〈 Episode 431 〉 The Lake of Regret.
By the time the banquet ended, night had deepened.
A full moon hung in the sky, and I was slowly walking along the Tang Clan’s promenade.
Uhyeok had said the food was delicious and that he would eat more.
Cheoljiseon seemed to be of the same mind, so I left them behind and came out alone.
“Huu.”
Tonight was unusually bright.
The lanterns hanging throughout illuminated the streets.
And the full moon floating overhead was shining with unusual brilliance.
The exact opposite of my mood.
The world appeared nothing but bright to me.
Surveying my surroundings with dark, sunken eyes, I quietly opened my mouth.
“What of the White Lotus Sword?”
At my question, Dangdeok, who had been following from a distance, raised his head.
-She said she would drink.
“I had a feeling she would.”
That was exactly what that woman would do. I let out a slight smile and started walking again.
“Return to your room and wait quietly. I’ll walk a bit before going back.”
“...”
At my command, Dangdeok glared at me as if to shoot daggers, but before long, he moved his feet.
Taking him around here for long was a problem in itself.
After confirming Dangdeok had disappeared, I stopped walking for a moment.
I ran my hand over my body once.
And I recalled what Shinui had said about death.
‘Death.’
Had he said my vessel had reached its limit?
‘No wonder.’
I had wondered why the headaches and mood swings I’d been feeling lately had been so severe; it seemed this had been the problem after all.
My body’s balance was gradually twisting, so its effects had been spreading gradually.
The Tuapacheonmu was correcting my flesh and artificially carrying out a bone transformation.
If the bone transformation were completed, the vessel would naturally grow larger as well.
But would it be possible to catch up to the speed at which it was cracking?
Moreover, the more energy I accumulated, the faster the vessel would shatter. Training itself was a dangerous state.
Paejon had said that at this rate, I would reach that realm within twenty years.
Twenty years of learning martial arts to undergo bone transformation.
This was truly an incredible speed.
But had he said ten years remained for me?
He had said I might even reach the age of forty, so I might have more than twenty years left.
Even so, it would be right to assume ten years.
What were the odds of achieving bone transformation within that time?
Moreover, with the Blood Calamity right before my eyes, could I even choose to build up my realm?
I didn’t think so.
‘Ten years, huh.’
I repeated the thoughts in my ice-cold mind.
How much time remained until the war?
The flow had been pulled forward by several years, so I had to account for that as well.
I supposed I could slightly revise the plans I had made.
Was there a way to gather more strength?
I would have to seek out secret vaults hidden throughout the realm where inner pellets or rare treasures might lie.
After building more power, I would also have to overturn the Murim Alliance once.
I would wrap all of that up within five years.
Then the remaining five years would have to be devoted to the war.
“Haha.”
I burst into laughter as I thought about it.
Plans were always so precise, yet accidents always erupted from unexpected places.
Not everything would flow according to my thoughts.
My death was such a thing as well.
“This isn’t good.”
I was not afraid of death.
I had thought this day might come someday.
I had known that continuously overturning the predicted flow so presumptuously would cause something like this.
Even knowing it all, now that it was upon me, many thoughts came to mind.
‘Shinui had said he wouldn’t give me the medicine, hadn’t he?’
Only with Shinui’s medicine was it ten years; without it, did it mean I could die as soon as tomorrow?
Even if not tomorrow, a year.
If shorter than that, six months, or perhaps a month.
Not bad.
This didn’t mean that death coming was not bad.
‘Having met Shinui here.’
That was what was not bad.
Even Paejon would not have known there was something wrong with my body.
He was a martial artist, not a physician.
Surely he would not have known about the problem with my vessel.
Had he known, he wouldn’t have made me train so excessively….
‘…No, he might have done it even if he knew.’
With that madman’s personality, it might have been possible, but I didn’t think so.
This was a stroke of fortune.
Meeting Shinui here was a coincidence; Shinui discerning the abnormality in my body was a stroke of fortune.
Furthermore, knowing that he could make a medicine to prolong my life from death was also a fortune.
Hadn’t he said he wouldn’t give me the medicine?
Judging by his eyes, those words were sincere, and he surely wouldn’t easily change his mind.
It didn’t matter.
As my head cooled, my gaze also grew frigid.
Despite his sharp tone and rough attitude, Shinui was deeply affectionate.
I could tell by the way he acted toward me even though he hadn’t seen me in several years.
Not only that.
‘Your weakness is too great, Shinui.’
He had a clear weakness.
Jegalhyeok.
From the time I spent with him in Guga, I had learned one thing.
The reason he wandered throughout the Central Plains was because of Jegalhyeok.
I didn’t know the exact reason, but I was certain of this much.
Then what was the purpose of doing so?
He might not know himself, but there were a few guesses, and most of these guesses would become Shinui’s weaknesses.
