11.
“……I’m not sure. I don’t think that is any concern of yours, Sir Izanar.”
“Baron, goodwill is not always returned as goodwill.”
He continued.
“It seems there are not many people living in this mansion. In cases like this, no matter how carefully you choose whom to let in, it is never enough.”
“Including letting you into my mansion, you mean?”
“…….”
At my cold reply, Prien finally found the displeasure on my face.
No, perhaps he had seen it already and simply wanted to pretend, until the very end, that he had not.
Prien closed his mouth.
“……If my meddling displeased you, I apologize.”
“More importantly, there’s something you need to return to me, isn’t there? I’d like to have it back right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So, the handkerchief?”
Without a word, he bit his lip, then took a neatly folded handkerchief from inside his clothes and placed it on the table.
“I washed it thoroughly, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t completely remove the bloodstain. ……I’m sorry.”
I picked up the handkerchief and examined it, but only after searching for quite a while could I barely make out where the bloodstain was.
“……Thank you for returning it. Then, if you have nothing more to say,”
“I like you.”
At the voice that abruptly cut off my dismissal, I doubted my ears.
“Pardon?”
And so, even forgetting that I had been offended, I asked again.
He looked as though he had never intended any such thing, only to be shoved from behind and cause an accident.
And now he was looking at me as if he had no idea what to do and was asking for help.
What does he like?
“Ah, the handkerchief?”
“I think I like you, Baron.”
That was not it.
What he liked was me.
……Me?
“I apologize for offending you. I showed you an ugly side of myself. This is… the first time for me.”
The nape of the man’s neck, as he bowed his head deeply and apologized to me, was as red as a raspberry.
His pure white priestly robe was being pitifully crumpled in the hands gripping his knees.
My mouth twitched because I wanted to ask him to say it one more time, to say that I had heard wrong.
But I knew all too well that nothing would change even if I did, so I barely managed to close my half-open mouth.
“What are you doing right now…….”
At Jaka’s voice, I immediately raised my hand to stop him.
“Jaka, step outside for now.”
“But.”
“Jaka.”
At my calling his name, Jaka finally bowed his head.
“……I’ll be right outside the door. Call me right away if you need me.”
And he looked at Prien, as if the words were not advice meant for me, but something said for someone else to hear.
But honestly, Prien seemed as though he could hear nothing at all right now.
At last, the door closed.
Prien did not lift his head.
I cleared my throat.
“So what you’re saying right now is.”
“That attendant was an eyesore to me. If I could, I wanted to remove him from your side, Baron.”
The truth, confessed in a trembling voice as though in confession, made my face burn.
“I should not have. I should not have harbored such feelings…….”
He lifted his head.
And asked me.
“Would you slap me?”
“Excuse me?”
This time, I could not help but ask back in a dazed voice.
This priest—no, this paladin—was asking me to do what?
Prien murmured again in a heartbroken voice.
“……You may curse at me, too.”
But he immediately shook his head.
“Now that I think about it, that won’t be enough. I think I would only believe you did so because I had done something wrong.”
“Wait a moment. Why has the conversation suddenly become this?”
“My wrongful heart……. I don’t know how to set it right again.”
Setting aside my bewilderment, I carefully studied his face.
It was the face that had defeated none other than Rohwinas.
A beautiful and reverent face, one that was newly worthy of admiration.
But his pupils were shaking mercilessly.
They were eyes pleading for help so desperately it was pitiable.
Like someone being endlessly eroded by a confusion he had never experienced before.
“Why do you think those feelings are wrong?”
“I keep having discourteous thoughts about you, Baron. ……And I cannot control them.”
Unfortunately, I did not have the courage to ask what those discourteous thoughts were.
“Even so, I don’t think hitting you is acceptable. ……And I don’t want to curse at you either.”
The corners of his eyes trembled faintly.
As if he simply could not take his eyes off me as I answered that way.
Beyond feeling awkward under that gaze, I began to grow just the slightest bit tense.
It was a gentle yet reckless gaze. Though he himself seemed utterly unaware of it.
I could not understand why I had to comfort him over this, but for now, I tried saying something suitable.
“And, well, you’re not a priest, so isn’t it possible for you to like someone?”
“……That is true. But I have something I must do.”
“Ah, then of course you might be troubled.”
“No. I am not troubled.”
“Ah, so it isn’t a dilemma for you.”
“Yes. Because I have no intention of developing this into a romantic relationship.”
“…….”
I, who had been answering him sincerely, suddenly lost my words and closed my mouth.
He confessed to me himself…….
And then immediately rejected me?
What is this guy doing?
All the strength drained out of me.
Once I thought of it as a simple little happening, my heart quickly grew lighter.
