Chapter 11
So that was it.
Even though I'm only a half-blood, it's because I'm a Croizen. Was that why he protected me?
It felt as though cold water had been dumped over my head.
The moment I realized all his actions were not because I was Herna, but because I was Herna Croizen, my pounding heart stopped dead, turning cold and desolate.
He should have just not answered my question…….
No, that's wrong. I shouldn't have asked in the first place.
What had I expected, when I knew full well that he was the sword of Croizen, that he worked for the Croizen family?
My disappointment in Rakein soon turned into disappointment in myself.
I had vowed to use the name Croizen as a shield until I could protect myself, yet when it came down to it, I was throwing a childish tantrum.
‘Had I wavered after all?’
Though it had been brief, it seemed my wariness had unknowingly softened at the kindness Rakein had shown me.
I thought it fortunate that I had realized this fact even now.
He might not belong to my sister yet, but he was bound to eventually become hers.
It was better to keep my guard up and treat him accordingly than to be stabbed in the back and hurt when that time came.
Once my heart had grown cold, returning my expression to normal was not difficult.
As though nothing had happened, I lifted my head and looked at Rakein.
“I believe the food has gone cold because I asked such useless questions. I apologize, Sir Hekeus.”
“That's…….”
“I will eat well.”
“…….”
Rakein's lips moved as if he wanted to say something. But I didn't give him the chance.
It wasn't that his deeply darkened red eyes and gloomy expression didn't weigh on my mind, but I decided I must not grow any closer to him.
As I put distance between us, the warm atmosphere at the meal quickly sank into heaviness.
The steak he had cut for me was of excellent quality and cooked tender, but I couldn't taste a thing. It was merely gritty, as if I were chewing sand.
The Kuyamong juice, which I had thought delicious, was the same. I was only consuming it to fill my stomach.
Rakein and I did not exchange a single word during the meal.
Since I avoided his gaze and only stared down at my plate, conversation was impossible. Even though I knew he was looking at me occasionally, I pretended not to notice and kept my head down.
After eating three or four pieces of steak and two or three pieces of fruit, my hunger faded and I no longer wished to eat.
When I quietly set down my fork and wiped my mouth with a napkin, he spoke as if he had been waiting, cautiously addressing me.
“Was the meal not to your taste?”
“No. It was delicious. I simply left some because the portion was rather large.”
I smiled at him. It was the smile I used when facing strangers, one that hid all my true feelings.
I thought that would be enough. There was no way he could know whether my smile was fake or not.
But when my eyes actually met his, I flinched in surprise.
Reflected vividly in his red eyes was a wounded gaze.
Why was he looking at me with such eyes?
Unable to understand, I tried to confirm his gaze once more. But he was already rising from his seat.
“Then I shall escort you back to the estate.”
“Ah… yes.”
I rose in a flurry after him and was startled once more when I saw his plate. The steak remained untouched.
Blankly staring down at the barely touched steak, I watched his retreating figure heading toward the door, then quietly followed after him.
As I approached, his lips were set in a firm line even as he politely opened the glass door. His red eyes, too, had sunk even deeper than when I had asked my question.
‘Is he... angry?’
I grew slightly bewildered. I couldn't think of anything he would be angry about.
If I had only just met him, I wouldn't have noticed.
That was because he was someone with almost no emotional changes. It was also something I could only feel because we had spent nearly two years together.
When our eyes met, he lowered his gaze and hid his expression in an instant. As if nothing had happened.
Watching that, a fragment of memory suddenly surfaced.
About a month before I died, Rakein had been summoned by my half-sister.
Since I knew he was my half-sister's man, I hadn't thought much of it, but his expression upon returning had been the same as just now. Even then, when our eyes met, he had hidden his expression.
‘Come to think of it, what had he and my half-sister talked about back then?’
The question arose, but I couldn't ask it. We weren't close enough for that, and besides, it wasn't something that had happened yet.
I pushed the question into a corner of my heart and followed Rakein downstairs.
When we arrived on the first floor, he told me to wait a moment and walked to the counter.
Watching him pay, I suddenly felt apologetic. I felt as though I had made him spend too much on today's lunch.
‘I heard that knights' salaries aren't very high……’
The Count's maids would squeal with delight when knights bared their upper bodies to train or spar, yet were lukewarm about them as marriage prospects. It was because their wages weren't very high.
Though knights earned far more than commoners, living among nobles meant that amount didn't seem to meet the maids' standards.
‘The reaction toward Rakein had been different, though……’
Rakein was truly an object of adoration for every woman in the estate. They even called him a walking statue.
Even his indifferent behavior toward women was taken as charm by them.
‘Come to think of it, I think I had heard that Rakein's salary was overwhelmingly higher than the other knights'...... Even so, I should pay him back for today's meal.’
