The Malicious Member Has Returned! Episode 110
Jihwaseong, who had been slowly recounting the events of that time, muttered softly without even lifting his head.
"…
They were psychiatric meds. I read the hospital name written on the pill packet properly."
I looked at the dejected Jihwaseong for a moment, then quietly pressed a hand to my forehead.
No, seriously, really…
Can things really get this tangled up when they go wrong?!
The reason I'd insisted on giving it such a grandiose, mismatched name as 'Plan B for the Son Jaeha and Jihwaseong Relationship Improvement Project' and proposing it to Hwaseong was simple.
There were parts that would definitely become uncomfortable if you heard information you didn't really need to know.
And if Jihwaseong were to experience that firsthand in an amplified version, he would naturally come to understand Jaeha-hyung's feelings.
"……"
I had to be honest and admit it.
That just because you start with good intentions, the result will be good too, is something that only happens in novels.
So, some days, it can turn into the worst-case scenario.
Like Hwaseong today.
"…
That's why we went for a retake. Because I couldn't manage my expression at all. Jaeha-hyung looked fine even then, but I was so bad. And the reason we're reshooting the day after tomorrow is obvious. The retake photos must have turned out like dogshit too."
Eventually, slowly, self-reproach seeped into Jihwaseong's low voice.
"What kind of trustworthy younger brother am I… Now he probably can't even stand the sight of me. All this time, I've been a crazy bastard who pretended not to know that hyung was deliberately asking me to do things so he wouldn't show me that side of him,"
"Wait! Hang on, Hwaseong. I think you're blaming yourself too much right now? You don't have to go that far."
Yuchan-hyung, who'd simply come along planning to go for a run while also stepping away from the members for a bit, had received such a raw deal, yet still showed a calm and logical demeanor.
"From what I just heard, it's simply that you saw Jaeha taking psychiatric meds, right? That's all? Jaeha's expression turned bad for a moment, and after that, he hasn't said anything in particular to you."
"That's… right."
"Then for now, I don't think you need to be this depressed."
"…
Huh?"
"Since Jaeha said it was nothing, rather than being angry at you… it just seems like he wishes it hadn't happened."
Yuchan-hyung rubbed his own cheek a few times, counted on a few fingers, then slowly spoke again.
"First, there must be a reason Jaeha is taking the meds. And there must be a reason he doesn't want us to know, right? I think we need to look at those separately."
Listening to Yuchan-hyung's logically sound words, I felt a little dazed.
Wow, seriously…
Is this why people go to college?
Of course, if Yuchan-hyung knew what I was thinking, he'd probably joke around saying, 'I didn't learn anything in college!', but at least to me right now, that's how it looked.
My vision, which had blurred slightly from the throbbing headache creeping up, slowly grew clear.
By the time I could even see the streetlamp light reflected on the neat faces of the members in front of me properly.
One thought flashed through my mind.
Jaeha-hyung.
"…
I think he believed that would feel like a burden too."
"Chunyong, what did you say?"
"Do you think maybe he thought that if the other members knew he was taking those meds, they'd worry and pay attention to him, and that would become a burden for us?"
The puzzle slowly clicked into place.
The reason why even Jihwaseong, or even Rekseuregi, who'd lived in the same dorm for eight years, didn't know when hyung had started taking those meds.
Because if they knew, they'd worry, suffer, and have to keep making choices.
So that's why he hid it.
"Ha, haha… That could be it. No, I think that's right. Chunyong. You're really… amazing."
I responded to Yuchan-hyung's hollow laugh mixed with admiration with a slightly bitter smile.
No, Yuchan-hyung.
If I'd noticed Jaeha-hyung's condition early on from the start, none of this would have happened!
"Whew…"
The words, 'Since we're in the same boat, I can talk to you to some extent,' cut deep.
"Anyway, gosh… I don't know if I should say Jaeha has a kind personality or an overabundance of responsibility. It feels a little like he's overthinking?"
Yuchan-hyung wore a truly puzzled expression.
But that was because Yuchan-hyung still didn't know what exactly Jaeha-hyung was dealing with, or how long he had known about it.
If he heard those details one by one, there was no way he wouldn't understand.
"…
Jaeha-hyung is the eldest son."
Jihwaseong roughly pushed back his blond hair that had spilled messily in front of his eyes and pouted his lips.
Thanks to Yuchan-hyung telling him earlier that 'your relationship with Jaeha isn't completely over,' he seemed to have come back to his senses a bit.
Thanks to that, he began to vocalize the thoughts I'd only had in my head.
"Huh? Really? I saw his parents come to the live broadcast that time…."
"He has three younger siblings, and also grandparents. They all rely heavily on hyung. And to begin with, Jaeha-hyung's family runs the biggest rice cake shop in Jeonju. They say they get over a thousand customers a day."
"Ugh. That sounds a little, a little tough?"
Jihwaseong abruptly stood up from the swing and spat out words like a machine gun.
"He came from a place like that to Seoul, and the company has huge expectations for him because he's the ace, and all sorts of trainees ask him for help. And on top of that, he's the team leader. Now I get it. Wow, damn. I get it."
Though none of us voiced the next words out loud, the same word rose in our minds.…
He must have been so burdened all this time.
Now, we knew all the reasons why Jaeha-hyung takes medication and why he tried to hide it.
If so, naturally…
we had to come up with a solution.
"It seems like it'd be hard to do something right away. Have you thought of anything?"
