Episode 101
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“Have you examined her throat?”
He had waited until Lizan fell asleep and found a brief moment to spare.
These days, Ezekiel handled all his work in the gaps while Lizan slept. He had reduced going in to work to the bare minimum, and if there were matters to be reported, he had arranged for his subordinates to come to the estate. Even so, reports requiring Ezekiel Valdemaera’s signature were always piled high in his study. And so, Ezekiel had no choice but to go back and forth between the study and the bedroom dozens of times a day.
In truth, that was not difficult at all. It was not even a problem. What truly worried him was that no doctor had yet been able to properly examine Lizan’s condition. The one person he had placed some hope in was Polina, but even Polina, whom he had counted on, had not been able to bring any particular news.
This time was no different. Polina, summoned before him, shook her head.
“I couldn’t. But at this point, I don’t think anyone would be able to examine Miss Lizan.”
“I doubt Lizan would be shy even around you, Doctor.”
Though Lizan found all the other doctors of the Valdemaera household uncomfortable, she had still spent a certain amount of time with Anna and Polina. If one listened closely, the only one speaking cheerfully was Anna, but it was enough to soften the rigid atmosphere Lizan had built around herself like a wall. While those two, who were familiar to Lizan, were with her, Ezekiel could leave her side with some peace of mind.
“Major.”
After a brief silence, Polina asked,
“Is Miss Lizan perhaps that condemned prisoner?”
Instinctively, Ezekiel nearly answered, “No.”
He had long been thinking about how he would respond if someone saw Lizan and asked whether she was that condemned prisoner, even as he pondered what lay ahead.
For the time being, he did not intend to put Lizan out into the world. He would protect her, using the massive walls of the Valdemaera estate as a shield. The estate was vast, and within it, she could enjoy every convenience necessary for life.
And when time had passed and she had completely recovered her health… it would be better for her to recuperate for a while by traveling around Astrie, as his mother had done. It would not matter whether it took several months, a year or two, or even a generous few years. The world was always noisy with all manner of affairs, and if one stayed quietly away from it, even the most vicious rumor would gradually blur and fade.
But if, despite hiding her like that, someone still insisted on remembering her and digging into her past.
Then he intended to deny it.
He had resolved never to dredge up the old matter to Lizan again, and had decided to excise it from his own life as well. Then it did not exist. It had to be something that had never happened.
None of the crowd gathered at the execution ground had defended Lizan. Not even she herself had tried to defend herself. Then at least he had to take her side. Only then might her loneliness be lessened, if even a little.
“You spoke as though you would soon explain to Miss Anna and me what circumstances there had been all this time, but at the same time, I felt that you might not reveal the entire truth honestly, Major. The atmosphere between you and Miss Lizan is so delicate.”
Polina opened her mouth first, adding an explanation.
“To confess first, when I supported Miss Lizan on the ossuary stairs last time, I happened to see the inside of her throat area. Though it was hidden by her collar, the bruises from the noose remained terribly severe. Miss Anna likely noticed as well. She must be pretending not to know because she cannot bring herself to mention it first.”
At the confession that followed, Ezekiel was quite surprised. Even though they had realized Lizan’s story early on, the two women had still faced her with an unchanged attitude.
“…So even after you noticed, you kept her company without letting Lizan know? I’m grateful.”
“First of all, I am a doctor. And Miss Lizan is a patient. Personal feelings must not enter into how a doctor treats a patient.”
“Not every doctor in the world is the same as you, Doctor, but in any case, I cannot tell you how fortunate I am that the doctor Dr. Briman introduced to me was you.”
Polina smiled faintly.
“To be honest, it was hard to believe. I saw and experienced her myself at the Derosa estate, after all. On the day we arrived in Cleris, I did hear rumors of a certain condemned prisoner you had leapt into the execution ground to save, Major, but I never thought to connect that person to Miss Lizan right away. I thought they were separate people. That was how unexpected it was.”
That was understandable. The Lizan Polina had seen was someone who had made a great contribution until his surgery was successfully completed.
