Episode 101
Before she knew it, nearly two full weeks had passed since she had come to stay at the count’s estate. After wrapping up the hastily prepared wedding within a week, she had spent another three days on the after-party and celebratory banquet, so to Sasha, it felt as though about ten days had flown by in the blink of an eye.
Even after sending all the guests away, Sasha had been busy for several days acting as the new mistress of the house and tending to every corner of the mansion. Isaac had been extremely awkward about it, but Sasha simply thought of it as one of her natural contractual obligations. Of course, the way she looked after every corner of the estate was filled with blatant personal consideration solely for Isaac, but Sasha didn’t bother to voice it and take credit. Not to Isaac, nor to herself.
‘Strictly speaking, it’s just something like goodwill.’
Sasha rationalized her actions that way. As if brainwashing herself, she muttered that regardless of having developed a rational fondness for Isaac, because she and Isaac had grown quite close, it was merely the goodwill she gladly bestowed.
Yes. Of course. Even close friends would do this much. Isn’t that right?
…Anyway, that’s right.
Even if it isn’t, that’s right.
“Young Madam. These are letters that have arrived for you.”
“Leave them there, please. Thank you.”
It was early afternoon, just past noon. After having tea with Caroline and returning to the bedroom, Sasha immediately sat at her desk and sorted through the letters. One was from Attorney Turner, and one was from Jason at the Dilton Estate. Two in total.
Even amid her busy days, she had been diligently enclosing and sending the problematic ‘homework’ in her letters, so the letter from Mr. Turner contained nothing more than confirmation that he had received it well. It was so like him.
The letter from Jason was not only more respectful than that but had an affectionate side to it. Jason said that upon reading Sasha’s previous letter, he had immediately begun preparing for the wedding in the capital. The new dress and frock coat had arrived, the wedding ring was complete, and he was proceeding with preparations at his discretion, leaving only the major matters that required Sasha’s decision.
At the end of the letter, there was a cautious question asking when she might be able to return to the capital. Sasha picked up a quill and wrote back that while it wasn’t certain yet, she planned to return by next week at the latest.
She had just finished writing the reply to Mr. Turner as well and was calling for a servant to ask for the letters to be sent, when the servant who had politely taken the letters asked Sasha, “The study reorganization is finished; would you like to take a look, madam?”
“Ah, yes. I’ll go see it now.”
With a face showing belated realization, Sasha nodded and promptly changed direction. It was originally Isaac’s bedroom. The room said to receive the most sunlight in the mansion. The room that his brother had arbitrarily converted into a study and done away with as soon as Isaac entered military academy.
The thought that struck her the moment she entered was, So what changed? Of course, she had expected no grand transformations in just a few days, but Sasha raised an eyebrow at the furniture arrangement that didn’t seem much different from when she had briefly seen it a few days ago.
Then, as she approached the bookshelf and read through the titles of the books with a rather indifferent gaze, she smiled unconsciously.
The History of Ciphers, Mathematical Cryptanalysis, Information Transmission and Messages in War. No matter who looked at them, they were books far removed from literary refinement. They were books that only a young Isaac preparing to enter military academy would have sought out, filling the shelves.
Just as Sasha pulled out one of them and was about to open it, a nearby tap gave away someone’s presence.
Sasha’s head turned reflexively toward the sound. Her eyes met Isaac’s, who was standing blankly before the open door.
“…The door was open.”
Without even being asked, Isaac spoke quickly.
“Please come in. It was originally your room, after all.”
“…”
“Of course, if you aren’t busy? You seem to have been truly busy these past few days….”
Sasha spoke with quite a bit of emotion without realizing it. Isaac really had seemed busy. At least from her perspective. So much so that it was a stretch to call them people sharing one bed—when she woke, he was already gone, and even at night, he only appeared quietly after she had fallen asleep, lying beside her at some point.
Isaac tilted his head at Sasha’s sulky expression, yet couldn’t readily step inside, and eventually hesitated before crossing the threshold into the study.
It was a room he had never entered even once after Edmund converted it into a study. Originally his room.
“Ah, there’s a Firearm Maintenance Manual here too. I could study this on my own.”
“No. I remember the promise I made in passing last time.”
Just as Sasha pulled out another book, Isaac approached her side somewhat urgently. A shadow fell over her head in an instant.
It was a promise-not-a-promise he had made while talking with her the day after Isaac gifted her the pistol. That he would teach her not only shooting but also how to clean the gun.
“…It wasn’t as if I was urging you. I’m glad you remember.”
Sasha said, smiling as though she were satisfied simply by him coming back into her sight after several days. Isaac scratched the back of his neck as if embarrassed.
“Are you on your way back from being with the Count?”
“…Yes.”
Isaac lied. He had indeed been with the Count all morning, but immediately after finishing lunch, he had gone straight to the stables, ridden a horse, and circled the estate. He had wanted to clear his head for a moment. No, in truth, these past few days, he had been doing anything and everything that would help clear his head.
