5. If Even This Feeling Is Love
Chapter 30
“Rose.”
“…….”
“Rose.”
“……”
“Are you really thinking about something else while you’re beside me?”
Sitting in the bathtub, Ezekiel had been idly toying with Rose’s body, his hands wandering over her, when he mischievously squeezed her breast. The soft flesh bulged between his fingers.
Only then did Rose snap back to her senses in surprise.
“Ah… I dozed off for a moment.”
Answering in a fluster, she hid a bitter smile.
This was bad. Against her will, she was becoming more and more accustomed to lying. But if she said she had been lost in thought, he would surely ask what she had been thinking about so intently, and so Rose ended up choosing the easier lie.
“You seemed to be sleeping deeply, without even tossing and turning. Did I wake up too early?”
Seeing that he believed her excuse—that she had dozed off even though her eyes were clearly open—made her heart grow even heavier.
“It’s all right. A maid mustn’t be lazy.”
“Do you even know how to be lazy? With that personality of yours?”
Ezekiel laughed it off lightly and pulled Rose’s head back, making her lean against his shoulder.
“Then sleep a little.”
“If I fall asleep?”
Of course, it was unthinkable for a maid to so casually borrow her master’s shoulder and sleep, but she also wondered what he intended to do when lending her his shoulder would leave him unable to move for twenty or thirty minutes. At her question, Ezekiel answered nonchalantly.
“I’ll play with your body.”
“…I don’t think I can sleep.”
With a face so naturally cold that it was unmatched, and an arrogant composure that would not have seemed out of place even if he were about to enter a strategy meeting, his hands were moving in a thoroughly indecent manner.
Even when she woke in the morning, she had actually been a little startled. She had only lain beneath him and been rocked, and yet she had been so drained that she had fallen asleep without even realizing it and had not dreamed at all. Then, when she suddenly opened her eyes at the ticklish sensations she felt all over her body, Ezekiel was stroking her.
His hand traced once or twice along the slanted line of her shoulder blade behind her back, then tapped up the plump bumps of her cervical vertebrae as though playing an instrument. When he reached the nape of her neck, where fine baby hairs stood softly, he put out his tongue, licked her languidly, and sucked deeply with the pressure of his lips.
He handled her body so sensuously that she had worried, the moment she opened her eyes, that it might lead to bed again.
Even now, he was stroking up the tender flesh on the inside of her arm before gently cupping the rounded swell of her breast. Because of the strange stimulation from the man’s rough hands, her breathing kept threatening to fall apart.
Trying to calm her leaping heart, she unconsciously turned her body to the side, and over her shoulder Ezekiel’s upper body came into view. Her gaze fastening on the dense scars drawn from below his neck was a matter of instinct. Come to think of it, the previous night as well, whenever he drove fiercely into her from below, those scars had brushed above her face.
Rose reached out unconsciously and touched the scars. It was probably the same for this man, but after they had joined bodies, her psychological barrier had collapsed too. In the past, even as they had stripped and rolled around together, she had to brainwash herself by thinking, This is for nursing him, it’s part of the treatment. Now there was no need for that.
Because every touch simply carried a sexual implication. So much so that she wondered how she had managed to turn away from it all this time.
“Ah… the scars.”
Still, Lady Serva had once hinted with her eyes that Rose should pretend not to notice the scars at all, but she had completely forgotten.
Do not be startled, and do not show that you are startled.
That meaning had clearly lingered in Lady Serva’s gaze. At the mistake she had committed without thinking, Rose glanced at him, gauging his reaction.
“I’m sorry. For touching them without permission.”
Ezekiel quickly understood why Rose was embarrassed.
During wartime, there were prostitutes who wandered the fortresses. Some had their bodies exploited and died, while others offered theirs up without a qualm and earned money. It was ironic.
If it were within his own unit, he would have controlled it, but in truth, the rank of major was not especially high. Ezekiel was even among the youngest of the majors. In a fortress where seasoned commanders stood above him, and moreover in a situation where many soldiers, regardless of rank, looked forward to women, he, as a mere major, had no authority to single-handedly forbid entry to women who came seeking prostitution.
