The days he met Eunseo grew more frequent.
What had been a meal together once a week had, lately, turned into eating together almost every day.
Eunseo’s daughter, Hayul, ate with them too.
Hayul was fond of Geunsu as well.
He was happy.
He could even eat the smelly fermented skate samhap now.
He couldn’t say it was delicious, but at least he could eat it.
It felt like he had a family.
They ate together and took Life4Cuts photos.
To strangers, they probably looked like a harmonious family.
Geunsu liked that, but he also felt sorry.
It kept bothering him, as if he were using Eunseo for his own happiness.
He felt like he had become a liar.
He was happy, but he couldn’t go on living like this.
Geunsu knew better than anyone that this would not end well.
A double life like this couldn’t last long.
He couldn’t keep deceiving everyone forever.
He felt sorry to Daehoon hyung.
Meeting Eunseo would feel like a betrayal to Daehoon hyung.
Eunseo would be disappointed too if she found out Geunsu was a gangster.
If she found out he had hidden that fact all this time, she would feel betrayed.
Geunsu hated that so much.
He wanted to be honest.
But he was too afraid of losing this happiness.
Honestly, he didn’t want to lose it.
He wanted to enjoy it even just a little longer.
The greater his happiness grew, the greater his anxiety grew with it.
“Why does your face look like it’s rotting?”
“Pardon? It doesn’t.”
“Is it because of the bakery?”
“How did you…”
“Hey. You’re making it that obvious. How could I not know?”
“I’m sorry. I’ll end it.”
Geunsu answered with a solemn expression.
“Why would you end it? Keep seeing her. If you like her after seeing her for a while, get married too.”
“I wouldn’t go that far…”
Geunsu was startled by Daehoon’s words.
Honestly, he had never even thought about marriage.
Geunsu’s greed was not big enough to reach that far.
The happiness he had now was already enough.
Just meeting Eunseo, eating with her, and talking with her,
just having Hayul hold Geunsu’s hand was already enough.
No, it was more than enough.
And yet Daehoon hyung was talking about what came after.
He was talking about marriage.
Fear suddenly struck him, but he also wanted to try going there.
He wondered what it would feel like to become a real family with Eunseo.
“It’s not like we forbid dating. If you like someone, you date, and if it works out, you get married.”
“I said I would serve you by your side for the rest of my life, hyung…”
Geunsu spoke with his voice full of apology.
“You crazy bastard, who said you could ruin someone else’s life by staying by my side forever? I don’t want that! I’m going to date and get married too. I’m going to meet a seriously beautiful woman. If you’re thinking of getting in the way of my future, give up quietly.”
“That’s not what I meant…”
Daehoon spoke playfully.
“I know. I know how you feel. So don’t be sorry.”
“I’m sorry, hyung.”
Daehoon soothed Geunsu in a warm voice.
“You crazy bastard. I told you not to be sorry, and you apologize.”
“I’m sorry, hyung.”
“I’m not telling you this so you’ll be sorry. I’m telling you I’m grateful.”
“Thank you, hyung.”
“I’m saying this just in case…”
“Please tell me.”
“If you’re seeing the bakery girl and your job bothers you, you can quit anytime.”
“What?”
Geunsu was truly shocked by Daehoon’s drastic words.
Leaving the organization had never been easy, whether in the past or now.
Cutting off a finger or giving up an ankle before leaving was the unwritten rule.
“It’s not like we’re some organization boasting a long history and tradition. It’s not like we set out from the beginning to make an organization either. We just hung around together, and before we knew it, we ended up here.”
“Hyung…”
“If you want to quit, quit whenever. It’ll be boring without you, but, well… I’ll get used to it.”
Daehoon smiled a little bitterly.
“I hear cafés do well these days. Wouldn’t it work out if you opened a café with that bakery girl? If we go once a day and buy bread and coffee, it won’t go under, right? Keukeukeu.”
Daehoon spoke jokingly to lighten the mood.
“It’ll go under.”
Geunsu also spoke with a faint smile.
“Really? Should we drink two cups each? Would that keep it from going under?”
