Chapter 13
Liandor’s brow furrowed.
“What are you talking about, all of a sudden.”
“You can do it. You’ve killed me and brought me back to life, so are you saying you can’t erase memories?”
“I can. I can, but there’s no need to go so far as to erase memories.”
Just as the ashen Liandor had said, there truly was no need to deliberately wipe away memories.
But she no longer had the strength to endure. She wanted to stop watching those who had loved Violet and could not forget her torment themselves over the past, and to stop watching those who recognized her death and were gradually forgetting her.
“I want to be at ease now. I want to try living a new life, forgetting everything.”
The resolve to live a life that was neither Helen Platini nor Violet Drifon, but simply ‘me,’ amounted to an admission that the life she had lived until now had not been her own. It was laughable, yet it was true.
Liandor supported Helen’s resolve and will. He did not wish for Helen Platini to suffer, trapped within the life of Violet Drifon. All the more so, he could not bear to see her tear out her own heart as she looked upon those who remembered the life she had once lived as Violet.
If he could use magic to erase her memories and let her live an eternally happy life, he would do anything, but that was only if he still held a place within those memories.
“Erasing all memories is like breathing a new soul into someone.”
“Which means it’s that much more difficult, doesn’t it?”
“Yes. If you truly want it, I will, but I’ll need time.”
“How much?”
“A week.”
“That’s nothing.”
If she could trade the hardship of this one week for decades of happiness, she would endure any amount.
“Helen. Do you not hate me?”
“To the point of hatred, perhaps. I curse you terribly.”
She should have known that the hand he had extended all this time led down a path of despair. He had intervened in a time she considered darkness, giving light to another’s life, yet even that light had been not light at all, but a hell greater than darkness.
“Even so, after this week, even the memories of you will all be erased.”
She would forget even the hell he had gifted her, and if his magic caused her to forget him, then she would forgive him.
Helen turned to meet the gaze she had been avoiding. Though Liandor’s eyes, fixed directly upon her, were steeped in sorrow, she pretended not to see.
Helen removed the brown leather gloves that ill-suited her dress. They were too large for her hands, so they came off easily. A familiar warmth lingered on the hand freed from the leather gloves.
“Do you remember what you said yesterday? That I still love Carlisle?”
“You still… love Carlisle Everett.”
“I remember.”
“I won’t deny your words. Because it’s the truth.”
When Violet died and she returned to her original body, she had decided to forget Carlisle little by little. One day, she would diminish the emotions of having loved him; another day, she would erase the happy hours she had spent with him; and on yet another day, she would calm her heart that raced wildly at the mere thought of him, as though it would burst.
Of course, it did not go as planned. Erasing the name Violet was easy, but she could not forget the one she had loved as Violet. Just as she had been unable to refuse the brown leather gloves Carlisle had merely offered because someone was cold.
“What are you? What do I mean to you?”
“…….”
“Do you love me, even?”
She wished and wished that he would say no. That he would say he despised her, that he would confess he had made her become Violet because he wanted her to suffer.
Liandor’s eyelashes trembled as he slowly closed his eyes.
Perhaps it was a question asked as lightly as a passing breeze. He told himself over and over to let it pass.
Even though he knew he had already fallen long ago.
Old memories often appeared as illusions.
Even now, wasn’t that woman snatching away a round candy? There she stood before his eyes with a transparent body that would pass right through if he reached out.
“Thanks, Liandor. I’ll enjoy it.”
“But I never gave it to you?”
“You weren’t going to eat it anyway.”
“How do you know whether I’d eat it or not?”
“Is there anything I don’t know about you? I know everything. Considering what we are to each other.”
“What are we?”
“We are….”
Liandor bit his lip as he looked at the face of the woman who had appeared as an illusion. The woman overlapping Helen’s face broke into a wide grin.
On ‘that day,’ you shouldn’t have laughed. At the very least, you shouldn’t have smiled at me.
He clenched both hands into fists and closed his eyelids. Only when the world turned pitch-black like this did the illusion vanish. At times, he wished the illusion would remain, yet only after feeling a pain that seemed as though his heart would shatter did he forget her.
As expected, when he opened his eyes, the illusion was gone.
“What if I do?”
His words brought a bitter smile to Helen’s lips. The cold smile spreading across her beautiful face pierced Liandor’s heart with a sharp ache.
