The Evil Member Has Returned! Chapter 230
* * *
Late dawn.
"You have no schedule tomorrow, so go in and get some good rest. The members talked about maybe doing a group live in the afternoon... but it shouldn't be a problem."
"Haha... thank you, Hobin hyung. You must be tired too."
"No. It's only natural. Besides, everyone in TiOJae is so kind, it doesn't even feel like extra work."
"Still... I feel bad about it."
"What for. Make me work more. If I'm busy, that means TiOJae is doing well, right?"
With Hobin hyung's kind reassurance, I returned to the dorm. The place was a mix of the heat and stillness that marked the safe end of our first year-end performance.
A few board games scattered in the living room, not yet put away, and beer cans that Jaeha hyung and Yuchan hyung had probably each had one of.
The members must have all gone to their rooms and fallen asleep.
"Phew..."
My hand tightened around one of the beer cans.
At the same time, I thought that maybe it would have been better if I had spent tonight with the members.
We had many year-end stages ahead to spend together, and the members had been considerate enough to tell me it didn't matter if I spent just one of those times with other people, so I had gone, but... I don't know.
"...I haven't even properly met Nate sunbae yet. Is he really like that?"
"Yeah. At first I wondered why he was so detached. But he's just sly and a bit... ah, you'll see when you meet him."
"So not loose-lipped or frequently careless, but sly, right?"
"Huh? Yeah. It wasn't the feeling you mentioned earlier. Sigh. Just, the vibe was a bit off. You'll see when you meet him."
"When I meet him..."
"Now that I'm talking, it sounds like badmouthing. But I'm so frustrated since he lives next door... I'm seriously considering moving lately. I could handle it if I just didn't run into him at all, but he comes looking for me first."
It was news I had wanted to hear, but once I heard it, my heart sank as I faced it head-on, and my mood was terrible.
Crunch
– The beer can in my hand crumpled.
Too many thoughts rushed in.
If this is true, someone I hadn't expected is now on that damned "other bastards" list.
No one else, but someone I had been very close to during my Rex-trash days.
"Hey, bring Rex a bag. Looks like he's about to spill again."
"Hyung, how do you even know all that? And it's a bit... no, it's amazing how you keep drinking with him while watching him like that."
"...You bastard. Watch your mouth. There's clearly someone next to you, why would you say something like that?"
"No, he's passed out drunk, insensate... what does it matter."
"When we're drinking together, we're all the same. Who are you to act all high and mighty and split ranks? Fuck, aren't we all just struggling to get by, which is why we're acting like this? What do you know about him or me... Go away. You're killing the mood." ...
Hyojae hyung was still one of the better ones among my drinking buddies.
Clang—I threw the crumpled can into the recycling bin with a thud, trying to soothe my tangled feelings.
No matter how likely it was that Hyojae hyung might be one of those "other bastards," he might not be the one who caused that accident.
Maybe Sa-gong-yu, already on edge because of Yeonwoo hyung, had misunderstood.
Even tracing back through the various circumstances with my inadequate brain, there wasn't enough objective evidence linking Hyojae hyung as the direct culprit.
But...
Somehow, it kept feeling like those "other bastards" were connected to me.
That someone entangled with me might have set all those events in motion.
It was a common case of excessive self-consciousness, but the thought kept gnawing at me.
"...Haah."
I slumped onto a kitchen chair and wildly ruffled my bright red hair.
No, I just wanted to apologize to the people who had suffered because of my past choices, set things right, and live happily again.
What on earth is all this?
I knew X would blow up if he directly found out I was still digging into the "other bastards," so I hadn't even told him properly yet.
This was one of those burdens I couldn't speak to anyone about, something I had to carry on my own.
"......"
The remaining beer can still held a bit of clear, yellow liquid.
Flat, no longer cold, that kind of liquid.
Once, I had lived like a half-crazed person just to get a sip of that.
Because it made me forget my reality and led me into the world of endless sleep.