I didn't have money now, so I had let him pay, but I thought I should repay him immediately once I came into some.
I approached his side and tried to sneak a peek at the bill on the counter. I intended to check how much it was so I could pay him back later.
But as if he had noticed my thoughts, Rakein's hand lifted the bill.
At the same time, he slightly bowed his head toward me, and a low, quiet voice that only I could hear reached my ear.
“You need not concern yourself with the bill, my lady. It is nearly finished, so please wait just a moment.”
“…….”
Pressed back by Rakein's gaze telling me to stand aside, I retreated hesitantly. Somehow, I felt like a child who had done something wrong.
He and I left the restaurant once the payment was complete.
As we exited, a boy who was shabby but neatly dressed in a vest and pants quickly brought his horse.
“Thank you.”
Taking the reins from the boy, Rakein reached into his coat and handed him a coin.
The boy bowed deeply to him and ran off toward another guest.
As I watched the boy's retreating figure, Rakein spoke.
“He is a child who earns spending money by running errands for the restaurant's guests. He is thirteen now, a clever and diligent fellow.”
“I see.”
“Then excuse me for a moment.”
Before I could say a word, his hands caught my waist and lifted me onto the horse in an instant.
After confirming that I had my seat, he lightly climbed on behind me and set the horse off.
Before long, the horse we were riding left the village.
Rakein steered the horse toward Count Croizen's estate. Slightly turning my head atop the running horse, I gazed at the fading village.
I had obtained everything I needed, so why did I feel so reluctant to leave?
As I blankly stared at the village, Rakein's voice reached my ears in a low tone.
“If you wish, I will escort you here anytime.”
“…….”
I didn't think his words were empty flattery. He was someone who kept his promises better than anyone.
However, the reason I could not accept his kindness gracefully was because I knew why he was doing it.
“...Because I'm a Croizen?”
My lips moved, and the low voice that flowed out scattered into the wind. I thought he couldn't have heard it, as it was an extremely small voice.
After that, only the sound of the passing wind and the horse's hooves hovered between us.
Before arriving at the estate, I reached out and lightly grasped the arm with which he held the reins. Then he slowed the horse and bowed his head toward me.
“What is the matter, my lady.”
“Please let me get off here. If the Countess or others see us riding together, Sir Hekeus will find himself in a difficult position.”
“I am fine.”
“I am not. I don't know how to repay you for all you have done for me, so please don't make things any more difficult.”
“…….”
I felt strength enter the arm I was holding. Still, since he said nothing more, I thought he would stop the horse soon.
But as though he had no intention of doing so, he continued driving the horse at a steady pace.
“Sir Hekeus.”
Flustered, I called out to him, gripping his arm tighter, but he only kept looking ahead.
His attitude suggested he wouldn't stop until we reached the estate, so, growing urgent, I shouted.
“If you don't let me down right this instant, I'll jump off the horse!”
When I moved as if I would really jump, one of his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and pulled me toward him.
I tried to twist my body to break free, pulling at his arm with my hand, but his rock-hard arm didn't budge in the slightest.
When I tried to push him away with all my strength, only then did he pull on the reins and stop the horse.
After confirming the horse had come to a complete stop, I tried to get off quickly. But it was impossible because Rakein's arm was still wrapped around my waist.
“Sir Hekeus, this arm……”
“If you promise to stay still until I help you down, I will release you.”
His firm voice cut through my words.
Since my goal was to get off the horse anyway, I obediently nodded.
When I became still, he released my waist and lightly jumped down from the horse, looking up at me. He seemed to let out a heavy sigh.
He extended both arms and carefully lowered me to the ground.
“Thank you so much for today, Sir Hekeus. I will surely repay this kindness.”
The moment my feet touched the ground, I bowed my head to him in gratitude.
The book in my hand and the guardian stone in my pocket—without him, I would not have been able to obtain them so easily.
Gazing at me in silence for a moment, he asked quietly.
“...Are you truly fine walking from here? It is quite a distance.”
“Yes. Please don't worry and go on ahead.”
“If that is your wish, my lady...... Very well.”
I felt relief at the sight of him stepping back without insisting further.
‘Now he'll mount his horse and return to the estate.’
I had planned to leave after Rakein departed. Since the horse was much faster, he would arrive at the estate first.
But no matter how much time passed, he showed no intention of mounting his horse.
“Sir Hekeus, aren't you returning to the estate?”
Unable to wait any longer, I asked, and he looked straight at me and answered.
“Please go first. I will follow from a distance.”
“Pardon?”
“I do not think my heart will be at ease until I see you enter safely.”
“Sir Hekeus.”
Even at my call, steeped in bewilderment, he did not answer.