1. Why Are You Doing This to Me?
Yeoneui [Ujelgwi-nim, did you get a ticket?]
[LOL I finally... I'm going... ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ]
XMASSeonmul [Oh chchchchch, it's been a while since we'll shoot together lol. Going to all concerts?]
[LOL isn't a guy supposed to go to all concerts?? LOL]
Yeoneui [Hehe... where did the person who cried after failing ticketing last week go?]
[Ah... Yeoneui-nim, shh....]
XMASSeonmul [LOL did you see the video this time?? ㅠㅠㅠ Our babies were insaneㅠㅠㅠ]
“Heh heh heh….”
“Argh, you scared me! Why don't you get lost??”
The countless messages ringing through NyangTalk.
Even under the kicks of a sister who wasn't just prickly but downright fierce, I couldn't hold back my laughter.
I had failed the first lottery for my babies' concert and failed the second ticketing too. Not to the point of completely abstaining from food and drink, but it was only last week that I'd been cooped up in my room crying in despair.
“Nuna~. I shall devote my loyalty!”
“You punk, it's lies every time you open your mouth. Make sure you bring the goods back properly. Even if you can't buy yours, buy mine.”
No matter how prickly and sharp nuna was to me, to me right now her voice sounded like an angel's.
She had transferred her invitation ticket to me, albeit “reluctantly,” so it wouldn't be enough even if I carried her everywhere on my back.
Chatting lightly with close fansite masters about our tearful ticket acquisition, I started fiddling with the video I'd been editing since the day before.
* * *
I am a male fan of the idol group Unravel.
I hadn't been particularly interested in idols, exactly the type to go “wow” if a pretty female idol came on while channel surfing, so me becoming a fan of an idol, and a male one at that, was entirely thanks to nuna.
Having been born when my parents were older, I had lived particularly burdened by their worries. After growing up safely and entering university, I immediately ran away to the army.
It wasn't the pain of first love. Everything was just boring and joyless. The joys of campus life that my friends had raved about seemed to pass me by.
With the shallow thought that if I was pushed mentally I might become a bit more human, I enlisted right after my first semester of freshman year, cursing my ignorant self of that time as I endured through that long period.
I experienced firsthand why hyungs called the military the room of time and spirit.
That bastard Sergeant Bak still appeared in my dreams occasionally, and I'd wake up shuddering.
Damn bastard. Watch your back, seriously.
Thrown back into reality with an even more shattered mind, after returning to school, going through midterms and finals, and ending up on a leave of absence, there was no greater room-bound shut-in than I.
Nuna, who looked at me pitifully, said,
“Hey, watch this.”
“Ah, what is it.”
“Shut up and watch.”
I heard this after becoming a fan, while tearing into chicken with nuna: our parents had been so worried about me, who didn't laugh or do anything, that something had to be done. But nuna had been too busy.
Nuna, who lacked time to even indulge in fan activities due to work, decided to bring me along and fangirl together, and the video she turned on then was a survival program for the formation of the idol Unravel.
The program title makes me cringe even now.
My goodness, Idol Creation. I don't know what to do with my hands and feet….
Personally, I hated survival programs themselves, but with the promise of allowance money if I quietly did as I was told, I inevitably started watching, and….
I didn't know I'd become a fan like that.
However much it was broadcast, scenes of kids who looked much younger than me unable to eat properly, sweating buckets, tumbling around, and getting cursed at weren't a sight I wanted to see.
My brows furrowed on their own.
If you're going to make them do something, at least feed them.
Picking and choosing among kids who'd been through thick and thin together—I snarked at nuna about how annoying that was, saying it was all scripted anyway.
I got smacked once, as if to say I was being noisy, and after that I shut my mouth obediently and fixed my eyes on the video.
Even in the midst of that, the kids somehow endured, crying while hiding in corners, and sang in front of people with puffy, swollen eyes. Was it from then?
I think I just wanted them to succeed.
Thanks to nuna, I watched the video for days on end, and after getting curious and looking up their songs to listen, before I knew it I was trying to get tickets with nuna.
And at some point, I was carrying a camera around filming the kids, editing videos, and had become what's called a fansite master.
I filmed occasionally whenever I had spare time, and since I only shared with people I'd gotten close to, I wasn't a named fansite master, but I liked how Unravel looked on stage, preserved in the records I filmed.
That my babies are handsome, that they try so hard, that they sing amazingly—I wished everyone in the world knew and that they'd walk only a flower path.
Isn't that every fan's heart?
‘Our babies are the cutest in the world.’
And so my active name became Ujelgwi.
* * *
And so the day of the decisive battle dawned. Thanks to having predetermined our order beforehand, I didn't stay up all night, and arrived at the main stadium on the first train at dawn that day.
I couldn't help but let out a foolish grin seeing all the Cotton Balls who had taken their places early everywhere.
“Cotton Balls? How cute.”
The fandom name our Ravelies had decided on, even playing ladder games for it, was Cotton Balls.
