[Episode 39] - My Child’s Birthday (1)
In order to avoid, by any means possible, the death sentence the Queen Dowager’s maid had told me about—and to ensure I wouldn’t be faulted for even the smallest thing—I dressed myself as impeccably as I could, even prepared a gift, and headed for the detached palace where the Queen Dowager resided.
As I made my way to the place the maid had guided me to, it felt as though a chill was seeping into my entire body, though it was not yet even winter. In the midst of that dizzying illusion, I knocked, tap tap, on the firmly shut door, and a voice as cold as winter rang out.
“Tsk, enter.”
As if she already knew full well who stood outside the door, the Queen Dowager clicked her tongue and granted me permission to come in. When I carefully turned the doorknob and stepped inside, the Queen Dowager, her face twisted in displeasure, glared at me.
“You are truly late. Did you find your appointment with me so amusing?”
“I-I apologize... That was not my intention. Your Majesty.”
“Hah... Do you intend to make excuses here? Very well, let me hear this pitiful excuse of yours.”
Perhaps she was thoroughly enraged, for her voice was filled with anger. I racked my brain as hard as I could, trying to come up with an excuse that might thaw the Queen Dowager’s frozen heart even the tiniest bit.
“It was not an easy task to choose a name the princess will use for her entire life. No matter how much I pondered, I could not come to a conclusion, and so I had no choice but to be late. I sincerely apologize.”
“Enough. So, after all that pondering, did you come up with a good name?”
“Yes, a few came to mind.”
I slowly approached the Queen Dowager’s side and began writing down several of the princess’s names that had come to mind. There were three names for the princess in total.
I had already decided on one in my heart quite some time ago, but as proof that “the reason I was late was because I had been thinking earnestly until now,” I quietly submitted them to the Queen Dowager.
The Queen Dowager studied the three name candidates for the princess placed before her, then frowned and looked up at me. Did she not like them? She was the one who told me to choose...!
Among the three candidates, the Queen Dowager looked at “the name I had chosen” and asked,
“Do you know what this name means, and still say you will use it as the princess’s name?”
“I do. And I believe it is a name that suits the princess very well. Is it not a fitting name for ‘the future princess’?”
“Certainly, if judging by meaning alone, yes...”
The Queen Dowager looked at the name and let out a low hum, as if troubled. I knew very well why the Queen Dowager was worried. Even so, I had judged that no name suited the princess better than this one.
Perhaps the Queen Dowager thought similarly to me, for she compared it to the other names several times, then compared them again. But in the end, that name ended up settling perfectly into the Queen Dowager’s heart as well.
Letting out a deep sigh, the Queen Dowager looked at me, her brows twitching.
“The name is fine, and so is its meaning. However, there has never been a precedent for such a name being used by the royal family. Do you know why?”
“I do.”
“And yet you still intend to give this name to the princess?”
As if confirming it once more, the Queen Dowager asked me. In response, I smiled brightly and instead asked the Queen Dowager whether she did not like it.
“Did it not please Your Majesty as well?”
“Yes... It did please me, but...”
Tsk. Clicking her tongue, the Queen Dowager looked up at me as if I were hateful. Muttering that she should never have ordered me to choose the name, she stared intently at the paper on which I had written it.
“Tsk, there will certainly be people who say something about it. Just as in the previous meeting, there will be those who argue about the royal family’s history and such. Will you still be all right with that?”
“Yes, I will be fine. And...”
...I was no longer the person whose pride had sunk to the bottom.
The moment I decided to give the princess a name, I resolved to think of myself as the princess’s “parent.”
Whether we were not tied by blood, or no matter what anyone said, from now on, I intended to raise the princess as my “child.”
“No matter what anyone says, I am royalty of this nation, and I am the princess’s parent, am I not? If a parent says they will give their child a name, then the ones who object are the strange ones.”
“Hahaha!”
At my declaration of parenthood, the Queen Dowager burst into loud laughter. Perhaps she liked how different I was from back then, for the Queen Dowager chuckled as she looked at me.
“Yes, that is right. If a parent says they will give their child a name, then the ones who object are the strange ones. Very well, do as you wish, as the princess’s parent.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The Queen Dowager, still unable to stop laughing, covered her mouth and waved her hand for me to leave now. I bowed my head politely, then turned and headed for the door.
Just as I was about to turn the doorknob, the Queen Dowager spoke to me.
“The name you have chosen for the princess will ring out across the entire kingdom that day. Now all the people of the kingdom will come to know the princess’s name. The name you gave her.”
“...That day will surely be a day of unparalleled joy.”
“Yes, surely it will.”
With that conversation as the last, I turned the doorknob and slipped out of the room. The Queen Dowager’s maid, who had been waiting outside, had her eyes wide open, perhaps startled after hearing the Queen Dowager’s loud laughter.
Permission for the princess’s name had been granted, and less than a week remained until the princess’s birthday party. In the game, it had certainly been a spring main event I had not cared much about, but this time was different.
The closer the princess’s birthday drew, the louder my heart pounded, and the more maddeningly nervous I became.
As if that day were the most important day of my life.
*
Once again, time flowed quickly—
Before I knew it, it was the day before the princess’s birthday party. From a week before the princess’s party, the royal palace had been busy preparing for her birthday celebration. Everyone kept saying, just how long had it been since a day like this had come?
