| Episode 148. Establishing Measures to Prevent a Recurrence (1)
Jeong Seongbin is kind.
He never puts up walls between himself and anyone, and is gentle with everyone.
He is full of affection, able to look after each individual person. And if the other person was weak, Jeong Seongbin would hover around them and pay special attention.
That same Jeong Seongbin had clearly avoided me at breakfast. He had sat farther away than usual, and visibly flinched whenever Mother mentioned me.
Since he had come all the way to my room after acting like that in front of everyone, I figured he must have something to say, which was why I had told him to sit down for now.
But even after sitting side by side on the bed, Jeong Seongbin found it difficult to open his mouth.
The only thing he managed to say was……
‘Lie down. You must be tired.’
……and that was all.
Before I knew it, I had become an arrogant eldest brother who made Jeong Seongbin, who had come to see me about something, sit there while I lay down. No matter how gentle his tone was, it was difficult to ignore something the leader said.
My poor pillowcase was going to be soaked through. I would have to wash it again in secret tomorrow.
I tucked a towel between my head and the pillow, then glanced over at Jeong Seongbin’s expression.
His complexion was dark. I might have been reading too much into it, but he looked a little troubled as well.
“Who made our leader upset?”
“…….”
“Tell me. I’ll show you the textbook example of a member’s loyalty to the head of the organization.”
When I tossed out the joke, his head turned toward me.
His trembling lips showed beneath his hair.
“Hyung.”
“Yeah.”
Jeong Seongbin lowered his head.
“I’m sorry.”
The bedsheet wrinkled and twisted beneath Jeong Seongbin’s clenched fist.
“I knew that you weren’t the type to do anything halfheartedly.”
“Seongbin.”
“I was being unreasonable because I was upset.”
Jeong Seongbin couldn’t lift his face.
He seemed to think that my collapsing during the live broadcast of the finals was his fault.
It wasn’t unreasonable for him to think that way. After I accepted the proposal that I not participate, Jeong Seongbin had made a counterproposal, saying that he would somehow get me to take part.
But I was the one who had accepted in the end. There was no reason for Jeong Seongbin to feel guilty.
If anyone should be sorry, it should be me. I had put together a team to enter the competition, only to be the sole person who left early during the final presentation.
Even so, it seemed to have continued to weigh on Jeong Seongbin. He appeared to think that both my going onstage for the finals and my collapsing had been his responsibility.
“I didn’t have to get you onstage in order to make a place for you, but I was shortsighted and……”
“Okay, that’s enough.”
I cut off Jeong Seongbin as he tried to dig himself into a hole.
Since I rarely interrupted other people, he opened his eyes wide and looked at me.
“Sorry for cutting you off. I wanted to ask you something.”
Jeong Seongbin didn’t bother answering. Instead, he leaned his body slightly toward me.
“Seongbin.”
“Yes.”
“Putting aside whether you’re sorry or anything like that, how did it feel when all six of us went onstage together?”
Jeong Seongbin couldn’t answer hastily. His eyes wavered.
He was so transparent. Transparent enough to make me feel as though I had to be honest with him too.
“I liked it.”
“…….”
“We really worked hard preparing for it. I was glad we could finish it safely. It was an opportunity that would never come again.”
I hadn’t been the only one who had worked hard for Awangsil.
They had all practiced until they were ready to drop, grinding their bodies down. Even while filming that notoriously grueling survival program, they had made it all the way to second place without fighting or making mistakes.
They deserved to feel the joy that came from their accomplishment.
“Let’s not cover up something that could become a good memory with bad memories. It’d be a waste.”
“…….”
“I’ll ask again. How was it doing the finals with all six of us?”
I gave Jeong Seongbin one more chance.
Jeong Seongbin hesitated for a long while. He couldn’t bring himself to speak comfortably.
But before long, he smiled as though admitting that he had lost, and said,
“It was the best.”
There was nothing more to hear after that.
I closed my eyes, saying that I was going to sleep for a while.
Jeong Seongbin watched me for a moment, then closed the door and left.
From outside the room, I could hear Lee Cheonghyeon asking Jeong Seongbin whether their conversation had gone well, his feet restlessly shuffling about. The sound reached me like white noise.
* * *
To celebrate the end of Awangsil, spArk received a short holiday.
It was only two days, but the spArk guys each went out to find something to do.
First, Jeong Seongbin was busy in various ways contacting the company. Quite a few programs had offered him appearances while he was on Awangsil, and now that there was some room in his schedule, it seemed those offers were finally being passed on to him.
Kang Giyeon said she wanted to read comic books for the first time in a while and didn’t come out of her room. I had heard that reading comic books was her hobby, but she seemed to like it quite seriously. She didn’t get out of bed for hours on end.
Park Ju-u went out to buy a secondhand album. Apparently, a rare item that money couldn’t even buy had been listed on Hongdangmu Market. Worried that he might get scammed, I had sent Choe Jeho along with him, but thankfully, it had been a legitimate transaction.
And I……
“Hyung, have you picked out your spoon yet?”
“No. Why on earth do I have to use a Pororo children’s cutlery set as a hostage?”
I was being pressured by the guys asking whether I wanted the red spoon or the blue spoon.
It had all started with the dishes.
While I was hospitalized, spArk had divided up even my share of the housework among themselves.
Now that I had been discharged, I was about to reclaim my rubber gloves, but some of the guys strongly stopped me.
I didn’t push them aside and shout, ‘Shut up! I’m in charge of the dishes in this house!’ They had looked genuinely worried about me.
I endured it even when they wouldn’t let me touch the laundry. I did feel a little guilty about resting without doing any housework, but it was true that it was comfortable. If necessary, I could always do something else.
