People curse when they run out of things to say, but when they run out of words entirely, they can’t even curse.
“Wow… he’s a real crazy bastard. How the hell did he pretend to be so docile in the army?”
“You’d know someone *could* do it, but it takes insane guts to actually pull off that kind of insanity…”
After finishing a completely unfulfilling day and returning to the barracks, turning on the TV, the first news they see is this.
That a guy who was eating the same chow and serving the same time as them until recently is now dragging the police and military on a sightseeing tour of Seoul? What absurd nonsense.
Clicking their tongues, they couldn’t help but start thinking, *Thank god he didn’t pull that shit when he lived with us.*
Amid the angry twin headlights of countless cars heading home from work, Kim Chomok moves faster than anyone.
While footage is being reported of him passing countless smartphones filming him, shouting, “Ability is guilty! Inability is innocent!”
“…Are we walking right now, or are we riding in a car?”
“It’s better than walking around carrying heavy stuff. Here, have a drink.”
The traffic congestion in Mapo District, already creating a hellish transit situation, was perfect for tying down the troops.
At rush hour when everyone in Yeouido pours out, of all things, the only exits were Mapo Bridge and Jemulpogil—just two of them.
Anyone could tell they’d be stuck between the lanes crawling at the speed of a caterpillar.
In a country where the military and police are already treated poorly enough, they’d gone and provided a direct cause for irritation themselves.
Honk—!! Beeeeep—!!
“Hey! You think being soldiers makes you gods?! We’re already gridlocked, what kind of damn operation is this, you bastards!!”
“You’re supposed to protect Korea, not block my way home!! Stop cutting in, damn it!!”
Already resigned to hearing nothing pleasant, the soldiers quietly began inserting orange earplugs.
Unless Kim Chomok was caught while genuinely pulling his “filthy dangerous super-mutant madman” act,
the ones who had directly inflicted pain and harm on the citizens had, so far, been the soldiers and police, so what could they say?
“…Ugh, my ass already hurts and now my heart aches too, can you believe… why are you hitting yourself?”
*Slap!*
“Ah, mosquitoes! Guess because it’s night, they’re swarming like crazy… ah…”
Young men dragged here against their will, forced to listen to cursing and shouting for over an hour,
depressed and continuously shaken, even while steadily donating blood for the mosquitoes yet to be born,
“When are we arriving?! Right now only the command element has moved out! We can’t even do the encirclement or anything!”
“…We’ve received a report that we’ll probably have to stay on the road for at least another hour.”
Since they’d moved out first while the others were still packing, the high-ranking officials who had already arrived at the destination were burning with anxiety.
It was already time to begin civilian control and containment operations, but of all routes, theirs was over Yeouido and Mapo.
A traffic congestion zone in which subways and foot traffic¹—tradition and trust—reign supreme, widely recognized as no place to take a car!
“Then should we get out and do traffic control to get them here… Haah, we can’t, can we?”
“…I suppose not. If we’re unlucky enough to touch some VIP’s car, that’ll be a real pretty sight.”
It’s not like they couldn’t get out and direct traffic to let the military trucks through first, but
that’s only possible with decent traffic conditions. Doing that shit during rush hour?
Before Kim Chomok, the citizens of Seoul would sincerely swing their civil complaint blades to cut their throats.
“…Damn it, tell them to hurry! And prepare the combat rations ahead of time!”
“Yes, since it might be caught on camera, we’ll prepare the latest model that looks good when you pull the tab.”
The troops who had been brought out to tie that damned bastard down, even a little, or at least to negotiate,
had instead become shackles binding their own feet in Seoul’s unique environment.
No matter how this ended, they were in a situation where instead of worrying about promotion, they had to worry about *what to do after discharge*.
“Sigh… Let’s feed the kids and review the containment operation one more time.”
It was the moment they realized the arrest operation they had initially thought was an opportunity was actually a slowly simmered broth of rotting bones.
Ah, of course, the real worst hadn’t even started yet.
“Is containment even the issue? I came because I saw Car No. 2²… Oh, this, this is the correct answer, huh?”
Anyone who’s ever set foot in the military knows the identity of the car painted with a white “1” instead of a license plate.
At minimum, it’s a battalion commander’s car; if you’re lucky, it’s dedicated to someone even higher.
“Uwaaah—!! It’s the target!!”
“Is my mouth watering? What guts do you have to crawl out early with hardly any escort around?”
He’d already devoured instant ramen, triangular kimbap, and hot bars from a nearby convenience store, but…
“Round 1 was a game of tag inside Seoul, right? It’s getting dark, so I was thinking of changing the rules a bit.”
—Round 2 is hide-and-seek among ten million happy citizens. Be-gin!
Kim Chomok was still very, very hungry.
***
“What are you looking at! Turn it off immediately?! TV viewing is prohibited until I finish speaking!”
