Has Anyone Seen a Heart? (1)
This was the worst.
Even among the six years of his idol life, which had been utterly devoid of hope to begin with, today was bad enough that he could say with certainty it was the worst. Eunchan cursed up a storm inside while his fingers moved frantically.
8:52 PM 1 [What is this? You didn't listen to a word I said back then, did you?]
11:02 PM 1 [Hey, Hyeonjuin]
For someone with rage shooting through the roof, he was surprisingly calm. It wasn't the first or second time this had happened, so it made sense. They say humans are animals of adaptation; at this point, it would be stranger if he hadn't adapted.
*What the hell is this bastard doing that he hasn't answered for hours?*
He felt like he was going to die from frustration. His empty stomach felt bloated and heavy.
His condition had already been deteriorating lately, and he'd received additional prescriptions, but perhaps because of the repeated stress, they all seemed useless now. Eunchan repeatedly thumped his chest with his clenched fist.
[Please answer me]
[How many times is this now, seriously… What are you going to do?]
Then a reply arrived.
[Hyeonjuin: Ah. When was this taken?] 11:32 PM
The long-awaited reply had come, but it was enough to wipe away anything he'd intended to say. He'd thought Hyeonjuin would at least make excuses or pretend to be surprised. What the hell kind of reaction was this?
*Anyone would think this wasn't his problem…….*
Looking at the situation before his eyes, a hollow laugh escaped him. What a sorry sight, really.
***
Your team is ruined but here you are smiling like everything's fine
Just quit already lol is not dating going to kill you or something?
This is what happens when you guys suck up to them for being handsome yeah yeah
Evidence photos in thread
#MaleIdol #MaleIdolCommunity #MaleIdolDating #IdolMoots
#ChilwolChilseok #HyeonjuinGirlfriend #Utopia #BoyishCharm
Shares 3,112 Quoted 1.2k Likes 2,792
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ㄴ(GhostCat Keyring GO / ~July 31)
@moo0wife
Fuck why are you putting hashtags on another group's oppa and throwing a fitㅗ
ㄴHamjoongie♡
@hamjwonnnny
I'm really embarrassed we're in the same agency lol
Is it normal for an idol to have over 10 scandals blow up?
ㄴNotif Account
@Ykwwlmqnxo
Hyeonjuin keeps saving and killing his group on repeat
A prodigy at push and pull. Even a rubber band would cry and give up
ㄴKiki
@jooinni_kk
Still, Juin treats his fans well
Don't make a celebrity get hated over something so trivial
ㄴㄴAnyoneSells
@efdzcji8
What are you saying lol
From Chilwol Chilseok's debut, Hyeonjuin was the one who caused a sasaeng fraternization scandal and made a mess of things
Hyeonjuin was the reason they became an n-member group by skipping out on promotions to film a drama
Hyeonjuin is the main culprit who blocked new fans and stagnated the fandom with his constant scandals^^
Conclusion: Hyeonjuin is the number one contributor to sending Chilwol Chilseok to hell
ㄴCasualFanHere
@iamjobdeok
Wow Chilwol Chilseok has been ruined for ages but thanks to Hyeonjuin they achieved a triple crown
Three-time disgrace champion, congrats congrats
Seeing how carefree he was even though his fan account had exploded into chaos made me feel like my insides were going to burst. Scandals were like basic necessities for Hyeonjuin; articles and witness photos came out periodically. Still, this was only the second time a fan had personally taken the initiative to expose him like this.
He'd occasionally seen fans on his stan account half-jokingly lamenting that he was an idol for whom scandals were monthly events, or the first male idol people thought of when it came to scandals. But he'd never seen a fan maliciously covering Hyeonjuin's scandals like the fan community he was looking at now.
No matter how much he blurred his vision, the words before him didn't transform into anything else.
He'd tried to console himself by wondering if the evidence photos were fabricated, but the back profile in the photos had the exact shade of the limited-edition jacket Hyeonjuin owned, so he couldn't even deny it.
*Only gets this fucking popular at times like this…….*
It even trended in real-time. When was the last time they'd gotten this kind of reaction? Lately, this was the hottest issue related to Chilwol Chilseok.
Damn it. He couldn't even swear.
After a series of events, the handful of remaining fans couldn't fail to notice that this wasn't some attention-seeking fabrication but the real thing. No, maybe they'd noticed even before he had?