How are our babies this cute even in their heads?
“Ujelgwi-nim, over here!”
“Ah, Sejin-nim!”
Unwrapping the food I'd carefully packed for my comrades who must have suffered staying up all night, we chatted away and time flew by in a flash.
“Ah, I forgot to buy batteries…. Ugh, I'm such an idiot.”
“Ah, then I'll go buy some. Since we're short on food too, I can get both.”
The performance time was two hours and thirty minutes, but thanks to the kids who always exceeded that time by default, extra batteries were essential.
Seeing how hollow-eyed everyone was, it seemed they'd all gone without sleep for days burning with fan spirit, so it seemed best for me to go, being the most normal-looking among them.
The nearby convenience store was already sold out, so I was on my way back from walking quite a distance.
A silhouette I felt certain I recognized from the back alone was fidgeting restlessly as if anxious.
‘…! It's Sebin!!’
Though he was in the shade, covered with a mask and hat as if conscious of surrounding eyes, my eyes couldn't be deceived.
As if entranced, I walked closer and briefly overheard a conversation with his group.
“Seokhwan hyung, there's really none? You know….”
“I know, I know, but the candy is all sold out… Who are you?”
The manager, sensing my presence, stood as if covering Sebin and blocked my path. Without thinking, I pulled a lemon-flavored stick candy from my convenience store bag and held it out.
“Um… I think this is what you're looking for. Please take it.”
“Oh, by any chance are you a Cotton Ball…?”
“…Yes. I'll keep it a secret.”
“Thank you…. Would you like an autograph or something…?”
Sebin had the cute habit of relieving extreme pre-performance tension by eating lemon-flavored stick candies, and fans found such Sebin adorable and always carried candy.
Sebin, who had been behind the manager, peeked his face out, received the shyly offered stick candy, and asked cautiously.
To others it might be a funny scene of two grown men offering candy and talking shyly, but we were extremely serious.
Was there ever a moment in my life when I'd been this nervous?
It's true that a fan meeting his idol is nerve-wracking, but our Sebin, who is reserved even with his own fans. As expected, our baby is the cutest…!
And so, shattering that barrier between fan and idol, the most brilliant day of my life approached.
“I'm not going to wash this hand. Hah… fighting for today's concert…!”
“Thank you for the candy. I'll work even harder…!”
A pleased smile didn't leave my lips the entire time I watched Sebin's retreating figure disappear toward the concert hall, waving the candy.
Since he insisted on paying for the candy, I cautiously asked for one selfie, and he offered to take it together.
I was already moved just by getting an autograph, but….
“As expected, our Ravelies are all angels….”
If an idol gets close to a specific fan, other fans will naturally feel hurt. Since Unravel always loved every fan equally, I decided to share this photo only with nuna.
[Nuna, I transcended. This is legendary. Seriously our Raveliesㅠㅠ]
It was the last message of my life.
Should I say it was fortunate that I sent the photo first and then wrote the message?…
On my way back to the concert hall, cutting across the parking lot, there was a car driving at a crazy speed. I failed to see that car, was struck by it, and flew straight into the air.
Having shaken hands, gotten an autograph, and even taken a photo together, I was dazed, so I forgot to check my surroundings. Even setting that aside, I'd never even dreamed there'd be a maniac driving at that speed in a parking lot.
The items in the bag flew through the air along with me, and in a situation my reason couldn't process, I felt my surroundings grow silent.
‘Huh…?’
And in that moment, my body couldn't overcome gravity and was thrown back down to the ground.
If you let your guard down and just stub your little toe on a door frame, it hurts that much. What I felt at that moment was pain as if hundreds of iron skewers were piercing my entire body.
I'd never had a skewer stuck in my body, but isn't it painful enough just getting pricked by a slightly thick needle? This was thousands, tens of thousands of times more painful than that.
Physiological tears burst out on their own. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't say anything aside from croaking sounds.
‘Ah, fuck… Nuna told me to look carefully ahead. Mom, Dad…’
Screams that seemed to tear through the air echoed all around, and soon, blood that must have flowed from my body devoured the concrete floor like ink.
Countless thoughts flashed through my head in an instant, but the thing that remained last was the comedy of the word deokgye-mot.
It was a phrase I'd uttered like a habit, meaning that a fan cannot transcend, but to die right after transcending—this is too unfair.
Soon, along with a tinnitus-like beeping sound, both the pain and consciousness disappeared.
* * *
‘Ah… it's dazzling. …Huh?’
Could it be dazzling? Am I alive?
Feeling as if I'd been hit on the back of the head, I sprang up from my spot, and a cat small enough to fit on both my palms was looking at me.
“Huh… am I alive…?”
“Nope. You're dead.”
“Ah, so this is a dream. Of course, there's no way I'd meet Sebin….”
“Hey, hurry up and get a grip?”
The reason I sprang back up when I'd been about to lie back down was a strong pain striking the back of my head.
“Argh, what the hell!!”
“You, I'm busy, so sit down and listen properly.”
