16.
Whatever it was about my words that displeased him so much, Rohwinas frowned and took a step toward me as he asked.
“What business brings you here?”
His tone was so cold it bordered on hostility.
I put off answering and smiled.
What’s it to you?
The attendant looked as though he wanted to get as far away from the two of us as possible, but he seemed to lack even the courage to twitch his shoulders, and had been rooted to the spot for some time.
With a face that showed not the slightest concern for the situation his own man was in, Rohwinas took another step toward me.
It had truly been a long time since we had stared at one another from such a close distance.
Beneath the dim light, I could see his face.
Under lashes so long they seemed delicate, jewel-bright green eyes were wavering.
His fine blond hair, just covering the nape of his neck, was exceedingly aristocratic and elegant.
But anyone who knew him never forgot that one must not be deceived by that radiant, gorgeous face, like a finely crafted porcelain doll.
For the most part, he was arrogant and indifferent.
A man who had been raised from birth without lacking for anything bestowed pity and warmth only after calculation, as necessity demanded.
Having never felt attachment to a single person or object, it was not difficult for him to maintain a rational attitude.
When a man like that came clinging to me, saying he loved me, I should have sensed it long ago.
That something was strange.
Suddenly, I realized his face had grown thinner than before.
And that fact played a part in the even sharper air about him.
His gaze was so fierce that if someone said he had beaten a person last night, I would have believed it.
“Baroness.”
At the address that finally came as if urging me on, I answered with a crooked smile.
“And why, exactly, must I answer you?”
“You seem unaware, but I am giving you a chance to explain yourself right now.”
“……Explain?”
When I let out a hollow laugh, Rohwinas’s gaze clung to my cheek.
Even so, he did not stop saying things meant to provoke me from beginning to end.
“Is that not so? I believe I already warned you that I would not tolerate any action by which you approached me.”
His tone treated me entirely like the perpetrator, and it made me grind my teeth,
but it was also true that, regarding that matter, I had little to say.
Outwardly, I was the perpetrator who had secretly made him take a potion against his will.
“On what basis are you deciding that I approached you just now, Count?”
“That is why I am telling you to explain. You need only explain, do you not?”
He really talks in a way that makes me want to hit him.
When I glared at him, a line appeared between Rohwinas’s brows.
So you can stare all you like, but if I look, will you wear away?
I withdrew my gaze and answered like a sigh.
“I came to see Margaret.”
“State here, in detail, exactly what business you have with her.”
At those words, I nearly laughed aloud.
I was suddenly irritated, and snapped back with whatever came to mind.
“After four whole years have already passed, do you still think I have personal feelings left for you, Count?”
“…….”
“Even a passing dog would laugh. Truly.”
At this point, isn’t this excessive self-consciousness?
As Rohwinas’s silence lengthened, I glanced toward the entrance.
I sincerely wanted to leave.
A conversation that brought me no benefit and only made me uncomfortable was something I, too, wanted no part of.
All I could think about was going straight to the nearest pub as soon as I got out of here.
First, I would ask for the strongest thing they had, then keep drinking until I was pleasantly tipsy……
“Then, is that not the case?”
I returned my gaze to him.
Rohwinas’s eyes were still fixed on me so sharply they stung.
As if trying to find evidence, his gaze combed over me thoroughly, obsessively to the point of fastidiousness.
Ah……. Does he hate that I liked him that much?
Enough to desperately hope that not even a little lingering attachment, not even the slightest feeling, remains?
Enough that, if it did, he would feel so unsettled he could not sleep at night?
Of course, I no longer had any desire to say anything about that.
Only, a noisy wind blew through my heart, gone cold.
As if waking the empty place inside me.
“I’ve come to dislike people who dislike me, too.”
With the feeling that this would be the last time, I obediently answered him.
It was not particularly a lie, either.
“……I understand that you were made uncomfortable, Count, because you unexpectedly ran into me. But I hope you do not delude yourself into thinking I find this enjoyable either.”
“…….”
“I doubt my face looks happy to you right now, either.”
It was then.
Rohwinas cut off the end of my words and opened his mouth.
“Is it truly so difficult for you, Baroness, to meet a suitable man and build a family?”
As if his characteristic cold tone had collapsed under heat, the sarcasm in his voice was utterly blatant.
“……What?”
Honestly, at first I thought I had misheard.
But after reading the clear hostility on Rohwinas’s face as he waited for my answer, the hostility that said he would hurt me,
I was left speechless in a different sense.
For the past four years, we had not created any need to encounter each other.
In other words, we had avoided one another.
