5. I´ll be there(1)
Practice went on after that, and more practice.
It was 7 PM by the time we finished practice and returned to the dorm.
The company had judged that a member’s hospitalization and discharge affected everyone, including me, so they kindly let us leave early and rest today.
I mean, I’d just come back from the hospital, but the other kids had been at the company all day since morning—so much for consideration.
The only ones who looked capable of standing upright were Baek Kyung-hwan, who’d always had good stamina, and me.
Everyone looked like over-fermented scallion kimchi, as if the dorm floor itself had turned into a kimchi jar.
“Team Leader told us to order chicken for today and gave me the card, so go wash up.”
“Ooh… chicken!”
“H-hyung, you wash first….”
Ha-jun had been called away to Team Leader Sohyeon earlier, and it seemed he’d been given an earful.
No one wanted to move a single finger, everyone pushing the others to wash first, so I said I’d go first.
The person who washed last had to clean up the bathroom too, so going first was better than last.
After washing up and checking the mirror, I definitely looked a bit more human now.
In my previous life, there had been fans who shouted, “I love our sweating Ravelies too!” whenever the agency uploaded practice videos.
I wanted to show them these scallion kimchis right now.
Would they feel sorry for us and pity us, or would their fan hearts come crashing down?
The memories of this place were gradually filling my head.
What was truly fortunate was that once they surfaced, they imprinted naturally, so I didn’t have to deliberately recall them every time.
Of course, whenever I acquired a memory, the emotions from that moment would rush in all at once, which was exhausting in its own way.
Because of that, I had the rather useless thought that perhaps memories weren’t flooding in all at once but were being absorbed bit by bit over time.
‘I’ had been a second-year trainee, and had perceived these members more as rivals than teammates.
Moreover, a sharp face had played a big role in ruining first impressions, so the distance from the members hadn’t closed easily.
The only ones I was on somewhat friendly terms with were Baek Kyung-hwan, Kim Woo-bin, and Choi Him-chan.
Kyung-hwan was so easygoing and reliable that he got along with everyone….
Perhaps the body’s emotions couldn’t overcome my fan feelings for Unravel, because all the emotions the original Ji-hwan had held were completely burned away.
Besides, since I’d even glimpsed Kim Woo-bin’s true feelings earlier, there didn’t seem to be any need to pretend we were close.
After washing up, there was time to leave a short daily log about today, going one by one into the room the three of us shared.
Since I went in first, I just blinked my eyes awkwardly and uneasily for a moment.
Having lived a life of not even thirty years and having taken almost no selfies, to think I had to leave a daily log.
I knew that daily logs filmed during spare moments were uploaded by member on the website created by the Idol Creation production staff.
I’d also heard senior Sommungchis testify that these short videos had influenced the final member vote more than expected.
I’d already filmed a short interview right after returning to the company, but that had really felt like work—merely giving brief answers as prompted.
It had been less awkward because it hadn’t felt this raw and real.
“Um… sorry, everyone. You were really worried, right?”
Idol Creation aired three times a week, so fans couldn’t know about my accident yet, but by the time they saw this video, they would have heard the news through the broadcast or the company.
Thinking about how I would have felt as a Sommungchi hearing about a member’s accident, and what I would have wanted to know, I slowly began to speak.
“There was a bit of an accident, but I’m fine. See, if I show you like this, will you believe me? Haha.”
I lifted the camera briefly, carefully angling it so the room interior wouldn’t show, showed my whole body, and fixed it back in place.
“The company took great care of me too, and the members were so worried it really got to me. Especially Joonie-hyung scolding me with a straight face—seriously. Hahaha… You know that expression unique to Joonie-hyung, right? That cold look when he’s completely mad. And since he speaks so stiffly, someone who doesn’t know him would think he looks incredibly cold, but actually… you can see he doesn’t know what to do because he’s worried. I felt so sorry and grateful.”
Min Ha-jun’s sincerity, which I’d been able to glimpse briefly thanks to my skill, came to mind, and I could feel myself smiling unconsciously.
“Ah, Joonie-hyung can’t know about this. He’ll nag me again. Ah, and Se-bin gave me a piece of candy too. Oh no, this was supposed to be a secret from the company. You’ll keep the secret, right?”
Recalling how I’d felt watching the Ravelies’ logs, words came out more smoothly than expected.
After some more small talk, seeing that it had passed five minutes, I gave my closing remarks.
“Today’s stories are secrets between you and me. Got it? I’m not going anywhere—I’ll be right here doing well. Now, promise! Haha, then I’ll get going now.”
I made a motion as if hooking pinkies and ended the video.
The nervousness I’d felt standing in front of the camera had completely vanished.
Was I unexpectedly the type who performs under pressure?
While the others got up in turn to wash and went to their rooms to pack their things, I, having washed first, began cleaning the living room floor.
I was happy to be in the same dorm as our kids, but the state of the dorm right now was another matter entirely.
The dorm had two fairly large rooms, plus a small space that served as both kitchen and living room. There was one bathroom.
Each room had two sets of bunk beds, and their insides were beyond imagination.
I knew someone came by to clean periodically, so why was it in this state?
I saw pieces of fabric rolling around on the floor and, assuming they were roughly rags, was wiping from the kitchen to the living room, when Baek Kyung-hwan looked at what I was holding and spoke up.
“That’s not a rag, Ji-hwan.”
“…Ahem. It’s a rag starting today.”
“Guess you felt sorry? Gong Ji-hwan, you’re doing all the cleaning.”
Him-chan, who’d had a sullen expression all this time, approached and laughed, patting my shoulder.
Thankfully, he seemed to be in a slightly better mood.
“No, it’s just… hey, get away from there, I haven’t wiped there.”