Now, looking her in the eyes was unbearable. As much as he despised lies, Isaac was poor at telling them, and his conscience pricked him so that he couldn’t look Sasha in the eyes properly. However, just as Sasha had wanted to see him deep down, he too had wanted to see her, so his gaze unconsciously turned toward her face.
Unable to bring himself to meet her eyes, Isaac looked only at her nose, then, remembering the wedding, quickly looked at her lips, then startled, lowered his gaze to her chin, repeating this cycle.
“But there are only truly interesting books here. Have you been interested in cryptography… things like this from the beginning?”
“…Yes. I’ve been interested in it from the beginning. The way people hide messages, each in different ways… was quite interesting.”
Isaac disliked appearing docile to others. The things that had happened at military academy after separating from Edmund and his family had only solidified such a conviction—not quite a conviction. The green young cadets had hesitated at Isaac’s imposing build and fierce-looking impression, but when he seemed more easygoing than expected, they had been desperate to push him around.
After going through those experiences, no matter who he met, a fierce expression automatically settled on his face to match his appearance. His speech came out rough as well. He sometimes acted rudely on purpose.
Isaac suddenly recalled that he had acted that way toward Sasha when they first met, just as he did with everyone else, and felt ashamed. Why had he acted so bristly toward this small woman who barely reached his chest? How much of a ruffian must he have looked like to her?
“This is one of my most cherished books. It’s a book written by a monk of the old Mingel Empire….”
And now he thought of it.
…Now he thought of it.
“A book that was written?”
“…”
Her face was right in front of him. By now, he should have been quite used to this sort of distance, but the present Isaac could not manage it at all.
“It’s interesting. Very.”
Isaac answered with a rigidly stiff face and shoved the book he had picked up haphazardly into an empty space.
“Really? Do you think I could understand it if I read it?”
“You cannot. It will be very boring for you, Miss Grayson.”
Isaac had reached a point where he no longer knew what he was saying.
His head spun round and round. What was the use of recalling the sides of himself he hadn’t shown her now? From the very beginning, he was a man who had made a wretched first impression on her. Walking in drenched with rain from head to toe, hitting her guest, ruining the party. As if that weren’t enough, snubbing her when she came to find him later.
Yes. If he enumerated them one by one, he had only shown her ugly sights enough to keep one up all night. Was that all? She had seen him in that ridiculous outfit, had seen his backside too. …His backside too. He had shown her every laughable sight.
And now she simply knew everything about him. What kind of family environment he had grown up in, what history he had, everything from the first twist in his life onward. Because he had confessed it all to her himself. Because he had wanted her to listen. …Yes. Because he had wanted her to listen.
“…Miss Grayson.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. This room… I never even thought of it….”
Looking at her standing calmly among the things he had loved the most, he could no longer control his heart at all. He felt strangely choked up.
Now that he realized this relationship was only for a year, it tormented him.
“It’s nothing. I was simply curious too. About what kind of things were originally in your room.”
“…Are you curious about me?”
“Yes.”
Sasha answered readily with an utterly innocent face.
Isaac’s blue eyes shifted anxiously.
“After all, by now you… know everything about me. How much I….”
“Yes. I know a fair amount about you by now. That the rumors surrounding you, the ones that made everyone avoid you, were all lies.”
Sasha cut his words off aptly and spoke.
“The ones saying you were a thoughtless troublemaker, things like that. And the rumors that surrounded you afterward during your cadet days are all lies too, aren’t they? That you beat up your seniors.”
“…No. That one is true.”
As someone who was terrible at lying, Isaac had already reached his limit and quickly corrected her.
“…That one is somewhat true. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I was in many ways worse than I am now back then. Sometimes I almost deliberately picked fights as if venting my anger. Anyway, I am… not such an innocent and pure person.”
“…Oh. Yes. I understand. So it was a sort of wandering period. Right? So, basically, just adolescence.”
“If adolescence lasts past the age of twenty, that’s just being a good-for-nothing.”
Instead of responding to Isaac’s somewhat self-deprecating words, Sasha stared at him intently. Isaac belatedly whipped his gaze away from her.
Recalling Jeffrey Grayson, Sasha almost said, I don’t think you’ve seen a real good-for-nothing, but stopped herself.
“Miss Grayson.”
“Yes.”
It was now approaching three in the afternoon. The sunlight was at its most piercing, pouring in intensely through the window to the point of being burdensome. Isaac, who knew the structure of this room well, had stood with his back to the sunlight from early on.
“Do you like this place?”
“Yes. The books are interesting.”
“No, I mean… the entire mansion. This estate. Of course, compared to your mansion, Miss Grayson….”
“I like it. Why do you ask?”
Only now did Sasha ask him. What is wrong with you?
His stomach churned. He felt like he might throw up.
Isaac kneaded the back of his neck needlessly hard with a sweating hand.
“…You may come here anytime. I mean.”
He added somewhat urgently and hastily.
“Even after our… contract ends. Even if we are no longer husband and wife… anytime….”
He really felt like he would throw up.
“You may come.”