Episode 17
There had been times she wondered.
What did this man think while meeting doctors? Did he even wait for their examinations? Did he not grow weary?
The number of doctors Rose had witnessed thus far had already exceeded the fingers of one hand. Ezekiel, in fact, had been seeing doctors steadily since winter. He had endured countless days like this one.
He must have hoped, just in case, then been disappointed, as expected, and repeated that hope each time he met a new doctor—wondering if this time might be different. And now, he hardly even hoped at all.
“The truth is, I know my own future.”
In an instant, the man sank into a deathly pallor. The drop was stark.
“In this mansion, where doctors flee, and maids and servants vanish after failing to last even weeks or months, the only person who will remain by my side until the end is Serva. But she thinks she has little time left. You can tell just by how she keeps calling in doctors without rest. I guarantee you, the person who refuses to give up on these eyes the most isn’t me. It’s Serva. But who knows? How long can she postpone an obvious ending?”
He had surely imagined it countless times. Himself left alone after Mrs. Serva grew older and passed from this world. Some day when his eyes were distant, people were distant, and the world itself had drifted far away.
When that day came, he would destroy his eyes completely without hesitation.
After all, the man already had a precedent.
“When he tried to gouge out his eyes, even his subordinates had to rush in, and it took everything they had to stop him…….”
A moment ago had been no different.
The instant Mrs. Serva’s testimony overlaid the sight of the man lifting his hand toward his own eyes, Rose had flung herself forward without thinking.
The back of the man’s hand, honed through long years of physical training, would have its veins rise ominously with only the slightest exertion. It was a hand with more than enough strength to injure his own body.
She had truly been terrified. Terrified that the man, unable to overcome his rage and disappointment, would dig out his own eyes. Terrified that black, hollow pits would be added to the body already engraved with dozens of scars from war.
Her trembling would not subside at all.
“If she had simply ended my life in one breath, I would not hate her so much.”
“Thanks to that woman making me into a cripple, a living corpse, and mocking me for it, I became neither alive nor dead.”
His grudge echoed with piercing intensity.
She had no words with which she dared make excuses, and no way to excuse it.
She had no idea what she could possibly do to soften that wretched anguish.
“……If you were to lose your sight completely, Major, who do you think would be the happiest to hear that news?”
It took tremendous courage just to bring up Akenaus’s existence. The mere thought made her stomach churn, and she could not bring herself to say his name.
Color began to seep little by little into the man’s expressionless face.
“Akenaus.”
As expected, the first name that came up was Akenaus.
“Akenaus Valdemaera. And that woman, I suppose.”
That woman.
One corner of Rose’s heart ached sharply at the hatred Ezekiel would never forget, but she turned away, pretending she felt nothing. Right now, she could only hope that the strongest hostility remaining in him would become his reason to protect himself. Her own sense of injustice, in truth, was nothing compared to that. In any case, her parents had committed wrongdoing and paid no price at all, while Akenaus had even been given considerable wealth as compensation.
“That’s right.”
Afraid her voice would tremble, Rose answered slowly.
“It’s unfair. Those people must be living well without caring about your circumstances at all, while you alone hurt yourself and destroy yourself somewhere no one will ever know.”
Rose’s tone was a calm mezzo-low. Her manner of speaking was gentle and slow, so she always gave off a quiet, still atmosphere.
That was why Ezekiel had long thought there was a peculiar power in the woman’s voice. Looking back, he felt he might have sensed something similar from their very first meeting. If Rose had screamed in a shrill voice or sobbed and begged, he would not have withdrawn his suspicions of her; he would have treated her far more harshly.
But that day, too, the woman had persuaded him in a low, measured tone. Today was no different.
“……Yes, self-destruction would be unacceptable. At the very least, it should be mutual destruction.”
Ezekiel stared at the mass of night filling his vision. There was not even the faintest blot in the vast darkness. It was perfect pure black, and nothingness itself. No matter how many times he looked, it was an unreal sight.
“Dr. Briman.”
Even so, he discerned the presence hidden in the darkness.
“When you said clumsy interference, that means you have at least considered a method. What is it?”
