The Malicious Member Has Returned! Episode 114
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Even though we'd decided to head outside, an idol on the verge of debut didn't have many options.
We could go to the street in front of the convenience store, or well, the Han River.
If we went somewhere we'd inevitably stand out like that, rumors were bound to start.
So what could we do?
We had no choice but to go to the playground where I'd had that sincere talk with Yuchan-hyung and Hwaseong.
“Haha… This place is really quaint. Yeah.”
Given how grimly we'd set out, Jaeha-hyung burst into laughter when I led him to a place so adorably sized compared to our height.
“So this is where you guys talked? No wonder, when I came into the room, you were lying there awkwardly, different from how you usually sleep. Like, you were even wearing a hoodie.”
“Ah, well… It's true I went up in a hurry.”
“Right? I thought so. Hmm… A swing. It's been so long since I sat on one myself… I've pushed them plenty, though.”
Jaeha-hyung slowly lowered himself onto the swing where Hwaseong had sat and vented his frustrations that day, his face briefly lost in memory.
“Since there was a big age gap between me and my younger siblings, I had to push them a lot.”
Even though Hwaseong was definitely much taller, Hyung's presence occupying that seat felt far larger.
Why was that?
Because the burden Jaeha-hyung carried on his back was too heavy?
Or because, looking back over the past eight years, this was the first time I'd ever had this kind of conversation with Jaeha-hyung?
Whoosh—A brief silence.
The wind blew, and Jaeha-hyung was the first to speak again.
“Well, I think I know to some extent why you wanted to talk outside. And you probably know what I'm going to say, but….”
“…….”
“I didn't really want to refuse when you asked for some of my time. You know what I mean?”
The air was so crisp, yet the sentences Hyung uttered were ones that belonged in a dust-filled warehouse.
“Haha… Still, I'm grateful for the thought. Really. But I'm taking my medication diligently, too. And that's a separate matter from me taking on various tasks.”
Hearing that faintly crumbling laugh of his, sure enough, Jaeha-hyung didn't look like he had any intention of bending his opinion.
“Hoo….”
Right. That was the biggest problem with Jaeha-hyung right now.
A problem that was clearly affecting him in others' eyes wasn't recognized as a problem at all to him, the person involved.
Those of us beside him felt like our insides were crumbling with frustration, but Jaeha-hyung only maintained an attitude of *So what? What's it to you?*
Even if I called in Gaoyan as a one-day manager and told him facts like, “Actually, everything Hyung has been doing until now is the manager's job! Hyung is doing too many things all at once!”
“The manager will clock out now. See you again at dawn tomorrow. Leaving early like this is how we avoid setting bad precedents and instill proper work culture. Of course, to my filming team too! This is the core of the Noisy Boy channel!”
“R-right….”
“Gaoyan doesn't violate the working hours set by South Korean law. This is how a Hong Kong man survives in Korea. Make sure everyone knows.”…
I wondered if I should make him the dorm resident manager too, but.
That seemed like going too far.
“…….”
Tap, tap.
I watched Jaeha-hyung quietly, waiting for me to speak, as he flicked the swing chains with his fingers.
His black eyes, hazy as if fog had settled beyond the night air, were hidden behind his glasses today as always.
As if to keep anyone from reading his inner thoughts.
“…….”
I already knew why Hyung maintained that kind of attitude.
How could I not know?
Before the reality cameras started rolling, when I'd gone to his room, I'd heard those words so firmly.
Besides, if you stay in that kind of situation for too long, you naturally come to accept that you're simply that kind of person.
Just like in my past life, when I'd defined myself as trash and hadn't even thought of changing.
I'd called him out here to try to change his mind, but truthfully, I wasn't much different.
Because what I'd done back then was indeed trashy.
No matter how hard things were, no matter how much I thought the whole world hated me, I shouldn't have done that.…
Hyung was probably thinking something similar now.
That was why Jaeha-hyung had explained that we were in the same boat, even without properly knowing my circumstances.
In the end, neither of us had any intention of bending our own thoughts.
Taking a step closer to Hyung, I slowly opened my mouth.
“Jaeha-hyung. You know.”
But still.
“Yeah?”
Even if we conceded a lot and assumed we were that kind of people to begin with.
“…Want me to push you on the swing?”
So what.
“Huh…? The swing? Did I hear that right?”
“Yes, you heard right. Want me to push you, Hyung?”
Waiting for him to get used to being cared for and receiving consideration, making him realize that everything he'd been doing wasn't just fine.
Good, that's good.
But I had been such a selfish bastard that I'd lived as a complete piece of trash, ignoring people who suffered because of me.…
If someone had to play that role this time, I wanted to be the only one to do it.
Just like the worst idol member that X, the worst counselor, had surely marked as destined to fail any contract.
“No, but what's with this all of a sudden….”
Perhaps because he'd thought I was going to explain everything that had happened and persuade him, Jaeha-hyung's eyes went wide with confusion.
More than when Gaoyan had come as a one-day manager.
Or even more than when he'd found out I'd schemed with Yuchan-hyung and Hwaseong to help him.
But I didn't care, since I'd already made up my mind.
I shrugged my shoulders playfully and flashed a grin at Hyung.
“What, why not. You said you've pushed your younger siblings a lot, and it's been a while since you rode a swing yourself. I'll push you. Try it. It'll be fun, right?”
“No, there's no need—wait, wait. Chunyong. We were going to talk about something else—”
“Hold on tight, Jaeha-hyung!”
“…Huk—.”
