9.
“Jaka! Hide me!”
I kicked open Jaka’s door and rushed inside.
Jaka, who had been standing in front of a drawer, sighed and turned around.
“Again?”
“Julie’s coming!”
Jaka let out another sigh, but faithfully lifted up the sheet on his bed.
I shoved my precious bottles of liquor underneath it.
Then I flung open the doors of Jaka’s wardrobe and said,
“I’ll hide in here for a bit.”
“……Do you think it’s right to ask permission after you’ve already opened it?”
I crouched down beneath the clothes and quietly gestured at Jaka.
‘Close the door!’
Jaka looked at me as if he found me truly pathetic, but he silently closed the wardrobe doors.
Along with the sound of footsteps running down the corridor, Julie’s voice came faintly.
“Lady Asha! Lady Asha! If I catch you, I’m taking all of it away, liquor or whatever else! Do you understand?”
As I crouched there, holding my breath, I caught the faint scent of Jaka.
It was probably because I was surrounded by piles of Jaka’s clothes.
I pulled out the brandy I’d been drinking and tucked away in my arms.
Glug, glug, glug.
All I could do was marvel at how smoothly it slid down my throat.
Feeling tipsy, I leaned my head against the wall of the wardrobe.
To think I’d be found out the moment Julie discovered the foreign liquor I’d hidden here and there.
I hadn’t even finished one bottle yet.
Just in case, I should at least finish this one now.
I was definitely drinking,
but then someone shook my shoulder and woke me.
When I came to my senses, it was already dark outside.
And Jaka was looking down at me with an utterly dumbfounded expression.
“Huhh?”
“What do you mean, ‘huhh’? Have you been in here this whole time? Are you a mole or something?”
“Don’t insult moles.”
“…….”
Jaka let out a disbelieving laugh and held out his hand to me.
Before I knew it, I naturally took his hand and got to my feet.
A groan slipped out on its own.
“……My legs are asleep.”
“Of course they are. You were in there all day…….”
Jaka’s gaze landed on the empty space in the wardrobe where I had been.
“Did you drink? Inside the wardrobe?”
“……Your clothes probably picked up the smell, huh.”
When I gave him a sheepish grin, Jaka sighed.
“But I don’t think they absorbed much.”
Standing beside Jaka as he tidied up the wardrobe, I mumbled,
“They smelled more like you than alcohol.”
Jaka paused.
“And I didn’t spill a single drop while I was drinking!”
Jaka turned toward me and asked,
“Do I smell?”
“Hm? I mean, yes? You smell nice.”
Jaka took a step closer to me.
“Do I smell now, too?”
The tip of Jaka’s shoe lightly touched the tips of my feet.
“I’m asking if I smell now, too.”
In the dim room, not even a single candle had been properly lit yet.
Relying on the moonlight, I lifted my chin and looked up at Jaka.
Then, hesitating, I tilted my head toward his chest.
“…….”
His Adam’s apple moved visibly up and down.
“I think you do?”
When I immediately lifted my head again and answered as if it were nothing,
Jaka stared at me for a moment, then laughed with a shrug, as if he couldn’t believe me.
Then he asked, sounding a little annoyed.
“Why are you like this when you’re someone who’s even had a grand romance before?”
“……I’d like you to remember that isn’t exactly a welcome topic for me.”
When I replied primly, Jaka gradually stopped laughing.
Then the temperature of his gaze as he looked at me changed.
“You said you liked gardens, right?”
“Did I say that?”
“Anyway, is that true?”
“Well, yes, it was.”
“Then why does the garden here look like that?”
“There are adult circumstances behind all this. If you know, you’ll get hurt.”
“As if you’re all that much of an adult yourself.”
“Hey, I’m five years older than you.”
“Come here.”
Ignoring my words completely, Jaka walked over to the window.
“What is it?”
I followed after him.
Jaka opened the window wide and stepped aside.
“……You’re not going to push me from behind, are you?”
“Don’t say things like that, even as a joke. It’s unpleasant.”
Jaka leaned at an angle beside the window.
With an awkward expression, I stepped closer to the window.
“What am I supposed to look at…….”
For a moment, I forgot how to speak.
It wasn’t the scenery I always saw.
The rotten obelisk that had been on the verge of collapse had been replaced with a new one, and vine flowers hung here and there upon it.
The path, where soil and grass had been mixed together in messy patches, had been packed with fine earth and now stretched out beautifully, and I could see that the plants that had drooped weakly and withered had been thinned out, with support stakes driven in here and there.
Newly planted flowers swayed in clusters in the wind all around.
Even the pond that had been filled with all kinds of trash and water weeds now had a clean surface.
The trees had been pruned, each one shaped elegantly,
and thanks to that, the outdoor tent beside the lake could be seen clearly even from here.
The tent, which surely must have been faded, shone a vivid blue beneath the moonlight.
The garden had come back to life.
I felt as if I had been struck on the back of the head.
In my head, I knew I should ask Jaka if he had done this, if this was why he had been so busy all this time, that I should thank him, that I should tell him he had done well.
But my tongue stiffened and would not move.
A golden osmanthus thick with green leaves came into view.