But now, I couldn't drink even a single drop of it.
I must not run away from reality.
I must not turn a blind eye to what is happening in front of me.
That meant, even if someone close to me was the one who caused my family's accident, I had to accept it.
What kind of expression should I wear then?
What action should I take toward that person?
No, could I even take any action?
Those thoughts, those worries.
"......"
The silence grew long.
My not-so-clever brain kept getting messed up with complicated thoughts.
"Haah..."
Just as I had been standing there for a long while, unable to go into my room, fiddling with the half-empty beer can.
"...Oh? Chunyong, you're here? I didn't know you'd come back."
"Ah, that's right."
With the sound of the door to my and Jaeha hyung's room opening, two low voices came from behind me.
"...Hyungs."
It was Jaeha hyung and Yuchan hyung.
Their faces had a faint flush, just like I'd seen on Taei and Yoo earlier, confirming my guess that the two had enjoyed a brief drink.
"You weren't asleep yet? ... Did you two drink more by yourselves?"
"Oh, no. We didn't drink more. We just talked for a while. We weren't sure if you, Chunyong, were sleeping over at Sa-gong-yu's house tonight! You're back earlier than expected, huh?"
"Right. So Yuchan hyung was planning to sleep in your bed... Good thing he stayed up."
The two came over to the kitchen table where I was sitting and quickly took their seats in front of me.
As if, now that they knew I was there, they had no intention of leaving me alone.
The dorm, which had been utterly silent, began to echo with the sound of calm, murmuring voices.
"Did you have fun? Oh man, we had fun without you. Earlier, Logan pulled another card scam, and Hwaseong almost cried. You really missed out, Chunyong!"
"Mmm, Yuchan hyung. Saying it like that might make Chunyong feel bad."
"Nah. On purpose, on purpose. I was afraid you might not have had fun because you were worrying about us. I gotta tell you we both had a good time."
"Haha, I had fun. It looks like you hyungs and the younger ones... had a good time too."
At their very cheerful faces, I nodded, subtly pushing the beer can I'd been fiddling with to the side.
I could roughly picture how the members celebrated the year-end stage.
Judging by the remnants of mini confetti poppers by the front door, Ji Hwaseong must have set them off the moment he entered the dorm.
And as soon as that went off, Logan would have brought out the Jenga, cards, and games scattered in the living room from his room.
Perhaps Siwoo had sat quietly beside them, looking forward to what would happen next.
The hyungs before my eyes... they'd probably have cheered lightly with their beer cans as they watched. Despite saying "roughly," every detail replayed in my head with absolute clarity.
It was thanks to having observed the members for quite some time.
"...Haha."
A smile crept onto my lips.
This was what I wanted.
To continue idol life normally with good people, to chat about trivial things with my teammates, and to strive for higher places.
Yes.
I wanted something like that.
But somehow, it felt like I still wasn't able to do that right now...
"Ah, right. Chunyong."
It was Yuchan hyung's voice, picking up leftover snack crumbs from the table, that snapped me out of my thoughts, which were about to burrow into the ground again.
"Yes?"
"...I told Jaeha. About earlier."
"About earlier...?"
"Me and Siwoo. And you."
"Ah."
It felt like the light on in the dark kitchen had flickered and wavered.
Yuchan hyung's face wore its usual hearty smile.
But I momentarily forgot all my previous worries and couldn't help but gape.
What?
No, hadn't hyung and Siwoo wanted to hide that until now? ...
That's why I had even gotten Taei's help to create a reconciliation moment without the other members noticing!
Perhaps reading the questions in my stunned expression, Yuchan hyung scratched the back of his neck, glanced alternately at Jaeha hyung and me, then slowly opened his mouth again.
"...Because things worked out. Or rather, because we're going to work them out. I thought it'd be good to tell Jaeha too."
"......"
"No, but Jaeha already knew? He said you'd already discussed it with him once, Chunyong!"
"Uh..."
