The Malicious Member Has Returned! Chapter 238
* * *
[KPCA Male Group Rookie Award Presentation]
From the moment those words rose huge on the LED at the back of the stage, Kim Chun-yong’s heartbeat slowly began to pound, like a stone cast into still water.
Would Wiz win, or would ToZ win? Many had been counting on their fingers, fiercely debating that very question. Physical album sales were better for ToZ, so it would be ToZ. Wiz was no pushover either; in the end, the team meant to win would win. Those burdens only kept pouring onto a surface with no bottom in sight.
“This year’s Male Group Rookie Award goes to...”
The words of the actor who had come up to present the award sounded smaller than the distant stirring of the audience. No, maybe that was only natural.
“Target of Xenon, ToZ! Congratulations!”
The moment the actor’s final words ended—
—Waaaaah!
A roar of heated cheers and applause erupted from the audience.
The steps of all the ToZ members heading onto the podium faltered slightly; even though they had prepared for everything, their vision sparkled. And when they gave their greeting—
“...
Two, three, hello! We are ToZ!”
‘...
It was like that back then, too.’
Kim Chun-yong thought back to the moment Arrows won their first and last Rookie Award.
“Hello, we are Arrows!”
That was something Kim Chun-yong would probably remember even after he was thrown behind bars, even when attacked by all sorts of yellow journalism, even when he was drunk and spouting nonsense the moment his mouth opened. How could he forget? Unless under special circumstances, a Rookie Award comes only once in a lifetime. For trainees who had practiced for a long time, it was just as big as a music show win, or even bigger, perhaps an even greater dream.
Kim Chun-yong, too, had quite a long trainee life at Queens, but the ToZ member who had spent the longest as a trainee was a different person entirely. Son Jae-ha.
“Um, so...”
It had been the same during Arrows’ days, when they received the Rookie Award at CAMM. Son Jae-ha, who was normally more composed than anyone and maintained an ambiguously inscrutable attitude, trembled as he held the microphone, as if he didn’t know what he should say.
“...
Ugh.”
In the end, just like now, he couldn’t say a single word and showed his tears.
“...
Jenia! We, we won the Rookie Award! Really... ha, haha. I didn’t, didn’t know we would receive such an award. First, we’re so grateful to all the people who helped us debut so we could stand here....”
And this time, too, it was Ji Hwa-seong who quickly took over the microphone and began the acceptance speech. As if proving the open secret within ToZ that if you thought of tact, you thought of Ji Hwa-seong, and if you thought of Ji Hwa-seong, you thought of tact.
With Ji Hwa-seong’s lead, the other members also began to bring out one by one the words they had kept in their hearts beneath the sharp yet sweet lighting.
“...
That I’ve achieved my dream of becoming a singer like this is all thanks to all of you helping me. Ah, ahaha... I mean, it still doesn’t feel real!”
Bang Yu-chan was continuing his sentences in a calm, low voice, then burst into his characteristic hearty laugh, as if his next words had escaped him due to his overwhelming emotions.
“...
Mom, Dad. Si, Siwon hyung. And the AG family... truly, thank you so much. I’ll take this as a sign to work hard going forward... and I will work hard!”
Jang Si-woo, as if having carefully sharpened his sensitive and delicate nature, chose each word with caution, delivering an acceptance speech beyond his years.
Yes, it had been like this during Arrows’ time, too.
“Really, thank, thank you. I’ll work hard from now on....”
So many things were the same, glittering and shining just as they had back then.
But.
“Lo, Logan hyung. Hyung, your speech too....”
“Oh, ju, just a moment. I can’t breathe!”
Not everything was the same.
“...谢谢你给我这个奖。我会成为更加努力的刘伟。 (Thank you for giving me this award. I will become a more hardworking Liu Wei.)”
Different members.
“Jesus... fi, first of all, I give thanks to God in heaven for letting me receive this award. Thank God, Amen. Well, I don’t know. What can I say? I never even imagined anything like this....”
Unlike Liu Wei, who hadn’t spoken a single word of Korean as if to make the award being in Korea meaningless, Logan spoke Korean in fits and starts, his face filled with joy and deep emotion.
‘...
Right. That’s what’s different.’
Suddenly, Kim Chun-yong felt as if one of the stones constantly being thrown into the pool of his heart had bounced in a different direction.
Look. The place you’re standing right now is reality....
The moment he realized that, Kim Chun-yong had to feel, instant by instant, that wasn’t the only thing that had changed.
“Uh, uh....”
“...
It’s okay. Don’t mind it. Sorry... for not being able to say it right.”
“That’s, no! I didn’t mean it like that....”
“...
Are you okay, hyung?”
“Y, yeah. ...Thanks.”
Ji Hwa-seong, who had frozen up and been nervous at the same time because it was his first time seeing Son Jae-ha’s weak side during the Arrows Rookie Award, was now holding one of Son Jae-ha’s arms with a steady face.
Was it thanks to the conflicts they had while preparing for debut being well resolved, perhaps? Or was it simply something that was meant to happen?
“......
”
If that was so, why did Bang Yu-chan and Jang Si-woo briefly meet eyes and nod? Kim Chun-yong couldn't know. All he could do was see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and feel at his fingertips the many things he himself had changed.
Actually, Kim Chun-yong hadn’t been as nervous as when he debuted with ToZ or received the Rookie Award with Arrows. Because the things he had built up to win this Rookie Award were far from just one or two. Because he had strived with all his might for his precious members, to fulfill the terms of his contract with X.
But even so....
“Mate, Chun-yong hyung! Hyung, you have to give your speech, too. Hyung is last. Last fire.”