Baengsyo cried while holding the princess’s hand, saying he had never imagined he would be able to attend a royal family member’s seventh birthday party again in his lifetime, and that he was truly deeply moved.
The maids, the butlers, the nobles working in the palace—everyone prepared for the princess’s birthday party with excited hearts. And it was not only the palace; the entire kingdom was the same.
From a week ago, the capital had already been filled with days like a festival, and fireworks bloomed every night. The Queen Dowager had even issued a general amnesty to commemorate the seventh birthday of a royal family member.
Except for those guilty of extremely grave crimes, everyone was released through the pardon, and she shared the joy with the people. That was how special the meaning of a royal family member’s seventh birthday was.
And yet, for some reason, the star of this joyous day looked even more dejected than usual today. She looked as if she were nervous, and also as if she were anxious.
The princess, who had decided to go to sleep early for tomorrow, entered her room with an uneasy expression, but for some reason, that expression weighed on my mind like a fishbone caught in my throat.
Should I go see the princess? But the princess had to wake up early tomorrow morning and get dressed up. If I made her sleep late for no reason and she ended up tired tomorrow...
No, even so, the sight of her looking anxious and worried was pitiful. At the very least, I should soothe her by staying beside her. Otherwise, wouldn’t she be unable to sleep?
Unable to sit still because of all sorts of thoughts, I paced round and round the room. Ainsel, hanging on the wall, let out a deep sigh and whispered for me to calm down.
—Calm down. I know you’re worried about the princess... but it’s already late at night, you know? Wouldn’t it be better for you to hurry up and sleep too? The princess isn’t the only one who has to get dressed up.
“That’s true, but... I’m still worried.”
—I’m worried about the princess too, but I’m worried about you as well... So hurry up and lie down and sleep.
Nngh. Just as I was agonizing over what to do, someone knocked, tap tap, on the door. Surely everyone thought I was already asleep. Wondering who it could be, I told them to come in.
“Y-Your Majesty... are you not asleep yet?”
“Princess? Why at this hour...”
Peeking her head through the slightly opened door, the princess looked at me with bright, round eyes like a deer’s. Dressed in her pajamas and even hugging a pillow, the princess came tottering over to me.
“Can’t you sleep?”
The princess hugged her pillow tightly and nodded.
So she really was very anxious. I should have gone to see her before she came to me. Thinking that, I smiled bitterly, then lifted the princess into my arms and laid her down on the bed.
“Then we can sleep together. I couldn’t sleep either.”
“You too, Your Majesty...?”
The princess looked at me as if she found it fascinating. I pulled the blanket up to cover the princess to her shoulders, then lay down beside her and patted her stomach.
“Of course. When I think about tomorrow, I cannot sleep.”
“Hehe, me too...”
Though she said that, as soon as I began patting her stomach, the princess seemed to grow sleepy, and her voice gradually became faint. I watched her, waiting for her to fall asleep, but...
Blinking her drowsy eyes, the princess asked me,
“Your Majesty... what should I do tomorrow?”
“What do you mean?”
The princess, wearing a dejected expression as if worried, stretched both hands out toward me, asking me to hold her. The fact that she had suddenly become so affectionate must have been because she was truly very anxious.
I moved between the princess’s outstretched arms, stroked her black hair, and hugged her tightly. Then the princess hugged my body as well, burrowing into my embrace and burying her face there.
“Are you very anxious?”
The princess nodded.
“You practiced dancing so much, and you prepared your greetings perfectly too. We prepared the prettiest dress as well. Tomorrow, the most beautiful person in this world will surely be the princess. What is there for you to worry about so much?”
I slowly stroked the head of the princess, who had burrowed into my embrace, and comforted her. The princess shook her head against me and mumbled in a voice so small that only I could hear.
“But... everyone said my birthday is a truly special day... so... they said I had to prepare perfectly... But have I really... prepared perfectly now? Am I not lacking?”
After saying that, the princess burrowed deeper and deeper into my arms. The expectations of the people saying that she had to perfectly prepare for the grand occasion of a royal’s seventh birthday seemed to have come to the princess as an even greater pressure.
I patted the princess’s back, comforting her as much as I could so that she would feel reassured. And the pressure the princess felt was surely not only the pressure of the event itself.
Though she did not tell me, her anxiety was certainly mixed with worry about her “name.”
I wondered if I should tell the princess that I had given her a name, but for now, I decided to hold back.
Because tomorrow, in a more splendid moment, in front of everyone, I intended to tell the princess her name.
This was also one of the proceedings of the event that the Queen Dowager had approved. We had agreed to keep it secret from the princess until then.
“You are not lacking at all, so do not worry. I know that you truly prepared perfectly, don’t I? Even when your feet were hurt, even when you fell while dancing and scraped your knees, you did not give up, did you?”
“......”
“There is no way what such a princess prepared could be anything less than perfect. So do not worry, and let us sleep. And tomorrow, show me. Show me all the things you worked so hard to prepare.”
I pulled the princess into my arms and stroked her back. The princess sniffled slightly, then fell asleep just like that in my embrace, breathing softly. Watching the princess like that, I closed my eyes to sleep as well.
At last, tomorrow.
The princess’s birthday party would be held.
The day had come to tell everyone.
My child’s name, and her existence.