[Episode 144] — Things That Changed While I Was Gone (3)
“Shall we go to sleep now?”
That night, after Vivian had spoken with Vinsch.
Titania turned off the lights in the room and slowly climbed onto the bed. She moved over to Vivian, who was already lying down, and settled beside her.
Titania turned onto her side and lowered her head to look at Vivian, who was lying properly beside her. She stroked her hair, caressed her cheek, and clasped her small hand tightly.
Then, as if it were a promise between them, Titania wore a mischievous smile and tapped her own cheek with a finger while looking at Vivian. It was a reminder not to forget their good-night kiss before bed.
Vivian let out a small sigh, shifted her body, and moved closer into Titania’s arms. Then she gently lifted only her head and pressed her lips to the cheek Titania had pointed at.
The soft, warm sensation touched Titania’s cheek before pulling away with a wet smacking sound. As if still unsatisfied, Titania lightly rubbed the lips that had just withdrawn with her thumb.
“Titania, I always tell you this, but... aren’t you treating me too much like a child...?”
“I always tell you this, too, but I’ve never treated you like a child, Mother.”
At their familiar, repetitive exchange, Titania smiled bitterly. It wasn’t as though she wanted kisses because she regarded her mother as a child. She was simply taking back the kisses she had been unable to receive for years.
If she had been with her mother during the five years they had been apart, how many kisses would they have exchanged? Hundreds? Thousands? She was merely receiving all those kisses now. Besides, kisses did not break the curse.
If the curse could not be broken anyway, then it was fine to kiss her mother as much as she wanted, wasn’t it? Why should she hold herself back? Titania smiled sweetly and used her thumb to part Vivian’s lower lip slightly.
Vivian then stuck out her lips like a duck, as if telling her to stop now. Titania giggled at the sight and withdrew her hand from Vivian’s lips. She was so cute it was almost unbearable.
When Titania suddenly pulled the reclining Vivian into her arms, Vivian’s face was buried between Titania’s breasts. Vivian wriggled and raised her head as if she were having trouble breathing.
With half her face buried in Titania’s embrace, Vivian made a groaning sound and began twisting around in search of a comfortable position. In the end, after finding a position that was at least somewhat comfortable, Vivian closed her eyes as if she had given up.
Looking down at her, Titania smiled sweetly and stroked Vivian’s back. From her mother’s delicate body, buried deep in her arms, came a familiar, sweet natural scent.
The more Titania inhaled and exhaled the scent filling the blankets, the more it felt as though even her own scent was being dyed with her mother’s fragrance. She liked the feeling, so she hugged her mother even more tightly.
Titania lowered her head and buried her nose in Vivian’s hair, just like a baby curling up. The deeper she indulged in her mother, the more comforted she felt by the fragrance lingering at the tip of her nose.
As Titania closed her eyes and fully savored the feeling of her mother breathing evenly in her arms, Vivian stirred. She poked her head out and looked up at Titania.
“Titania... by any chance...”
“Yes?”
Vivian mumbled and moved her lips against Titania’s chest. She wanted to know how Titania had lived and what had happened after she left the royal palace—the story she had heard from Vinsch today.
But was it really all right to ask? The fact that Ainsel and Veronica were hiding it meant that it was probably something painful for her to hear. In truth, she had a vague idea of what it might be.
She could somewhat imagine how Titania had lived and what feelings had brought her to search for Vivian. She had some idea, but she was afraid to ask. She was afraid to learn just how bad the children’s words—“It was terrible”—really meant.
But...
“After I left the royal palace... can you tell me how you lived?”
Even if she was afraid, she could not keep running away forever. She felt that it was time she knew. She could no longer avoid learning how much Titania had suffered and grieved because of her.
“.......”
Titania opened her eyes wide in surprise at Vivian’s question, then curved her eyes downward and smiled faintly. She gently pressed her lips to Vivian’s round forehead before speaking.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you.”
“Why...?”
“There are two reasons. The first is... that I didn’t do anything worthy of your praise, Mother. In any case, if you continue living here for long enough, it’s something you’ll gradually learn.”
