[Episode 103] — Old Enough to Know Everything
“Hmm... I really can’t leave out the street stalls...”
The day before going to the Snowflake Festival, Titania sat at her desk planning their date route. In truth, she had been planning it ever since the festival had first come up, but deciding on the details was not as easy as she had expected.
Titania tapped the desk twice with her fountain pen and fell into thought, then looked over the date route she had put together. In all her life, she had never imagined that a single day could feel so insufficient.
‘We’ll leave early in the morning and first look at the ice sculptures on the lake. For lunch, we’ll stroll through the street of food stalls and have something light from one of them. After that, we can look around the festival streets for a while, then take a walk together through the snowfield with Mother...’
As she read through the date route she had planned, the corners of Titania’s lips refused to come down. She even let out a strange little laugh—“Eheheh”—and, unable to contain her excitement, began tapping her feet against the floor. What should she do? It was so wonderful that she could hardly stand it.
A festival enjoyed alone with Mother! They could hold hands and take a walk together! They could snack at the street stalls! They could even have a meal somewhere with a nice atmosphere! She was happy that she could fulfill her wishes together with Mother. And if she imagined the physical contact with Mother that might occur along the way...
“Eheheh!”
She felt as though the memories of this festival alone would be enough to help her endure three years at the academy. Whenever things grew difficult, she would be able to bear it by recalling her memories with Mother. She could imagine holding hands, or imagine intertwining their fingers. She wanted to make memories that went beyond that, but it would not be easy.
Lately, Mother had stopped giving her kisses, saying that it was creepy for such a grown child to cling to her. This time, she really wanted to receive a kiss, too. She was not even hoping for the sort of serious atmosphere in which kisses were exchanged in romance novels. She felt she would have no more wishes if Mother would simply give her one kiss on the cheek.
In truth, when she thought of the desire rising from the depths of her heart, even a kiss on the cheek was not enough. Kisses on the cheek were something children did, after all. If she pressed her lips against Mother’s, she felt she would not be able to resist parting them, which was why she was content with a kiss on the cheek.
Titania was already old enough to know everything she needed to know.
She knew everything about the physical affection exchanged between people in love, and everything about the love they shared in bed. She even knew how women shared that love with one another. She knew that people could share love even without that.
Her source was the red book Viola had lent her. It was a romance novel in which the protagonists were not a man and a woman, but two women. The book, which described the love between two women, even explained how women could share their love with one another. She had to keep it a secret, because Mother would be horrified if she asked where she had learned it.
Until she read that book, Titania had known nothing at all. She learned that women had their own forms of physical affection, and that there were ways for them to do such things together. They said books were food for the mind, didn’t they? Titania had read the book Viola lent her until it became flesh and blood to her.
If, like the story in the book, she and Mother truly became “lovers,” then this date would surely end with them spending the night away from home, and they would return to the royal castle the following morning. She would have added the words “hotel” or “spending the night” to the final line of her date route.
A place where she and Mother could... do those sorts of things...
“Pffhehehehe...”
Titania’s face grew so hot that it seemed ready to burst.
Unable to bear sitting any longer, she crumpled the paper with her date route and tucked it into her pocket before leaping onto the bed as if diving into it. Then, overcome by feelings she could not control, she hugged her pillow and rolled around on the bed.
But that lasted only for a moment. After rolling about on the bed, Titania stared at the ceiling and let out a deep sigh. She knew that the love she wanted to receive was not something that could easily come true. Titania knew that the love she felt was not “normal.”
Who would look at their adoptive mother with the same eyes she did?
Besides, she was the princess of one country, and Mother was the queen of that same country. This was by no means a normal love, nor was it a love that could come to fruition in an ordinary way. And so Titania had half given up.
So, even if she did not receive that kind of tender love from Mother, and even if she did not confess her feelings, she would be all right. She simply wanted to spend the rest of her life beside Mother.
That alone was enough for Titania. No—it was enough to satisfy her. She thought that if she could only cast aside such selfish desires, she might be able to spend her whole life with Mother. Truly, her whole life...
Clutching her pillow tightly, Titania murmured in a small voice.
“Ah... I wish tomorrow would come already...”
After sluggishly getting up from the bed, Titania began checking her date route again. Was there a better place? A better restaurant? Had she left anything out? Was the outfit she planned to wear tomorrow really suitable?
She began preparing thoroughly, determined not to make even a single mistake.
So that she could make happy memories with Mother.
*
“...Where did she even get clothes like these?”
I looked at myself in the mirror. The clothes I was wearing in the reflection were simple everyday garments favored by ordinary commoners.
A shirt resembling a white blouse, a long skirt in a coarse brownish color, something between a cloak and a robe to keep out the cold, a leather bag worn over one shoulder, and sturdy leather shoes.
“...The maids would be horrified if they saw me like this.”
If the maids saw me now, they would surely scream.
They would make a fuss about what the queen and princess were wearing and insist that we take them off immediately. When I turned my head to look at Titania, she was already dressed in a similar outfit and looking at me.
“It’s fine. Mother is beautiful no matter what she wears.”
