sitting between us glanced at us, gave a benevolent smile, and rose from his seat.
“Sit together here. I’ll move seats for you.”
“Ah, no! It’s okay…. We’re getting off soon.”
I waved my hands in a fluster, but the man laughed heartily and remained standing before me, as if waiting until I moved.
It would be rude to ignore an adult’s kindness, so in a daze, I ended up moving to the seat next to Siu.
Only after I moved did the man sit down in my previous seat with a satisfied expression.
“Thank you….”
The man smiled with his eyes as if it was nothing.
I leaned close to Siu’s ear and whispered.
“He’s really kind. He must have realized we’re together.”
“….Y-Yeah.”
Siu’s answer was shorter than usual.
“I should become a sensible adult like that someday too….”
“Hey, you’re already hopeless. You’re already an adult.”
“Well, I guess so…?”
I bumped his arm lightly and shoved my phone screen in his face.
Pointing at the screen with my other hand.
“I’m going to buy this today.”
“This much for one acrylic? You’re buying this?”
“Are you really one to talk when you hit pity in games because you’re bored? At least this leaves a physical object. You spend money on scraps of data.”
“You think I hit pity because I want to? It’s because my luck is bad.”
“There are people who can’t even hit pity if they wanted to….”
“And what do you do with an acrylic left as a physical thing? It just takes up space.”
“Ugh.”
“Pay me back with the money you’d use on that acrylic.”
“S-stop….”
As we bickered back and forth, the train gradually approached the station near the venue.
To head to the venue, we transferred lines, and the crowd began to grow.
Now, we couldn’t find a seat.
I grabbed the support bar near the door and barely managed to stand.
A seat opened right in front of me, so I quickly sat down and hugged my bag again.
Resting my chin on the bag and burying my face in it, a warm sense of relief washed over me.
Siu stood before me. He held the strap with one hand and looked at his phone with the other.
He was tall.
Because I was sitting, my gaze naturally lingered around Siu’s waist.
Every time the subway shook, the hem of Siu’s clothes brushed my knee and fell away.
There was nothing to see on my phone, so I kept calculating how many stops remained.
I kept telling Siu:
“Hey, eight stops left now….”
“Yeah.”
“Three stops left now….”
“Yeah, we’re almost there.”
Even though I knew counting stops was meaningless conversation.
Was I unknowingly a bit excited?
Maybe my heart was fluttering like a child’s because this was my first time at an event like this.
Because I had decided to forget all my worries and enjoy myself.
I decided to maintain this feeling.
Finally, the subway reached its destination, and the moment the doors opened, a massive crowd poured out.
Siu and I were part of that crowd too.
Surely, everyone who had ridden this train at this hour had the same destination.
It was my first time at the venue, but I wasn’t worried about getting lost.
I only had to follow the others dressed similarly.
So we walked toward the venue.
There was the option of taking the bus, but it wasn’t that far, and it seemed like we’d have to let several buses pass before we could board, so I rejected it.
We walked like that for quite a while.
When my legs began to ache, Siu took something out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth.
“What are you eating alone…?”
“Gum.”
“Give me some too. Why are you the only one eating?”
Siu snorted.
“Hmm, I don’t have any for you.”
He wasn’t usually stingy with food. Was he really out?
“Ha….”
Siu walked quietly, then seemed to remember something and started rummaging in his crossbody bag.
“Ah, want to eat this instead?”
He held a small white stick between his thumb and index finger—what he took out was a lollipop.
A famous lollipop that comes in all sorts of flavors like chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.
“Huh…? You carry around stuff like this?”
It was unexpected. He wasn’t one to like sweets much.
“If you don’t want it, forget it.”
“No, I want it….”
My mouth was bored, so I thought it was perfect timing and quickly took the candy, trying to tear the wrapper.
But the wrapper seemed to be sealed tight; it wouldn’t budge even when I scratched it with my fingernail or pulled at it.
Tick, tick.
As I put strength into my fingertips, my hand slipped through empty air.
“Want me to open it?”
“No, I’m telling you, it really won’t open.”
Siu took the candy back with a look of pity.
He put strength into his fingers confidently, but the candy wrapper still wouldn’t peel off.
Wrinkles formed between Siu’s brows.
“Dang, it really won’t open….”
“See, you can’t open it either.”
The sight of Siu struggling with the candy was so funny that a small laugh slipped out.
“What are you doing… Give it here.”
I snatched the candy from Siu’s hand.
“If it won’t open easily, just do it like this.”
And without hesitation, I brought the tip of the candy to my mouth and bit the plastic with my front teeth to make a hole.
It might have been a bit rough.
“….”
I spat out the remaining piece of plastic at my lips and laughed.
“See? This works.”
“….I guess so.”
I stuffed the torn wrapper into my pocket and put the lollipop in my mouth. The sweet taste of vanilla stimulated my tongue.
Siu was quietly looking at me like that.
“What are you staring at?”
“….Let’s go.”