Putting all the strength I'd used dancing and running around into pushing Hyung's back from behind, Jaeha-hyung couldn't even make a sound for a moment and gripped the swing chains tight.
It's not like I'd danced hard specifically for moments like this.…
“Fun, right, Jaeha-hyung!”
My mood felt disgustingly refreshed.
“Chunyong, Chunyong! C-can you stop?! Just a minute….”
“Just stay still! I'm not stopping!”
Hyung, who'd tried stomping his feet to stop a few times, saw my hands pushing his back again right after and soon gave up on that attempt.
Hyung's body, quite light for his height, cut through the air, rising and falling.
Two idols on the verge of debut riding a swing in a children's playground full of bright colors.
If others saw, it might look a little funny, right?
But, well….
In my overly wide eyes, the sight of Jaeha-hyung's back as he rose into the air sitting on the swing was imprinted clearly.
It was a back not as big as I'd thought earlier.
Twenty-one.
That was Hyung's age right now.
Just an overgrown twenty-one who hadn't even properly experienced the world yet.
What's wrong with a twenty-one-year-old riding a swing when no one's around?
That can happen, right?…
And so, after a brief bout of play befitting a seven-year-old boy.
“Ugh, really….”
When I stopped pushing Hyung, it was only natural that the glasses on his face were hanging messily at the tip of his nose.
“…Chunyong. Why are you doing this all of a sudden? I don't get it. You were the one who called me out to talk.…”
“I didn't say let's talk, I asked for some of your time. And more than anything… it was fun, right?”
“…….”
Jaeha-hyung was always in the position of pushing the swing.
Now at his distant home, at the company he visited every day, even at our dorm where he opened and closed his eyes.
But did that mean it wasn't hard?
Was it fun? That.
Swings were fun when you rode them yourself. Pushing wasn't fun at all.
That was why everyone could only be happy if they took turns patting each other's backs.
I watched Jaeha-hyung quietly as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyelids, then muttered in a low voice.
Jaeha-hyung.
“…It's not a matter of burden. The world won't end if you don't do that work. No, if a group would fail because one idol leader didn't do things that weren't even his job, it'd be better off failing.”
“…….”
Whether he'd now realized why I'd pushed the swing so suddenly, Hyung's eyes grew calm again.
“…Even if you say that, you know I won't change. Because you're a smart kid.”
“Of course. Ah, not that I'm smart.”
I'd easily learned by now that people don't change from things like this.
“But honestly, I don't care anymore. Hyung, keep doing what you've been doing, and I'll do what I want to do now.”
“Then why did you come here after all….”
“Ah, that's a bit different.”
I cut off Jaeha-hyung's words, took a deep breath, and spoke slowly.
“I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because I want to.”
“…….”
“So you don't need to feel burdened by it. I'm doing this because I want to, and so are the other members. Why should you feel burdened? You should just put your hand to your forehead and wonder what to do with these headaches.”
“…….”
“Ah, I had fun playing with you, so I should head back now. And as for you….”
I swept back the hair that had fallen wildly in front of my eyes from pushing the swing and looked outside the playground.
And there.
“…without me even contacting him separately, there's Hwaseong who secretly followed us out. Talk to him.”
“…….”
Ji Hwaseong, receiving both mine and Jaeha-hyung's gazes at once, flinched and hid his body behind the large tree in front of the playground.
Like that would hide his shoulders, seriously.
Tap.
I ran under the tree, gave Ji Hwaseong a light slap on the shoulder, then waved at Jaeha-hyung, who was staring blankly at me with his glasses off.
“I'm off!”
My steps leaving the playground were light.
The streetlights falling overhead and the cool wind heralding that autumn was soon approaching carpeted my path.
I could have talked to Jaeha-hyung a bit more calmly, more logically, but….
Well.
My steps growing lighter the more I walked, and X in my pocket blinking, endlessly sending messages like [*Wtf I wanna ride the swing too it looks crazy fun*].
They were telling me that what I'd done this time wasn't wrong.
* * *
Beep, beep, beep, beep—
“…Go wash your face before bed, Hwaseong. Your face is going to get swollen.”
“What wash my face? I didn't cry!”
“Hmm… Okay, okay. I got it.”
See you tomorrow.
Though it was a bed he'd lain down on to rest, the dull sensation encroaching on Son Jaeha's head had no intention of leaving easily.
Though the two hadn't discussed what to do together, what Ji Hwaseong said to Son Jaeha was similar to what Kim Chunyong had said.
“I know too, Jaeha-hyung. Actually, I pretended not to know. Why you didn't tell me about the company's situation one by one. Because knowing wouldn't do any good. Because nothing would change.”
“…Yeah.”
“But, Hyung. I….”
“…….”
“What upset me more was not knowing you were in that state.”
*I don't think you'll ever tell me in the future either. But since I already know this now, I won't pretend not to know on purpose.*
Well, Son Jaeha still didn't think he was in the wrong.
If he'd just been a bit more careful from the start, if he hadn't been caught, those kids wouldn't have had to worry about him like this.
However.
Kim Chunyong's hands pushing his back as he rode the swing, and Ji Hwaseong's shoulders trembling like when he'd first introduced himself after coming up from Daegu.
Again and again, again and again.
Made his tense body relax, and made his heart more at ease than when he'd been hiding everything well.
“…….”
Son Jaeha looked at Kim Chunyong, who'd fallen asleep with his red hair completely disheveled beside him, then pulled the blanket up to cover his head.
For some reason.…
He felt like today, he would definitely be able to sleep deeply and long without dreams.