Just as for some soldiers, how many women they had exploited became the subject of wagers, among those women, how famous a soldier they took as a client became a point of pride.
Of good birth, young, wealthy, handsome, and known for the many military achievements he had made, Ezekiel was a big catch who stirred the interest of the prostitutes. When rumor spread that the commander of the “King’s Army,” known for being hard to see because he moved from one dangerous battlefield to another, was staying in the camp, the prostitutes began glancing toward his tent.
It was late evening, and he was changing out of his sweat-soaked uniform. Without even asking permission, a black-haired woman abruptly opened the door of his tent.
“Who are you?”
“Are you Major Valdemaera?”
From her attitude, which showed no fear of soldiers’ tents unlike ordinary women, he guessed her profession. The prostitute crossed the tent with light steps and looked up at him with an enraptured expression.
“Just by seeing your face, I can tell you’re the man the rumors speak so highly of. Please call me Iris. I came because I wished to offer the renowned Major Valdemaera a pleasant night’s rest.”
The prostitute traced a finger down his bare chest, stained with scars, and whispered.
“These are all marks of your valiant battles. Medals of wildness. I suppose fame truly never spreads without reason. You really are magnificent.”
The prostitute, used to dealing with many men, behaved without hesitation even toward him, though they had just met. He understood why a considerable amount of military secrets were both leaked and acquired through prostitutes. Ezekiel narrowed his eyes.
“Get out. I regard anyone who approaches me with unclear identity, regardless of whether they are man or woman, as a spy who has come to steal military secrets, and I execute them on the spot.”
“A spy? Look at me. Where do I seem to have that sort of power? You are a fine soldier, and moreover a man who knows the dignity of a gentleman. Why would you say something so frightening?”
“Do you even know what a fine soldier is?”
“…Of course. Are people like Major Valdemaera not usually called fine soldiers?”
“A fine soldier is a soldier who has slaughtered many enemies. All of us here are surviving butchers. You would do well not to walk of your own accord into the middle of murderers and expect the dignity of a gentleman.”
At the threat he had laid down, the prostitute’s expression twisted as fear belatedly seized her. She fled the tent with a gait quite different from the one with which she had entered. He did not know what sort of rumor spread among the prostitutes, but after that night, no prostitute ever tried to enter his tent without permission again.
However, after he fled down to Derosa blind, the servant who came in to help him change his clothes reacted quite differently. The moment she discovered his scars, she was so horrified by their hideousness that she screamed.
“He was completely monstrous.”
The scars that had been medals of wildness when he was praised as a war hero fell into monstrosity once he became blind.
It would have been better if it had ended there, but the servant went on to gossip about Ezekiel to her colleagues. She had surely underestimated the hearing of a soldier, sharpened by years spent catching every small sign of the enemy.
“I was so startled. His body is all blotched and ruined, and his face… Well, he may look fine on the outside, but he’s blind. There isn’t a single sound part of him. He’ll never function properly for the rest of his life. And on top of that, he was cast out by that great Valdemaera family…. That’s why a person shouldn’t stand out too openly. You never know when and where someone will try to keep you in check. Who would have imagined that his splendid life would crash down like that overnight? If he wants to preserve his life, he’ll have to spend the rest of it lying low and watching his main family’s mood. All that glory of the past was meaningless in the end.”
Of course, that servant was sharply held responsible for wagging her tongue carelessly, punished, and driven out of the mansion. Even during his service, he had been a strict superior to his subordinates; he had no intention of playing the generous master to servants. After that, Lady Serva constantly emphasized to the servants that they must watch their eyes, watch their ears, and watch their mouths.
“I do dislike having them mentioned.”
“Ah….”
Rose flinched and hurriedly tried to pull her hand away. But Ezekiel was faster. He placed his own hand over the back of Rose’s and guided her fingers to stroke down his chest.
“But there is no way I would dislike you touching them.”
“Ah…?”
“If another man fondled your breast like this, would you stay still?”
“No.”
“But when I touch you, you stay still.”
“That’s because it’s you, Major.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
She could read the meaning between the lines. An exception. Rose had become an exception to him.