7. Date Me
November 24, 2017.
At Hawon’s words, Sejun merely scoffed a laugh, saying nothing.
“So if I just fix this, we’re good?”
Hawon asked, sitting in the chair.
“Yeah.”
“Got it. I absolutely hate it when someone hovers around me while I work—it’s distracting—so don’t come into my line of sight and just leave me alone. Got it?”
“…Huh? Distracting?”
Sejun’s brows twitched in disbelief.
“What? You got a problem? If you do, just leave.”
Then I don’t have to work and can just freeload, great!
But there’s no such thing as a free lunch in this world.
Sejun didn’t seem to have any intention of doing as Hawon wished.
He went to the bed beside the desk and lay down diagonally, propping a pillow behind his back.
“What do you think you’re doing? I told you not to enter my line of sight. Are you lying there to glare at me?”
Hawon didn’t like Sejun’s leisurely behavior.
“Hardly. I’m a busy man too, so I’m not that free.”
“Yes, yes. You’re a busy writer, so you must be very important.”
Talking more would only hurt my mouth, hurt it.
I need to hurry up and get my work done so I can go home.
Hawon opened the file with her mouse and began to immerse herself in editing.
At first, she mechanically erased and rewrote only the words that needed fixing.
But gradually, the content of Sejun’s writing began to catch her eye.
That men and women look at sex differently from the start.
That during sex, women crave something beyond the physical from men, while men want the pleasure they can obtain from women.
And then the unhesitating R-rated remarks on top of that.
Though Hawon had never been in a relationship with a man, she knew that the union of men and women wasn’t merely about bodies meshing like machines and pursuing only pleasure.
Because she had grown up watching her own parents, who were full of love.
Before she knew it, having forgotten all about editing, Hawon looked up absentmindedly while reading.
And she glanced at Sejun, who was leaning against the bed and concentrating on scribbling something in a notebook.
*If this writing is anything to go by… that man has never truly been in love, has he?*
Sejun treated relationships with women as something light.
A man who believes that’s all dating is.
Rationalizing it with talk about how even haughty, high-nosed women ultimately collapse powerlessly before capable men.
It was called a romance story, but strictly speaking, the “male protagonist” was a love-numb patient—a man incapable of feeling “love,” content with one-night stands.
A man who thinks dating and love are separate things.
*…So that’s why there’s a different woman every time I see him?*
Perhaps sensing Hawon’s piercing gaze, Sejun raised his head from where it had been lowered.
“….”
“What are you staring at so hard? Don’t tell me… you want to lie down here too?”
“…Excuse me. Have you really never loved a woman sincerely?”
“…Love?”
Sejun laughed and asked back.
“I haven’t. What about you?”
“…Well, I…”
It was a past she didn’t particularly want to remember, but there had certainly been such a moment for Hawon too.
A spring breeze-like love of her fresh youth, though she had never confessed her feelings.
“So you have. But seeing as you don’t even have a single partner to bring you tissues at night, you’re clearly single now, so that love must be in the past. Hey. What do you gain from love? People say it’s like a medal—the wound of love?”
His tone was sneering, as if love were a waste of time.
“I think spending time with someone you can be faithful to at that moment is a more efficient kind of dating than the stupid act of giving everything you have and getting hurt. Isn’t it?”
Is that even words, or is it shit?
“What about falling into emotions that may not even exist in reality, being swayed by them, and doing all sorts of foolish things?”
“To me, that just sounds like the sophistry of a coward who doesn’t want to get hurt by loving. I think someone who calculates efficiency even in dating is the bigger fool.”
Hawon could pride herself on being happy without being bound by love and marriage.
She couldn’t say she’d never been hurt in relationships, but she had never given up on “loving.”
“…Huh?”
Sejun made an expression as if he’d been struck by her words.
“Spending time with someone you can be faithful to? Honestly, that’s just a prettied-up way of describing a one-night stand.”
“…”
“I think a relationship based on ‘love,’ even if I get hurt, is far more genuine than the worthless relationship you pursue.”
“A relationship based on love? So you believe men and women can only have sex if there’s ‘love’?”
Is this person seriously saying this…?
“…Yes.”
“Doesn’t it occur to you that it might be your delusion—that wanting a relationship following honest instincts without lies is less genuine?”
“I don’t think it’s a delusion.”
Hawon looked straight at Sejun and continued.
“Humans always live in forgetfulness and delusion. Isn’t that why we have the full range of emotions?”
“…”
“And from that, hope is born too. If everything were so calculating and realistic, there would be no such thing as hope.”
Sejun asked Hawon, who was now making an impassioned speech with both hands on her hips.
“So I, who have sex without such emotions, must look like an animal to you?”
At Sejun’s sudden piercing question, the flustered Hawon was at a loss for words.
“No, well… rather than that… ah!”
Sejun suddenly stood up, dragged Hawon straight to the bed, and pushed her onto the mattress.
