Episode 105
As Caroline and the count had said, rain began pouring down fiercely that night. It continued to fall the next day as well. And the day after that—the day Isaac and Sasha were to leave the estate—was no different.
Using the weather as an excuse, Caroline had hinted that they might stay another day or so, but both Isaac and Sasha declined, saying that would be difficult. They had already spent several times longer here than originally planned because of the wedding.
Just as had been the case here, they were in a position where they would have to hold another wedding within a week of arriving in the capital, so Sasha and Isaac focused only on preparing to leave.
“Grandmother, how would you feel about coming with us?”
On the morning of their departure, as they were all having breakfast together, Isaac looked at Caroline and spoke. Caroline raised her eyebrows as if she were dumbfounded.
“You ask awfully quickly, Isaac. Shouldn’t you have asked me something like that the day before, at the very least? Never mind that. I’ll stay a few more days before I go. You just focus on preparing for the wedding.”
At Caroline’s caustic reply, Isaac answered, looking somewhat sheepish, “Understood.” After breakfast, Sasha and Isaac each bid farewell to the count and Caroline, then rose from their seats and left the breakfast room. Since they had to depart before the morning was out, there was much to prepare.
“Charles, have you been waiting long?”
“No. Is that the last bag?”
“Yes.”
Perhaps because he had rested comfortably for the past two weeks, Charles had gained some weight, and his complexion looked much better. After handing the last bag over to Charles, Sasha called for the head maid and the butler. They responded to her summons quite naturally.
Standing in the foyer, Sasha calmly instructed them on the things that needed to be managed while she and Isaac were away. Though she had not stayed here long, and though she had never properly examined the ledgers, Sasha had, in that short time, come to understand to some degree how this estate operated.
“Please gather the letters sent to me by the ladies separately and place them on my desk. As for letters addressed to him, ask him how they should be handled. Do not touch any letters addressed to me for the time being. Understood?”
After going through various minor matters, Sasha confirmed even this last point before finally seeming reassured and sending them away. As she stood there waiting a little longer, Isaac came down carrying a suitcase. Behind him, the count and Caroline came down as well.
Just as their welcome had been, their farewell was endlessly simple. The head maid and butler, who had withdrawn earlier, brought the servants out to the foyer and, together with the count and Caroline, saw the Isaac couple off. Sasha, familiarly linking her arm through Isaac’s, received everyone’s farewells, then repeatedly bid farewell to the count and Caroline before taking Isaac’s hand and climbing into the carriage.
Before long, with the sound of a whip cracking, the carriage set off. Sasha opened the window and waved, greeting the people of the estate until the very end, and only after they had grown as small as fingernails in the distance did she close the window again.
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The rain continued to pour without stopping. The sound of it striking the roof without pause meant the inside of the carriage was not particularly silent. How long had it been since they set out? Isaac raised his wrist and checked his watch. About three hours.
Sasha, seated across from him, was reading a book she had taken from her bag. It was a classic novel densely packed with prose. She had been sitting in the same position for some time now, reading nothing but her book.
Every time she turned a page, Isaac unconsciously tapped the floor with the toe of his uncrossed leg, as if anxious. It was an act without awareness. An act that truly revealed his impatience without him realizing it.
Fortunately—no, resentfully—Sasha did not notice at all and remained focused solely on her reading.
She turned the page again. Isaac once more tapped the floor with his toe, as if he might spring to his feet without realizing it.
This time, she lifted her head and looked at him.
“Miss Grayson.”
Just as Isaac, as though he had been waiting for this, mustered his courage and opened his mouth, the carriage stopped, and Charles knocked on the carriage door.
The carriage door opened, and Charles, holding a black umbrella, looked in at them.
“We have arrived at a village with an inn. I thought it might be best to unpack here before it grows any darker. The rain is still pouring, after all.”
Before Isaac could answer, Sasha replied.
“All right. That would be best.”
Charles nodded, then held out the umbrella he was carrying to Isaac.
It was a situation that gave one a strange sense of déjà vu. Hadn’t the rain been pouring like mad that day too? Unlike that day, however, the inn in this village had rooms to spare. Nevertheless, Isaac and Sasha checked into the largest and finest room at the inn.
Yes. Of course. They were husband and wife, after all.
Because they were married, because they had become a real married couple. Even if the very purpose of it was false, and even if it was only for a fixed term of one year.
Miss Grayson, you and I are undeniably—
“If it makes you uncomfortable, you may use a separate room.”
As soon as they entered the room, Sasha said this to Isaac. When Isaac only looked at her without replying, Sasha turned around as if that settled the matter and headed back toward the door. The door opened with a click, then closed. Left alone in the room without her, Isaac glared for a while at the perfectly innocent wall.
For a moment, Isaac ran a hand over his face with a blank expression, as if he had lost his mind somewhere. Then he went over the last conversation he had had with her.