A hint of reluctance passed over Dr. Briman’s face. But there was no way Ezekiel could know that. Rather, unable to read another’s signals, he simply waited for an answer as if urging him on.
“This is not even worthy of being called a method. It is merely an attempt.”
“You’re being long-winded.”
“……It is exactly what it sounds like: all manner of attempts. Administer every type of antidote, observe the progress, and apply various stimuli to revive sensation.”
Not a method, but an attempt. Rose, who had been carefully considering the word the doctor had deliberately chosen, asked,
“……Will it have any effect?”
“I cannot know. I have no predictions or confidence whatsoever regarding the effect or result of this attempt. Moreover, there is a possibility that even the pain sensation that remains now will disappear. If that happens, then he will lose his eyes completely. In truth, I believe that possibility is greater. Even if, by some stroke of luck, it does have an effect, I will not know which part of my attempt proved effective.”
From what she heard, it was no different from saying he would rely on luck. The diagnosis and prescription were both vague. Even the doctor himself was pessimistic.
She asked back,
“Then isn’t that just human experimentation?”
“I suppose it is.”
“Then it’s far too dangerous to—”
“Sounds convincing.”
Her voice was swallowed at once. Rose closed her mouth for a moment.
Even hearing the same words, their conclusions were different. Even Dr. Briman could not hide his bewilderment at Ezekiel, who nodded calmly.
“It is not that the other doctors failed to think of this and therefore did not mention it. They likely never voiced it at all because there is no possibility of it being realized.”
“Even so, aren’t you telling me about it now?”
Rose stared at Ezekiel in stunned disbelief.
“Surely you don’t mean to try it?”
“There’s no reason I can’t.”
Dr. Briman spoke again as well.
“It will be painful. I do not know how long it will take. What is certain is that it will not be a short period. I cannot take any responsibility, no matter how this experiment ends. Of course, you must also guarantee that you will hold me accountable for nothing.”
To conduct a treatment that would be painful for a long time and could not guarantee any result, under the condition that the patient bore every risk—was that not the same as telling him not to do it?
No patient would want to hear such an irresponsible diagnosis from a doctor.
“You know how to provoke a man’s competitive spirit, Doctor.”
Yet there was no hesitation in Ezekiel’s answer.
“Dangerous battles are my specialty. Devising a strategy to raise the possibility of victory to its utmost in an unfavorable environment and fighting the battle is my duty as a commander. I have always taken responsibility for my own battles.”
He added,
“And I have never fought a losing battle.”
“Major.”
Rose hurriedly cut in and tried to dissuade him.
“Please discuss it with Mrs. Serva first.”
The doctor considered the probability of failure greater than that of success. Such an attempt was not right. It was something that should not be done. Nine times out of ten, Mrs. Serva would never agree to this perilous gamble of Ezekiel’s.
“Why? Do you think I’ll lose?”
She was rendered speechless.
She was anxious and bewildered. The pounding of her pulse echoed through her veins like a warning alarm.
She could not grasp this feeling. There was fear, of course—fear of how she would handle the aftermath if it failed, as the doctor said. But if, by breaking through an extremely slim probability, Ezekiel’s sight returned…….
And if they faced each other.
If he learned that the woman he had sent his subordinates to search for had been staying right here all along.
What would happen?
For an instant, a chill ran through her.
If a person’s life were compared to a book, Ezekiel’s current pages were filled entirely with blankness. These were days in which he failed to reach the climax of his life, letting each day flow by meaninglessly while relying on medicine and alcohol to endure the pain.
Rose bitterly agreed.
He would not forgive her.
He would try to take revenge.
Even I would.
“In my opinion, this young lady’s suggestion is not wrong. Would it not be better to consider it more carefully?”
Ironically, the one who listened seriously to Rose’s dissuasion was Dr. Briman.
“If I consider it carefully, will your treatment method change?”
“No, it will not, but…….”
“Then there is no reason for me to consider it carefully. Let us both entrust ourselves to our respective luck. I to mine, and you to yours, Doctor.”
Even as he made a decision no different from a gamble, he somehow seemed almost unburdened.
“Whether I’m cured or utterly ruined, it’s about time we settled this. Don’t you think?”