Titania answered honestly. She had threatened most of the ministers and nobles who had agreed to drive her mother from the royal palace and had dismissed them. That was not something her mother would praise her for.
It was something her mother would learn eventually, but Titania did not want to tell her yet. For now, she did not want her mother to hate her even a little. If she had to be scolded, it would be better to be scolded later.
“And the second is... because it wasn’t exactly a good side of me. The reason you’re asking me is because Sister Veronica and Ainsel haven’t told you, isn’t it? With your personality, Mother, you wouldn’t ask me so directly otherwise.”
Vivian flinched in Titania’s arms, struck right in the heart of the matter. Titania chuckled softly, thinking that the body was truly honest. To be honest, Titania herself did not remember that time very well.
She had spent entire days crying, getting angry, and screaming, in a state that anyone could see was far from sane. There had been days when she trembled like a leaf beneath the blankets, watching her mother through Ainsel and begging her to come back.
She had spouted nonsense even she could not understand, like a madwoman, and there had even been times when she cursed her mother beneath the blankets. She would wail as though the world had collapsed, yet return to normal whenever she worked as queen.
She had to establish herself properly as queen if she wanted to bring her mother back here. She had lived like a madwoman, driven by that single obsession. That was why she did not want to tell her mother.
What expression would her mother wear as she looked at her after hearing the story? Even with her eyes closed, Titania could clearly picture the expression and emotions with which her mother would look at her.
She would surely grieve, feel sorry, and sincerely pity her.
Her mother would cast aside all the feelings they had built up through their meetings and pity Titania to the point of not caring what happened to herself. Her mother was that kind of person.
If Titania confessed her love to such a mother and begged her to become her lover, Vivian would reluctantly nod. Even if Titania said she wanted to hold her, her mother would surely nod with an apologetic expression.
Her mother truly was that kind of person.
Because she was the person who had pitied Titania enough to raise her all her life, her mother was capable of giving everything to the person she pitied. Whether it was her heart or her body, all of it. She would surely give it reluctantly.
‘What would be the point of holding such a mother? She doesn’t truly love me, nor does she truly want me. She would only do it out of pity for a child.’
That was why Titania did not want any more pity from her mother. Now that she had already received the “pity” of a promise to stay by her side for the rest of her life, she could not accept any more.
Because she did not want the “love” her mother gave her to be “pity.”
That was why Titania did not bring up her own story. Sister Veronica and Ainsel must be hiding it because they knew their mother’s personality. They knew she would become consumed by pity and give up on herself.
Titania smiled bitterly and once again pressed her lips to Vivian’s forehead. This time, it was not a short kiss. She pressed her lips down for a long moment, as if stamping a seal, before pulling away with a wet smacking sound.
“I’ll tell you someday. But... not now. So, will you understand?”
“...Yes, someday.”
“Yes, someday.”
Vivian reluctantly nodded, then lowered her head again and buried it in Titania’s chest. Titania smiled bitterly as well and slowly patted Vivian’s back as if soothing her.
Vivian’s heart beat slowly in time with Titania’s languid pats, her eyes half-closed. Titania’s heartbeat rang against her ear, thumping from her chest and gently beating against Vivian’s body.
Listening to the sound of Titania’s heartbeat pleasantly thudding inside her, Vivian slowly closed her eyes. Breathing in Titania’s scent, which she found soothing without even realizing it, she drifted into a deep sleep.
‘...She’s been falling asleep so quickly lately.’
Titania smiled sweetly as she listened to Vivian’s even breathing in her arms. Perhaps it was a side effect of her body becoming younger, but lately her mother fell asleep the moment her head touched the pillow.
When Titania lowered her head, she saw her mother sleeping peacefully with her face buried against her chest. The sight of her was like that of a child nursing, and Titania found herself feeling a maternal affection she did not even know she possessed.
She had tried not to treat her mother like a child in her usual state, but her sleeping mother was different. After all, people said that children were most lovable when they were asleep. Titania slowly reached a hand toward Vivian.