But……
“We have perfectly good spoons and chopsticks, so why are you trying to buy new ones? And ones like these, no less?”
“The cutlery at our place is old, so it’s kind of heavy. If you want to focus on recovering, we need to prevent you from spending energy on unnecessary things. Plastic seems light and perfect!”
……this was a different matter. No, it went beyond being a different matter. It was excessive.
I stared blankly at the screen Lee Cheonghyeon was rapidly scrolling through.
A 5,690-won ‘Pororo Children’s 3D-Handle Cutlery Set’ in various colors flashed past my eyes.
“You’re joking, right?”
“I even got a discount coupon.”
Lee Cheonghyeon was more serious than anyone.
I looked around, but everyone avoided my gaze. Did that mean everyone in this house had agreed to make me use Pororo cutlery? I couldn’t believe it.
Lee Cheonghyeon really did—with Choe Jeho’s help—pay for a set of sky-blue cutlery. Then he happily announced that he had even gotten the shipping fee discounted.
I desperately wanted to say something, but I held it in. At present, I was far too weak against spArk. With such a feeble heart, I couldn’t chew them out.
“Phew……”
I let out a deep sigh and fled to my room. Then I turned on my laptop and slowly crawled beneath the blankets.
If I typed away on my laptop in the living room, who knew who might interrupt me again? I shouldn’t leave this room for at least thirty minutes……
『spArk’s Treasure Vault
Please enter your password.』
……
Who was it?
Who had set a password on the shared laptop without even making an announcement?
* * *
“Hyung, are you angry……?”
“No.”
“You look angry……”
“There’s no way. I’m just amazed by your enthusiasm.”
Beside Park Ju-u, who was busy watching my expression, I absentmindedly sucked on a pouch of red ginseng. It was the second round of restorative food Mother had left behind from Jeong Seongbin’s family.
Even after the laptop incident, I suffered through all kinds of hardships. They bothered me from every direction.
Eventually, I reached the point where I couldn’t tell whether I was struggling because of the aftereffects of my injuries or because I was so irritated by those guys.
I’ll admit it honestly. They had been so meticulous that I almost suspected they had spent the entire time I was asleep plotting all sorts of nonsense.
Which only made me angrier. If they could agree on things this well, why had they once been so desperate to keep from being apart?
‘Hyung, we’re going to practice.’
‘Then I’ll come too…….’
‘Get some rest. Contact us if you need anything!’
‘No, I’ll just sit there…….’
‘We’ll be back!’
They had even gone off to practice, leaving me behind. Jeong Seongbin had ignored my words and run off with such ruthless efficiency.
In the end, all I could do was sit propped up against the bed and listen endlessly to the hard rock albums Park Ju-u had procured.
I wished someone would steal a bass from UA for me. I could at least loosen up my fingers while I was resting.
Oh, I also checked the system thoroughly. I didn’t often get the chance to stare into empty space without worry.
I checked my résumé for the first time in what felt like a million years.
I had left it alone for a while because there hadn’t seemed to be any sign of my stats increasing, but there had been some changes after all.
+
Performance Evaluation (100)
─ Vocal Proficiency: 11(▲)/20
─ Dance Proficiency: 9/20
─ Self-Promotion: 17(▲)/20
─ Attendance Management: 18/20
─ Adaptability within the Organization: 15(▲)/20
─ Cumulative Fatigue: 10%
+
The increase in vocal proficiency made sense. I had sung hard.
But why had my self-promotion and adaptability within the organization increased?
‘Self-promotion probably went up because of the Yoo Hansu incident, considering it also increased when that clip of me drinking went around…… But what’s adaptability within the organization?’
I was pondering that when the system appeared.
+
[SYSTEM] A work directive from ‘The Person in Charge’ has arrived.
▶ The atmosphere on Assistant Manager Kim’s team seems good these days, huh? It would be nice if that teamwork led to results. You know what I mean, right?
+
Apparently, it meant how well I got along with the spArk guys.
That had…… gone up quite a lot……
Nothing else had changed in particular. Before I became an idol, the system had been desperate to wring me dry. Now, it seemed to have realized that I couldn’t go completely off the rails and was leaving me alone.
How much farther was I from achieving the KPI of getting first place on a music show?
What would the next KPI be once that was over?
What if it told me to hold a fan meeting? What if it even demanded a concert? Could I really take responsibility for all those things?
After worrying over this and that, I gave up. Whatever happened, the fact remained that I would have to deal with it when the time came.
Instead, I decided to think positively. For example, what would be nice to do when I got to meet my older sister?
‘Should I tell her to take an overseas trip or something? I think Assistant Manager Song mentioned somewhere she liked.’
I also remembered the one-day classes that had been candidates for the workshop. There had been classes for making accessories like bracelets, as well as pottery and candles.
If it were my sister…… she went around saying she wanted to burn everything down, so it might be nice to tell her to go make candles once a week.
Or, I vaguely remembered hearing that one of her friends played golf. Maybe I could tell her to try taking up golf.
‘I’ve heard it costs a lot. I should have asked people how much it costs.’
Everything my sister liked was cost-effective. That included bungeoppang sold in winter, making small bets at an outdoor baseball practice field, and visiting arboretums each season.
I didn’t dislike things that could make me happy in small ways either, but if every part of life consisted of only those things, it could grow tiresome at times.
Wouldn’t it be all right to have at least one thing I truly loved?
Something I could simply enjoy in peace, without being constrained by time or money.
I brought over my diary and wrote down a small goal on the very last page.
Let my sister do at least one thing she wants to do to her heart’s content.
I had done nothing more than set a goal, yet I felt proud.
This was the first time. When I thought of my sister, anticipation had come before guilt.