Feeling awkward for no reason, I scrubbed the floor hard and nagged all around.
The guys who came out without drying off and wandered around dripping, and the ones who stepped everywhere without distinguishing between wiped and unwiped areas.
“Se-bin, dry your hair before lying down!”
“Kim Young-bin!! I told you to dry off properly!!”
Droplets were plopping from the ends of Kang Se-bin’s hair as he went back and forth, leaving watery traces.
As I shouted, thinking he might catch a cold like that, Ha-jun yelled at Young-bin.
At the strange atmosphere, all the members looked back and forth between me and Ha-jun, and Young-bin, who’d been watching quietly, added a word.
“There are two naggers now.”
Ah, I suddenly miss my sister so much.
* * *
Once the small commotion passed, the chicken was finally delivered.
Three chickens were far too little for seven growing boys, but since greasy food was forbidden at this stage, we were grateful even for this.
For once, Se-bin was holding a chicken leg with a bright smile, and Him-chan found him so hilarious that he tried to grab a camera to film it, only to get smacked on the back by Ha-jun.
When the exciting chicken party ended, during the rare free time given, each person spent some relaxed time lying in bed or listening to music.
While Baek Kyung-hwan and Kim Woo-bin, who’d lost at rock-paper-scissors, cleaned up, Min Ha-jun suddenly found a cap, put it on, and held one out to me too.
“Let’s go out.”
“Hyung, I promised the Director I wouldn’t go out….”
“I already cleared everything. Told him I needed to talk with you.”
I didn’t look, but I could feel the other members’ glancing gazes.
It seemed to be a conversation we needed to have without them.
“Hyung, since you’re going out, take this.”
Baek Kyung-hwan, carefree as ever, held out the chicken boxes and recycling trash.
Taking them reflexively, I shoved my feet into slippers and trudged after Ha-jun.
After setting down the boxes, we arrived at a small park not far from the dorm, and Ha-jun sat on a bench, tapping the spot next to him.
“Are you really okay not resting more?”
“Yes, I’m really fine.”
Sitting side by side with Min Ha-jun, my nerves were on edge and my toes curled.
What was he going to talk about? Had they told him to get me to quit? As countless thoughts crossed my mind, a deflating laugh reached my ears.
“Am I going to eat you?”
“No, it’s just… I’ve done a lot of things wrong.”
“So you know you did wrong?”
“Yes….”
In the brief silence that followed, a rather refreshing breeze swept past.
An old, unmaintained swing creaked as it swayed, and I stared only at that.
Ha-jun, who’d been facing forward, turned his body to look at me.
Honestly, I hadn’t realized it while being overwhelmed with lessons, but Min Ha-jun had originally been my bias.
I should have dreamed about sitting side by side with my bias, making eye contact and talking like this.
“Ji-hwan, how desperate are you for this?”
“…?”
I couldn’t guess the intention behind Ha-jun’s calm question, so I couldn’t answer rashly.
I thought about using my skill, but using it now felt like I’d be a coward, so I held it back.
“You know Young-bin and I met at our previous company and came here together, right?”
“Yes.”
“Young-bin fell apart at our previous company and was going to quit, but I dragged him here by force. Saying I wanted to debut with him no matter what.”
He’d always seemed neat and impenetrable, as if no one could easily pierce him.
Because he looked so warm and gentle, people often misunderstood and thought his personality would be soft, but in reality, his own world was firm—he wouldn’t tolerate anyone crossing the line and would cut them off cleanly.
That was the leader Min Ha-jun I’d known as a fan of Unravel.
But the man in front of me now was a bit tired, and looked even more burdened than that.
He wore the face of an ordinary twenty-year-old who didn’t know what to do with a thoughtless, accident-prone younger brother.
“I’ve lived with the thought for the past three years that I should’ve just stayed with my crew hyungs. That I should’ve kept working underground.”
“Ah….”
Before becoming a trainee, Ha-jun had been immersed in hip-hop since age fifteen, so he’d learned how to handle equipment from hyungs he knew, writing songs and rapping on his own.
Then a small agency that happened to see his performance scouted him, saying they’d make a hip-hop idol, so he began trainee life.
“But I dragged Young-bin here. So I’m really clenching my teeth and doing this, you know? I promised my mom this was my last try.”
I wanted to immediately open my mouth and tell him he would debut and do really well.
“Do you know what stage name I used before?”
“D.P. Done is better than perfect….”
“Oh, you knew? I thought you didn’t like me much and weren’t interested.”
“No, it’s just that getting close to people is a bit hard for me….”
“Yeah, I tend to be sharp with my words. Sigh, I tried to fix it, but it didn’t go well.”
“It’s okay, hyung—you don’t say empty words.”
My inner self seemed to scream, “Because you’re my bias, I found and listened to all your old songs!”
‘No, don’t act up now. Seriously… if I slip up now, I feel like I’ll have to quit everything.’
Strangely, even without turning on my skill, I felt like I knew what Ha-jun was trying to say.
“Funny, right? A young kid saw that phrase somewhere, got obsessed with it, and used it as a name instead of a motto.”
“Come on, it’s cool. I watched a few videos of your raps too.”
“Hey, don’t say that, it’s embarrassing.”
In the considerably softened atmosphere, both Min Ha-jun and I now had laughter in our voices.
“Let’s go to the end, Ji-hwan. No matter what happens to any of us, we started this.”
“…Yes, hyung.”
“But if you want to debut solo, tell Team Leader right now.”
“What?”
“Whether any of us stay or someone has to leave, we’re a team in the end. I’m going to prioritize the team above all. That’s what I wanted to ask—what do you think about the team?”
This was likely the biggest reason Min Ha-jun had arranged this meeting today.