The feel of her mother’s skin beneath her fingertips was soft. Even beneath the dark blankets, her pale, prominent features could be seen. It was the face of someone Titania wanted to kiss at once and make love to.
Perhaps she was only lightly asleep, or perhaps the touch against her skin was uncomfortable. Her mother stirred slightly and burrowed deeper into Titania’s arms. The way she wrapped her small arms around Titania was adorable.
Titania let out a small sigh and stroked the back of Vivian’s head. Honestly, it was difficult to restrain herself from the coquettish behavior of her young mother. To Vivian, it was probably nothing at all, but...
‘...For some reason, it keeps affecting me little by little.’
There were times when each of her young mother’s acts of affection affected her. When Vivian held her hand and smiled shyly, when she burrowed against Titania’s chest and breathed softly, when she licked the cake smeared around her lips.
The problem was that all those little actions combined to stoke a fire in Titania’s chest. She knew she must not harbor such feelings for her young mother, so she held herself back, but honestly, it was difficult at times.
‘I hope... the curse is broken soon.’
Titania smiled bitterly and pulled Vivian even deeper into her arms, applying a little more strength. She prayed that her mother’s curse would soon be broken and that she would become an adult again. That way...
‘I’ll be able to do more than this...’
Things that could only be done between adults—things a little deeper and more intense.
Titania let out a sigh to cool the heat rising within her, then slowly closed her eyes. Feeling her mother’s presence as she breathed softly in her arms, Titania drifted pleasantly into sleep.
*
The next day.
I was sitting on Titania’s lap, spending time with her as usual, when I tilted my head and glanced at the documents spread across Titania’s desk.
I had been thinking about it ever since I came here, but none of the documents sent by the nobles mentioned the most important “event” held at this time of year.
This period, from late autumn to early winter. Surely a grand event should have been held at the royal palace. Yet neither Titania nor the other nobles had said a word about it. Why?
In the end, unable to contain my curiosity, I poked Titania’s cheek with my finger. I cupped my hands beside Titania’s ear and whispered the question as she glanced down at me.
“Why... aren’t you preparing for that event?”
“...? Which event do you mean?”
“You know, the one that’s supposed to be held around this time...!”
As I thumped my chest with my fist in frustration, Titania smiled as if she understood. There was only one event held at the royal palace around this time of year.
“Are you talking about my birthday?”
Titania’s birthday—the queen’s birthday celebration. Surely this should have been the time when she was busy preparing a ball and all that, but now that I thought about it, Titania was the very picture of leisure. It was almost as if she was not preparing for the event at all...
“If you mean the birthday celebration, we aren’t holding one. Ever since I became queen, I haven’t really celebrated birthdays or other anniversaries, aside from events like the Founding Day celebration.”
“Huh?”
When I opened my eyes wide in surprise, Titania giggled and kneaded my cheeks. She merely looked at me with a gaze that seemed to say she had a lot she wanted to tell me. Could it be because of me...?
Just as I was about to ask whether it was because of me, Titania shook her head first, as if she had read my thoughts. She pondered for a moment, then sighed and continued.
“...Still, I’m thinking of holding a small celebration this year.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
When I smiled brightly, Titania curved her eyes and smiled as she kneaded both my cheeks like lumps of clay. I wanted to tell her to stop, but Titania looked so happy that I supposed I could endure it for a while.
“It’ll be a very small affair. I won’t wear a dress, we’ll prepare some food in my room, and I’ll have to arrange a little alcohol. I’ll prepare a small cake, too.”
Titania began writing on the back of the documents as she thought through each thing they would do on her birthday. Unlike what one might expect of a queen, they were all very modest and simple things.
“Well... this should be enough. Since we’ll be enjoying it just the two of us, we won’t need anything more than this.”
“Hm? Just the two of us?”
“Yes, just the two of us.”
Just the two of us? Surely she wasn’t planning to invite neither Veronica nor Ainsel? When I lifted my head and asked Titania, she looked down at me with a sweet smile.
“I’ll be satisfied if only Mother celebrates me.”