"Ha, now that I think about it, one quick knuckle-bump from earlier isn't going to cut it. I think I need at least three more."
Yuchan hyung's voice was full of exasperation, but his entire face was full of suppressed laughter.
As if he felt relieved.
As if he had at last taken a proper step forward.
That came as a different sensation to me, who had been wandering alone in my heart ever since arriving at the dorm.
I'm not sure if I'm doing well...
But at least one thing has been properly finished.
Whether he knew it or not, Yuchan hyung's mouth wouldn't stop.
"...But I won't hit you more or anything. It doesn't suit my style, and you've already gone through too much because of us."
"Mmm, Chunyong did seem to be worrying a lot about that."
"Exactly! After hearing from Jaeha, I felt guilty again, oh my. Why do you always take such good care of the people around you, Chunyong."
"It's not really like that..."
"Okay, okay. Look at this. It'll cheer you up. Haha, this is still so funny..."
Letting out laughter as refreshing as soda bubbles, Yuchan hyung held out his phone. Inside were photos of the members having a great time earlier.
Ji Hwaseong, sniffling after being thoroughly scammed at cards, not living up to his size.
Logan, the big dog, throwing an arm around that Hwaseong and wagging an invisible tail excitedly.
Siwoo, curled up with his knees on the sofa and fast asleep.
Yuchan hyung making a V sign behind sleeping Siwoo's head, and Jaeha hyung at the very front to take the picture.
And...
"Haha, what is this..."
"No, there were only five of us, so it felt empty. Jaeha edited it."
"Right. You, Chunyong, often post selfies on our SNS account. There was quite a bit to cut and use."
"......"
A cut-and-pasted image of my selfie from our first official TiOJae post right after debut.
I let out a short "pfft" laugh and then held the table, giggling for a long while.
Ah... seriously.
A person's mood really can be such a rollercoaster.
I wiped the tears of laughter from the corners of my eyes with satisfaction, and spoke in my usual cheerful voice.
"...Please send this to me. I have to show my family."
"Your family?"
"Yes. My younger sibling likes Siwoo. My older sister, well... she likes Gaon sunbae. But still, they'll all like our members."
And so, just before morning arrived, at dawn.
– Second child: (Photo)
– Second child: Me, first year-end stage done (V)
One photo I sent was uploaded into our family group chat.
Nari and Bomi noona would joke, asking why I was edited in and where the original was, but that was exactly what I wanted.
"Okay then, take a shower and go in, Chunyong. You'll catch a cold. I'll head to my room. Jaeha, good night too."
"...Good night, Yuchan hyung. Jaeha hyung, you go in first too."
"Eung, don't come in too late."
"Oh, okay. Aah, finally a late morning after so long...!"
The conversation with the hyungs didn't solve all my earlier worries and troubles, but my head felt much lighter.
Like putting a period mark at the end of an endlessly long sentence.
Ding—At the top of my phone signaling it was 5 a.m., the next schedule alert popped up. With fingers no longer trembling, I checked the schedule.
[D-2 KPCA (K-Pop Culture Awards)
D-3 Korean Popular Music Art Awards]
Now that Sound Stage the Final was over.
What truly remained were the year-end award ceremonies where the rookie award, which I absolutely had to win to fulfill the contract terms with X, was waiting.
Various year-end stages still remained, but those were what mattered.
My goals that would let me move forward, to keep me from floundering in a brief quagmire.
"...Alright."
I murmured a low monologue to myself and resolutely rose slowly from the kitchen table.
I need to win the rookie award at the ceremonies.
I need to meet the people I have to meet.
I can't just keep sitting here like this.
Even if I don't know what to do when I meet those "other bastards," that's something I won't know until I meet them.
Even if X yells at me with fury, that's something that hasn't happened yet.
– Clang!
The liquid inside the beer can I'd been fiddling with for so long poured into the sink, and the can was thrown vigorously back into the recycling bin.
Once the year-end is over, a new beginning of the year will come. ...
That was the first step, right now.