[Episode 23] - Let’s Draw a Picture! (2)
A sheet of pure white drawing paper lay spread out on the table.
I sat the princess on my lap and got ready to draw on the paper. The princess spiritedly held up a black crayon, but when it came time to actually draw, she seemed at a loss and couldn’t move her hand.
“Princess?”
“...I don’t know what I should draw.”
The princess stared hard at the blank white paper, then stuck out her lips a little with a dejected expression. I had told her she could draw something she liked, but now that she was about to do it, she seemed not to know what to draw.
“Then shall I draw first? Something I like is...”
I took the black crayon from the princess’s hand and began drawing in the upper right corner of the paper. It wasn’t exactly something I liked, but something suddenly came to mind.
Not long after I had been possessed, whenever I looked down at the garden from the window, I would see a cat that lived there every day. A plump calico cat with one gray ear and one orange ear.
“A fat cat!”
When a drawing of a cat appeared on one side of the paper, the princess cried out with sparkling eyes. As if to tell her she was right, I stroked her head and placed the black crayon back in one of her hands.
“Then shall we draw something under the fat cat now? Something you like... How about cake?”
“Cake?”
“Yes, cake. Shall we draw a sweet whipped cream cake topped with sweet fruit?”
The princess pondered for a moment, then drew a line on the paper with the crayon as though she had made up her mind. She drew a black triangle, then began coloring over it in a grayish white.
Once she even added a plump red strawberry on top of the cake drawing with its whipped cream, a slice of whipped cream cake was completed beneath the cat. I praised her and stroked her head plenty.
“So you like strawberry cake, Princess?”
“Yes! And it’s not cake, but I like egg tarts too!”
Excited, the princess grabbed a brown crayon in one hand and began swiftly drawing egg tarts on the paper. She drew the brown tart crust and the yellow egg filling, coloring the paper in no time at all.
In an instant, the right side of the drawing paper was filled with pictures. Now, even without my saying anything, the princess filled the white paper with things she liked.
She drew grass in green, then red flowers, yellow flowers, and purple flowers on top of it. She colored the sky blue and painted drifting clouds in white, and in no time, a landscape drawn by a child was complete.
But...
There were no people in the picture the princess had drawn.
I pointed to the empty center of the paper and asked the princess.
“It would be nice if you were here too, wouldn’t it?”
“Mm...”
After thinking for a moment with a sulky expression, the princess began drawing herself in the middle of the paper as though she had no choice. She put a red ribbon in her hair and colored her dress blue.
In no time, a picture was complete on the paper: a fat cat and snacks floating around, and the princess standing in a flower garden. When a picture that was exactly on the level of a six-year-old was finished, I let out a laugh without realizing it.
As I covered my mouth with the back of my hand so the princess wouldn’t notice and chuckled quietly, the princess began drawing another person beside herself in the picture.
A woman taller than the princess, with blond hair.
I could tell right away who the princess was drawing.
“Could this be... me?”
“Yes, it’s Your Majesty the Queen.”
Perhaps thinking she had drawn it well even by her own standards, the princess straightened her shoulders and puffed out her chest proudly on my lap. Certainly, I thought she had captured the features well. Blond hair and green eyes. If there was one problem...
“Why do I look angry?”
“But Your Majesty’s eyes are scary.”
“......”
Looking at the green eyes drawn in sharp, scribbled lines, I was left speechless. I pointlessly touched around my eyes, but feeling the sharpness beneath my fingertips, I had no choice but to accept the princess’s drawing.
As I let out a small sigh at the inexplicable bitterness I felt, the princess did not stop at drawing me and began drawing another figure. A small person between me, with my sharp eyes, and the princess, with her bright, round ones.
Seeing the little person depicted with the same blond hair and green eyes as me, I was able to guess who it was immediately. To think she could include such detail with just hair and eye color...
Could it be that the princess actually had talent for drawing?
I ruffled the princess’s hair wildly and pointed to the little person she had drawn.
“This is Ainsel, isn’t it?”
“Yes! That’s right! Because it would be pitiful if she were always only in the mirror...”
-The princess drew me..! This picture must be preserved permanently!
Ainsel, looking down at the princess’s drawing, sobbed in a voice full of emotion.
Before long, the large sheet of drawing paper was filled with the princess’s pictures.
Saying she was finished, the princess put down the crayons and lifted the large paper with both hands. Though she had drawn it herself, she wore a satisfied smile as if it were very well done.
It was a picture of me, the princess, and Ainsel standing in a flower garden. As I looked at it, I felt both overwhelmed and bitter at the same time.
I had clearly suggested to the princess that she draw “things she liked” and “the king and the First Queen”... but nowhere in the princess’s picture could those two be seen.
I thought about asking the princess why she had not drawn them, but I held my tongue. For now, I decided to be satisfied that Ainsel and I were included among the princess’s “things she liked.”
“Princess, I was thinking of assigning you a drawing teacher. What do you think?”
Thinking that perhaps the princess liked drawing just like the king, I tried to give her a professional teacher, but the princess shook her head as if it was all right.
It was a shame, but I had no intention of forcing her when she said she didn’t want it. Even if it wasn’t drawing, the princess was sure to overflow with talent in other things.