Naturally, before long, all units had their TV privileges banned under the pretext of “insufficient mental discipline,” but…
“What? I don’t wanna. I’m heading home soon anyway, so who cares what the higher-ups babble about.”
“……Ugh, from specialist sergeants to ROTC³ officers, it’s a perfect spread of short-timers, short-timers…!!”
As the saying goes, when those above set policies, those below find countermeasures or irresponsibility; everyone ignored it, picking their ears.
“H-honestly, watching those bastards who extended my active duty get screwed feels so refreshing, like my chest is wide open…”
They were already an ability user unit given the hardest, most annoying tasks, and now they were stealing their free time too?
“…I know what you mean… do what you want. Just don’t involve me.”
No matter how oblivious and strip-everything-down the army is, it doesn’t only gather people without brains.
Like some idiot who wasn’t even a honeybee but felt love for a hornet nest and died, weren’t they basically saying “please kill me”?
*What the hell are the higher-ups thinking? The kids are only behaving this much because they’re good-natured as it is.*
Did they even know how serious it was when the kids’ eyes rolled back after their military service was extended?
If it weren’t for the unit where everyone went out armed under the pretext of Gates, they would have been too scared to sleep.
Thanks to everyone’s sabotage, almost all unit members gathered in front of the TV, no matter how much the higher-ups raged about “disgracing the army.”
—Breaking news! The fugitive has taken the commander hostage and is fleeing! The destination appears to be in the direction of Cheonggyecheon…
After the first collapse of the containment net, the naked face of the command structure’s collapse was now unfolding,
and laughter, applause, and even joyful cheers began bursting out…
“What should we do? If the higher-ups find out we didn’t properly control the troops like this, won’t our promotions be blocked?”
“For them right now, that’s just a girl group and a gaming tournament, dumbass… You want a two-rank special promotion? Leave them alone.”
Just as mixing bran and sand with rice had provided the catalyst for a nation’s collapse, it was better than having their own heads shaved clean.
Instead of the battalion commander who’d taken leave in the midst of this chaos, the operations officer—who relatively possessed a functioning brain—succeeded with a super save.
He was living proof that in the army, if you can just land in the middle, you won’t get a minus score.
And conversely, there were also people who, lacking any middle ground, were suffering greatly.
“Tag, rubber band jumping! Staking… I don’t feel like staking, so pass!”
*Sway, sway…*
“Uwaaah, you damned bastard! Do you even know who you’re doing this to?!”
“I’m going to vomit, so please let us down—!!”
Most notably, not only had all the vehicle’s automotive cables been torn out,
but tied by those cables to Kim Chomok’s waist, they were flying through the air enjoying aerial swings and roller coasters—two men:
one brigade commander with a single-star insignia, and one aide-de-camp serving a star.
They must have been the last line among the VIPs capable of immediate field deployment.
“But right now, they’re just my toys, dangling while tied to electrical cords.”
Though their pants seemed drenched in a liquid that was definitely not water, Kim Chomok graciously pretended not to notice.
Leaping across the river of Cheonggyecheon, he arrived at the destination where he would spend the night.
“Gentlemen, open your eyes. We’ll be walking from here.”
When they’d been brought along, they had worn arrogant faces befitting their stations, surrounded by permanent staff officers,
but now, in that short time, they were soldiers whose already aged faces had withered even faster.
“*Uweeeehk…!!*”
“Ugh, disgusting, really…”
They briefly took a moment to ruminate, confirming yesterday’s meals upon the riverbed.
“Honestly, who’d think someone like this is a brigade commander? What were they thinking, moving with a staff-centric approach?”
Well, looking at them adding toppings to the waters of Cheonggyecheon, it does feel like tossing a purple ball to a carp, but…
Who knew securing a single star would be this easy?
He’d changed his scenario to capturing a colonel or lieutenant colonel after seeing military vehicles move, but
thanks to a ridiculously lucky catch, Kim Chomok found a smile spreading across his face.
There should have been soldiers to buy time, and officers to sacrifice in his place, but—
*Kwaaaang—!!*
“Now, your pistols and beanbag rounds won’t work. On the flip side, if I kick you just once, you’ll happily depart for Valhalla. Anyone care to try?”
Standing up to a man who flips cars with a single kick, believing in 5.56mm rounds, and ending up dead?
They usually call that a dog’s death; they don’t say you died fighting bravely.
“Hey! Hey, you bastards! Even though you… Aaaack!! It hurts! I said it hurts!! Don’t grab me by the hair—!!”
With everyone reading the room and quietly stepping back in an every-man-for-himself situation, he somehow succeeded in kidnapping the high command.
While the officers who’d watched the kidnapping helplessly made urgent phone calls,
hanging onto a human sports car that could leap over six meters in the air and move with instantaneous speeds exceeding 100 km/h,
after suffering all kinds of hardships at the hands of a lunatic with no intention of listening no matter how loud they screamed, the place they arrived at was…
“There are plenty of places that can’t shell me with cannons even at night when there are no people around, right?”