Dding♪—
[Hyeonjuin: Well, if it's us, it'll get buried like usual.] 11:40 PM
*You're the only one still receiving attention among us, you know?*
Normally, he would've cut off the internet for a few days, done some mental training, and shaken it off. But today he simply couldn't. His mental strength, already pushed past its limit, showed no signs of recovery.
Eunchan gripped the bedsheet tightly and furrowed his brow. He kept thinking about what had happened a few hours ago. His crumpled face showed no sign of smoothing out.
***
"Ah, next time I'll definitely show you the dance, I promise! Or I'll send a voice message later, so please make sure to listen to it. It's my favorite song."
From a nearby practice room, he heard the voice of his agency junior, Hamjeongwon. Eunchan let out a sigh reflexively.
*I'm jealous…….*
He seemed to be doing a live broadcast from the practice room.
Eunchan thought he'd done livestreams around this time every year, but this year he didn't even get an answer when he asked his manager about possible schedules.
Since it was their 6th debut anniversary, he'd hoped at least all the members could get together.
With a bitter heart, he logged into his SNS subscribed accounts and searched for "Chilwol Chilseok," his group name, but not a single post had gone up today.
*Now they don't even post mockery on our debut day.*
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They debuted on 7/7 so they're called Chilwol Chilseok? The naming is so bad
ㄴㅇㅇ yeah yeah there's a reason they flopped. As expected, a shitty agency is a shitty agency.
ㄴTheir concept is shitty too and it's a minefield, who would like them lol
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Who knew he'd miss stuff like this.
Even if it was twisted attention, it was still attention directed at him, and at their group. He never thought the reactions he'd hated so much could feel this nostalgic today. They said hate was better than indifference; real-time mockery was a hundred, a thousand times better than the latest post being from two weeks ago.
Even on debut day, few people congratulated them, and every album they released flopped so badly they couldn't escape being called failed idols. Still, Eunchan always commemorated group-related anniversaries.
Since today was their 6th debut anniversary, before coming to the company, he'd posted a self-congratulatory message on SNS with a selca at 7:07 AM sharp. Of course, it was a futile effort.
[#Eunchan] July 7th, 7:07!!
Thank you for letting me debut on such a lucky day!
I hope only good things happen for our Kkachis today haha♥
I hope we can meet soon. Cheer up seeing Eunchan's face ><
Still, today is our debut day.
He'd harbored a futile hope that if he did something like this, someone would at least say "congratulations."
*If I hadn't expected anything, I wouldn't have been disappointed.*
About eight hours after posting, the total shares on the post were a mere 412. Quoted posts took up 300 of those.
Moreover, the shares on quote tweets asking if they still hadn't disbanded were far higher. As for the quote tweets from private accounts invisible to Eunchan's subscribed accounts… well, they were undoubtedly saying similar things.
Things like, "The name Chilwol Chilseok is ugly every time I see it," or "So what is Hyeonjuin doing?"
*Mom, I guess my expiration date as an idol is over. What do I do now?*
His mood sank for no reason, and he fiddled with the rosary ring on his right hand, muttering inwardly.
Whenever he felt anxious, he'd habitually fiddle with the ring his late mother had left behind as a keepsake. It was a placebo effect, but doing so seemed to calm him down a little.
He was extremely reluctant to see Hamjeongwon's live broadcast happening right before his eyes, so he hesitated to enter the practice room. No matter how much Eunchan was the one whose anniversary went uncelebrated, he wasn't mentally strong enough to practice in the room right next to a junior doing a livestream.
*It's obvious I'll hear all of it. Better not listen.*
He'd clearly drown in self-loathing beyond mere jealousy.
He lingered nearby wondering if there was an empty practice room, when Hamjeongwon's voice came from inside.
"Ah! Today is our Chilwol Chilseok hyungs' 6th debut anniversary. Eunchan hyung happens to be right outside my practice room, should I call him over? He probably doesn't have anything to do anyway……."
And together with the familiar group name, his own name.
"Aww, why~ Hyung is really handsome. Please love Chilwol Chilseok a lot too. I'll bring him over!"
So that sly junior was saying he'd call him over without any warning and make him appear on his live broadcast.
*It's been a while, but our fans never really got along… Isn't this a bit… not okay?*
As he was wondering whether he should hurriedly leave, the practice room door burst open.
"Eunchan hyung!!"
"H-huh?"
"Hyung, let's do the live together! Aww, don't make it so obvious you hate it! My fans are congratulating you."