“Then it’ll go under even faster. How could I take money from you or the guys, hyung? I’d just have to give everything for free.”
“Ah-ha~ That’s true too. Ahahahaha.”
The two of them began laughing at a conversation that wasn’t even particularly funny.
Geunsu felt relieved.
After telling Daehoon everything, his chest felt lighter.
Through his conversation with Daehoon, he could feel Daehoon’s heart.
Daehoon was truly worried about Geunsu and loved him.
If it was a path that would let Geunsu do well, if it was something that would let Geunsu be happy, Daehoon looked as though he would do anything for him.
After laughing for a long while, Daehoon spoke gently.
“Find your own happiness. You being happy is what matters most. ‘Us’ is an empty thing. Don’t live for ‘us.’ Live for ‘you.’ I’ve always been grateful to you.”
“Hyung…”
Daehoon hugged Geunsu tightly once.
Geunsu stood there and let tears fall, drop by drop.
It seemed Daehoon had already known all the worries Geunsu had been carrying.
Geunsu was grateful to him for that.
Daehoon was telling Geunsu to leave.
He was pushing him from behind, telling him to leave for the sake of happiness.
But Geunsu had no intention of leaving Daehoon.
To Geunsu, whether in the past or now, Daehoon was the number one priority in his life.
He could not leave Daehoon.
To Geunsu, Daehoon was not merely a senior in the organization or a workplace superior.
He was family, guardian, brother, and friend.
No matter how much Daehoon tried to push him away, Geunsu would stay by Daehoon’s side.
If he had to choose between Eunseo and Daehoon, choosing Daehoon was the right thing to do.
He had been happy enough all this time.
He didn’t know when he might die, but happiness of this degree was enough to last until the day he died.
It was time to tell Eunseo goodbye.
It was time to confess the truth and honestly ask for forgiveness.
He made a confession to Eunseo too, with a sincere apology.
“I’m actually a gangster. I’m sorry I hid it from you all this time.”
He spoke honestly to Eunseo.
He told her the story of how he had lived.
The story of growing up in an orphanage.
The story of living as a punk in the back alleys.
From meeting Daehoon hyung to arriving at his current position.
He honestly poured all of it out to Eunseo.
It wasn’t what he had intended to do, but somehow, he ended up telling her everything.
Perhaps Geunsu had needed someone he could say all this to.
“I was happy while meeting you. I was happy, but that made me feel just as sorry. It felt like I was shoving misfortune onto you just so I could be happy… I’m sorry, and thank you. I’m sorry I hid it. I was happy.”
Geunsu slowly spoke of parting.
He didn’t want to, but that was the way Geunsu lived.
“Who said it was misfortune!!!”
“Huh?”
Eunseo suddenly snapped.
“You are happiness to me too.”
Eunseo was saying something completely different from what Geunsu had expected.
“You’re not someone who passes misfortune on to me. You yourself are happiness to me. I like being with you. I feel more protected, and I feel reassured that I’m not alone in this world. If anything, I was afraid my sadness would pass on to you. Thank you. For telling me honestly.”
Eunseo smiled faintly.
Even so, she could not smile comfortably.
“I did think a little that you might be a gangster. Do you know how many people in black suits came in and out of the shop after you visited? There wasn’t a single piece of bread left in the store. They bought it all.”
“Th-that so?”
“I’d caught on to a degree after seeing that. Though I hoped it wasn’t true.”
“I’m sorry…”
Eunseo asked carefully.
“Can you quit being a gangster?”
“No. I can’t. I swore I would serve Daehoon hyung for the rest of my life. I can never break that. Not even in death.”
Geunsu answered firmly.
Eunseo was precious to him.
But he could not turn his back on Daehoon hyung.
Daehoon hyung had told him he could leave whenever he wanted, that he would even set up a shop for him, but that was something that did not exist in Daehoon’s life.
Even if he died, he would die beside Daehoon hyung.
If he was stabbed to death, then beside Daehoon hyung.
And if he was truly lucky enough to die of old age, he wanted to die beside Eunseo.
