[Episode 92] – My Person, My Possession
As soon as Morgan left the room, gooseflesh spread over my entire body, and I couldn’t move for a moment.
How on earth had she known? I had hidden Snow White on the third floor before meeting Morgan. Had she already been certain from the moment she asked whether the culprit’s magic was emanating from my body? What would have happened if Morgan hadn’t taken a liking to me?
As those thoughts circled through my head, a bitter taste filled my mouth. Had all my desperate bravado looked like nothing more than a child’s little performance in Morgan’s eyes? Only now did I understand why Morgan had called me “little one~ little one~” instead of Vivian.
To Morgan, everything I did must have been nothing more than the antics of a child. Like a child telling an obvious lie in an attempt to deceive an adult, perhaps that was how I had appeared in Morgan’s eyes. Even if she looked so absentminded at times, she really was a Great Witch for a reason.
I rubbed my gooseflesh-covered arms and let out a hollow laugh. Honestly, there was no other way to describe this incident than to say I had been lucky. The reason Morgan had let Snow White go so easily was probably because she meant that she could find her without difficulty whenever she wished.
‘...She’s truly impossible to figure out.’
Thinking that, I quietly slipped out of the lounge. Morgan was nowhere to be seen, no matter how much I looked around, so perhaps she really had gone back. The ballroom was quite quiet, perhaps because the ball had ended. All I could hear were the sounds of people streaming outside and carriages busily moving about in the distance.
‘...Have I made her wait too long?’
Unlike the young ladies who had finished at the ball and were returning home, I headed deeper into the building—to bring Titania and Snow White back from the inner part of the third-floor lounge. I was worried whether it would be all right to leave Titania and Snow White together, but it seemed that nothing had happened.
After all, if something had happened, Einsel would have come to tell me. If the two of them had fought or anything of the sort, Einsel certainly would have come to inform me. The fact that she hadn’t meant that the two were getting along rather well, didn’t it? With that lighthearted thought, I slowly made my way to the third-floor lounge.
The moment I opened the door to the lounge where I had hidden Titania and Snow White, I couldn’t help feeling a little confused. That was because Titania was the only one in the room, sitting there with her legs crossed and a sullen expression on her face.
“...? Titania? Why are you alone? Where’s the princess?”
“...Mother said she would be late, so she just left.”
“...What?”
When I was too dumbfounded to continue, Titania let out a deep sigh with a pouty expression. Then, in a small voice, she muttered, “It’s still a long way off...”
What had the two of them talked about? I didn’t know the details, but one thing was certain: Titania didn’t seem to be in a good mood.
Had she seen Morgan leaving through the window? Or had she really left because I had taken too long to come back? Both seemed possible, and my head began to ache. I had said I wanted to talk with her... Was she saying that she had ignored me yet again and gone home?
‘I spent hours listening to that boring Morgan for whose sake, exactly?!’
As anger surged up inside me, a sigh escaped me before I knew it.
Had she truly had no intention of talking to me? Had she merely been hiding here for a while to avoid Morgan? Barely managing to restrain my bubbling anger, I plopped down beside Titania as though exhausted and rested my head against her shoulder.
“M-Mother?”
“Would it be all right if I stayed like this for a little while? I’m so tired today.”
It had truly, truly been an exhausting day.
Because I was disguised as a man, my chest had been bound tightly with bandages, making it difficult even to breathe, and the wig had made my head so itchy I thought I was going mad. On top of that, I had unexpectedly met Snow White and the Great Witch. It felt as though I had used up in a single day enough energy to last an entire week.
My head was itching so badly that I abruptly pulled off my wig, then buried my face against Titania’s shoulder and leaned my body against her. Titania’s upper body tilted slightly under my weight, but she soon straightened her back and supported me.
After I closed my eyes for a while, Titania asked me,
“If you’re... that tired, would you like me to lend you my lap? We still have some time...”
“A lap pillow?”
“You often gave me one, Mother... so today, I wanted to give you one...”
A lap pillow... Honestly, the impulse to collapse on a bed right that instant had risen as high as a chimney. Even if I went back now, I would still have to remove my makeup and wash up, which meant I was bound to be tired for several more hours. Before that, perhaps just for a little while...?
“...Then, may I ask you to?”
“O-Of course! Lie down here, quickly!”
I couldn’t help chuckling at Titania as she patted her lap, urging me to lie down. Then, just for a little while. Really, only for a moment. Thinking that, I gently laid my head on Titania’s lap, her legs neatly held together.
It occurred to me that this was truly the first time I had received a lap pillow from Titania, and I found myself smiling happily. Titania really had grown up. She was now old enough for the day to come when I would receive a lap pillow from her.
“People would be horrified if they saw this. The queen lying on the princess’s lap and resting...”
“It’s just the two of us here, so don’t worry about other people. Besides, if a daughter says she wants to give her mother a lap pillow, who would dare complain?”