Lizan’s conduct, which she had consistently shown at the Derosa estate, was helping her in places unseen. Ezekiel felt relieved.
“Even if I assume you accepted Lizan because of your professional duty, the maid is rather unexpected.”
“Miss Anna is an employee, so I imagine she understands it in a different light from me. That if Miss Lizan, who is nothing more than a commoner, refused an order from a noble as high-ranking as Valdemaera, she could not know what retaliation she might suffer. The threats Miss Lizan endured are likely the very sort of situation that ordinary employees like Miss Anna fear most. From an employee’s perspective, meeting a master with common sense is extremely important for maintaining one’s personal safety.”
Hearing it, it was a fairly reasonable point. At one time, he too had not been a very sensible master. During the period when the employees of the Derosa estate were frequently replaced, Ezekiel had been the master of the beast’s mansion as well.
At least the Derosa employees, who had no weaknesses binding them down, could flee when they could no longer endure their violent master’s temper. Lizan, whose family had been held hostage, could not even do that.
Some evils come as an inevitability.
Swallowing the bitter aftertaste, Ezekiel returned to the subject he had nearly passed over.
“But I asked about Lizan’s treatment. Why did you bring up such a topic, Doctor?”
“Because of this.”
Polina held out a sheet of paper. Perhaps it had been torn from a blank page of a book, for the cut edge was ragged.
As Ezekiel accepted the paper, he did not ask what it was. Just from the handwriting that brushed past his eyes, he thought he knew.
“I suddenly remembered that Dr. Briman and Miss Lizan had exchanged letters. As it happened, I had writing implements among my luggage. A couple of books I brought to read on the journey as well.”
There was not much written in their exchange. But drawing even this much text from Lizan, who was exhausted in both body and mind, was already a remarkable feat on Polina’s part. Because of the connection they had formed at the Derosa estate, Lizan must have opened a small corner of her heart, if only slightly, to Polina and Anna.
Ezekiel stared at the first sentence she had written.
Once she was able to support herself and had proper writing tools, Lizan regained her original elegant handwriting. It was markedly different from the name she had written in the prison camp, when he had pressed her for it and forced an answer from her, her powerless hand clutching a stone as it trembled.
But his relief did not last long. With eyes that had lost their composure, he read and reread the first words Lizan had used to communicate directly.
I don’t want to receive treatment.
She stated it firmly.
That she did not want to receive treatment.
A heavy ripple resounded somewhere near his chest.
Because he had been afflicted by the same poison, he knew it well. It must have hurt terribly. It must have been truly agonizing. There must have been many moments when she was frustrated because she could not speak. So what did it mean that she did not want to receive treatment?
Watching Ezekiel’s gaze remain fixed on the first sentence, Polina continued.
“I asked her why. I could not easily understand that answer either.”
It seemed Lizan had hesitated for quite a while before answering. That much was clear from the traces of ink that had dripped down and stained part of the paper black.
From the deeply stamped dots, he could picture her hand wandering aimlessly over the paper. And beneath them, the awaited answer revealed itself at a slanted angle.
If my voice comes back, what am I supposed to say?
The sentences that followed were scattered sporadically in various places. Ezekiel read through the confusion Lizan had left behind in disarray.
Because I am facing the result I brought upon myself.
Resentment regret
I know I have no right.
There are words I am supposed to say.
She had tried to correct several words by drawing lines through them. As though even those words would become a sin if she carelessly uttered them in her current position.
Ezekiel thought of the words he would likely have brought up naturally, without any particular awareness, once treatment began.
Perhaps he would first ask if she was all right. He would ask if it was hard. He would ask if she was in pain. Because he hoped, with all his heart, that her body and mind would be all right; because he hoped she would not suffer; because he hoped she would not hurt.
But Lizan was not all right.
But I don’t have the confidence.
She was a woman who, from a position where the words she had to say, the words she was allowed to say, and the words she could say were all predetermined, had no confidence whatsoever that she could answer that she was all right—and so would rather not receive treatment at all.
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