To such a Geunsu, Eunseo asked an absurd question.
“Then what’s it like living as a gangster’s girlfriend? Is it hard?”
“What?”
“What’s it like living as a gangster’s girlfriend? You must know since you’ve met plenty.”
“I don’t know. I’ve never dated a woman before.”
Geunsu blurted out the truth without thinking.
A smile passed over Eunseo’s face.
“Tehet. Do you know something?”
“What?”
“You’re surprisingly good at giving answers I like.”
“I’ve never done that. I just said what I said.”
Geunsu answered bluntly once again.
“That’s what I like. It’s not dressed up, and it’s not flashy, but to me, it sounds sweeter than any other words.”
“Eunseo…”
“You may not think of it as a confession, but I’ll take it as one. And my answer is ‘yes.’”
“Eunseo…”
“Then I guess I have no choice. Shall I try living as a gangster’s girlfriend?”
“Thank you… I’ll do my best.”
“You’re already enough. Just don’t change.”
“That’s what I’m best at. Not changing, not betraying. Not changing something once I’ve decided.”
“Yeah… That’s enough. That’s more than enough.”
And so their love began.
Through honesty, Geunsu was able to have both Daehoon hyung and Eunseo.
And Hayul too.
And eventually.
“Eunseo. Will you marry me? There’s a lot I can’t do. No, there’s nothing I’m good at. If there’s one thing I’m at least good at, it’s not changing. As your husband, and as Hayul’s dad, I’ll live without changing. Marry me.”
Geunsu knelt down and held out a ring.
Eunseo accepted the ring with tears in her eyes and nodded.
Daehoon watched the sight with a pleased expression.
It was the day Geunsu came to be married.
******
A pocha in Incheon.
I had come with Daehoon to a place where we could see the sea off Incheon.
This time, Scott and Geunsu had come too.
“Congratulations on your marriage, Geunsu.”
“Thank you, hyung.”
I offered Geunsu my congratulations, and Geunsu stood up and bowed at ninety degrees.
“I’m not the kind of person who only congratulates someone with words. Is there anything you need? I’ll buy it for you.”
“Your words are more than enough. Thank you so much.”
“No. I mean it. I’ll buy it for you. Should I buy you a house? You’re not going to set up your newlywed home in your current place, are you? It’s the floor below Daehoon’s. If that becomes your newlywed home, that’s seriously the worst. Daehoon will probably come over every day.”
“I’d be fine with him coming every day, but Daehoon hyung said he would feel uncomfortable and bought me a house.”
“Oh~ Seo Daehoon spent some money, huh?”
“That’s the kind of man I am.”
Daehoon puffed himself up with pride.
“Then should I buy you a car?”
“I already have the one I’ve been using…”
“You haven’t bought home appliances yet, right?”
“My wife said she already ordered them all…”
What the hell.
Why are they so thoroughly prepared?
Now that I thought about it, they were Koreans.
They weren’t Filipinos who let everything slide.
“What’s this? Are you going to keep making hyung feel hurt like this?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Ah!! The honeymoon. You haven’t decided yet, have you? Come to the Philippines for your honeymoon. Hyung will give you the full-course treatment.”
“Ahahahaha.”
Geunsu refused with an awkward laugh.
Honestly, I felt hurt.
I wanted to do something for him, but apparently everything was already prepared.
But if he really came to the Philippines, I was confident I could treat him well.
Maybe not quite like a president, but close enough. It was disappointing.
Feeling hurt, I pestered him once more.
“Why not? Come to the Philippines. Hyung even has a private jet. I’ll let you ride the private jet.”
“I’m truly grateful for the offer, but my wife has somewhere she wants to go, so we’re planning to go there.”
“Where? Where are you going?”
“My wife has been into malatang lately, so we’re going to China to try some malatang. Local malatang.”
China?
Chiiina?
Hahahaha.
That place is totally my turf.
I even have a tsundere pushover hyung there.
“China? Really? That worked out well.”
“What did?”
“I have a hyung I know in China. I’ll let him know, so go have fun. Eat lots of malatang too.”