The explanation that followed from this cat—no, from the fairy named Poing, the self-proclaimed guide—wasn’t even funny.
“So, you’re saying you’ll let me be born again?”
“Ha. Are you stupid? Being born again and getting a new body are two completely different things.”
“Either way, I come back to life.”
“I said they’re different. Do you not read books? I heard there are tons of novels like that on Earth.”
“I barely have time to see my kids. Where would I find time to read?”
“This is why working with rookies is…”
I had no way of knowing whether this was reality or a dream… No, to be honest, I was leaning more toward it being a dream.
They say it doesn’t hurt even if you get hit in a dream, though what hit me just now had hurt a lot.
Anyway, apparently I had died, and my desperate feelings had summoned a fairy that granted wishes.
Something like the genie of the lamp I’d seen when I was little.
When I asked if it was the same thing, it looked at me with an extremely pathetic expression.
The fact that I could understand a cat’s expression was hard to accept in itself. Though, to begin with, the fact that it could talk was absurd too.
“You have three choices. You can only pick one of them, and once you choose, you can’t take it back.”
“Why three, of all numbers? Can’t there be more?”
“I heard Koreans like the number three. Not you?”
“Then do people from other countries get more choices?”
“No. Just choose.”
I’d never seen such a sharp person—no, cat—in my life.
After rattling off only what it wanted to say, it moved its front paw as if it couldn’t be bothered, and a shimmering, opaque window appeared before my eyes.
- Stability Type
- Effort Type
- Random
It was a familiar-looking window, like a game interface, so I roughly understood it, but there was no detailed explanation. And what was with that ominous choice at the end?
“Um, Mr. Cat? Poing? I need an explanation for this.”
“Even if I explain, you’re not going to understand anyway.”
“Couldn’t you at least let me try before deciding that…?”
Has anyone ever seen a cat sigh?
Me. Me, right here. And it sighed very blatantly, as if putting on a show. That was one hundred percent on purpose.
Setting aside the difficult terms and explanations, to summarize first: Stability Type had a well-balanced overall setup, while Effort Type, just as the name implied, had an ability growth rate that changed greatly depending on the amount of effort put in.
And Random meant exactly what the word said.
However, after listening to that long, long explanation, I could understand why it had found explaining so annoying.
It said that, due to the nature of this race that called itself fairies, if the target requested it, they were bound by a restriction to give as much explanation as possible.
“So, in conclusion, whatever I choose, it’s all more or less the same?”
“So hurry up, decide, and let’s get going.”
“You’re coming with me too?”
After talking with Poing for a while and building a slight internal sense of closeness, I quietly sat beside it and stroked its fur.
After everything that had happened today, I no longer cared whether this was a dream or whatever else.
Poing, who had been tapping my arm with its front paw as if displeased, soon seemed to find even that annoying and left me alone.
“I have to stay with you until the wish is properly fulfilled. If I just toss you in and leave, all kinds of incidents and accidents could happen.”
“Really?”
“What? Why are you smiling like that?”
“Random.”
“????”
Poing practically leapt into the air and tried to stop me, but whether because what I’d already said had taken effect, the window flickering in front of me slowly melted into thin air.
“Are you insane? How do you know what’ll happen? Why Random!!”
“I’m sure my guide will tell me properly so I don’t end up ruined.”
“Ah, I’m doomed. I said I’m doomed!!”
Poing, who had even started hissing in fury, only calmed down after quite some time, and in the meantime, my body, exhausted from trying to stop Poing as it thrashed around wildly, went limp like a rag.
“I don’t know anymore. You handle it yourself.”
“Haha, won’t it work out somehow?”
Honestly, up until then, I thought this was a fairly detailed and entertaining dream.
A genie of the lamp, after all—it was exactly the stuff of fairy tales.
If I was lucky, I’d come back to life; if I was unlucky, I’d keep having this kind of dream while in a coma. That was about all I thought of it.
Still, just in case.
“Hey, can I ask just one thing?”
“What?”
“What happens to my family? They must have been really sad.”
“…You’re not going back to the world you originally lived in.”
“Huh?”
“A new existence called you will appear in a world where another you lived. You’ll understand the details once you experience it.”
“Ah…”
It seemed there was no mercy even in dreams.
My parents, who had spent their whole lives worrying because of their useless son, and my older sister, who had a bad temper but always tried to take care of me—they would have to keep living after losing “me.”
My mouth tasted very bitter.
Even though it was my dream, somehow the ending didn’t go the way I wanted.
I wanted to hear a detailed explanation of what situation I would be facing from now on, but this arrogant cat only said I’d know once I experienced it, tapping my hand and telling me to pick it up.
Poing looked at me for a moment, meeting my eyes, then tossed out a single remark and placed its adorable pink paw pad on my forehead.
“Anyway, you’re the one who chose it, so don’t blame me.”
And when I opened my eyes, I once again realized my older sister’s greatness.
‘My sister told me not to sign contracts carelessly.’