The moment the microphone Logan passed him touched his hand.
“Heh, I knew you’d win. That’s an award Gao Yan will take next year.”
“Gao Yan, honestly, what you’re saying is hopeless!”
When he saw the fellow trainees from the
“Is this for real? Nari-ya. Record it. I’ll show Mom. My little brother really....”
“Shh, shh. I’ve been recording since a while ago. Try to be quiet so your voice doesn’t get in, unnie.”
And far away, when he saw his older sister and younger sister, sitting in the staff area and entering Kim Chun-yong’s view all too clearly.
Their voices didn’t reach his ears. The distance was too far to make out their expressions.
“......
”
However, a dizzying vertigo that really many things had changed and would keep changing poured down over Kim Chun-yong from the crown of his head to the tips of his toes.
“Uh....”
His slowly parting lips betrayed the fact that his body was not the same as his coldly clear state of mind.
“Um, hello. ...
Spring Chun, dragon Yong! I’m Chun-yong.”
He liked that things had changed. He was glad he had changed so much after coming back.
“I’m so happy to receive an award like this that you can only get once in a lifetime, and I’m grateful to all the many people who helped make it possible for me to receive it, and....”
He was afraid that things would change. Even though he kept telling himself it was okay, kept resolving that he could solve it, he was afraid of the darkness that lay ahead.
“And, and....”
Once again, it was merely the first waypoint. Though Kim Chun-yong had just now only received the Rookie Award, he simply wanted to shout out what it meant to be the greatest idol in K-Pop history, and by what standard that was decided. The burden resting on his shoulders was infinitely heavy. It was because these were things he had never once shouldered in his entire life.
Ah, but.
“...
My family!”
Since he returned, the time that had passed without a break, like an arrow—the meaning of his former group’s name.
“Mom, Dad, noona, and Nari. All of you....”
The past that could no longer be turned back, and the many things he had changed to make up for it.
“Let’s, let’s have a meal together at home.”
“Let’s go on a trip abroad together. For the first time!”
And, the things he would change.
“...
Thank you. Jenia, I really love you.”
All of that pushed Kim Chun-yong’s back.
“Whew, let’s eat together back at the dorm today, too. All of us huddled together... meat?”
“Haha... I think we’ll probably go to a company dinner?”
“Aw, but I prefer spending time among the members!”
Instead of making a face that said, “What’s so special about eating at home?” the members who threw their arms over his shoulders as they stepped down from the podium were there. And Sure enough, Shooting Rex and Neulbom Mir, who always showed up at the very moment Kim Chun-yong shined the brightest.
Ah, right.
“...
But among us, I think Chun-yong gave his speech the most calmly. No crying, no stammering.”
“Huh? Yu-chan hyung, is that a snipe at Jae-ha hyung?”
“You punk, why would you twist a hyung’s feelings like that?”
“Oh, a snipe? Sniper?”
“Logan hyung, that’s not what it is....”
“Haha... that’s right. Chun-yong was the calmest.”
Even if this time Kim Chun-yong hadn’t been as nervous as when he debuted with ToZ, or when he received the Rookie Award with Arrows.
* * *
So, after they returned to their seats.
“Uh, uwa... the tension, the tension is all gone now. I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Please hold it a little, Yu-chan hyung. We have to move to prepare for the stage soon, you know.”
The murmuring voices of the members tickled Kim Chun-yong’s ears and settled his heart.
The KPCA trophy held in Son Jae-ha’s hand sparkled, catching the light at the venue. The light reflected from it was as if telling Kim Chun-yong where he needed to go, and how he needed to get there.
“...
Hoo.”
Having wiped his cheek, soaked with fluid he didn’t know was sweat or something else, Kim Chun-yong looked up at the open ceiling of the awards venue to the sky. Aside from not having been nervous throughout the ceremony, he had just now realized by himself the reason he had been acting so impatiently lately.
The reason Kim Chun-yong had been moving urgently like a drenched rat all this time. The reason he had wanted to achieve just a little bit more. Because from the moment he received the Rookie Award onward, these were times Kim Chun-yong genuinely didn’t know.
Because...
[A Tragic Collision Accident... Popular Idol R’s Entire Family on Board?]
[Where Does an Idol’s Personal Information Go? AG Says, “No Leniency for Black Box Footage Leak.”]
[Arrows’ Rex Resumes 2nd Mini Album Activities... Returning from Sorrow?]
...he didn’t really remember how he had lived after that.
From here on, it was no longer just about atonement, nor was it a turning point. It was an unknown road, and the moment to find the right path amid that unknown road.
‘...
First, I’m not going on that damn trip or anything like it.’
Earlier, when Kim Chun-yong told his older sister and younger sister sitting in the staff area to ‘let’s eat,’ that was a promise about that. To eliminate that incident from the start. Since that’s where it begins.
“ToZ members, you’ll be moving to prepare for your award performance. The stage begins right after the Female Group Rookie Award presentation.”
“...
Yes, ma’am!”
Kim Chun-yong’s steps as he headed behind the stage, holding onto the shoulders of the members steeped in happiness and emotion, were laced with caution atop caution, as if walking on a blade’s edge.
The second goal set by X, winning the Rookie Award, was completed as of today. Which meant an equally difficult task would be waiting for him.
“ToZ, ready for the Rookie Award performance.”
“...
Yes, ma’am.”
With that, Kim Chun-yong tapped the microphone and nodded, his crimson red hair spilling over his forehead.
Heavy, frightening, unknowable, confusing as to which was right. It didn’t matter. Whether he was confident in himself or not.
[Male Group Rookie Award – ToZ (Target of Xenon)]
Even so, he had absolutely no thought of running away.