“Ahaha. It’s really all right. We’ve already made all the reservations.”
Geunsu refused with a laugh.
“Geunsu.”
“Yes, hyung.”
“If you don’t accept my goodwill, I’ll make you my enemy for life.”
I said it jokingly, but I meant it.
I wanted to do something for Geunsu.
He was getting married, and I had no intention of settling it with a measly congratulatory gift.
“Cancel your reservation. I’ll send a private jet for you, so take that. You won’t regret it.”
Geunsu looked at me once, then answered.
“Understood. Thank you. And once again, thank you so much for coming all the way here.”
“No need for thanks between us. If I get married, are you not going to come?”
“I’ll go. Even if you hold it in hell, I’ll go. Haha.”
“Look at this bastard. You’re saying I’m going to hell, aren’t you? Scott, grab this bastard. This won’t do. I need to educate him a little.”
At my dead-serious expression, Geunsu’s face changed.
This is too much fun.
It’s nothing much, but teasing Geunsu is fun.
“By the way, are you sure the waters off Incheon are okay? I told you, let’s go to Gunsan. We’ve got to run it back exactly like the old days.”
As Geunsu and I were talking, Daehun cut in as if he was bored.
The place we had first planned to go wasn’t Incheon, but Gunsan.
I’d been sitting around chatting with Daehun, and he said the soju he’d had out on the waters off Gunsan back when he took over Gunsan had been seriously delicious.
So I’d said, “Let’s go. Right now. I have a private jet.”
But apparently we couldn’t land at Gunsan Airport.
Something about training going on.
So we came to Incheon, the nearest place with the sea.
“What does the place matter when we’re together?”
“That’s true. Hehehe.”
Daehun answered with a laugh.
We tossed back another glass of soju.
Scott shoveled down raw fish.
.
.
.
After drinking, we wandered around Wolmido.
We played baseball, shot BB guns, and went to an arcade.
We also rode Wolmido’s famous Viking ship and Disco Pang Pang.
A bunch of grown adults were doing the kind of things seventeen-year-olds would do.
We roamed around in a pack, laughing and making a fuss as if it was the best thing ever.
It was a little embarrassing, but it was fun.
After playing around a bit, I got hungry.
“I’m hungry. Should we get something to eat?”
“Me too, me too. I’m hungry.”
“I’m hungry as well.”
Scott joined in at the mention of hunger.
He ate a ridiculous amount of raw fish earlier, and he’s already hungry?
But don’t they not really eat raw fish in the Philippines?
Scott had dipped it in cho-gochujang and eaten it with gusto.
Getting gochujang all over the corners of his mouth.
“Should we get something like kalguksu?”
“Instead of that, Chinatown’s close from here, so let’s go there.”
I had been thinking of just grabbing a quick bite nearby, but Daehun suggested Chinatown.
Chinatown?
I’d never been there before, so this would be a good chance to look around.
We headed to Chinatown.
As soon as we entered Chinatown, buildings with a completely different feel came into view.
It really felt like this wasn’t Korea, but China.
Chinese culture and style had come in exactly as they were.
Chinese and Chinese characters were visible, too.
It was fascinating.
China inside Korea.
We went to a nearby restaurant and started ordering and eating Chinese food.
Along with kaoliang liquor.
It was enjoyable.
Should I just stay here for a while?
Being in the Philippines wasn’t bad, but it hadn’t given me this kind of comfort.
I even thought it might be nice to stay for the time being.
We laughed and chatted for a long while over food and drinks.
I was getting up to go to the bathroom when
I saw a familiar package in the hands of the employees.
Huh?
Isn’t that Ascend?
No, it can’t be.
I looked again carefully.
It was Ascend.
How much Ascend had we distributed? There’s no way I wouldn’t recognize it.
In an instant, the alcohol left me completely.
Ascend is circulating here in Korea?
That’s impossible.
China blocks the export of Ascend so thoroughly.
It was shocking.
I had to find out what was going on.
Forgetting all about the bathroom, I immediately returned to my seat.