Even if not, going further.
Jegalhyeok himself was Shinui’s weakness.
Using that wouldn’t be very difficult for me.
“...”
I felt so coldly composed in recalling the methods one by one that even I was surprised.
Was it because Jegalhyeok would play a major role in the Blood Calamity later?
‘No.’
It wasn’t.
It was simply because neither Shinui nor Jegalhyeok was very important to me.
The mindset that I could discard them at any time.
That filthy, heavy sensation made me feel like retching.
Suppressing my self-loathing, I moved my legs.
Rustle.
I took a step.
And I thought.
Then what was important?
Was my death important?
That wasn’t either.
I wasn’t particularly attached to this life.
I had been so since the moment I regressed.
A second chance? A chance for what?
A chance to atone for the things I had done with my own hands in my previous life?
‘Haha….’
Futile.
Even if I atoned now for the deeds of my past life, could that truly be called atonement?
It was merely self-satisfaction.
Nothing more than a delusion that I had paid for my sins.
Then.
What was the reason I sought to prolong this dull life even though I didn’t desire it?
I didn’t need to ponder this for long.
Because I had known the reason all along.
“Young Master?”
“...”
Someone let out a surprised voice upon seeing me.
It was Wiseola.
Why was Wiseola here?
Thinking so, I looked around and realized I had come to the lodgings where Wiseola was staying.
If Wiseola was here….
I turned my head slightly to the side.
Beside her, Namgung Bia was also sitting and looking at me.
I had heard they were staying in the same quarters.
Namgung Bia watched me at my sudden appearance, then instantly widened her eyes and approached.
Wiseola did the same.
“…Young Master? Is something wrong…?”
The two approached and made worried expressions as they looked at my face.
Seeing that, I smiled bitterly.
It seemed I wasn’t very good at managing my expressions.
It all gave me away.
I would have preferred this not to be noticed.
“Nothing happened.”
“…You’re lying.”
At my words, Namgung Bia made an expression as if she couldn’t believe me at all.
Still, it couldn’t be helped.
‘Did I walk here without realizing it?’
I had walked and walked thoughtlessly, meaning I had headed here instinctively.
I wasn’t even a dog, so what kind of ridiculous tale was this?
Namgung Bia and Wiseola, seeing my state, seemed to sense something strange.
Well, it was only natural for them to react that way when I had appeared out of nowhere.
What should I say?
I pondered for a moment.
Nothing in particular came to mind.
So for now, I decided to speak the feeling exactly as it was.
“I just wanted to see you.”
“…!”
“So I came by for a moment.”
Suddenly wanting to see you.
It seemed those were the only words I could utter right then.
I approached the two, who had widened their eyes in surprise, even closer.
The way they stood frozen like stones was strangely fascinating.
I chuckled at the sight and reached out.
Rustle.
“…!”
“Ah…!”
I embraced them, cautiously yet with some force.
For a brief moment I felt resistance, but they quickly relaxed and came into my arms.
Their hair fluttered, tickling the tip of my nose.
The faint scent of their skin allowed my heavy heart to set down a little.
If I had hugged them suddenly, they might have been startled enough to say something.
But the two said nothing.
Were they that surprised?
When I was beginning to feel apologetic.
Rustle.
I felt a hand carefully stroking down my back. Rather than scolding me, it seemed they thought this took priority.
Feeling that, I closed my eyes.
‘So small.’
I could feel the bodies of the two in my embrace.
Thin and small.
No matter how strong the energy contained within, they were small and frail.
Even as they comforted me without knowing the cause, my head remained complicated.
The reason I sought to prolong this dull life.
I thought of that.
‘Ah….’
And I recalled.
The peace and tranquility that Cheonghaeilgeom had spoken of.
The old man’s wrinkled eyes asking me where my peace was came to mind.
I also recalled the answer I had been unable to give then.
‘I suppose my peace is this.’
May peace rest upon those who died for me.
And may the lives of those in my embrace be tranquil from now on.
A life for those who had burned their lives for me, even if I did not hold them in my arms.
If it was a life for that, then this life was enough.
Did he say ten years?
I would end the Blood Calamity within that time.
I would do it even if I couldn’t.
I just had to get it done somehow.
I had discarded the option of giving up long ago.
For that, I could give up anything.
And become anything.
Tight.
I held them tightly and buried my face in their shoulders.
And I thought.
‘I can do it.’
I will not crumble.
I repeated that endlessly.
******************
The next day, the moment morning came, I faced the Poison King.
“I apologize for the early hour, Lord Tang Patriarch.”
It was the time when others were just beginning their morning training.
A time when they would not even have properly eaten yet.
Seeing me who had come so abruptly, the Poison King furrowed his brow.
Looking at him, I smiled slightly and spoke.
“About the lake I spoke of before. May I see it now?”