"Should I just go and talk to him openly? To tell him not to carry it alone. I already saw him taking the meds anyway, so I can't just keep pretending I don't know and staying silent…."
"No, Hwaseong. Don't do that. If you do, Jaeha-hyung will really treat you like you're invisible."
"Urk…."
I quickly intercepted Jihwaseong's rash decision and rolled my eyes.
That would only backfire 100%.
Especially with a cautious person like Jaeha-hyung.
I opened my mouth slowly, taking utmost care.
I couldn't afford to fail this time.
Because now, the one who would break wasn't Jihwaseong—it was Jaeha-hyung.
Our debut was right around the corner; we couldn't afford to break our leader-hyung's mentality.
Hwa-seong could be coaxed and comforted into recovering, but I'd never done that with Jaeha-hyung.
"…
Let's try it this way. And let's have Logan and Siu subtly help out."
I flicked my fingers with a snap, focusing their attention on me.
It was a much better idea than the so-called Plan B I'd thought of before.
And this time, I wasn't going to put a name on it.
Right, what relationship improvement project. Do human relationships get better or worse just because you name them like that?…
You only know by experiencing it with your own body.
* * *
3 a.m., when neither the moon nor stars could be seen well.
Son Jaeha, who had come into the Tioje dorm later than anyone else, walked out of the bathroom, gently rubbing his stiff facial muscles with his fingers.
Today of all days, something rather unpleasant had happened, making it difficult to manage his expression.
'I never thought he'd be the one to find out… I'd hidden it so well all this time, of all times.'
Recalling Jihwaseong's face, which had clearly shown panic, Son Jaeha tightly closed his eyes before opening them again and let out a low hum.
It was something he could handle by pretending it was nothing and acting normal, but it still bothered him.
'At least, I wanted to look like a decent, good person on the outside.'
Even though Son Jaeha had always been a good person to Jihwaseong for over five years, those were the only thoughts in Son Jaeha's head.
That he wasn't as good a person as others thought, so he had to act kindly in a more compulsive manner.
What kind of good person would think of replacing a member when it would clearly cause problems for future activities, and still act brazenly after doing such a terrible thing?
Lack of sleep, tension, anxiety. Stiff limbs from time to time.
Trembling in fear, he'd secretly visited a hospital, and even when he was prescribed medication along with the serious suggestion that he might be experiencing gaslighting somewhere, those thoughts didn't easily change.
Son Jaeha believed it wasn't an illness, but his nature.
Therefore, he thought the reason he took the medication was to resolve physical problems.
Son Jaeha, who had roughly rubbed his own face several times, slowly moved to his bed and looked at Kim Chunyong sleeping next to him.
To put it briefly, the Kim Chunyong whom Son Jaeha had seen during the survival show was…
probably the person most similar to himself.
He'd even resolved that if it was this kid, it would be okay to show what kind of person he really was.
Until today's incident.
'…He'll probably talk to Hwaseong. And then, he'll somehow say he wants to help me again.'
That was truly one of the things Son Jaeha wished for the least.
Son Jaeha pulled the blanket over his head and mentally reviewed the things he had to do tomorrow one by one.
And also, how he should treat the members.
'It has to be the same as usual. As if nothing happened.'
Because that's right. Because it has to be that way. At least, because he had to look like a normal person on the outside.
Pulling the corners of his mouth up once with both fingers, Son Jaeha forcibly closed his eyes to invite sleep that wouldn't come.
And after falling asleep and waking up like that…
things that Son Jaeha could never have imagined were scheduled to happen.
* * *
"…
Uh."
Son Jaeha blinked his eyes, thinking it was strangely bright outside for the morning.
[10:12 AM]
You know those mornings.
The mornings where you feel terrifyingly refreshed, can't hear any sound, and suddenly remember a fact you'd forgotten.
"…
Wait a minute."
I have to go to choreography practice?
"Did everyone wake up? We're really late right now. We have to get ready and go quickly—"
The sight that greeted Son Jaeha, who'd hurriedly put on training clothes and a hat, as he came out to the living room was—
"Oh, Jaeha-hyung. You're up! Perfect timing. We're going to reshuffle. Want to join?"
five members who'd spread out a poker game from early in the morning.
Believing it was because he had failed to wake up early and notify them of the schedule beforehand, Son Jaeha clenched and unclenched his fist once before speaking calmly.
"It's time for us to go to choreography practice. Um. We're late now, so everyone get ready quickly…."
"Ah, about that."
Kim Chunyong, hearing Son Jaeha's calm voice, shrugged with a somewhat indifferent expression.
"I got a call from Teacher Dasol earlier. The lesson was pushed to 2 p.m. So I let hyung sleep longer."
"…
Huh? When did you hear that?"
"This morning? Around 8. They said a last-minute external lecture came up."
For Son Jaeha, who carried around and managed all the schedules, it was certainly a bewildering situation, but even so, it was within the bounds of possibility.
Jin Dasol was a choreographer who had been specially invited and brought in, not affiliated with AG, and he knew that her schedule could change somewhat fluidly.
"I see. I didn't know. Thanks for letting me know, Chunyong."
"Haha, it's nothing. Hyung, come join us too! Today's schedule seemed pretty relaxed."
Kim Chunyong showed even his canines as he smiled at Son Jaeha.
And in that smile he wore, there was truly a great deal of meaning.
'As if the schedule were really relaxed, hyung?'
Everything that would happen today.
was scheduled to flow in a completely different direction from what Son Jaeha knew.
As if someone had cast a spell.