And holding her wrist with a rough hand, he said.
“Then what is this?”
Sejun brought his face close and pressed his lips to Hawon’s nape.
As a hot, feathery sensation touched her neck, Hawon’s chest heaved.
The throbbing pulse in her neck traveled up to her temple, spreading heavily.
“Nngh…”
*The guy who said his arm hurt—how is he bracing himself above me so well?*
Sejun’s lips traveled down Hawon’s pale neck and soon reached her collarbone.
The scent of bergamot wafting from Sejun like spreading clouds rendered Hawon even more powerless.
Steamy scenes between men and women that she had seen in movies overlapped with her own image, and Hawon’s heart began to pound more fiercely.
Sejun, who had been pressing hot kisses to Hawon’s clothed chest, raised his head and captured her lips.
With her head already pressed firmly against the bed, there was nowhere for Hawon to escape.
She could only accept the sensations Sejun gave her completely.
As if he knew everything about her, Sejun bit and twisted her tightly closed lips.
As she exhaled a soft moan, he leisurely forced his way between them.
Sejun thoroughly explored Hawon’s mouth, sweeping his tongue across her palate.
At his actions, Hawon’s mind gradually went blank.
*More… more…*
Before she knew it, Hawon was clutching Sejun’s arm and beginning to accept him, responding to the movements of his lips and tongue.
Her mind growing hazy from the intense act, Hawon gradually became inflamed with heat.
How long had they been locked in his arms, exchanging sweet-scented kisses?
Contrary to Hawon’s desire for pleasure stronger than what mere kissing could offer, Sejun’s deep breathing grew faint, and he pulled away from her lips without a shred of lingering attachment.
Why on earth…
After going this far, why…?
Sejun, who had stopped moving, glanced to the side, his eyes puzzled yet filled with an inexplicable regret.
“See? Your contradiction.”
“Contra… diction?”
With a face still flushed with heat, Hawon muttered with her eyes drawn wide.
“You said sex is only possible when there is love. You kiss me just fine without loving me. What exactly is the difference between a kiss and sex?”
At Sejun’s words, Hawon was stunned, as if struck by a hammer on the back of the head.
“Can you kiss without emotions but not have sex without them? Is there really a clear standard for that distinction? Who on earth decided such a vague standard?”
“….”
“Women too, without ‘love,’ can kiss or have sex with a man as much as they want if they desire it.”
At Sejun’s words, Hawon’s pupils shook.
“It’s just that women package and hide that instinct with coyness, and they treat men faithful to their instincts like animals, but in the end, we’re all the same. Right?”
Hawon couldn’t understand why she kept crying out for more, more, more, as she explored Sejun’s lips.
Then am I really… putting instinct first too?
If Sejun didn’t stop here and went further…
Would I… then…
Why is my heart pounding so hard even now?!
Looking down at Hawon engulfed in confusion, Sejun said.
“Judging by your expression, I think I hit the nail on the head.”
*To think I’m ecstatic… rather than repulsed… while kissing that rude jerk.*
Why couldn’t I push him away?
Why on earth? How come?
Hawon became confused by the dizzying ecstasy she hadn’t even felt with her ex-boyfriend.
Kissing a man with such an arrogant face and a mouth she wanted to grind into the asphalt with every word he uttered…
And what about this heart that feels like it’s going to burst?!
Hawon pushed Sejun aside and instantly occupied the position above him.
“Ugh… my waist…”
“Isn’t this position… a bit dangerous right now? Or did you perhaps feel like experiencing the real purpose of this bed?”
After a moment’s thought, Hawon spoke with a grim expression.
“Stop talking nonsense… Here. Feel the difference.”
Hawon gave Sejun a perfunctory peck.
“This is number one.”
And then, steadying herself, she plunged toward Sejun’s lips with a pounding heart and gently overlapped her lips with his.
“This is number two.”
“…?”
“Do you see the difference? Number one is a peck worse than the kind you’d give a pet dog at home.”
“What?”
“Number two is a peck given with a pounding heart for your partner. An act born of emotion is far more genuine and romantic.”
“A pounding heart? Does that mean you’re saying your heart pounds for me?”
“Apparently. It seems so. I don’t know the reason either, and you’re really not my type… I don’t know why my heart is pounding.”
Did I fall head over heels after just a few kisses?
It’s not like I’m someone quick to fall in love…
It had been a brief moment, but no matter how much she thought about it, there was only one reason she was endlessly weak to Sejun’s kisses.
No matter how their first meeting went, or how long they had known each other…
Her dormant romance cells were slowly reviving toward him.
“Are you perhaps the type to fall head over heels and give your all after a single kiss?”
Hawon’s expression hardened at the words that seemed to hit the mark.
“It’s not that I want to give everything to that extent, okay? But…”
As Hawon trailed off, Sejun asked back.
“But? What?”