‘Except dancing, that is.’
And what if she had no talent?
To begin with, even if she had no talent, she was a princess, so she would have no trouble making a living. My only wish was that she would live a long, long, happy life without dying as she had in the game.
Looking at the picture the princess had lifted, I asked her.
“...I’m going to send this picture to His Majesty now. Is that all right?”
“...Yes, I want to show Father and Mother.”
The princess nodded slightly and raised the picture high into the air.
“I want to show them how I’m doing.”
The princess’s voice began to tremble.
“Because... they must be worried about me. So...”
The trembling in her voice began to spread to her shoulders, to her chest.
Soon, the princess set the picture down on the desk and began wiping at her eyes with her hands, as if tears were falling.
Her sniffling sobs turned into wailing in an instant.
The princess sitting on my lap turned and buried her face in my chest. Whether because she didn’t want me to see her crying, or because there was no one for her to lean on besides me.
I lightly patted the princess’s back and drew her into my arms. Each time I patted her back, the princess, making sobbing sounds, burrowed deeper into my embrace.
Just because someone is young does not mean they are oblivious. Rather, the younger they are, the more they grasp their own situation and instinctively try to act according to those around them.
The princess must have instinctively noticed too.
That the king and the First Queen could not possibly be worried about her.
That in truth, she was not loved by her parents.
That even if she had never received that love, she could not give up on it.
I calmly stroked the princess’s back and waited until she exhausted herself and stopped crying on her own. In the end, after crying for more than an hour, the princess fell asleep weakly in my arms.
After confirming that the princess was asleep, I took the picture she had drawn and approached Baengsyo, who had been standing outside the door.
Baengsyo had come to check on the lesson, but after seeing the princess crying in my arms, she had been at a loss and could only pace outside the door.
“Baengsyo.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“When you bring His Majesty his paints today, include the princess’s picture as well.”
“...I will do so.”
After handing the picture to Baengsyo, I carried the princess in my arms and headed to the princess’s room. All the while thinking, ‘Please, I beg you, I hope you feel something when you see that picture.’
But had I hoped for too much?
The next day, I would come to regret today’s lesson terribly.
So much that it would be hard to forgive myself.
*
The next morning.
With a sliver of expectation after hearing Baengsyo say she had seen the picture go into the room, I headed to the room where the king had secluded himself. Still, I thought perhaps there might be some change in him.
Walking with my heart half full of hope and half full of worry, I found myself near the secluded corner room where the king was holed up. The moment I was about to turn the corner of the corridor, a commotion came from a place that was quiet every day.
No way, really?
Had the room-bound king who saw the princess’s picture finally turned over a new leaf? With that thought, I poked my head around the corner. The moment I did, and looked toward the source of the murmuring—
It felt as though my heart dropped.
The two knights who always guarded the door of the room where the king was secluded were looking down at the princess sprawled on the floor, not knowing what to do.
Wondering if what I had seen was truly real, I approached the knights to check properly. As soon as one of the knights saw me coming, his face turned deathly pale and he began making excuses.
“Y-Your Majesty, th-this is... We didn’t even have time to stop the princess...”
I ignored the knight’s excuse and approached the princess.
The princess was sitting on the floor, diligently picking something up. Having gathered a heap of colorful pieces in her palm, the princess stared blankly down at them.
Nausea rose in my throat.
Even so, how could he go this far?
No matter how uninterested he was in his own child.
Was this not too much?
“Princess...”
I called the princess, but there was no answer.
The princess began arranging the colorful pieces on the floor, as if putting together a puzzle. One by one, one by one. She was returning something precious to how it had been.
But the paper that had been carefully torn to shreds no longer seemed possible to piece together. The princess compared the pieces a few times, then raised her head and looked up at me.
The princess forced herself to smile.
“Y-Your Majesty... I’m sorry... Father must not have liked it... I should have drawn it better...”
“......”
“L-Look at this... Still, I was able to put together the c-cat Your Majesty drew. The t-torn parts can be pasted back together...”
The moment I saw the princess’s expression as she forced herself to smile, my breath suddenly caught in my throat. My chest felt tight, and my throat choked up as if my insides would burn away at any moment.
I had never imagined that someone calling himself a parent would go this far.
At the very least, if he had no interest, I thought it would end with him simply throwing it away.
But the reality I faced directly was far more vicious and cruel than I had imagined.
The princess’s picture had been torn to shreds, to the point that its shape could no longer be recognized.
“Yes, and when the picture is finished, we’ll send it to His Majesty. His Majesty likes drawing pictures, so surely he’ll like the picture you draw too, won’t he?”
What on earth had I done?
Had I left the princess with an indelible wound because of the flimsy expectations I had placed on the king?
To me, it had merely been a flimsy expectation, but to the princess, had it not been her final hope in the king?
As I felt myself endlessly sinking downward, the princess tugged at my sleeve as if telling me to look here.
When I lowered my head and looked where the princess was pointing,
A little bit, just a little bit, of the picture torn to shreds had been pieced together like a puzzle.
The princess pointed to the picture on the floor as if she had worked hard to put it together.
To the picture of me and the princess standing hand in hand.
The moment I saw that,
I heard something inside me snap.