Moreover, her footsteps moved forward, narrowing the distance between them. The click of her heels was distinct even against the music that seemed tranquil yet cacophonous.
Helen stopped right before Liandor and extended her right hand. Then she placed that palm upon the chest of the man who might love her.
The man’s heart began to beat slowly and steadily, then soon shook irregularly. His gaze remained fixed on verdant summer eyes.
At the same time, she too saw faintly gleaming white eyes.
If that were so—if he truly loved her—there was only one thing to say to him.
“I shall tell you to keep loving me as you are now. To love me forever, me who can never possibly love you back.”
This is the curse I bestow upon you.
Should a turning point ever appear in my miserable life and I find happiness—should I come to love someone with all my heart—then I hope you endure the heart-rending pain of watching that love between that person and me.
Only then will the curse I cast upon you end.
Thinking of that day which might never come, Helen hesitated briefly before removing her hand from his chest.
“If you wish to remain by my side even after my memories disappear, feel free.”
“…I will.”
As Helen brushed past him and walked toward the terrace, Liandor could not hold onto anything of hers. He could only distinguish the sound of her footsteps amid the music rising to its climax and the voices of people.
* Sibello
The maid who had been neatly brushing Helen’s hair muttered that the Count’s condition seemed quite strange today.
Indeed, by the time Helen returned to the Platini estate, Count Platini, his wife, and Roji were already lying in their respective beds, trying to sleep.
They had said the Count was nowhere to be seen until the party celebrating Duke Everett’s successful expedition ended, yet she had never imagined he would be sent back to the estate and end up lying in bed.
To anyone’s ears, it sounded like magic—and naturally, it was a mage’s doing.
“So this is what he meant by sending him far away.”
Reflected in the vanity mirror was Helen, gently closing her eyes and struggling to hold back a laugh that threatened to burst forth. The maid who saw this found it strange.
In the two days since the Count’s eldest daughter had returned to the estate, there had never once been the slightest hint of a smile on her face. She usually wore a blank expression, and at times looked on the verge of tears, yet she would swallow them down with all her might.
“My lady, I suppose you enjoyed the party today?”
“Did I?”
“Pardon?”
*Did I?* The maid could not tell whether those brief words meant the party had been enjoyable, or that she had disliked it.
She had heard rumors that Helen had devoured all sorts of books while staying at the Hexelov villa. The maid supposed that must be the reason she could not understand Helen’s words.
People who read many books are inevitably well-versed in knowledge, and being well-versed, they must know many difficult words. Moreover, they might make even simple words difficult to understand.
Thinking that people who read many books were indeed difficult to understand, the maid placed the comb she had used to neatly brush Helen’s hair back into its place.
“All done, my lady. Will you sleep now?”
“I suppose I must.”
Outside, darkness had fully fallen; even without looking at a clock, she could tell it was nearing midnight.
The maid extinguished the candles that brightly lit the bedroom, leaving only a single candelabrum. Only after confirming that Helen, who had been sitting before the vanity, had lain down did she leave the room.
Lying with her back toward the door, Helen could not easily fall asleep, contrary to the maid’s expectation. Though her whole body was exhausted from attending the party, she was strangely not sleepy. Changing the pillow’s position three times did no good.
Just as when she had gone to the palace, she rode back to the estate in the same carriage as Liandor. However, they had not exchanged a single word throughout the ride back. Instead of conversation, the carriage was filled only with the sound of breathing and the rattling of wheels.
Liandor had left. Had he said there were things he needed to retrieve from Hexelov? He had said they were absolutely necessary to completely erase a person’s memories.
“Once this week passes, everything will change.”
Helen gripped the blanket. The white blanket pushed away the cotton within and crumpled like paper.
“But why…”
Am I anxious? A new life I have waited so long for is about to arrive.
As stray thoughts linked together one after another, her breath grew short. Strength drained from her body from her shoulders to her toes, and cold sweat formed on her forehead.
She only wanted a life slightly happier than today, yet the life she wanted did not come easily. Other people became happy as easily as blinking their eyes.
It must be because her body was exhausted. Feeling muddled from lack of sleep and fatigue, she closed her eyes.
“I must sleep. Go to sleep quickly, Helen.”
Once this night passes and morning comes, sleep again and wait for the next morning. When that morning comes, sleep again and greet yet another morning. Because if you just get through this week, you will be able to fully enjoy the night when the white moon rises.