“But… I don’t have a single memory of kisses with my ex being pleasant or ecstatic. Yet when I kiss you, my heart pounds and I feel quite thrilled…”
Even Hawon couldn’t understand her own heart.
“And after kissing, even that arrogant mouth of yours running off becomes somewhat bearable…”
“Arrogant mouth?”
His mood turning foul, Sejun raised his eyebrows. Hawon shook her head and spoke.
“I must have hit my head instead of my waist. Just forget all the nonsense I said.”
Hawon, who had been rambling her inner thoughts without realizing it, pressed her lips tightly and raised her body.
They say women are susceptible to mood, and she seemed to be the perfect example.
Of course—babbling nonsense like “my heart pounds for you” in this situation.
She had sharply criticized Sejun’s views on relationships as wrong, yet her own heart had pounded from his kiss, leaving her flustered.
*You’re crazy, Gu Hawon. You said you could eat and live well on your own without dating, so what is this? Not only throwing yourself at a man’s lips as if you’d been waiting, but all this heart-pounding stuff… sigh…*
“I don’t think I can do this today. I’ll go home now. I’ll just sleep early today and come back later… ah!”
Just then, Sejun grabbed Hawon’s wrist and said.
“…Honestly, you really annoy me too. Your filthy appearance makes me frown, and the fact that there’s not a speck of feminine grace in the way you wolf down your food really displeases me.”
“What did you say?”
“But kissing you is addictive. Even though you constantly grate on my nerves, once our lips meet, I lose control like a hormonal teenager.”
“Huh? What are you talking about now?”
Hawon blinked her large eyes.
“I don’t know if this is a budding emotion between a man and a woman. I’m someone used to mechanical dating—meeting women, eating, fulfilling instinctual desires.”
“…But?”
“But that second kiss just now—it was quite a shock.”
It was the truth.
The passionate kisses he’d shared with other women had started from instinctual desire.
But the kiss Hawon had given him, though lacking in intensity, had something that tickled and tormented his heart.
He had received countless kisses from women more skilled and bold than Hawon.
But never in his life had Sejun felt cherished.
To such a Sejun, Hawon’s kiss was a fresh shock in itself.
“I’ve suddenly become curious. Just what is this dating based on the emotion of ‘love’ that you speak of and I’ve never known?”
“So what on earth are you saying right now…”
“I’ll give you the chance to show me what ‘love’ means to you.”
*What kind of arrogant demand is that…*
“Date me. It seems you don’t have no feelings for me, after all.”
Hawon was startled by Sejun’s sudden bombshell.
“What??? Date??? Why would I???”
Hawon’s mouth fell wide open from the shock.
“You said you were alone.”
“I, I never said I had a boyfriend, nor did I say I didn’t!”
“A woman with a partner wouldn’t beg the guy next door for tissues in the middle of the night. Rather than just passing time, let’s date and feel young again—me and you.”
“So you’re saying let’s feel young again by dating? Right now?”
“How can you even ask someone to date in such an obnoxious way? It really is an amazing talent.”
Hawon said, grabbing her bag.
“Stop talking nonsense. I have no intention of dating a love-numb man—and on top of that, someone with such an obnoxious personality.”
Hawon spoke, clenching her fist as if trying not to lose her composure.
“…”
Contrary to her expectations, Sejun said nothing.
“I’ll be going now. Get some rest.”
After leaving Sejun’s house and before entering her own, Hawon glanced at Sejun’s front door.
*What on earth is he thinking.*
Hawon deliberately turned her head away from his firmly closed front door.
* * *
“Oh, my little Eojju. Were you lonely by yourself?”
As soon as Hawon stepped inside, she scooped up Eojju, who had run to her expressing fierce joy with his cotton-candy-like body and tiny tail.
Feeling Eojju’s warmth seeping into her arms, Hawon sat on the sofa and looked at him licking her arm.
*A kiss…*
Kissing the man next door hadn’t been a terrible feeling.
If anything, it was the opposite—which was the bigger problem.
It was true that she had wavered for a moment when Sejun asked her to date.
He certainly had his obnoxious sides, but her heart had fluttered at a handsome man approaching her first.
“Sigh… Eojju, what should I do? Should I have accepted when he asked me to date?”
“…Yip?”
“But dating a man who doesn’t even know the important emotion that forms the foundation of a serious relationship is absurd, right?”
Hawon spoke as if trying to persuade Eojju.
“But… why do I slightly regret refusing him? I must be crazy.”
Sejun’s words asking her to date had been like such sweet candy that she had almost nodded her head in agreement.
“He hasn’t even dated much, yet he goes on about love acting all high and mighty! Idiot!”
Hawon reproached herself, recalling how she had flared up and argued about love in response to Sejun’s words.
“Ugh, my head hurts. What’s the use of thinking all day? This is a relationship that absolutely must not start. I should just sleep.”
Hawon shook her head from side to side as if shaking off water and stood up.
But for some reason, even after lying down in bed, she couldn’t fall asleep for the longest time.
#Private collection