[Episode 76] - My Adolescent Daughter (2)
There was a tradition in the kingdom known as the “Debutante Ball.”
The Debutante Ball—meaning a “social debut”—was the first stage on which young nobles graduated from children’s society, made their debut in adult society, and made an impression on the grown-ups.
Though it was an unspoken rule, it was also an extremely important event for young noble ladies. If a lady did not attend the Debutante Ball, the nobles of high society would not acknowledge her as an adult.
Thus, every year, the kingdom sent invitations to all noble children who would turn fifteen and held a “Debutante Ball” for them at the royal palace. So that everyone could be recognized as an “adult” without exception.
Anyway... the reason I was bringing this up so suddenly was...
“No. A masquerade ball is usually a gathering attended by ‘adults.’ It’s far too early for Titania, who hasn’t even had her debutante ball yet, to attend.”
-...But it said so on the invitation, didn’t it? That this masquerade ball was open to people of ‘all ages.’ It even said that children would be invited in particular. The princess seems to be looking forward to it quite a lot...
“I said it’s too early. It wouldn’t be too late for Titania to experience something like that after she becomes an adult. No, she shouldn’t experience it at all in the first place. A masquerade ball isn’t a place ordinary people should attend.”
-You’re being far too extreme... As you can see from the invitation, this one is different from the kind you attended. It’s a masquerade ball with a ‘theme.’ People dress up as fairies or characters from fairy tales...
“You... Are you going to keep taking Titania’s side?”
When I glared at her with a displeased frown, Einsel didn’t know what to do and avoided my gaze. I was already so troubled that it annoyed me to no end that Einsel kept bringing up something that was already over.
I told her there was nothing more to discuss, then let out a deep sigh and lay down on the bed, closing my eyes. The reason I opposed it so strongly was because of the nature of a ‘masquerade ball.’
“Let’s say she goes. What if someone mistakes Titania for an ordinary girl and bothers her? A lewd and filthy ball like that doesn’t suit a child who has only just begun to outgrow her childishness.”
-You really are being too extreme. What do you mean, a masquerade ball where children gather is lewd and filthy? Don’t you want to see the princess wearing a cute fairy mask?
“I don’t. No, she doesn’t even need to go all the way there. She can just wear one here and I’ll look at her.”
-You’re really stubborn...
Since it was a ball held to conceal one’s rank and status and indulge in ‘deviation’ from the norm, masquerade balls were generally of a lower caliber than ordinary balls. They were places where people hid their reason behind splendid masks and revealed nothing but their true natures.
A place where people drunk on alcohol and tobacco wagged their tongues, without a trace of the dignity expected of nobles. It was the first place I had ever been that disgusted me so much I wondered if they had gathered nothing but beasts there.
There was a reason people said that merely attending a masquerade ball would earn someone a scandalous rumor. I had attended one exactly once myself, but I had fled the ballroom before even half an hour had passed.
When I closed my eyes, Einsel whispered beside me.
-Really... It’s true that the princess asked me to persuade you, but speaking personally, I think you’re being far too overprotective of the princess. She’s not just a little child anymore, you know?
“......”
-The princess is already thirteen. She isn’t the seven-year-old princess you first met anymore. Rather than continuing to overprotect her, why don’t you try trusting her a little...?
“...Sigh. It’s not as if I can smash that mirror.”
-Sniff!
At my quiet mutter, Einsel finally closed her mouth and fell silent.
I knew perfectly well that the masquerade ball Titania had been invited to was different from the one I had attended, but I couldn’t easily give her permission after what I had seen there myself.
Even if it was a masquerade ball attended by children, it wasn’t attended only by children. ‘All ages’ meant that adults could attend as well.
“Sigh...”
I turned over, buried my face in the pillow, and squeezed my eyes shut.
Was Einsel right? Was I being too overprotective of Titania? Was preventing her from attending a masquerade ball where children gathered to play make-believe, rather than an adult masquerade ball, truly an act of overprotection on my part?
Knock, knock—
I was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep because of such thoughts, when I heard someone knocking on my bedroom door. There was only one person in the entire royal palace who would come looking for me at this hour, so I sat up in bed and looked toward the door where the sound had come from.
“Come in.”
The instant I finished speaking, the door opened, and Titania appeared, peeking her head inside while hugging a long pillow. After glancing at me and gauging my mood, she timidly toddled into my room.
I had only told her to come in and hadn’t said anything else, yet Titania climbed onto the bed, crawled over with little scurrying steps, and flopped down beside me as naturally as could be. I was utterly dumbfounded.
As I stared down at Titania, who had settled herself beside me, she patted the bed, urging me to lie down quickly. Had my daughter coated her face in iron?
She was truly shameless beyond belief.
“Didn’t you say we should sleep in separate rooms?”
“Just for today...”
“And starting tomorrow, we’ll sleep separately again?”
At my question, Titania puffed out her cheeks as though telling me not to ask any more questions. She patted the bed even more insistently, telling me to lie down beside her already. Fine. She was cute, so I would let it slide. Besides, if I was being honest, I had trouble falling asleep when Titania wasn’t beside me either.
When I flopped down on the bed, Titania buried her face in my chest, as she usually did when falling asleep, and wrapped her arms around me. Feeling the warmth of her cheeks against me, I raised my arms and hugged her tightly in return.
Since I had gotten into the habit of holding her like this from the time she was little, this had become our natural sleeping position. As I held Titania in my arms, I suddenly remembered a conversation I had once had with one of the queen dowager’s maids, who had raised two children herself.
‘You mustn’t get her used to being held all the time.’
‘Really...? But...’