"…How kind."
Before he could even think of running, Hamjeongwon, who had swung the door wide open, grabbed his arm and pulled him over to sit beside him.
In a situation where all he could let out was a small "haha," his head began to ache.
*He's doing this again…….*
Since the live broadcast app was already on, it was awkward to refuse here. Eunchan swallowed dryly and reluctantly squeezed himself into the empty seat with a bitter expression.
He couldn't get a grip on himself looking at the live broadcast screen he hadn't seen in a while and the endless stream of comments. All he could do was barely force a smile, pretending nothing was wrong.
What was this… Had he been seated here to be screwed over, or because Hamjeongwon found it fun? Or maybe both. Looking at Hamjeongwon's behavior all this time, it was definitely not out of good intentions.
This… wouldn't be an overstatement to call the greatest humiliation of his life.
The live broadcast, which he'd always found regrettably short, felt like ten minutes was ten hours. As time passed, he felt his airways constricting and broke out in cold sweat.
"Then please give our Chilwol Chilseok lots of attention too~"
The moment Hamjeongwon finished his closing greeting, he left the practice room and closed the door. And Eunchan slumped down right there. The moment he buried his head between his arms, tears blurred his vision.
Ah, so this is what misery is. He realized it so deeply it seeped into his bones. He'd gathered himself with difficulty and called a taxi, skipping practice for the first time even though he'd never missed a single day.
***
This is exactly what happened in the afternoon.
After that, Eunchan turned off the lights in the dorm and lay sprawled on the bed, relying only on the sunlight from outside the window. He thought he might feel better if he just slept, but his insomnia, which tormented him terribly, didn't allow even that.
"When does our contract end again……." Eunchan muttered softly into the empty air. I guess being an idol wasn't my path after all.
High school student Yu Eunchan, who had discarded everything and come up to Seoul wanting to become an idol, seemed to have already dried up and disappeared without a trace.
But if I quit being an idol, what can I do?
All he knew how to do was dance and sing.
That was it.
While thinking that he should quickly get national funding and obtain some professional certification, he discovered that member Hyeonjuin's fan account post had gone up.
He'd logged onto his SNS subscribed account with the hope that perhaps mentions had increased since he'd appeared on a popular junior's live broadcast a short while ago, miserable as it was.
"Does Hyeonjuin really not go a single day without causing trouble for all six years……."
1 [The worst choice in my life was deciding to be on the same team as you, Hyeonjuin]
12:24 AM 1 [Forget it, sleep well]
"…I'm sick of all of it."
1 [Deleted message]
12:24 AM 1 [Forget it, sleep well]
So right now, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say this was the peak of his idol life.
Of course, in a negative sense.
♬♪
A bell rang suddenly and a call came in. Above the screen where the chat window with Hyeonjuin was open,
[Our Grandma]
A call screen appeared with the contact name he hadn't yet managed to delete.
*…It's been four years since Grandma passed away?*
Had someone taken over Grandma's number in the meantime? Even if so, the chances of that person calling him were slim.
Eunchan thought it was strange, but with trembling hands fueled by a vain hope, he pressed the call button.
"Hello?"
-…….
*What the… a prank call?*
Eunchan's face crumpled instantly.
Of all times for a call to come, at this timing, and of all numbers, Grandma's.
That was when.
-Are you doing well?
An androgynous yet beautiful voice was heard. Surprised by the overly gentle tone, Eunchan immediately opened his mouth.
"Who is this?"
-…….
After that, no answer came. He held the phone for about five minutes but gained nothing, so Eunchan let out a deep sigh and pressed the end call button.
*A prank call at a time like this. They really got me.*
He'd answered with a "what if" mindset, but as expected. He felt like he'd go crazy with depression.
*Mom, Grandma… I miss you both.*
Eunchan took off the rosary ring he'd been wearing, kissed it as it was, and clenched it tightly in one hand.
"If I could just fall asleep like this forever, I'd have no other wishes."
Eunchan dumped the five-day supply of sleeping pills prescribed for his insomnia into his mouth at once and washed them down his throat with water. He'd take responsibility for what happened after he woke up. Because falling asleep came first.
*If I could go back to before my debut, I'd never let myself become this kind of future.*
Recalling a past that could no longer be undone, he now harbored meaningless regret. This wasn't a manhwa or drama, so turning back time wasn't possible.
And so, his vision grew dim.