I knew how beautiful the flowers it bloomed in autumn were.
And how happy the times we had spent together beneath it had been.
‘I want to become your family.’
‘Asha, will you allow it?’
“Baroness?”
Sobering up felt terrible.
Because the clearer my thoughts became, the clearer my memories became as well.
“What’s wrong? Are you all right? Are you feeling unwell?”
Even as I heard Jaka’s worried voice, I couldn’t easily open my mouth.
Then Jaka took hold of my shoulders and turned me toward him.
And he brought his face close, forcing our eyes to meet.
He made it clear to me who I was with right now.
His ash-gray eyes were shining in the moonlight.
“Baroness.”
I said in a trembling voice,
“Thank you. The garden…… it’s changed so much I can hardly recognize it. You’re quite skilled, aren’t you? You must have worked hard.”
“I asked whether you were all right.”
“……But you.”
“I was just doing my job, that’s all.”
Jaka smiled faintly, then suddenly muttered,
“No wonder you only stared with that strange expression when I was turning the garden upside down and didn’t stop me.”
Unable to figure out what expression I should make, I lowered my gaze,
and something out of place came into view.
That thing poking out from between the closed drawers looked familiar.
Because it was my hair tie, the one I thought I had thrown away.
When I had burst into Jaka's room earlier today, I recalled him standing in front of the drawers and turning around.
I thought I had faintly heard the drawers closing, too.
My head went cold, as if I had suddenly been doused with ice water.
Only then did my thoughts arrive at a valid question.
Why had Jaka revived the garden?
Why had he decided to come work here, of all places?
And why, that day,
had he spoken to me first?
"Jaka."
"If you don't like it, I'll put it back the way it was—"
"Do you like me?"
"..."
Jaka's lips sealed shut.
I saw the answer in that silence.
What I hadn't realized all this time became visible with a clarity almost laughable.
"...Why are you suddenly curious about that?"
Before I knew it, Jaka's voice had dropped very low.
"Is it true?"
"What if it is?"
I shook my head.
"...It can't happen."
Jaka laughed low. It was chilling, almost like a growl.
"Why can't it?"
"You're still young."
"What's the problem? We're both adults."
"And..."
"Stop making excuses. Answer me properly."
Jaka's voice was unfamiliar.
But at that moment, another thought had come to mind.
"You didn't quit your job because of me, did you?"
"Ha."
Jaka let out a breath as if dumbfounded, then closed in on me in a rush.
Trying to avoid his advancing step, I stumbled back, tripped over my own feet, and swayed, about to fall.
I ended up perched on the soft bed before I knew it.
Jaka knelt on the floor, meeting my gaze.
His hands gripped the bed on either side of me.
The bed sank deeply.
"Why do you ask? If I say I quit because of the Baron, are you going to take responsibility for me?"
"..."
"Why ask when you have no intention of taking responsibility?"
His hair, which I had merely thought of as sky-colored, glowed coldly in the moonlight amid the darkness.
The eyes beneath were unfamiliar as well.
"I won't ask you to take responsibility."
"..."
"So..."
He slowly leaned his upper body toward me.
I felt weight pressing down on the bed.
Before I knew it, his thigh was touching my legs.
"Will you play with me, just once?"
A voice so low and thick it made my ears tingle came from very close by.
His hair tickled my forehead.
His face had come right up to my nose.
Somehow, I felt a sense of déjà vu, as if this had happened once before.
"...Play?"
"Yes. No one will know."
Our arms and shoulders touched.
"So... just a little."
I felt his body.
That it was firmer than I had thought, hotter than he had ever appeared,
and...
Feeling my own body stiffen with tension, I barely pushed him away.
Jaka yielded softly.
But his gaze remained nailed to me as before.
"Why? It's not like you hate it."
"How would you know that?"
"I can tell just by looking. I've been looking at nothing but you this whole time."
The end of his voice cracked.
From his voice and the faint sound of his breathing, I realized he was enduring fiercely.
That impulse and desire, endurance and reason were tangled together, tormenting him.
It was a longing so pure it was almost innocent.
I thought that if I didn't get up now, I would end up staying here forever.
I looked at Jaka.
Jaka seemed to read my decision from that brief gaze alone.
His gaze, laden with longing, fractured.
But he didn't show it.
And soon his expression colored with confusion.
"Why..."
Following his gaze, I raised my hand to my cheek.
My hand was soon wet.
"Ah."
My vision blurred again.
Tears fell onto my knees.
"Why... why are you crying? Is it because of me? Is it?"
Jaka flustered about, awkwardly at a complete loss.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again, so..."
I didn't really know why I was crying either.
Perhaps I was just upset.
Doubting someone's heart is definitely a bad thing.
From the moment he admitted his feelings, not for a single moment had I truly believed his heart.
It just turned out that way.
Like that someone from back then, I wondered if that heart might be fake.
Until I confirm that,
perhaps I cannot believe anyone's heart.
Jaka gripped the edge of the bed and continued to plead on his knees before me.
"Please, don't cry. I was wrong. Okay?"
Even as I listened to that desperate voice.
I was filled with despair at how vividly the scars that person had left on me still remained.