Since I had been unable to attend any gatherings where nobles mingled, whether official or unofficial, it was not particularly difficult.
Even if, by chance, we spotted each other from afar, we pretended not to see and turned away.
I had thought that was the best way for us not to harm each other.
I thought he believed the same.
At the very least, he had been a man who showed me the bare minimum of courtesy until the end.
Whatever he thought inside, whatever kind of person he saw me as……
Because that was the man I had loved……
And yet now, in front of me, he was shamelessly revealing the very bottom of himself.
“Have you never realized that your circumstances and conditions are not favorable enough for you to go around trying your chances with just any man?”
I stood still without saying a word and listened to Rohwinas speak.
“So I am saying you should stop your foolish behavior now, find a man suited to your level, and get married.”
“…….”
Rohwinas spoke coldly.
“Then I will believe you.”
Believe what?
Ah, that I no longer love you?
Ah, I see…….
When I did not get worked up or angry and merely stared at him in silence,
Rohwinas’s face stiffened, still bearing that twisted expression.
As if he regretted it belatedly.
But he stubbornly remained silent.
“……Very well, then. I will take your advice with gratitude.”
“…….”
I could think of nothing.
I simply wanted to truly cut him out of my life.
“Then, may I go now?”
“…….”
I gave the old man a final nod with my eyes, passed him by, and left the tent.
Belatedly, I wondered why he would have personally come all the way to a shabby tent in a corner of the slums,
but it was not something I particularly wanted to know.
I soon forgot.
* * *
“How could you forget this?”
“No, it’s not that I forgot……”
“The appointment is next week! And you’re saying you’ll refuse it now?”
At a loss, I rolled my eyes.
It was true that the last time, I’d barged in on the duke and shoved the reagent at him, leaving the letter of appointment as an afterthought.
But from the moment I first received it, I had never had the slightest intention of accepting.
I acknowledged that, one way or another, I would have no choice but to get entangled with those three men now, but that didn’t mean I could just blithely become the duke’s adjutant.
Once I took the antidote later, who knew what I would have to deal with afterward?
“Well, I told you I’ve been busy these past few days……”
“What in the world could have kept you so busy that you tossed aside a letter of appointment bearing even the emperor’s seal in your study and went gallivanting around? Let’s hear it.”
After staying out for several days on end, I had already been scolded within an inch of my life by Julie the moment I returned to the mansion.
The one thing I wanted to avoid was hearing that nagging all over again from the beginning.
I quickly changed the subject.
“More importantly, where’s Jaka? Why don’t I see him?”
“Is he the problem right now? What are you going to say to the duke? Aren’t you worried? You might suffer who knows what if you refuse!”
Julie stuck to my side as I strode down the corridor looking for Jaka, chattering away, and then, as if frustrated, pointed out the window.
“In the garden?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since then, so he’s probably still there.”
While Julie, who had answered listlessly, let her guard down for a moment, I opened the window and lightly jumped outside.
“Lady Asha!”
I waved to Julie, who was standing by the window and looking down, then turned my steps toward the garden.
The day was clear, and the wind was light.
As I entered the edge of the garden, every place I set my eyes was filled with all kinds of flowers and trees.
Unlike before, I looked around the garden here and there, purely enjoying it.
Modest wildflowers bloomed along the path, and though they flaunted all manner of colors, they were not cluttered but pleasing to the eye.
Just as I began to feel a little dizzy from the rich fragrance of flowers, great trees and tall obelisks greeted me, trailing vines that had yet to bloom.
It was just like a garden arranged by Jaka, who, despite his prickly temper, was truly meticulous when it came to his work.
The familiar scent of grass felt pleasant.
And the way sunlight scattered between the leaves, falling in gleaming drops……
As I went a little deeper in, I saw the back of someone sitting before a pond that appeared in the distance.
The surface of the pond, sparkling as though sprinkled with gold dust, was beautiful too, but my gaze was stolen by his pale sky-blue hair, swaying slightly in the wind.
His hair, only brushed just enough, was often tousled and sometimes disheveled.
But I thought that suited Jaka more perfectly than anything else.
When his slightly long bangs fluttered and his gray eyes caught the light, I would feel an unkempt sort of freedom from him.
I liked that.
I slowly approached the edge of the pond.
He must have heard my footsteps, but Jaka did not look back.
When I drew a little closer, he was leaning slantwise against a tree trunk by the pond with his arms crossed.
His eyes were closed, but I wasn’t quite sure whether he was asleep or not.
“Jaka?”
Just in case, I crept across the grass and stopped right beside him.