Not just now, but that day.
He went over the last conversation they had had after he kissed her that day.
“……You’ll regret it.”
Even after the kiss ended, he had been so full of lingering attachment that, with trembling hands and no sense of shame, he had cupped her cheeks. Then she had said it to him. That he would regret it.
What had he answered? What had he said in response?
“I won’t.”
That was what Isaac had answered. That he would not regret it.
Then she smiled. After that, she had mumbled something.
Before he could even ask what on earth she meant, that awkward, suffocating atmosphere between them came to an end. When Caroline’s voice calling for Sasha sounded from afar, she said, “I should go.” and rose to her feet. Soon after, she had held out her hand to him as well.
After that, they were once again so busy preparing to leave that they had no time to breathe. Yes. They had been too busy. The two of them had not even had time to talk about it. Though they used the same bedroom, Isaac always woke before she did and left the room, then returned only after she had fallen asleep and barely lay down.
After that, things had somehow been reversed. Because of it, when Isaac, having slept poorly, finally managed to get some rest and wake up, Sasha had already left the room. It had kept happening. Somehow.
As if she were deliberately avoiding him.
Isaac felt as though he finally understood what she had been trying to say.
‘No, not you. Me.’
Behind him, the door opened again.
“Miss Grayson.”
As soon as Sasha opened the door and stepped inside, she lifted her head at the sound of him calling her. Isaac was standing in the exact same posture as before. It seemed he had probably been standing like that for quite some time.
“I’m sorry about that day.”
Isaac turned to look at her and abruptly apologized.
“About kissing you that day.”
He added it so that she could not use her specialty—lightly brushing things aside as if they were nothing. He said he was sorry for kissing her that day.
Sasha was holding soap. The inn had no separate bathroom, so they had to have heated water brought to the room and wash there. Without realizing it, she gripped the soap so hard that her fingerprints were left in it.
“……It’s only natural that you regret it, Miss Grayson. I was thoughtless.”
But at the words that followed, she could not possibly endure without cutting in.
“No. Captain.”
“I understand that you want to pretend it never happened.”
“No. Wait a moment!”
Sasha hurriedly stopped his words, going so far as to step toward him as she spoke. The unfortunate soap was being crushed in her hand all the while. Sasha said, sounding frustrated.
“Wait. Of course that day, it was a little sudden, but it wasn’t particularly your fault, Captain. Do you understand? If we must be precise, it was mutual, including me. Both of us.”
“…….”
“We were simply swept up in the mood. You know that, don’t you? No, you probably don’t. To be honest, I don’t really know either.”
Sasha had reached the point where she no longer knew what she herself was saying.
Whether that was the case or not, Sasha spoke for now.
“In any case, what I mean is that without anyone being at fault, we were simply swept up in the mood together. That happens sometimes.”
“……Where?”
“In books. No, it happens often in reality too. I’m sure everyone has that kind of experience at least once.”
She had truly reached the point where she had no idea what she was saying.
Belatedly, Sasha pinched the flesh of her own thigh with the hand not holding the soap. Only then did she come back to her senses a little. Looking at Isaac, who stood there with an expression as ruined as hers, Sasha felt relieved that he, too, was not in his right mind at the moment.
“I’m sorry. Let me correct myself. In truth, going as far as a kiss is not common. But in any case, I agree with pretending it never happened. Let’s simply make this something that never happened. The two of us.”
“…….”
“We’ve grown very close. We became friends. That’s why we talked so much with each other. So, we…….”
“…….”
“We became too close, and for a moment, we lost our boundaries.”
Even the words she managed to say after somewhat regaining her reason were not much different from what she had said just before. In the end, it was deception.
Deception directed not only at the man before her, but even at herself.
“It was just an incident. Just a kiss.”
“It was not just a kiss. That’s why I suggested we only pretend to kiss at the wedding, wasn’t it?”
She had been caught in a trap of her own making. Sasha looked up at Isaac’s rigid face.
Even though she had gone to the trouble of creating an escape route for him, that man acted as if he did not know it existed. He simply threw himself in.
Yes. That man had always been like this.
“……It’s all right, Isaac. You don’t have to apologize.”
It felt as though her mind had gone completely rigid. For the past two days, she had deliberately avoided him and thought up countermeasures in her own way, but as soon as Isaac looked at her with that face, all of it turned into scraps of paper. He shook her head empty and drove out every thought. Quite literally, and stupidly.
Isaac looked at Sasha’s face, which no longer held a smile meant to comfort him, and continued.
“No. I want to apologize. But I do not agree that it was a kiss we were simply swept into. That is true only for you.”
As he always had, he simply said everything he wanted to say with stubborn honesty.
“I did not kiss you with such a light heart…… nor because I was swept away.”
He truly just let it all out.
“I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. ……Because I like you.”