“Actually, isn’t today only the second time we’ve ever met?”
“…….”
“Since it appeared so suddenly, it may disappear just as suddenly too.”
“…….”
“Feelings are all like that, aren’t they? So don’t pay it too much mind.”
Prien, who had been silently listening to those words, suddenly murmured.
“Are my feelings no concern to you at all, Baron?”
“You said you wanted to set your heart right again, didn’t you? That you had something you must do.”
“…….”
Though no tears had fallen, the rims of his eyes reddened as if they had been chafed raw.
No, seriously.
I’m not the one who rejected him, am I?
He confessed on his own and rejected himself on his own, didn’t he?
It was then.
He rose from the sofa.
Then came straight over and knelt at my feet.
Uh, again.
It was the same composition as that memory from before.
But this time, the shock that came was far greater.
Because a priest I barely knew—no, a paladin—was kneeling before me.
Prien looked up at me.
The line of his neck, revealed outside his priestly robe, was long and straight.
And perhaps because he wore nothing underneath, his chest was directly…….
I blinked several times, as if forcing my gaze to scatter.
“I love you.”
At those words, our eyes collided.
He confessed to me once more.
As though clinging to me.
Or as though he wished to cling.
“Ever since I met you that day, I have been unable to think of anything else.”
“…….”
“Did you, perhaps…… think of me as well?”
That desperate, breathless confession was enough to leave me stunned.
No, yesterday it was Jaka, and now why so suddenly…….
My thoughts cut off.
That was right.
Why were things like this happening all of a sudden?
“That banquet…….”
I stopped speaking.
The meaning of those words was too heavy to carelessly let them leave my mouth.
If something else had happened without my knowing…….
A chill crawled up my spine.
Come to think of it, it felt familiar.
This fervor, this clumsy recklessness.
This affection, like some immense revelation that seemed to disregard the man’s original nature entirely.
All of it resembled Rohwinas’s.
My heart went cold.
An anxious pounding filled its place.
“……Please go back for today.”
With legs that would not hold any strength, I forced myself to stand.
“I’ll…… come find you later. Let’s talk again then.”
I firmly closed my mouth just as I was about to call for Jaka naturally.
My head was spinning.
It felt as though the world was whirling around me.
I could not be certain of anything.
I did not even dare to be.
……So first, I had to confirm it.
After sending Prien away, I was trudging across the corridor.
Today, Julie and the coachman were running toward me together.
There was a letter in Julie’s hand.
The moment I saw it, my breath caught.
‘I will say it again—you were of tremendous help.’
‘Thanks to you, I suppose I should say I returned alive like this.’
‘Thank you.’
There might be one more person I needed to confirm.
The things I had believed were pure goodwill.
The things I had believed were human connection.
They were disappearing emptily, like a sandcastle swept away without a trace by a single wave.
“Lady Asha! It’s your letter of appointment! There’s a letter here too! It’s from Duke Gladineer!”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
* * *
Inside the tent, it was dim and smelled sour.
I took off my hood as I stepped inside.
“……Oho. What a truly unexpected guest.”
An old man wearing half-moon spectacles sat amid piles of books, looking straight at me.
His vivid blue eyes gleamed sharply.
“I know it is discourteous to visit late at night without an appointment, but…….”
“Of course, you must have something urgent to ask of me.”
The old man cut me off, waving his hand as if it did not matter.
“I would like to know why it had to be me, of all people. I thought you would have at least one mage you were ‘connected’ to.”
“I’m sorry, but I have no acquaintance with mages to speak of.”
“Hmm.”
He did not look particularly convinced.
To those who believed I had made the love potion, it was all the same no matter what I said.
I did not explain further either, and dragged over a chair to sit near the old man.
“You asked why it was you? I heard you were the one who made the count’s antidote.”
I was indeed talking about the antidote Rohwinas was said to have taken before coming to his senses.
“In that case, unfortunately, you have come to the wrong person.”
“……What?”
“Publicly, it is known that I, the mage of House Kanesion, made the antidote.”
“…….”
“But in truth, there was a somewhat more complicated process involved. In any case, that is not what you came to hear.”
“……Then are you saying you don’t know how to make a ‘testing reagent’?”
“I said I did not make it. I did not say I did not know how to make one.”
The old man frowned slightly, as if offended.
But I had no leisure to humor the whims of mages, each and every one of whom had suspicious eccentricities.
“I need a ‘testing reagent.’ As soon as possible.”
“…….”
“If there is a price you want, name it. If it is a price I can pay, I will pay any amount.”
“Do you think you can obtain what you want by paying only a price you can afford?”
“What do you want?”
“I would like to know. Whom you intend to feed it to.”
“…….”
“I think that name will suffice. What do you say?”