Looking up at Titania, who was gazing down at me with a beautiful smile, I decided it didn’t matter. Yes, anyone who complained about something like this would be the strange one. As drowsiness washed over me, I closed my eyes for a moment and surrendered myself to the comfort.
“I’m just going to close my eyes for a while... Let me know when it’s time.”
*
Titania was beginning to worry that, at this rate, she might not have a heart left by the end of it.
Even these little touches, which ordinarily would have meant nothing to her, had become overwhelming stimuli, and it was truly troublesome. When Mother suddenly buried her face against her shoulder, Titania had felt Mother’s scent rush over her and thought her heart was going to fall out of her chest.
‘Really... at this rate, I won’t even be able to hold Mother’s hand.’
Titania let out a sigh so quiet that Vivian couldn’t hear it, then lowered her head and gazed intently at Vivian’s face as she lay on her lap. Soon, she gently touched the ends of Vivian’s curling golden hair and smiled with genuine happiness.
Her soft, smooth skin, her small, plump lips, her dark and distinct eyes, and the eyelashes densely embroidered along her eyelids. She was so beautiful, so very lovely. Mother’s face, which Titania had always seen, looked even more beautiful than usual today.
Whenever Titania thought that such a beautiful person was both her mother and the person she loved, she felt as happy as if she had filled her mouth with something sweet. But behind that sweetness, there was always a bitter aftertaste.
Titania had learned clearly today that the source of that bitter taste was jealousy. While loving Mother, she had also come to hate the fact that Mother paid attention to someone else.
Even if that someone was an existence exactly like herself. She wanted Mother to care only about her, and she wanted those green eyes to always be turned toward her alone.
But Titania knew very well that she had neither the reason nor the means to force Mother to do so. After all—
‘Mother is my person, but she isn’t my possession.’
If the love Mother had described as the love between lovers truly was “the selfish desire for everything belonging to that person to be directed only toward oneself,” then Titania was certainly in love with Mother as a lover.
Titania wanted to go beyond being Mother’s family—her person—
and make Mother her lover—her possession.
That was why she hated Mother for trying to show affection to someone other than her, and resented Mother for trying to pay attention to someone else. It was the selfish desire for Mother’s emotions, heart, and love to be directed solely toward her.
‘If I tell Mother how I feel, will she hate me? Or will she accept me?’
Even though she was only thirteen, Titania knew that she shouldn’t confess these feelings. She dimly understood that there was something a little wrong with this love to begin with.
But that didn’t mean she intended to give up. For now, she would simply wait. If she calmly approached Mother little by little, carrying these feelings with her, that would be enough. She had plenty of time to spend with Mother.
‘It’s not as though Mother is going anywhere.’
*
The following day.
After successfully(?) bringing the masked ball to an end, Titania and I were able to return to the royal castle late at night.
Titania had also promised me that she would never attend another masked ball, so I felt relieved, thinking that there would be no more events like this in her life.
‘It’s not that high society is bad, but there’s no reason to attend a ball that’s practically a symbol of decadence.’
Titania was so exhausted from the carriage ride that had continued throughout the day that, as soon as we arrived at the royal castle, she fell fast asleep without even eating dinner. She had said she hadn’t slept properly the previous night, so it was only natural.
I looked down at Titania, sleeping soundly in my bed, and chuckled involuntarily at the sight. Then I changed into a negligee as well. The moment I closed my eyes beside Titania—
“Wow... You really still share a room at your age?”
Startled by the voice coming from the terrace, I sprang upright and looked toward the place where it had come from. I had wondered whether I would have to wait another three years to meet that child again, or hold another ball and lay a food trap for her, but...
“...You really did come to the bedroom.”
“You told me to come find you, didn’t you? Why? Are you embarrassed now that you’ve let a stranger into your bedroom?”
Snow White, who had apparently entered at some point, leaned against the door leading to the terrace and giggled at me with an irritating smile. I almost asked why she had gone back without waiting for me yesterday, but swallowed the words at the last moment.
Snow White gave a small laugh, then beckoned for me to come closer.
“You said you wanted to talk. That’s why I came. But this place isn’t suitable for talking, so...”
When Snow White opened the terrace doors wide, the slightly salty scent of the sea brushed against the tip of my nose. ‘The smell of the sea?’ At the sudden scent, I raised my head and looked toward the terrace. It wasn’t the royal palace terrace where I usually went to get some fresh air.
Beyond the terrace, where a small table had been placed, I could see the night sea, white foam rising from its waves. The stars embroidered across the sky shone together with the waves, as though they had all fallen into the sea below without any boundary between them.
As I gazed at the scene, I saw a small cottage on the beach. At the same time as I noticed smoke rising from its chimney, I could faintly hear the laughter of children.
I thought I knew what kind of cottage it was, and whose laughter that was, so I found myself staring blankly down at it. Snow White gave a small laugh, sat down at the table first, and looked at me.
“Come sit down, Vivian.”