It was a place filled with the spirits of ancestors, adorned with grand giwa roof tiles and a grand signboard.
“…Oh, heavens and ancestors have mercy. Are you even Korean after doing this?!”
The brigade commander in charge of Seoul’s defense took in with his own eyes a place he occasionally passed when going out on business.
Before them appeared the gate leading to Historic Site No. 117, restored with wood after a tragic affair.
“Beep beep. The next hostage is Gyeongbokgung. Gyeongbokgung.”
Even disregarding the brigade commander’s life, if they wanted to fire cannons, why not try?
If you consider the history this palace holds, the moment the military damages it even slightly, they’ll find a frame attached to them.
“If they injure it even a little, they’ll be framed as a Japanese-collaborator traitor army. Can they endure that?”
No matter how much recent relations have improved, painful history doesn’t just disappear.
A palace wounded once during the Japanese occupation, once during the Imjin War, and now their own national military would mar it?
“Look at the contrast. The deserter from the ability user unit protected the nation, while you are destroying it!”
*At this point, this isn’t something that ends with just one person getting beheaded, is it…?! What should I do when I get out?*
*Heavens, is my promotion path ending just like this… at a time when advancement is already so difficult…!!*
Kim Chomok confirmed with a smile how the aide-de-camp and brigade commander’s complexions turned white in an instant.
“However, we have here a spirited brigade commander, and an aide-de-camp who did not abandon him!”
“…What?”
“Who knew you’d propose catching me instead of taking national treasures hostage, to calmly buy some time!”
To them, who’d been caught like rats and beaten mercilessly, he offered a single path to survival.
It was a hand that anyone could see would let him come out of this without suffering a single loss, provided he could just get his subordinates under control.
An escape route from which he could claim, "I was actually prepared to risk my life, and I courageously tried to get the hostage exchanged!"
"Alright, we're going live from here on out, so everyone put on solemn expressions... Understood?"
No matter how rigid an organization the military was, stars were not something you could earn without playing politics.
"Ah, I understand! You there, from now on, put on an angry face and only stare at the floor."
"Y-Yes...? Yes, sir!"
There was no way he hadn't calculated that being captured now would bring an enormous payoff down the line.
"And! Everyone, I am reporting live from the scene right now! Are you watching the news?"
It was being filmed on a phone, so the quality wasn't the best, but.
Thump-thump-thump-thump...
The military and police, who had lost their heads in panic and urgently searched, even combing through citizens' social media to gradually narrow the radius.
— (LIVE) A deserter criminal sends this from Gyeongbokgung! The guest is a brigade commander?! The full story of the hostage crisis!
It was the very moment Kim Chomok was openly broadcasting that he had arrived near Gyeongbokgung.
But what if the title of a live broadcast that suddenly came on was this?
— Wow! It's really him?! Is it the suspect, Mr. Kim?
"Yes, I'm former Sergeant Kim Chomok. Nice to meet you!"
— Crazy, did my commute turn into two hours because of you? Argh... you're causing one hell of a public nuisance!
"Then you shouldn't have forced me into the army, should you? The bastards who pushed that bill through knowing this would happen, go slit their throats."
People instantly swarmed in to gobble up the bandwidth.
A purple-flavored broadcasting site⁴ that had just launched its Korean server service urgently began scaling up its traffic.
When the delay finally stabilized at around fifteen seconds.
"Today's guest! The brave brigade commander who yelled that they should arrest him instead of Gyeongbokgung!"
"Urk... you came in after all! This isn't what we promised! I'm telling you to get me out of here, now!"
"And beside him, one adjutant who has been glaring at me with murder in his eyes since earlier! His introduction... is."
Grind...!!
"I can't do it! Oh my, how frightening! Kim Chomok Live! Then today's location--!! Geunjeongjeon Hall of Gyeongbokgung!"
The moment when today's host, putting on a show, whipped the camera around to show where they currently were.
— Aaack, it really is Gyeongbokgung--!! That crazy hostage-taker has taken the palace hostage this time!
— You crazy bastard! Do you even know what kind of building this is before coming in here--!!
— What The XXXX, is smashing palaces some kind of traditional sport in Korea?
With the already high number of viewers rising and comments multiplying, the momentum truly shifted with the violent intensity of a carbonated drink bursting open.
"During the day, I could just slip in among you citizens and you couldn't do anything about it! But it's not daytime."
— So I have to take 'the space itself' hostage. What else can I do?
It was absurd, but people willing to burn down a palace just to catch one person were rare.
"By all means, try 'purifying' it with cannons! I'm telling you I'm right here! Let's give the nation a nice, thorough humiliation!"
In an era where the clown meme had not even been born yet.
One lone clown was being called fanboy and hater like mad, lighting the fuse on the bomb called a social issue.