“That’s not the problem...”
...I wanted to scold Titania for having clothes like these in the first place, but soon gave up. Scolding her on a day when we were going out to have fun somehow felt wrong, so I firmly shut my mouth and merely let out a small sigh.
“What? You’re already ready?”
As I was looking over Titania’s outfit, the terrace door burst open with a bang, and Veronica walked out.
A small black cat was nestled in Veronica’s arms. I knew that Caitsith was a cat fairy, but I thought this was the first time I had seen her in the form of a cat.
I waved at Caitsith at the sight of her adorable cat form, but perhaps because she disliked me, Caitsith abruptly turned her head away and avoided my gaze. As I grew dejected at her cold reaction, Veronica continued explaining as though she had no interest in it.
“I’ll connect the terrace to the festival site, more or less, so you can come back through the same door you left from. If anything happens, I’ll contact Titania, so don’t worry and go enjoy yourselves.”
“......”
“What is it? Why are you staring at me like that?”
How could I not worry?
Honestly, I was so worried that it was a problem.
Would it really be all right for me to leave this place? What if, while I was gone, Caitsith imitated me and did something strange to the maids? Half suspicious and half concerned, I could not bring myself to take a step.
I glanced at Veronica’s clothes and offered an excuse.
“No... I just thought it was strange seeing you wearing Titania’s clothes.”
“Are you trying to say they don’t suit me?”
To be honest, they really did not suit her.
How could they look so wrong even though she had the same face as Titania? The bright-colored dress, covered in frills, and her sharp eyes made her look like a doll that had been dressed against its will, and I nearly laughed. When I tried to hold it back, Veronica’s eyes twitched irritably.
I cleared my throat with a “hem” and pleaded with Veronica.
“Please... You have to stay inside the room. I told the maids not to enter my room except when bringing meals... And if you meet anyone, just stay quiet... Better yet, don’t say anything at all... And...”
“How many years do you think I’ve lived in the royal castle? I’m not going to do anything strange, so hurry up and go! Why are you so suspicious?!”
“W-wait a moment! I need to say hello to Ainsel first...!”
Avoiding Veronica’s gaze, I looked at Ainsel, whose face had fallen. Ever since last week, he had worn an expression like a beaver whose house had been destroyed.
Was he really that miserable about being left behind while we went to the festival?
“Ainsel, Ainsel. Could you look at me?”
-......
“Please try to understand Titania, okay? Next time, the three of us will go together.”
-......
“And... this might be your chance, you know? A chance to talk with Veronica.”
At the mention of Veronica, Ainsel slightly raised his head and looked at me. He looked so sad that he seemed about to burst into tears at any moment.
His expression was a mixture of the sorrow of being abandoned, the pain of having to be alone with the difficult-to-approach Veronica, and several other emotions. For a moment, I was left speechless.
“A-anyway... this is your chance. Try talking to each other at least once, and become closer. All right?”
-...I don’t know. Just go already. The princess is waiting.
Because Ainsel turned his back on me, I could not bring myself to leave. It would have been nice if Ainsel could come with us, but Titania had insisted that she and I go “alone,” so there was nothing I could do.
Titania had said she would persuade Ainsel, but it seemed things had not gone well. She had also promised to comfort him after returning from the festival, but...
I gently ran my fingers along the edge of Ainsel’s mirror and continued speaking.
“...All right, I’ll be back. Think carefully about what I said last week, okay?”
-...Yes, I understand.
When I turned my head, I saw Titania waiting for me. Half anticipation and half concern—that perfectly captured how I felt at the moment.
I was excited and eager to attend a festival for the first time, but I was also worried about Veronica and Ainsel, who would be left behind.
...Sigh, what good would worrying from now accomplish? I let out another deep sigh and held out my hand to Titania, who was waiting in front of me. It would be cold enough to match the name Snowflake Festival, so I should at least hold her hand.
“Titania, take my hand.”
“......”
“Titania?”
“Ah, n-no. Yes! I’ll take it!”
Titania opened her eyes wide in surprise for a moment, then hurried over and clasped my hand tightly. She stared intently at our joined hands, held together without the slightest gap, and soon smiled brightly as if she were truly happy. Was it really that wonderful...?
I turned my head and gave a small wave to Veronica, who was looking at Titania and me with an annoyed expression. Veronica returned my greeting, then crossed her legs and waved her hand dismissively, telling us to hurry up and go.
“Well, we’ll be back. Take good care of the house.”
“Am I a dog...”
Leaving Veronica grumbling behind, Titania and I passed through the terrace door. On the other side was an alley behind a row of shops. As we walked toward the lively voices of the people, a street lined with food stalls came into view.
Although it was surely still early, the street already looked as though it had long since been dyed in the atmosphere of the festival. When I turned my head to look at Titania, she was gazing around the street of stalls with sparkling eyes. Seeing her like this, she looked like nothing but a young child...
I smiled faintly at the sight and squeezed the hand I was holding more firmly. When I took a step out of the alley, Titania followed behind me.
“Well, where shall we go first? Let’s go wherever you want.”