‘If the princess doesn’t learn to fall asleep on her own, she’ll keep fussing whenever it’s time to sleep. I understand that Her Majesty the Queen takes care of the princess out of love, but too much of anything becomes poison.’
As expected, the words of a maid who had raised two children were different.
I had gotten into the habit of holding Titania in my arms continuously, even when my arms hurt so badly I thought they might fall off. As a result, Titania found it difficult to be apart from me—and I found it difficult to be apart from Titania as well. I felt lonely if I couldn’t hear the sound of her heartbeat, and without her warmth, I felt cold even beneath the blankets.
I lowered my head slightly and looked at Titania, who had buried her face in my arms. The sight of her body rising and falling with each breath made me happy no matter how many times I saw it. Perhaps sensing my gaze, Titania shifted her head, then peeked up at me and met my eyes.
When our eyes met, Titania gave me a bashful smile. Though her face had changed greatly as she grew compared to when she was little, the smile she gave me as she looked up at me had never changed. That smile tickled my heart, so I tightened my arms around Titania and hugged her until she nearly crumpled.
‘Yes, how could I ever win against you?’
After we had held each other like that for a while, Titania peeked up at me again. The moment I met her bright, reddish eyes, I immediately understood what she was thinking. That gaze, with her eyes blinking rapidly as she looked at me, meant that she wanted to ask me for something.
“Mother...”
“No.”
“I haven’t even said anything yet...”
“Do you think I don’t know you? You want me to let you attend that masquerade ball, don’t you? You’ve always insisted on attending every ball or party Viola invited you to.”
Titania stuck out her lower lip and lowered her head dejectedly. Since I had always melted at such transparent displays of affection, she had gotten into the habit of coming to me and acting cute whenever something didn’t go her way. No matter how weak I was to her charms, I had to stand firm this time.
Besides, I had hoped that after I made myself so clear, she would back down a little, but...
“Th-then...! What about this? I won’t say that we should sleep in separate rooms anymore... I’ll go back to sleeping in the same room as you, Mother... So can’t you let me go just this once...?”
“A bargain only works when the value of what both sides offer is similar. I don’t mind sleeping separately from you. In fact, I only told you to come back because I was worried about you. Weren’t you always the one who refused?”
“Ah, uh...”
When I rejected her once again, Titania seemed to grow anxious. She buried her face in my chest and began to think deeply. How could she attend the masquerade ball? What could she say to change my mind? I could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she schemed.
“Th-then you can attend too, Mother! You can go with me...!”
“...Me? To that masquerade ball?”
“Yes, yes! Lady Serina is attending too, so surely you’ll be able to attend as well! I understand perfectly well that you’re saying I can’t go because you’re worried about me. So couldn’t you attend with me and keep an eye on me? You’ll know what costume I’m wearing, so even if we’re wearing masks, you’ll recognize me right away!”
“.......”
“A-and I’m not a little child anymore! I’m old enough to tell what sorts of things would make you sad if I did them! I have no intention of doing anything that would make you sad, Mother! It’s just... all my friends say they’re going to attend this masquerade ball, and if I’m the only one who doesn’t go...”
I already knew why Titania was so desperate to attend the masquerade ball. Everyone in the children’s social circle, which revolved around Titania, would be gathering there. It would be awkward if Titania alone was absent.
I wanted to ask why a princess would concern herself with something like that, but...
She probably just felt lonely at the thought of all her friends gathering to play while she was the only one left out. In that respect, she was still no different from a little child. At thirteen, she was still very young in my eyes, but... perhaps she wasn’t entirely a child anymore.
‘Am I really being overprotective?’
...To be honest, even if I was, I still didn’t want to give her permission. I wished Titania had never learned that masquerade balls existed. Adult masquerade balls were disgusting places she had no need to know about. I wanted her to remain ignorant of such things for the rest of her life.
When I lowered my head to look at Titania, she stared up at me with her eyes wide open. I let out a deep sigh at the sight, then gently stroked the back of her head.
“...Please don’t do things that drive a dagger straight into my heart.”
“Does that mean...”
“You may send a letter saying you’ll attend. But add that, as you said, I will be attending as well.”
“Mommy!!”
The moment I gave my permission, Titania beamed and hugged me tightly, rubbing her cheek against mine. It annoyed me that Titania only called me “Mommy” at times like this, but I had already given my permission, and there was no taking it back now. All I could do was sigh.
As expected, I could never win against Titania.
I had given my permission because there was some merit to what Titania had said.
If I attended the masquerade ball, Titania could enjoy herself with peace of mind, and I could protect her. Besides, if I simply had Einsel stay by Titania’s side, I would know immediately if anything dangerous happened.
It might have seemed excessive, but I couldn’t put my mind at ease without going that far.
“Promise me. Promise that you’ll tell me what costume you’re going to wear, that you won’t leave my sight, and that you won’t leave the ballroom. You’ll only play inside.”
“Yes! I promise!”
“You certainly know how to talk...”
And so I closed my eyes with Titania in my arms.
Drowsiness was washing over me, and everything seemed bothersome now. With Titania nestled in my arms, I felt as if I would sleep more deeply than usual. I closed my eyes and slowly began to drift off, but...
At that time, I truly had no idea.
I didn’t know that when I had closed my eyes and buried my face in the pillow earlier, Einsel had rushed to Titania and told her that this was her chance.
And I didn’t know that now, as I nodded off, Titania and Einsel were looking at each other, giving enthusiastic thumbs-up with both hands, and smiling smugly at each other.
It was only much, much later that I realized I had been tricked by the scheming of that irritating fairy and my irritating daughter.
Truly, truly, only a very long time afterward...